


Darkness before Dawn

by Xenobia



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amnesia, Angst, Clack, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mental Instability, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plot Twists, Torment, Violence, Wings, Yaoi, major plot twist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2019-05-13 14:14:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 137,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14750426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenobia/pseuds/Xenobia
Summary: Cloud discovers that a person very dear to him may not have died as he supposed. Unfortunately, the mental and emotional trauma involved means that he and his companion can't easily recover together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I took this down long ago because I was getting demands to make an alternate version, which I simply did not have time to do. I'm taking a chance and posting it again. I'll just take my lumps and if people don't like the story in its original form, at least I can share it again with the people that do.

"Doctor Clark, your patient is having another one of his episodes."

The doctor being addressed looked up from the hospital charts he was going over and nodded. He set his clipboard down and followed the muscular aide down the hall at a hasty pace. As they drew nearer to the activity room, he heard a crash and the voices of other aides speaking calmly, as they'd been trained to do. There was an agitated growl from behind the locking door. Doctor Clark pulled out his keycard and swiped it, looking through the wire-enforced window briefly.

He could see his patient at the far right corner of the room, near the chin-up bar. He was glaring at the two aides that were slowly trying to advance on him and his eyes were partly obscured by his wild, dark bangs. The doctor could tell by his stance that this was another panic attack—probably brought about by someone accidentally touching him without warning. He pushed the door open and strode into the room, forcing a gentle smile on his face as the sable-haired young man looked up at him. There was recognition in his amethyst eyes and he seemed to calm down a little.

"Hello, John." Doctor Clark motioned at the aides to back off as he slowly approached his patient. "What seems to be the trouble today, hmm?"

The young man's eyes flickered between the doctor and the aides, narrowing on one of them in an accusing fashion. He pointed. The doctor followed his gesture with his eyes and noticed that the aide in question was holding a hat in his hand. Doctor Clark frowned, staring at the thing. It looked like a military helmet—the kind typically worn by ShinRa soldiers before the company collapsed. He stroked his chin and glanced sharply at his patient.

"Did you try to put that on his head?" he asked of the aide. Playing "dress up" seemed to do some good for individual patients. John Doe wasn't normally a troublemaker but sometimes, the oddest things set him off.

"No sir," answered the man quickly, glancing down at the hat with a grimace. "I put it on myself. Thought maybe he'd get a kick out of it but obviously, I was wrong. He flipped out and threw me across the room when I put it on."

Doctor Clark considered the information and took another step toward the young man. The patient had been with them for four years now, having been transferred from another hospital near the Midgar area. He'd been found near the cliffs, his body riddled with bullets. They hadn't expected him to survive long enough to get through surgery, but they found the young man to be anything but ordinary. His body was Mako enhanced and there was much speculation over his origins and how he came to be lying in a bloody heap outside Midgar. His wounds healed surprisingly well, but the bullet they removed from his skull caused brain trauma that could be permanent. He'd been living in the Psychiatric hospital near Kalm ever since.

The mystery of John Doe's past was closer to being solved, for the first time since he'd come there. The significance of where he'd been found, his uncanny recovery and his reaction to the ShinRa military helmet put some missing pieces into place.

"John," the doctor said gently as he approached the wary young man. "Did you ever wear one of those hats?"

The patient looked at the helmet uncertainly for a moment, his dark brows knitting in concentration. He shook his head.

"Did someone else wear one? Perhaps, the people who hurt you?"

The young man's jaw tensed, his handsome features taking on a grim countenance. He nodded and glared at the aide holding the clothing article. Doctor Clark quickly interposed himself between the patient and the aide, blocking John's view of him.

"You just don't worry about that helmet," insisted the doctor calmly. "You know Bruce…he's not a soldier, he's your friend. He didn't know it would upset you."

He took another step towards the patient, debating on whether he should have a sedative prepared for him. Usually when these episodes occurred, Doctor Clark could get John calmed down before medication was necessary. The young man had come to trust him, almost as a father figure.

"Are you going to calm down, John?" Prompted the doctor as he steadily closed the distance. "You know I'd prefer not to resort to medicating you and if you have another outburst, I may have to take away your exercise privileges."

About two years ago, John wouldn't have been able to understand the warning. His mind had since recovered enough to understand language, even though his speech, reading and writing abilities were still crippled. The threat of losing his right to use the activity room worked wonders. A stricken expression crossed the sculpted features. Doctor Clark fondly referred to it as the "puppy face" and he hid a smirk as the young man shook his head vehemently.

"Then behave yourself," said the doctor, "and your privileges will remain intact." He studied the patient's face, noticing the stubble sprouting over his jaw and above his upper lip. "Do you think you can hold still for a shave, John?"

The patient made a face but nodded and the doctor smiled and reached out to pat him on the arm. "Good boy. Why don't you go back to your room and I'll have a nurse come in and give you a shave before dinner."

The patient nodded and walked out of the activity room, shooting one last, wary look at Bruce and the offensive helmet. When he was gone, the other aide spoke up. "Shouldn't someone go with him?"

"I'm trying to help him gain a little more independence," answered the doctor. "His cognitive functions have been on the incline and I'm hoping that means he'll be able to do more for himself. He knows his way around now and even if he tried to leave, you know the building is secure."

"But he _threw_ Bruce across the room," argued the aide with a look at his companion. "I know the guy isn't usually violent but when he can toss a guy that big like a rag doll…"

"Let's give him the benefit of the doubt," said the doctor firmly. "John's come a long way and I'd rather not stifle him, if I can avoid it." He sighed and looked at the ShinRa helmet in Bruce's hand. "Are you injured?"

"No," answered the big man. "I got lucky…he chucked me onto the therapy mat, so my fall was cushioned."

"I think that young man has been through more than we originally guessed," murmured Doctor Clark thoughtfully. "If only we had some way to identify him…I might have a better idea of how to treat him." The unsavory thought of military experimentation went through his mind and he grimaced, thinking the possibility that John Doe had been a subject wasn't unlikely. Had he gone AWOL? Obviously, the people responsible for putting him in here thought that he was dead. If those enemies were the ShinRa military, chances were the threat to John was over with. The WRO was the reigning military force in the world now and ShinRa Inc was all but evaporated.

_~If my theories are even half-right, I hope that's true. We don't need trouble and I can't believe they tried to put my patient down because he was some sort of killer.~_

* * *

Months later, John was sitting at a table with his doctor and looking at picture cards. His job was to try to identify the objects in the photos and say their names aloud. It was hard for him. He could understand what other people were saying but speaking the words himself was a struggle.

"What is this one, John?" Doctor Clark's kind, weathered face studied him as he held the card up.

John tilted his head and frowned with concentration. "C…c-cat," he stammered, heaving a relieved sigh when he got the word out and the doctor smiled proudly at him.

"Very good," praised Doctor Clark. He picked up another card. "And this one? It's a little tougher than the last but you play with it in the yard often."

The patient examined the photo of the object, recognizing it immediately. He shifted uncomfortably and tried to speak. "F-f-foot…..f-footb-ball?"

"Excellent!" The doctor held a different card up, this one with a picture of a butterfly. His hazel eyes willed the patient to concentrate and try his best, but John blurted incoherently and shook his head with frustration. "That's all right," soothed the doctor. "We can come back to this one later. Let's try something easier this time, shall we?" He held up a picture of a fluffy white cloud and the reaction he got made him stare at the young man.

A wide, boyish smile curved John's lips and he pointed at the picture excitedly. "CLOUD!" He didn't stutter a bit and the volume of his shout startled a passing nurse so badly she almost dropped her chart.

"Er, that's exactly right," murmured Doctor Clark slowly. The young man was clearly exuberant and he looked like he might get out of his chair and start dancing in place at any minute. "So clouds have some special meaning to you, then?" He sensed that he was on the verge of uncovering another clue about John's past.

The patient calmed down and considered the question. "Cloud," he said again, more softly. "One…is. W-was."

Bemused by the answer, the doctor wracked his brain. "Does the picture of the cloud remind you of someplace special? Perhaps, your home town?"

The patient shook his head with a frustrated expression.

"A family pet, then?" persisted the doctor. It seemed reasonable to assume he might have had a pet named after clouds.

Again, John shook his head. "N-not…pet," he stammered. "F-friend."

"You had a friend named Clouds?"

John chuckled. "C-Cloud," he corrected with a nod.

Doctor Clark felt rising excitement. This was the first time since his patient got here that he'd demonstrated this much coherency. It was also the first time he'd been able to give any insight concerning past friends or family. "John, I want you to do something for me," he said. It was a gamble but he felt it was worth another try. "You had a different name, before you came here. I know I've asked you before but I want you to really try now to remember what it was."

The patient's face screwed up as he concentrated.

"Z…z-z," stammered the patient, looking at his doctor with quietly desperate eyes.

"Okay, it starts with either a 'Z' or an 'X'," guessed Doctor Clark. He frowned. There weren't a lot of names to choose from that began with either of those letters. His patient kept trying, growing increasingly frustrated and the doctor decided to try a little guesswork. "Zain? Zoey? Xander?"

He was frowning as deeply as the patient as he rattled off names and John shook his head negatively in response to each of them. Thinking he might end up having to go online and look up boy names soon, the doctor heaved a sigh. "Zeke? Zachary?"

The patient perked up at the second one and Doctor Clark stopped. "Zachary? Or maybe…Zack?" When the young man smiled and nodded, he repeated; "Zack? That's your true name?"

"Z-za…ck," answered the patient happily, pointing at himself.

"Hmmm, Zack." Doctor Clark thought the name suited his patient well. "Well, that's wonderful! You're reclaimed your real name, son. Well done."

* * *

From then on, the staff of the psychiatric hospital called their "John Doe" by the name of "Zack" and Doctor Clark began to work tirelessly to piece together the mystery of his past. Given the bits of evidence he'd collected so far, he started trying to dig up information about ShinRa's military organization. He did a broad search over the web, starting with a search on the name "Zack" under known former operatives. He didn't come up with anything at first, until he changed it to "Zackary". He found an old file on a man called "Zackary Fair" and lo and behold, there was the face of his patient looking out at him from the computer screen.

"I'll be damned," muttered the doctor as he peered at the text. According to the file, Zackary Fair was killed in an accident at the Nibelheim reactor…eight years ago. He frowned. That didn't make any sense. It had only been four years ago that Zack had been brought in. Why would he have been pronounced dead four years before that, unless it was a military cover-up?

"You were a First Class member of SOLDIER," whispered the doctor dumbly as he read through the file. He decided that for now, he wasn't going to do anything with this information. It explained a lot of things about Zack…including the time he'd wielded a fallen tree branch he'd found in the exercise yard like a sword in one of his rages. Still, the information wasn't useful to the young man as he was now. Doctor Clark thought further evaluation of his mental state would be wise, before trying to restore his memories with this information. The trauma he'd suffered was extensive and trying to bring it to the surface again might trigger a very dangerous reaction.

He couldn't even tell anyone what he'd discovered, until he could be certain that whomever wanted Zack dead was no longer a threat. It was obvious to most of the staff that he'd been in the military but as far as Doctor Clark knew, he was the only one that had figured out how serious that involvement was.

* * *

"Zack, are you feeling up to the field trip?"

The patient looked up from the mind exercise sheet he was working on and smiled, nodding happily. Doctor Clark was again struck with doubts. How could a man possessed of such a boyish, friendly demeanor ever have been a top member of an elite military organization? Sure, Zack demonstrated abilities and strength that was shocking and when he had a panic fit, he could be quite dangerous. It was because of those episodes that Doctor Clark had to fight so hard to get Zack's name on the list for this trip. Only the most tractable patients were allowed to go on them, to lessen the likelihood of any of them getting away or causing problems.

"Now listen to me, Zack," said the doctor in an authoritative, fatherly tone, "I want you to be on your best behavior, understand? This will be the first time you've ever had permission to be outside these walls and I don't want you to make me regret it."

"Okay," murmured the patient with a nod. "I…I'll b-be good."

"Good, then." The doctor's expression relaxed. "You'll enjoy Kalm, I think." There was going to be a festival…the first one since the town recovered from Deepground's raid on it. The art, dancing and music was good for the patients and he was happy that Zack would finally get a chance to get out and experience it.

He left the activity room and stopped one of the nurses on his way out. "See to it that he gets a bath and has lunch before the bus leaves," he told her. "If there's any trouble at all, I'll have my cell turned on. I'm going to have a nap in my office, now."

* * *

Kalm town was familiar to Zack and as he followed the group down the cobbled streets, he struggled to remember when he'd been there before. There was a man juggling pins in the middle of the street while balancing on stilts. Zack stopped and stared at the display and one of his fellow patients bumped into his back. The black-haired man absently reached behind to steady the muttering woman, patting her on the shoulder in apology.

"Zack honey, you'll fall behind," warned one of his nurses. He blinked at her and allowed her to lead him away toward the finger painting booths. "Come on, you'll like this."

Zack obediently took a seat with the other patients at one of the long tables and the hospital staff and guards began to pass out finger paints and sheets of paper. He found the activity to his liking, though he wasn't good at it. The staff allowed their charges to paint for an hour before having them wash up and get something to eat.

Zack was enjoying himself until he saw a pair of WRO soldiers in body armor, chatting casually in the street. The combat gear was white and unlike the old ShinRa uniforms that bothered him so much. At first, he was just curious but then he saw their rifles and his pulse quickened.

"Zack? What's wrong?" The nurse in charge of him saw him stop and stare and she recognized the half-anxious, half-aggressive expression that bled into his features. Following the direction of his gaze, she understood. "It's okay," she soothed as she took his hand and urged him to walk away. "They're _good_ guys, Zack. They aren't going to hurt anyone and they're here to protect people."

Zack wasn't entirely convinced and she was careful to give the WRO's a wide berth as she led him away. His body was tense and she rubbed his back, looking up at him with concern. "Don't you start getting worked up now, sweetie. You're too big for me to wrestle and I don't want to give you a shot."

He shivered a little and resisted the urge to charge the uniformed men or run away. Once they were out of sight and he sat down with the others at a picnic table, he felt a little better. When his nurse placed a chilidog in front of him, he grinned with delight and picked it up. She tucked a napkin the neck of his jumpsuit so that he wouldn't slop too badly and watched him eat. She wiped his face off when he was finished and she took him to the finger painting booth to join the other patients.

The rest of the day was a lot of fun for Zack. He got to see glass blowers in action, dancers, balloons and animals. They tried to get him to let them paint his face but it made him nervous and his nurse gave up when he wouldn't cooperate. The sun was just beginning to go down when the hospital staff began filing everyone back onto the bus to go home. Zack stood at the back of the line, shuffling behind his fellow patients as they boarded the vehicle. He glanced over his shoulder at the town entrance, feeling a little sad that it was over. A flash of golden-blond caught his attention and he stared.

* * *

"I need you to sign for it, please." Cloud handed the tablet and receipt over to his customer and glanced around. He saw the bus parked across the street and he watched curiously as several people of varying ages and genders boarded it. They were all wearing pale blue jumpers and people in hospital scrubs flanked them. Some of the male staff looked quite burly.

"Yearly field trip," muttered the middle-aged man in front of Cloud. He signed his name on the receipt and gave the blond's copy back to him. "They come down from that funny farm in the hills during the spring festivals. Can't say I'm too thrilled living close to a bunch of loonies but they've never caused any problems before."

Cloud glanced at his customer with a slight grimace of distaste. Having survived two episodes of Mako poisoning that left him as little more than a drooling shell for a while, he could empathize with the patients and he found the man's foul slang offensive.

"Guess you're lucky you only have to see them once a year," he muttered as he pocketed the receipt and his payment. He said nothing more, afraid that his temper would rise if he carried on further conversation and he'd lose a paying customer. "Thanks," he said shortly, walking back to his bike. He glanced up at the bus again just as he was mounting Fenrir and he saw one of the patients staring at him. He stared back, his eyes going wide behind the goggles he'd just slipped over them.

_~What the HELL?~_

Cloud tugged the goggles down around his neck, blinking. The man staring back at him wore the same outfit as the other patients and his back had been turned when Cloud first glanced at him. Now that they were staring at one another, he recognized him. There was no mistaking the Mako glint in those blue-violet eyes or that face. The patient cocked his head a little and a grin formed on his lips. Cloud's heart thundered so hard in his chest he was certain everyone around him could hear it.

Zack's hair wasn't sticking up the way it had the last time they'd seen each other but it was the same unruly, dark mane that Cloud remembered. When he caught sight of the faded scar on Zack's jaw, he knew it wasn't just a freakish coincidence. He willed himself to move but he couldn't. He stood there staring dumbly as his first lover and dearest friend was ushered onto the bus with the rest of the patients. Zack resisted a little but he seemed as surprised as Cloud. He watched the blond over his shoulder as two of the larger staff members guided him into the bus.

After Zack got onto the bus, the staff followed and the driver started it up. When the vehicle began to move, the spell was broken and Cloud came out of his paralysis. He secured his goggles back over his eyes and started Fenrir, determined to follow the bus and find out what in the hell was going on. It was difficult to contain the urge to drive up alongside the vehicle, climb onto it and break in to rescue the man he thought was Zack. Cloud made himself calm down and he followed the bus out of town.

He saw the object of his surprise in the back window. The man had both his hands pressed against the glass and he was staring down at the blond following behind them. Cloud saw a nurse say something to him and try to pull him away but the dark-haired man resisted her and remained glued to the window, his eyes peering into Cloud's.

They drove into the hills and some thirty minutes later, Cloud spotted a compound coming into view. He'd seen it before but he'd never paid much attention to it, having no interest in hospitals or labs of any kind. The bus drove through the security gates and Cloud was forced to stop and dismount as the gates closed. The security guards looked at him warily, taking in his dark clothes and the sleek bike he rode. Cloud approached them, trying to think of what to say. He watched the bus drive through the fenced parking lot and into a garage. He wouldn't be able to catch sight of "Zack" again to be sure he wasn't just imagining things…unless he could get in to visit.

"Uh, hi," he clumsily greeted as he approached the security station. "Listen, I think I know a patient you've got here."

They looked at one another before the one on the left answered. "You _think_ you know a patient in here?"

Cloud nodded and described Zack. "I didn't get a good look at him before he got on the bus, but I'm almost positive it's him. Can I arrange a visit?"

"Give us a name and we'll check it out for you," said the guard on the right.

"Zackary," answered Cloud. "Zackary Fair."

The guard went to the computer screen and typed the name in. "Nope, we don't have anyone by that name here."

"You're positive?" Cloud asked, his heart tumbling into his shoes. "There aren't _any_ Zack's in there?"

The guard frowned and looked again. "We've got one 'Zack' but no 'Zackary's'. This guy doesn't have a last name so they've been calling him 'Doe'."

Cloud swallowed, his throat tightening. "Can I see him? I know him," he insisted.

"Are you family?"

Cloud bit his lip. "Um…no. I used to work with him. He's been…missing."

"You'll have to come back during normal visiting hours," said the other guard. "If you were family we might be able to bend the rules a little, but since you're not you'll have to wait until tomorrow."

"Look, just let me in to see him," Cloud insisted, growing desperate. "I just want to make sure he's who I think he is, okay? If I'm right I've got information I can give to his doctor."

Both guards shook their heads. "Son, we can't let you in right now," said the older of the two stubbornly. "Just come back tomorrow and don't make us kick you out."

Cloud continued to argue with them and he was on the verge of getting Fenrir ready and breaking into the damned place, if he had to. A brown car approached from the parking lot and the guards opened the gate to allow it through. The man driving it paused to speak with them and he noticed Cloud. If the tag on his lab coat was any indication, he was a doctor. He was middle-aged with light brown hair and hazel eyes.

"Is there a problem?" The doctor asked the security guards, his eyes studying Cloud with an odd sort of recognition.

The older guard leaned over the hood of the doctor's car and spoke to him in a low voice, pointing at Cloud as he did so. The blond clenched his jaw, expecting the man to tell them to escort him off the compound. Instead, the doctor looked up at him with something like amazement on his face.

"You think you know Zack?" asked the doctor.

"I'm pretty sure I do, yeah," answered the fighter uncomfortably. _~He was dead…I was sure of it…but that guy I saw climbing into your bus was either a perfect clone of him or he wasn't as dead as I thought.~_

* * *

Doctor Clark gazed at the young man, noting the tension in his body and the signs of shock on his fair face. He had to be careful, here. Zack had clumsily described his friend "Cloud" to him the day after he recovered the memory of him and this stranger certainly seemed to fit the description. He couldn't be sure unless he asked though, and he didn't want to put Zack in danger by revealing information to the wrong person.

"Your name wouldn't happen to be 'Cloud', would it?" asked Doctor Clark after some thought.

The blond nodded once. There was something in those bright eyes…some buried pain that hinted at deep feelings. Satisfied, the doctor smiled. "Why don't you follow behind me and I'll take you to see him."

* * *

Cloud could hardly believe it. He went back to Fenrir on shaking legs and drove the bike through the open gate while the doctor turned his vehicle back around. The guards gave him no further trouble. The doctor led him into the parking garage to a place with reserved spaces and he invited Cloud to pull his bike into the one normally reserved for a "Doctor Vaughn".

"He's away on vacation for the week, so you can use his spot," said the doctor as he got out of his car. He extended a hand to Cloud as the blond got off of Fenrir. "By the way, I'm Doctor Clark. I've been taking care of Zack since he came here. Of course, we only recently found out what his given name was. We'd been calling him "John Doe" until a few months ago."

Cloud took the offered hand and shook it. "I'm not even really sure it's him yet," he murmured uncomfortably. "I didn't get to see him up close."

"It would be a terribly strange coincidence if it weren't," pointed out the doctor. "He knows your name and he described you to me, though I admit I had to get that information from him in the form of multiple choice questions."

"How bad is it?" asked Cloud as he walked with the doctor toward the elevator doors. "How did he get here? The last time I saw him…he was…I thought he was dead." He swallowed again, remembering the pain of watching Zack fade away.

"He was found outside of Midgar, barely alive," answered the doctor. "They took him to a hospital there first for surgery and when he pulled through and recovered enough to be moved, they transferred him here. His physical injuries are healed but he's suffered psychological damage that may never heal. He's been making remarkable progress lately, however." He gazed at Cloud sidelong, his eyes full of questions. "I trust you were there when the events occurred that put him in this state?"

Cloud pressed his lips together. "I…I was, but I don't want to talk about it until I'm absolutely sure it's him."

The doctor nodded, not pressing the issue. "I hope you understand that you'll have to leave any weapons or sharp objects on your person at the security station, before we proceed into the ward." He looked at the young man warily, taking in his stance and dress. "You don't look like the aggressive sort, but in my line of work I've learned that appearances can be deceiving."

"I understand," answered Cloud softly. He wasn't about to blow his chance to find out the truth by arguing against security measures. They got into the elevator together and the doctor selected the fourth floor. They rode silently until the doors opened and Doctor Clark led Cloud to the security station, where he put all personal belongings and weapons in a locker to be picked up again when he left. The blond cooperated with security and allowed them to scan him before proceeding.

Doctor Clark led him through a set of reinforced security doors and down a wide hallway. There were patients standing here and there, some muttering nonsense and some looking dazed. Cloud instinctively recoiled when a thin man reached out for him and asked if he'd seen his bagel.

"I'm sorry," the blond said, "I haven't seen it."

"I left it in my hat," informed the patient with a solemn nod. "Have you seen that?"

"Now Franklin, don't bother the young man," said the doctor soothingly as he pried the patient's hand off Cloud's sleeve. "You don't own a hat and you ate your bagel this morning. Why don't you go to the nurse's station and ask for a snack?"

The man named Franklin muttered and let go of Cloud to shuffle away. "My apologies for that," said the doctor with a sigh. "Some days they're more lucid than others. Franklin is having one of his off days."

Cloud nodded silently and continued down the hall with him. They stopped outside a room that was two doors down from the activity room and Doctor Clark pushed the door open.

"Lockdown is in a little over an hour," he explained to Cloud as he pushed the door open. "Until then, most of the patients on this floor are free to wander about." He leaned in and called out to the occupant of the room. "Zack? There's someone here I think you might like to see."

Cloud was frozen in place again as the doctor motioned for him to go in. The older man paused when he noticed his tension. "Go on, son," he encouraged with a gentle push against Cloud's back. "You came this far, didn't you?"

Cloud took a deep, steadying breath and forced his feet to move. Zack was sitting on the edge of his bed when he entered the room and the black-haired man looked up at him with parted lips, brushing his dark bangs out of his eyes. Cloud couldn't tear his eyes away as he walked mechanically across the distance and sank down beside him on the mattress.

"Zack?" whispered the blond, his eyes devouring the familiar, handsome features. Zack's hands reached out and behind Cloud, Dr. Clark tensed a little with concern. Instead of attacking Cloud, Zack touched his face with his fingertips, tracing the bone structure and contours.

* * *

"Cloud," Zack murmured with certainty, brushing his thumbs over the soft lips. He smiled broadly. He couldn't recall many memories but he knew this man from head to toe. Confused flashes of recollection made him blink. Cloud in the middle of a jungle with bullets whizzing all around…Cloud in some kind of a bunk with him, kissing him passionately…Cloud unresponsive and helpless while Zack fought off bad men that wanted to hurt him.

"It's…it's really you," whispered the blond, his voice breaking. "How could I have…left you…thought you were dead…"

Zack shook his head in confusion and he kept smiling, elated to see those wide blue eyes and sculpted features again. He pointed at himself and stammered; "a-alive."

He couldn't understand the pain in Cloud's eyes and he wished he could make it go away. "Where...w-where...d-did you go?"

Cloud bowed his head, his mouth twisting and his body tensing as if in physical pain. "It doesn't matter now. I'm here."

He raised his head again and those impossibly blue eyes seemed to devour Zack. "I'm here, and so are you."

Zack smiled again, tracing the beloved features that seemed to be the only solid link to his former life. "Y-yeah."

* * *

Cloud carefully returned his caresses, brushing aside the dark hair to examine the forehead underneath. The scar left by the bullet that had lodged in Zack's skull was faint but visible. He combed his fingers through the other man's dark hair and he seemed to totally forget they had an audience.

"I'm going to take care of you," promised Cloud. He brushed his fingers against the silver stud in Zack's left ear, and then he traced the criss-crossed scar on the jaw.

Doctor Clark was suddenly uncomfortable as the two young men stared into each other's eyes with longing and feelings that clearly went beyond friendship. His doubts concerning how trustworthy Cloud was vanished and he averted his eyes as their faces began to close the distance.

"Well, this is exciting," Doctor Clark said with a little more enthusiasm than was necessary. His comment shook Zack and Cloud out of the spell they were under and the blond's face flooded with pink as he cleared his throat and pulled back a little.

"So what comes next?" asked Cloud. "Will I ever be able to take him out of here?"

"That all depends on him," answered the doctor with a nod at Zack. "He's much better than he was when he first arrived here. Now that he has you, I suspect he'll improve further. You need to be prepared for the possibility that he may never be the same man you once knew, though."

"He's Zack," Cloud insisted. His eyes blurred with tears and he hastily wiped them. "If he's ever well enough to leave this place, we'll take care of him." He explained his living situation with Tifa and Denzel to the doctor. "So he'll have someone there for him 'round the clock," he finished.

"Let's just cross that bridge when we come to it," said the doctor. "I have a lot of questions I want to ask you and I'm sure you'd like to know the details of Zack's treatment. I suppose it's safe to tell you that I was a bit worried, Cloud. I know who he was and what his rank was in the SOLDIER program, you see. There's more to his release than ensuring he can function on his own—I've got to be sure those people won't come after him again."

"They won't," Cloud said with certainty. "The ones responsible are long gone now and if anyone tries to hurt him again, they'll have to go through me to do it." His expression was hard with determination and his blue eyes glittered, leaving no doubt that he wasn't exaggerating. Zack understood his words and he smirked at him and goosed him all the sudden, making the blond jump.

"What was that for," yelped Cloud as he rubbed his side and looked at Zack.

"Hero," mumbled the black-haired man playfully.

"You're one to talk," answered Cloud with a bare smile. "You're in this mess because of me in the first place." His expression fell and he sighed.

Zack shook his head. He ruffled the soft, golden hair and scooted back on the bed, pulling Cloud with him and hugging him close to his body. "Nuh-uh."

"I'll leave you two alone until lockdown time," offered the doctor tactfully. He didn't quite know how to react to the way his patient was cuddling the blond but the nature of their relationship before being separated really wasn't his business. "I wish I could let you stay overnight but I'm afraid you'll have to leave when it's time for lockdown."

"I understand," Cloud sighed. He looked a little embarrassed by his companion's public display of affection, but he didn't try to break away from Zack's embrace. "We can talk more about this tomorrow, can't we?"

"Of course," the doctor assured him as he started closing the door to give them some privacy. "You can come in the morning and stay all day, if you like."

"Thanks," Cloud said.

* * *

In truth, he did not intend to go home after lockdown. He was already formulating a plan and he was confident that he could pull it off. He'd just have to call Tifa and let her know he wouldn't be coming home tonight. The door closed, giving he and Zack some blessed privacy.

He looked into the other man's eyes and admired their color. "Zack, if I tell you something, can you keep it a secret?"

Zack smiled at him and nodded.

"I'm not going home after lockdown, okay?"

Zack looked a little puzzled, but delighted. "Y-you're…n-not?"

"No." Cloud turned his head and looked out the barred window, taking note of the landscape outside and the position of the window. He could sit outside on the ledge all night if he had to. It was plenty wide enough and he had the equipment in his bike to scale the building. "It won't be easy but I'll come back before midnight, okay?"

It was a little astonishing for him to think about how drastically the tables had turned. Now it was _his_ turn to take care of Zack and he fully intended to do that, no matter the obstacles. He examined the other man carefully, trying to gauge whether he could keep it to himself.

"Don't say anything to anybody about this, okay?" Cloud whispered.

Zack shook his head and his bangs fell into his eyes. Cloud reached up to brush them aside and his eyes latched onto Zack's mouth. He was too close and he hadn't felt those lips in so long. The blond looked into his companion's eyes and cupped the back of his head, gently drawing him forward. Their mouths met and Zack went still with surprise.

_~Don't you remember this, Zack?~_

Cloud thought for one horrible moment that he'd pushed for too much, too soon. Zack's mouth softened against his and hesitantly returned the kiss.

"I missed you," Cloud murmured as he combed his fingers through the thick, black hair and kissed him again. This time Zack's response was livelier. The pressure of his lips increased and a bit of the old Zack came out as he got excited. Cloud was a little taken aback when his companion leaned over and pushed him onto his back. He muttered softly but he was too blown away by the feel of those lips against his again to do much more than that.

* * *

Zack didn't try to get busy with his hands but his weight settled on top of the smaller man and he kissed him again and again, varying from lightly pressing his lips against his to brushing them back and forth over them. A sound escaped the blond's lips between kisses and it was hauntingly familiar to Zack. He moved his lips over to kiss his jaw and neck, instinctively propping himself up a little so his full weight wasn't lying on Cloud.

He wanted to do more, but he wasn't sure what that "more" was. His groin was hard and tenting his jumper pants awkwardly. The phenomenon happened sometimes for no apparent reason, but now he knew it was because of Cloud. He felt the blond's answering arousal against his thigh and he felt a little better about his condition. At least he wasn't the only one poking out down there. He kept kissing the soft lips and wondered what he should do next, if anything. Afraid of making a mistake, he just kept up what he was doing, worshipping the other man's lips, neck and jaw with his mouth.

* * *

Cloud parted his lips despite his common sense warning him that they had limited privacy. All of the old feelings were rushing back with each kiss, crippling his better judgment. He traced Zack's lips with his tongue and the other man paused to consider the new sensation before returning the favor. Someone groaned softly—Cloud had no idea whether it was he or Zack that made the sound. The black-haired man grew bolder and pushed his tongue into Cloud's mouth. Cloud sucked on it invitingly and ran his hands over Zack's shoulders.

An announcement came over the speaker and startled both young men out of their growing passion. "Advisory: lockdown in thirty minutes."

Zack pulled his mouth away from Cloud's and looked down at him with an unhappy frown.

"Hey, I'm coming back, remember?" Cloud said past the lump in his throat as he gazed back at the other man. "I promise."

He drew the other man's mouth down for more kisses, despite his concerns that someone could walk in on them. Zack seemed to just be getting the hang of it, so Cloud wasn't worried that he'd go overboard and start pulling his clothes off. The old Zack would probably have had him bent over and halfway to bliss by now, despite the risk of someone walking in. He wondered how long it would take Zack to remember what a horn-dog he was, but he was vaguely thankful that he was being cautious now.

They kissed until there was only fifteen minutes left 'till lockdown and Cloud reluctantly put a stop to it and got up. "Don't look at me like that," he said softly, his resolve cracking quickly under the pout Zack gave him. "We can kiss all you want later. If they come in here and find me molesting you they might never let me visit again."

Zack sighed and rested his head on his shoulder. Cloud stroked his hair and he refused to move away when a nurse came in. She looked a little surprised to find the two of them cuddling like that but evidently, the doctor had informed her that he was visiting.

"I'm sorry," she said gently as she approached with a cup full of pills and a bigger cup full of water. "It's time for Zack to take his meds and get to sleep. I'll escort you out of the secured area after he takes these, sir."

Cloud nodded wordlessly and scooted away enough for Zack to reach out for the two cups. He watched with a frown as the dark-haired man tipped the pill cup back and shook the four mixed tablets into his mouth. He knew better than to ask the nurse what kind of medication they had Zack on but he fully intended to ask the doctor about it tomorrow. Zack washed the pills down and meekly handed the cups back to the nurse. He squeezed Cloud's hand and the blond returned the pressure and looked into his eyes.

"I'll be back," Cloud reminded him softly, meaningfully.

* * *

-To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

Zack tried to follow Cloud out of his room but the blond gently prohibited it, pushing against his chest and assuring him that he'd see him soon. Cloud felt his chest constrict with pain as he watched the door close behind him, sealing Zack's worried blue-violet eyes behind it.

"He'll be just fine," assured the nurse as she ushered him to move down the corridor. "I promise, I'll check on him before lights-out."

"Thanks," Cloud said softly as she opened the security door for him to go through.

"You're welcome," she answered. "If you have any trouble finding your way back out, don't hesitate to ask anyone."

Cloud had already memorized his way from the garage entrance to Zack's room and he was pretty sure he knew which window was his from the outside. He smiled faintly at the nurse and nodded, keeping his confidence to himself. He walked the linoleum-floored hallway and made his way back to the security station where he'd left his belongings.

After retrieving his property, he left the way he came in and he pretended to drive away. He drove for perhaps a half a mile before turning around and coming back, his sharp eyes searching for a good hiding spot for Fenrir. The wilderness was thick around the single-lane road and it didn't take long for him to find an ideal place to park the bike that was close enough to the hospital but out of sight from the road. He walked Fenrir under a big willow tree and secured it near the trunk. Next, he searched his pockets for his cellphone and dialed home. He took a deep breath as Tifa's voice answered the other line.

"Seventh Heaven, Tifa speaking."

"Hey, it's me."

There was a soft sigh. Tifa knew him too well not to detect the angst in his voice. "Let me guess, you're not coming home tonight."

Cloud winced. "Sorry. I can explain it all later but now's not the time. You're not going to believe it, Tifa."

"I've heard that too many times." Her voice took on an angry edge. "I have a date tonight Cloud. A _real date._ What am I supposed to do with Denzel and Marlene?"

Cloud shrugged, not seeing the problem. "Denzel's old enough to take care of himself while you go out and he can watch Marlene."

"We agreed we weren't going to shoulder him with that sort of thing," argued Tifa. "He's lost enough of his childhood as it is."

"Then call Barret up," snapped Cloud, losing his temper. He immediately regretted saying that and he sighed. "Look, this is really important, Tifa. Have Marlene stay with a friend tonight or something…that way Denzel won't be stuck babysitting. I'll explain it to you tomorrow and we can figure out something then."

"Cloud, what's going on?" Tifa's tone was suspicious and he couldn't really blame her for the hint of resentment in her voice. She was often stuck doing the lion's share of the parenting duties while Barret did coal mining jobs and Cloud made deliveries.

"Like I said," he explained in a more gentle tone, "I'll tell you tomorrow. I can't give you details because I don't _know_ all of them yet. If you don't think you can arrange a sleepover for Marlene, put Denzel on the phone and I'll talk to him myself. If…if he doesn't agree then I'll come home, okay?"

Tifa evidently sensed something in his tone…a hint of desperation that he tried to hide. "No, I'll take care of it," she promised softly. "If it's bothering you this bad, whatever it is must be serious. Just do me a favor and don't do anything stupid, Cloud."

He relaxed, relieved and grateful. "I promise."

"If you don't call me tomorrow and explain this I'm not going to feel so generous anymore," she finished, her tone lightening just enough for him to detect the underlying teasing in it.

"As soon as I figure it out for myself, you'll be the first to know," he said solemnly. "I hope I didn't ruin your date plans."

"I doubt it," Tifa assured him dryly. "Even if I'm late, this guy is pretty patient."

Cloud stiffened a little. Despite the fact that he and Tifa weren't together, he still felt protective of her. He'd been too worried about covering his own ass to consider what sort of guy she might be hooking up with. "Uh…who's this guy you're going on a date with?" he asked.

"Oops, I've got to go, Cloud," Tifa said hastily in response.

"H-hey, wait a minute—"

*click*

Cloud pulled the cellphone away from his ear and harrumphed.

_~It looks like I'm not the only one keeping some things to myself.~_

* * *

Zack practically leaped into his bed as soon as the nurse switched the light off, as was his custom. He pulled the covers up to his chin and huddled against the corner of the wall, watching with a frown as the door shut and took the beam of light from the hallway with it. It was a nightly trial for him that his medication and the little nightlight plugged into the wall couldn't completely assuage. As soon as he was alone in the dim room, his eyes started playing tricks on him.

Doc had explained that the shapes weren't real and they couldn't harm him. He told him that every single day but they still frightened Zack, regardless. He swallowed as they began to take form—frightening shapes that he partially recognized and formless masses that were just as disturbing to him. Zack swallowed and felt along the wall with tense fingers, trying to locate the flap of the roll-up blind covering the window. When his fingers closed over the bottom of it, he tugged outwards and down before releasing it. He winced a little when it shot up and spun around at the top with a flapping sound.

The lights dotting the fence of the compound provided more luminance through the window and Zack sighed a little as most of his imaginary, unwanted guests dissolved. He scooted closer to the window, spreading his fingers over the surface of the cool glass as he peered out over the fenced yard below. Cloud said he'd come back, but where was he at? He was alone in the room with the shadows.

Zack heaved a sigh of disappointment and tried to be patient, keeping as far away from the edge of the bed as he could. He knew he'd feel better if the blue-eyed blond were there, with his soft smile and gentle touch. Zack could faintly hear the sounds of his neighbors on either side of his room as they settled in for bed. He knew he wasn't the only one that saw monsters in the dark and he shivered as one of the other patients cried out with despair. He wanted to sooth them, but he couldn't even sooth _himself_.

Zack's eyelids slowly became heavier as the medication calmed him. He didn't understand the chemistry behind it but he knew the funny tasting candy they gave him at night helped him sleep and kept the shapes from fully solidifying. He almost closed his eyes but he forced them open again. No, Cloud was coming. He'd promised. Zack had to be awake to greet him. He raised an arm and pinched it for added incentive and then he tried amusing himself by playing with the drawstrings of his sleep pants.

However, as the minutes ticked by, he had greater difficulty keeping his eyes open. If he had something to do maybe he could stay awake, but his picture books were all the way across the room on his dresser…and so was the light switch. He wasn't about to put his feet on the floor and cross the bedroom in the dark. He dragged his pillow away from the top of the mattress and put it against the wall to cushion his head. Maybe a little nap would be okay.

* * *

A short time later, something was tapping against his window with growing volume and urgency. Zack's eyes shot open when he realized he wasn't just imagining the sound and he yelped a little, recoiling from the glass as a shadow blotted out the lights from the yard. He started to scramble away from the window until he recognized the spiky blond hair on the backlit figure crouching by it.

"Zack, it's me," Cloud called, his voice distorted behind the shatter resistant glass.

Zack warily crawled closer and when he recognized the glitter of the Mako-blue eyes peering in, he smiled broadly and pressed his hands against the glass. Cloud smiled back at him, his shadowed lips curving gently in the uneven light. He placed his smaller hand over Zack's on the other side of the glass.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said. "Can you open the window?"

Zack considered the question, looking at the frame with a frown. The window in his old room had been covered with mesh and didn't open, but he'd seen the nurses open this one before to allow a fresh breeze in. He pulled his hand away from the glass and hooked his fingers under the depressions at the bottom of the frame, as he'd seen the nurse do just the other day. He tugged and there was an ominous groan from the frame, but the window didn't go up. Zack was about to try again with more force but Cloud stopped him.

"Flip the latch first," Cloud advised, pointing up.

Zack followed the gesture with his eyes and reached up to turn the latch on top of the bottom window frame. Once he did that, he tugged again and smiled when he succeeded in raising the glass. Cloud's hands immediately reached for his between the bars and Zack got into a cross-legged position on the mattress reached back. It then occurred to him that he couldn't fit his body through the bars separating them and though Cloud was smaller in build, neither could he.

Zack pulled his hands away abruptly and shrugged, thinking he could just tug the bars up like he had the window. Cloud watched with a puzzled expression as he got a grip on the iron grilling and tried to pull it up. When it didn't move, Zack gave it an insulted frown and tried harder.

"Zack," Cloud said helplessly, "the bars don't move."

Zack looked at him with confusion at first, then realization and finally desperation. For the first time since he'd come here, he began to comprehend that he was trapped. That knowledge didn't frighten him nearly as much as the awareness that he couldn't be with Cloud. The black-haired man growled low in his throat and glared at the offending bars. He'd thrown Bruce across the room yesterday and Bruce was a _heavy_ man. Maybe he could force the bars to open for him?

* * *

Cloud understood his intention as soon as he got a tighter grip on the bars and his knuckles whitened. He knew that with enough effort, Zack probably _could_ tear the bars off of the window. He could also hurt himself in the process and alert security. Cloud could see that the bars were attached to a hydraulic system so that in case of fire, all of them could be opened for evacuation with the flip of a switch. He'd already avoided two security cameras and disabled one, so he wasn't foolish enough to believe the system wasn't rigged to an alarm and trying to force the bars open would probably set it off. If that happened and Cloud was discovered, his visitation rights would likely be revoked.

"Stop it," Cloud ordered firmly as Zack strained and the top of the bars shifted a little. "Zack, listen to me."

The dark-haired man paused, cocking his head at him in a puzzled manner. "Hmm?"

"These bars are rigged," Cloud explained slowly, hoping his ex could understand what he was saying. "If you open them, the sirens will go off and I'll get caught. If that happens, I can't come see you at all anymore."

Zack's handsome face took on a sad, pleading expression. "I go…with you?" he suggested.

Cloud swallowed and shook his head. "I can't take you away with me—not yet. You…you have to stay here for a while and let Doctor Clark and the nurses take care of you, okay? Not forever—" Gaia, he hoped he wasn't making an empty promise by saying that. "—Just until you're…more yourself."

Zack considered his explanation, his eyes narrowing as he tried to understand. He shook his head and whimpered, trying to sort it out. "Y-you said _you_ wou…would."

Cloud had to take a moment to decipher that and fresh guilt tore at him. He reached through the bars and caught Zack's hands again. "I will. I meant it when I said I'd take care of you, Zack. I just can't do it alone yet, so instead of you living with me, I'll have to come visit you until the doctor says I can take you home with me. Can you understand?"

_~Don't make me tell him he's sick…please, don't make me say that out loud to him.~_

It was no good, though. Zack studied Cloud curiously and an expression of comprehension slowly grew on his face. He knew he was sick—Cloud could see it in his eyes. Before he knew it, Cloud's vision blurred with tears and he swore softly beneath his breath.

"Dun c-cry," Zack murmured with a shake of his head, pulling one hand free of Cloud's to wipe away the single tear that etched its way down the blond's cheek. He smiled at him the same way he used to when he was trying to encourage him or comfort him. He reached as far through the bars as he could, urging Cloud closer with one hand while caressing his face with the other. The blond complied and scooted closer, pressing his body against the bars and returning the awkward embrace through them. Their lips met and this time, Zack's kiss was a little more familiar. His lips moved tenderly against Cloud's, reminiscent of a time when Zack was the protector and Cloud was the helpless one.

Several moments later, the kiss ended but they held one another through the bars. Zack rubbed his chin against Cloud's soft hair and whispered. "I'll…be good."

Cloud sighed, relieved that he seemed to understand. "Thank you," he replied softly. He wasn't a bit worried about the drop beneath him as he snuggled against Zack and pulled his feet further away from the edge of the ledge. "I can stay here all night," he explained softly, closing his eyes. "I can't be in the room with you but I'll stay right here 'till dawn, okay? Then I'll come right back when visiting hours are open."

Zack nodded happily against his hair. He yawned and stroked Cloud's arm through the leather jacket he wore. Cloud contented himself with the limited contact, staying as close to Zack as he could. The bars were pressing against his body uncomfortably but he didn't care.

* * *

Doctor Clark started his early morning rounds as soon as he finished his coffee. He greeted staff members as he walked out of his office and made his way down the hall to the secured area and he covered a yawn with his fist. Most of the doctors didn't start until a couple of hours after sunrise but he preferred to start and end the day early.

Lockdown was still active and most of the patients were still sleeping, but his morning rounds usually only consisted of checking their charts for any changes since he'd last been on the clock. His method was to slip quietly in, read over the charts of his patients and slip out without disturbing them. He'd been doing it this way for years and it usually started the day off easier.

He was so used to his mornings starting out smoothly that he was utterly surprised when he pushed Zackary Fair's door open and walked in to find the young man in a very odd position. Doctor Clark stared with a frown at the way Zack was sleeping. Ordinarily, he found him snuggled under the covers in a fetal position, near the corner of the wall. This morning, it looked like he was sleeping with his chest pressed against the security bars of his window.

His concern for the young man over the strange position grew as he tried to make out details in the dim light. From his vantage point, it looked like Zack had tried to squeeze through the bars during the night and fallen asleep that way. Afraid that he might have injured himself, the doctor wasted no time investigating. He flipped the light switch on and hurried over to the patient's bedside, leaning over the mattress to better assess the situation.

When he saw a head of fluffy golden hair resting against Zack's shoulder on the other side of the bars, his jaw dropped. He didn't know how, but it looked like Cloud Strife had managed to sneak onto the ledge outside overnight and now he lay cuddled against Zack. As touching as the scene was, Doctor Clark was baffled.

"Oh for Shiva's sake," he blurted.

The exclamation startled Cloud out of his sleep and the blond lifted his head and looked around with disorientation, obviously trying to get his bearings. He started to sit up and Doctor Clark lunged over the mattress and reached through the bars to grab hold of his jacket as he teetered.

"Don't fall, you reckless boy!"

Cloud twisted around to look at him through the bars and his expression went from startled to cringing in two seconds flat. "Shit," he swore.

"I very nearly did, thank you," replied the doctor severely. He let go of the young man's jacket and twisted around to see if anyone in the hallway had heard the commotion and come to investigate. Thankfully, the door was only open a crack and most of the activity wouldn't begin for another hour or so. "Stay right where you are," he ordered Cloud as he stood back up and went to shut the door.

"Munh?" Zack mumbled sleepily, waking up as well. He smiled at Cloud when he saw him but then he noticed the expression on his face and he turned his head and saw the doctor. The sleepy, content grin on his face fell and both he and his blond companion watched Doctor Clark with the expressions of children that had gotten caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Doctor Clark pressed his lips together. His irritation was tempered with amusement and a feeling of hope. If Zack could understand that his friend wasn't supposed to be there, it was another good sign.

"Um, I can explain this," Cloud said lamely as the doctor stood with his arms crossed over his chest and regarded him with a stern expression.

"I should hope so," answered the doctor, "but I'd prefer you not do it from a ledge." He reached into his pocket for his cellphone and he saw Cloud tense. "I'm not calling security," he said. "Not yet, anyway. I'd like to hear this explanation of yours first. I've got to get that grill open so that you can climb in here before I do that, however."

Cloud bit his lip and he tried to give Zack a reassuring smile when the dark-haired man looked at him with a worried expression, but to the doctor, the grin was sickly looking. He obviously hadn't counted on any of the staff checking on the patients before dawn unless there was a disturbance.

"Good morning," Doctor Clark greeted someone over his cellphone, "I need you to disarm and unlock the security bars for room 4-17, please. Somehow, one of my patients managed to drop his…stuffed chocobo…on the ledge outside and he gets quite agitated without it."

Cloud's eyes widened and he gave Zack an almost accusing look that threatened to provoke laughter from Dr. Clark. "Yes," the doctor said when the security guard on the other line offered a short window of time. "Three minutes will do. Thank you." The doctor ended his call and replaced his cellphone in his pocket before crossing the room.

Cloud gave a little start when a buzzer went off over his head and the security bars slid up. He looked at Zack, then at the doctor, his instincts clearly warring within him.

"Get in here, son," demanded Doctor Clark. "I can see the gears turning in your head and if you think that running away now will make it as though this never happened, you're deluding yourself. My cat thinks that hiding his face makes him invisible too, but he's mistaken."

Cloud heaved a sigh and obeyed, crawling through the window onto the bed with Zack. He grabbed his gear off the ledge and pulled it in with him as well. The doctor looked at the gear, looked at Cloud and then looked out the window with a confused frown.

"Is _that_ all you used to climb up here?"

Cloud shrugged. "Didn't have to use the rope after all."

"So you just used the gloves to scale those walls?" Dr. Clark suspected a fib.

"You said you know about SOLDIER," Cloud reminded him as he took Zack's hand reassuringly. "I'm guessing you know what Mako enhancements can do, too. Is it that hard to believe I got on that ledge without using a bunch of equipment?"

The doctor studied him, his expression changing to one of intrigue. Now that it was called to his attention, the color of Cloud's eyes was just a bit too stunning to be natural. "Are you telling me you were in SOLDIER too?"

"No, I got passed over," admitted the blond, "but I ended up getting enhanced with Mako later anyhow."

The connection his patient shared with this young man was becoming even clearer to Doctor Clark. "I think you'd better tell me everything now, Mister Strife. Or at least, give me a reasonable summary."

Cloud nodded, lowering his eyes. His youthful face looked a bit troubled as he tried to decide where to begin. Before he could gather his thoughts, the iron security bars over the window buzzed and dropped down again with a little bang that startled him almost as badly as Zack. He grabbed the other man's wrist and rubbed his arm as Zack tried to jump off the bed and run across the room.

"It's just noise, Zack," soothed the doctor as Cloud coaxed him to sit back down.

Zack sank back down on the bed and gave the window a suspicious look, but he didn't really want to leave Cloud's side. Beside him, the blond continued to stroke his arm as he began to explain the events that resulted in Zack's condition to the doctor.

* * *

When he was finished explaining everything that had happened with SOLDIER and Hojo, Cloud waited nervously, watching the older man's face. He stuck to the relevant stuff and avoided talking about things that happened afterwards. Zack perked up a couple of times during the story at the sound of his name and he got a semi-stricken expression on his face during a few parts, but he otherwise sat quietly next to Cloud.

"I've heard of Professor Hojo before," informed Dr. Clark after turning the information over in his head for a few moments. "I've heard rumors and snatches of information concerning unwholesome experiments he allegedly conducted. I've even heard that his research was largely to blame for the Deepground tragedy."

He paced the room in thought while Cloud and Zack silently watched him. "So you're saying to me that both you and Zack were taken to a secret lab after the Nibelheim incident—which ShinRa covered up—and experimented on for four years, correct?"

Cloud nodded.

"And then somehow, Zack broke out and took you with him," the doctor went on. "ShinRa caught up, shot Zack down and left you for dead when they found you catatonic."

The blond swallowed and nodded again, glancing sidelong at his companion when Zack gave him an anxious look. "I'm okay now," he murmured to the dark-haired man, patting his knee.

* * *

Doctor Clark absorbed all of this. He'd taken a gamble in demanding that Cloud tell him all of this in front of Zack. He knew that if it were true, a recovered memory might send his patient into one of his more violent flashbacks. After listening to Cloud and studying Zack's reactions, he made his decision.

"Well son, you are absolutely the _worst_ storyteller I've ever met."

Cloud's mouth worked for a moment. "I know how it all sounds, but—"

"And that's why I believe you," interrupted the doctor with a faint smile. "Well, that and the fact that I've witnessed Zack's bad moments more than a few times in the past. The things that seem to trigger them, his behavior when he has them, the little bit of information I was able to find…it all fits with your story. Not to mention, the devotion you share is all too real to be denied."

Cloud almost slumped with relief, but the doctor wasn't finished yet. "However, you've broken security clearance rules that exist for a _reason._ "

"I know," Cloud agreed softly, "and I'm sorry. I want him to stay here and get treatment, now that I know…he needs it," he flushed guiltily and squeezed Zack's hand again. "I just…I thought he was dead and seeing him after so long…finding out what happened…I couldn't just go home after visiting hours. I live in Edge and I'll have to book a room at the Kalm Inn to be close to him. It was too late to do that last night and…I just…" His rambling faded and he sighed.

The doctor noticed the worried expression on Zack's face too and the way he began to fidget anxiously. When Cloud tried to assure him it would be okay, Doctor Clark got another flash of insight. "You climbed onto that ledge as much for his sake as your own, didn't you?" he said kindly to Cloud.

The blond nodded and his fingers remained entwined with Zack's. There was no need to ask or guess anymore; the two of them had clearly been in a romantic relationship before all this happened. Doctor Clark had a soft spot for hard cases and these two young men surely had it harder than most.

"I'm going to let it slide, this time," he decided at length. "Your intention obviously wasn't to take him out of this facility without permission. I suspect if it were, you'd have been long gone with him before I arrived."

Cloud's tension eased with his relief and Zack heaved an audible sigh. Doctor Clark almost gave in to the urge to chuckle at their expense. He really didn't think he could have gone through with banning Cloud from the grounds and keeping them apart, but he suspected the scare taught them both a lesson of respect for the rules.

"It won't happen again," Cloud assured. "I'll go home after visiting hours and pack some things. I'll work from here and live at the Inn if I have to."

"Do whatever works best for you," agreed the doctor. Depending on how the next week went, he might be able to ease the burden on Cloud a bit. The wellbeing of Zack had to come first, however. He needed to be convinced that Cloud would have a positive influence on Zack's recovery before he allowed more than standard visiting privileges.

* * *

-To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

Cloud spent the entire day visiting Zack and meeting some of his caregivers and fellow patients. He tried to be as courteous to the patients as possible, knowing that he could easily upset them entirely by accident. He spoke with Dr. Clark later in the morning and exchanged further information with him. At first, the doctor was reluctant to give him details about Zack's medications.

"That's normally information I'd reserve for family or caregivers," said Dr. Clark when Cloud asked. "I'd meant to bring that up to you as well…does he have any surviving family members?"

Cloud shook his head. Once he'd gotten his memories pieced back together, he'd taken it upon himself to check in on Zack's parents from time to time. He never told them of his "death" and he didn't try to get close to them, but he felt compelled to keep an eye on them. "His father passed away a couple of years ago and his mother died a few months after that. As far as I know, I'm all he's got." He lowered his eyes. "I know I'm not 'family', but…if Zack's ever recovered enough to leave here I'm going to be taking care of him. I'm going to need to know _how_."

Dr. Clark thought about it for a moment. "I'll tell you what," he said after some consideration, "I'll compromise with you. Right now, you aren't his guardian and since you aren't family either, I can't give you the specifics but I _can_ give you a basic idea. I've got Zack on anti-delirium medication and mild sedatives, most of the time. We give him something stronger at bedtime to help him sleep and cut down on night terrors. That's the best I can do for now."

"If and when Zack is well enough to leave with you," continued the doctor; "I'll supply you with the prescriptions for his medication and instructions. Chances are by then his medications will change, though. The better he gets, the lower the dosage and the fewer the pills, understand?"

Cloud nodded. It was the best he could hope for and even a basic description of the kind of medication they had Zack on helped him to understand a little better. "Thanks, Doctor. I'd better get back to Zack now."

Dr. Clark nodded with agreement and he got out of his office chair to walk back with Cloud to the secured area. Zack was waiting right by the door for them and when he started to hug Cloud and the aides tried to stop him, the doctor intervened and told them it was all right.

"I was only gone for a few minutes," Cloud said with a smile as he returned the hug. He blushed a little when Zack impulsively nuzzled his hair and tried to kiss him. "Uh, not here," Cloud murmured to the other man as the doctor and staff members smirked with tolerant amusement. "The kissing has to be in private, okay?" While he loved Zack's boundless affection, he was sure there had to be some kind of rule against making out with patients, even if they were your spouse or lover.

Zack heaved a crestfallen sigh and shrugged. "Kay."

* * *

Dr. Clark wasn't sure he liked Zack's apparent dependency on Cloud's presence. If he was this impatient when the blond stepped out for a few minutes, how would he react when he was gone for a day or longer? Would they have to begin strapping him to the bed at night or move him to a stronger security level? Zack had come so far and while it was wonderful to see him so happy, Dr. Clark predicted that his mood was going to plummet dramatically when Cloud wasn't around.

On the other hand, Zack's cognitive functions seemed to improve around his boyfriend. Dr. Clark sighed as he watched the them walk down the corridor together. Perhaps things would balance out on their own, over time. The benefits of Cloud's involvement in his life were going to far outweigh the negatives, he was sure.

* * *

Before lunch, Cloud called Tifa and explained everything to her. She was justifiably skeptical at first, but he reminded her of the state of mind he'd been in when he thought Zack was dead and he told her how he was found. After that, she believed him and he went on to explain his plan to her. She didn't sound thrilled to hear that she'd be in a position of taking care of the kids by herself for an unknown amount of time but she was very understanding about it.

"So what do you think of Zack coming to live with us, if he recovers enough?" Cloud asked her warily.

Zack had always been a big flirt and he loved talking to women. As a result, the ladies tended to swoon over him a lot and Tifa had been one of them. He'd opened up to her some time after stopping Meteor and told her the true nature of his and Zack's relationship, so now the question was whether she could live with both of them without feeling uncomfortable.

"I'm more worried about whether we can give him the care he needs than any lingering romantic feelings for him," she answered carefully. "I got over both of you. I just need to know this won't turn into a situation where you won't be around and I'll have to take care of a man with special needs _and_ two kids."

"It won't," promised Cloud sincerely. "I still haven't gone over all the options with his doctor but I'm sure there's care specialists I can hire to sit with him when I'm out on the job. I might not make as much gil but when he comes home with me, I'm not going to be out on the road as much."

"Then he's welcome to stay," Tifa assured him. "I want your promise in writing, though."

Cloud smirked a little. "Okay. I'm sorry you've been stretched so thin because of me, Tifa."

"This time, I don't mind." She said. "I could never ask you not to do this, Cloud. It's Zack. I'll cope until you can bring him home with you, okay? I'll explain it to Denzel and Marlene before you come to get some of your things but I think you should sit down with them too."

"I will," agreed Cloud. "Thanks, Tifa."

* * *

"Here, you slopped a little," Cloud said as he reached over with the napkin to wipe at Zack's chin. He's always been a messy eater so it hardly troubled the blond when he got some spaghetti sauce on his face. Zack held still for him as he cleaned the spot off. The ex-Soldier gave Cloud a smile that made his stomach flip when he finished.

_~That smile still has the same effect on me that it had when I was a clumsy, shy teenager crushing on him.~_

Cloud was caught in the warmth of Zack's amethyst gaze and he forgot where they were for a moment as he vividly remembered the first time the other man ever made a pass at him. He'd been so thrilled and it had been such a surprise. He'd fantasized about Zackary Fair almost from the first day they met and when the older fighter started kissing him on the couch, Cloud was the one that lost control of himself and started groping first.

_~I always lectured him about self-control but he had more restraint in public than I had in private. Kind of ironic.~_

Zack demonstrated to him again that his public restraint wasn't quite as good as it used to be. He closed the distance between their faces and gave him a kiss on the mouth, heedless of the audience all around them. It was hard to push him away once their lips touched but Zack had to learn that kissing wasn't okay out in the open.

"Remember what I told you earlier?" Cloud reminded with gentle authority as he pulled his mouth away from the other man's and gazed at him sternly.

Zack bit his lip and thought about it. He nodded and then he grimaced with displeasure and impatience.

"We don't want to get in trouble again," murmured Cloud with a little smile.

"No," agreed Zack softly, looking downcast for a moment. He brightened seconds later and gave Cloud a crooked smile and a wink as he dropped his plastic fork on the food tray and caught one of his hands in his. He tugged. "C-come on."

_~Uh oh. I know that look.~_

The seductive little smirk and wink was something Cloud was all too familiar with and he'd never forgotten the meaning behind it or the activities that usually followed. "Uh, you need to finish eating," he said, suddenly bashful as Zack pulled his hand and started to get up.

Zack shook his head. "Nope." His eyes said that he just wanted to kiss some more and he knew Cloud's apparent reluctance was half shyness and half a coy act.

Cloud opened his mouth to argue further but Zack's tug on his hand was insistent as the black-haired man stood up. Cloud wasn't really hungry anymore either and he shamefully admitted that he wanted to feel those lips and that strong body against his again. He'd have to travel back to Edge after lockdown and he wouldn't be back for at least a full day.

_~Why shouldn't I make the most out of the time I've got left with him today? As long as we don't do more than kiss and keep an ear out for anyone opening his door, it should be okay to spend a little time together in his room.~_

Though some part of him still thought he should keep opportunities to go overboard to a minimum, Cloud stood up with Zack and walked out of the cafeteria with him. He blushed a little at some of the looks they got from orderlies and staff members as they walked out hand in hand, but the patients either ignored them entirely or asked random questions of them in passing.

* * *

One of the staff members was watching from his seat at the doctors' table and he schooled his face to hide his frown of concern, so that the other doctors wouldn't notice and turn to look themselves.

 _~I'll give them five minutes alone,~_ Thought Dr. Clark, guessing where Cloud and Zack were going together and worldly enough to know what they were probably going to get up to. He was willing to bend the rules a little for the couple, but he wasn't sure his associates would feel the same. After all, Cloud had only shown up yesterday and he'd only confided his history with Zack to his personal doctor. The others didn't know the details and he wasn't sure they'd be as understanding if any of them walked in on the couple in a compromised position.

* * *

Zack's confidence was growing and with it, his assertiveness. He was still confused about what else he could do to satisfy his urges but he took what he could get, with typical Zack style. As soon as the door closed, he pinned Cloud against the surface of it with his body and put his arms around him, lowering his mouth to his. The blond's lips parted as they kissed and Zack traced them with his tongue before pushing it into his mouth. The lips parted further with invitation and Cloud made one of those sounds that made shivers race up and down Zack's spine.

Zack pulled his mouth away to murmur Cloud's name hotly before capturing his lips again. Their bodies moved restlessly against one another's and Zack gave a frustrated groan of confused need as he hardened in his jumper and felt Cloud's answering hardness pressing against his. He rubbed against him, his breath quickening with excitement as the blond reciprocated.

* * *

Cloud's hands traveled the broad width of Zack's shoulders and slid down. He felt the taller man's muscles under the cotton shirt as he ran his hands over his shoulders and down his back. The urge to touch him was so strong Cloud almost forgot himself and slid his hands up under his shirt, but Zack's confused sounds of need reminded him there were a lot of things he'd forgotten about. Zack might have reclaimed his talent for kissing but his body language warned Cloud to take it slow.

_~Besides, I'm not supposed to be letting it go further than kissing anyhow. Dammit Zack, you drive me just as crazy now as you used to!~_

Zack's tongue began to thrust, curl and caress inside of his mouth and Cloud's body heat rose with his lust. "Mmm," he moaned into the kiss, rubbing his crotch against the taller man's with greater urgency. Zack responded with an equally eager groan and he pressed Cloud harder against the door and settled his hands on his waist. The blond felt himself being lifted and he put his arms around Zack's neck and hugged his hips with his thighs.

Their lips parted again and Cloud tangled his fingers in Zack's hair and stared into his eyes, panting softly with desire as the other man's hips rocked between his thighs. Zack's expression was so inviting. It was sensual, a little inquisitive and faintly desperate.

"Cloud?" Zack murmured huskily, softly asking for something he couldn't seem to understand completely.

"I know," answered the blond just as breathlessly. "I want it too."

Zack smiled up at him and blinked slowly, clearly still wondering what exactly "it" was they both wanted. He nuzzled the blond's throat with his lips, kissing and sucking at the skin as Cloud's fingers stroked through his hair.

"Someday," Cloud whispered, his eyes fluttering shut with pleasure. "Soon."

* * *

The lever on the door turned suddenly and someone pushed against it from the other side, trying to get in. Zack immediately thought about Cloud's warning about kissing in front of other people and he panicked. He dropped poor Cloud unceremoniously and jumped away from him, leaving him to fall on his ass with a startled oath. The blond banged the back of his head on the door as he sprawled and he groaned, holding his smarting bottom with one hand and the back of his head with the other.

"Ow," complained Cloud as he was assaulted with two kinds of pain.

Zack immediately squatted at his side, feeling terrible. "S-sorry," he apologized.

He was about to help him up when the door began to open. Some instinct from his past told him to make it look like he and his companion had been doing something besides kissing and he jumped back up and ran to the bed, hopping onto it and trying to look casual as his doctor squeezed into the partially opened doorway.

* * *

Dr. Clark looked down at Cloud's awkwardly sprawled position on the floor, then at Zack's too-stiff posture and blushing, guilty face. He immediately guessed why the door had been blocked when he'd tried to open it and he was strongly reminded of the time he'd caught his daughter making out with her supposed "study buddy". Zack's imaginary halo was as crooked as hers had been.

_~Poor Zack. He has the needs of any healthy man in his twenties but his mind hasn't caught up yet. He looks just like a guilty teenager caught necking.~_

As for Cloud, he was gingerly getting to his feet and he was obviously too busy recovering from the surprise of his abrupt tumble to be flustered yet. He winced a little and Dr. Clark took pity on him and stepped forward to help him to his feet. Zack didn't move from his spot on the bed, watching with high color in his cheeks and a wary expression on his face.

"What happened here?" Dr. Clark queried in a politely ignorant tone as Cloud mumbled his thanks and cleared his throat.

"H-he fell," Zack announced with boyishly earnest simplicity.

"Did he, now?" Dr. Clark somehow kept his lips from twitching as he looked to Cloud. "You don't strike me as someone who's inherently clumsy, son. After all, you scaled the walls of this building last night."

"I was…um…I was…" Cloud searched his mind for an excuse. "…Trying to show Zack…uh…you know…"

Dr. Clark shook his head, a chuckle breaking free at last. "That's enough, Cloud. I think I know what I almost walked in on and as I said this morning, you're a horrible storyteller. You can't even begin to tell a bad lie, much less a convincing one."

"He fell," Zack insisted again, this time without his usual stammer.

Both men looked at the former Soldier with pleasant surprise and the protective, stubborn look on his face gave the doctor pause. Obviously Zack took his warning seriously enough to worry that Cloud might get in trouble.

"I don't doubt he 'fell'," answered Dr. Clark gravely, impressed by Zack's conscious determination to protect his companion. "But that isn't the whole truth, is it?"

Zack's gaze wavered under the older man's paternal scrutiny but he pressed his lips together grimly and refused to answer.

Dr. Clark pressed a little further; not to be cruel but to analyze what appeared to be yet another improvement in Zack's ability to reason. "Did you just tell me a fib, Zackary?"

Cloud almost intervened on his friend's behalf but the doctor shot him a quick, meaningful look and he reconsidered and waited to see where this was going. Zack held firm for a moment longer before his resolve cracked. He sighed and nodded slowly, looking down.

"I dr…dropped him," Zack revised.

Dr. Clark knew that was the best Zack could give as a truthful explanation at this point. Further attempts to describe what happened would only result in agitation for the young man. "I see," he said.

"Don't s-send him away," Zack said, a pleading note entering his voice.

"I'm not going to send him away," the doctor answered reassuringly. "I just wanted you to tell me the truth, Zack." He smiled at the patient before turning to Cloud. "Certain privileges are awarded to patients that show enough improvement to move down to the next floor, one of which is the right to privacy and overnight stays for spouses and loved-ones. Security is still in place there, but it's basically a recovery unit for psychological cases on the mend, addicts and minor cases."

Cloud swallowed hopefully and gave a nod of understanding.

"Zack isn't ready for that yet," continued the doctor, "but I'm hopeful that his condition will improve enough to move him there eventually. If he continues to recover at this rate, I'm optimistic that it can be sooner, rather than later. Until then, however, you're going to have to be very careful about how far you allow your…affection for each other to go, even when visiting him in his room."

"I know," Cloud murmured with a guilty flush.

"I thought you might, after what I heard you say to Zack when we returned from my office earlier," Dr. Clark said with a nod. He gave Zack another pleased smile. "Evidently you got through to him and that's a very good thing. I only wanted to stress the importance of maintaining that restraint. If one of my associates or staff members walks in on you, I can't guarantee there won't be negative consequences. Understood?"

"Yes," answered Cloud. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you being so…lenient with us?" He grimaced a little as he said it, as if he were afraid to hear the answer.

Dr. Clark smiled a bit self-depreciatingly. "Several reasons, Mr. Strife. The least of which are because I was your age once too and I have a daughter around your age. More importantly, you've forgotten what I do for a living. I listen to, evaluate and treat patients with psychological problems. Not to brag but I'd like to think my observation skills are fine-tuned and in my time in this field of work, I've learned to read people. You may think I'm asking casual questions but every answer you give me tells a little something about you."

Cloud looked uncomfortable with the explanation and Dr. Clark made a mental note about that. After the things Cloud and Zack had allegedly been through, he really couldn't blame the young man for wanting to keep his private thoughts...well...private. Regardless, it was second nature for Dr. Clark to psychoanalyze people and he thought perhaps Cloud Strife could stand a bit of therapy himself.

* * *

"S-stay," Zack pleaded a while later as Cloud prepared to leave. "Please?"

"You know I can't," Cloud explained regretfully, stroking Zack's shoulder soothingly as he sat beside the dark-haired fighter on the bed. "We have to follow the rules and I've got to travel back to my home to get some things. I'll be back in a day or so and I'm going to be staying nearby, so I can come and spend every day with you."

Zack tried not to sulk as the blond gazed at him with apologetic blue eyes. He knew Cloud couldn't stay with him when the shadows came back. He knew they'd send him away if he tried, but last night had been the first night he'd slept so peacefully and fearlessly. He wanted to spend every minute with the blond and he understood that he wasn't healthy enough to do that yet. It hurt. His throat felt tight as he nuzzled Cloud's hair and put an arm around him.

"Just wait for me," Cloud murmured gently, hugging him back. "I wouldn't go to Edge if I didn't have to but I need some clothes and gil. You don't want me going without clothes, do you?"

A familiar, brief memory of Cloud in the nude abruptly sprang to Zack's mind and he pulled away from Cloud to give him an intrigued look, his eyes sweeping the blond's dark-clad body. "Kind of," he admitted with a grin.

Cloud smirked and lowered his eyes. "Should have known. I wish I could do that for you but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure and then it would be even harder for us to see each other."

Zack didn't fully understand the joke but he comprehended the part about seeing each other. He wasn't sure why Cloud going without clothes would make things harder but maybe the outside world wasn't as lenient with healthy people as the hospital was with patients.

"Okay," Zack sighed, nodding in defeat. "I'll…try."

"Do you remember what the doctor said?" asked Cloud. "About moving you to another room, where we could spend every night together if we want?"

Zack nodded enthusiastically, his face lighting up at the prospect.

"I want you to keep that in mind and focus on it," Cloud encouraged. "If you keep trying really hard, behave and do good with your speech and picture exercises, you'll have that room and I can be here as much as you want me to."

He planted a soft kiss on Zack's lips. "Do we have a deal?" he murmured.

Zack nodded and kissed him back.

* * *

Cloud was exhausted by the time he made it to Edge. The night was late and Tifa was just finishing closing up the bar when he walked through the door. She greeted him with a warm smile, her eyes sweeping over him as he sat down at the bar and rested his arms on the surface. A frown creased her brow and she wordlessly made him a mixed drink before continuing with her closing chores.

"You look so tired," she said to him after a few moments of silence. His blue eyes were red-rimmed and dull as he drank the cocktail she'd given him.

Cloud nodded with agreement. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Zack right away," he murmured.

"It's okay," she said forgivingly. "You had to find out what was going on and I know I can be a little pushy for information sometimes."

She remembered how her pushiness had finally revealed the truth about Cloud's preferences and his relationship with Zack. At least she'd never had to hide her relationships from the world. Zack and Cloud had been so discreet about it in public that most people never saw past their affectionate jibes and brief, seemingly casual touches. She sure as hell wouldn't have known if Cloud never told her.

"How is he?" Tifa asked slowly as she wiped down a glass. She thought of the way Cloud had been when he had Mako poisoning and she tried to picture Zack in a similar state. The dark-haired Soldier had always been so lively and witty; it was hard for her to imagine him in a compromised state of mind.

"He's still _Zack_ ," Cloud tried to explain, "the personality is the same as it always was. He's nice, a little silly and kind of impulsive. He just…can't talk like he used to. Maybe you can come and visit him some day and you'll see what I mean."

Tifa shut the ceiling fans off and began wiping down the bar. "Is that it? He just can't speak very well?"

Cloud shook his head and took another drink before answering. "It's complicated. He has these flashbacks sometimes and they can make him violent. It's like dementia, I guess. I've still got to find out more about that. He's also a little jumpy most of the time and he has a hard time understanding things. I…I had to talk to him almost like he was a kid to get him to understand me sometimes."

"So they won't release him until they're sure they've got these flashbacks under control?" Tifa guessed. She could only imagine how hard it must have been for Cloud to treat Zack that way.

"That's right." Cloud rubbed his sore eyes. "I think his doctor is really good, though. He won't send him home with me until he's sure he's not dangerous; especially since he knows we've got a couple of kids living with us."

"That's good," replied Tifa. She finished up and ducked under the bar, coming up behind Cloud. She reached out and solicitously massaged his shoulders. "Denzel and Marlene understand what's going on. I told them an old friend of yours is sick and you're going to stay in Kalm to take care of him for a while."

* * *

Cloud relaxed a little under the massage and nodded. "Thanks. I'll spend some time with them tomorrow before I pack and head out." He remembered the conversation he and Tifa had last night—Shiva, was it only _last night_? It felt like days ago. So much had happened in just two days.

"Uh, by the way," Cloud murmured, "how did your date go?"

Tifa smirked. "Surprisingly well, thanks."

Cloud turned in his stool and looked at her curiously. "Are you going to tell me who he is?"

"Not yet," she answered smugly.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not ready for you to know, yet," she replied, shrugging. "Just like you keep things from me until you're ready to tell me. I have the same right, you know."

Cloud grimaced but he couldn't refute her point. "Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to like it when I find out?" He could think of lots of guys around town that he wouldn't want dating Tifa and only a few he'd approve of.

"Luckily for me, it's not your decision," she said sweetly. "Oh, and don't bother asking the kids to rat him out. You'll find out when I'm good and ready for you to find out…after I figure out whether it's going to go anywhere or not."

* * *

Zack showered carefully, concentrating on soaping and rinsing everywhere, as he'd been taught. He'd only been able to bathe himself without help for a couple of months and he still occasionally forgot to rinse the soap off in some places before getting out to dry off. His supervising aide sat quietly on the stool outside the shower and waited, ready to help him if he had any trouble.

"You doing all right, Zack?" Marlow called when his timer beeped. They were required to ask their charges every few minutes if they needed help, especially if the patient they were assigned to had trouble speaking.

"Uh-huh," answered Zack.

He sighed, wishing Cloud could have stayed and come to bed with him. Thinking about the blond made his thoughts meander down the path of all the kissing they'd shared today. He grinned and closed his eyes, imagining the feel of those lips against his. Thinking about that led to him thinking about the cherished memory he'd regained of Cloud without his clothing on. His lips parted and he thought about what it would be like to kiss him all over and rub against him the way he'd done today—only, without clothes in the way.

_~Oops.~_

Zack felt the change as soon as it started and he looked down the length of his pale, wet body and watched his groin rise to attention. Cloud made him feel funny, happy things and thinking about him made him get hard. Zack grumbled a little. He still had to wash down there and he already knew it felt good to do it when it wasn't in that state.

Deciding to just get it over with, Zack lathered up his hands and reached down to wash his genitals. He gripped the shaft and stroked the length once to soap it up…and he stopped and blinked at the sensation. It felt _better_ than good. He was more sensitive down there now and he warily reached under and further back with his other hand to soap his balls off. He swallowed, his thigh muscles tightening a little as he slowly stroked the lather over his glans while finishing up with his scrotum with the other hand.

Zack's breath escaped with a little grunt as pleasure throbbed through his groin. The feeling was familiar to him in an elusive way. He didn't know when, but he must have done this before. He stopped soaping his balls and stroked his erection again, resting his forehead against the tiles of the shower wall and gasping softly. He thought of Cloud as he began to stroke up and down his length with hesitant, slow motions. His hips began to thrust of their own accord and the water drummed against his back as he started moving his gripping hand faster.

* * *

"Zack, you still doing okay?" Marlow called out. This time there wasn't an answer and he frowned, his dark features growing concerned. "Zack? Answer me, buddy." He could see the patient's fuzzy outline through the obscure acrylic and it looked like Zack was leaning forward against the shower wall. He heard a low moan from inside of the shower and he got off his stool and pulled the acrylic door open.

Zack snapped out of it and looked up with surprise as Marlow opened the door and stood there with a strange expression on his face for a moment. He'd never seen that expression on the aide's face before and it reminded him a little of the way Doc had looked the first time he and Cloud snuggled in front of him. He glanced down at the stiffened flesh his hand was still holding and he felt a rush of embarrassment. Maybe he wasn't supposed to play with it. He hastily let go of himself and muttered a stammering apology to Marlow.

Marlow fought a grin and shook his head, a little embarrassed himself over barging in on him. "It's okay," he assured him. "You just didn't answer me and I got worried. Go ahead and rinse off so we can get you dried and dressed." He shut the door without further delay, figuring the poor guy was too embarrassed for him to try and explain it was natural. He waited as Zack rinsed his soapy parts off and when he got out of the shower, Marlow held the towel out to him and let him dry off.

Zack was biting his lip and blushing as he dried his body off and then started on his hair. He was quickly losing his erection and he breathed a sigh of relief and stepped into his pajama pants when Marlow held them open for him. The aide pulled the garment up with practiced, clinical ease and tied the drawstrings loosely.

Zack finished toweling his hair and Marlow took the towel from him and draped it over the rack. He watched as Zack look down at his chest and stomach. The black-haired man slowly traced the faded bullet scars that smattered his torso, his fingers moving over the marks in a curious manner. He was frowning in concentration, his dark brows knitted over his eyes as if he was trying to remember more about them.

Marlow had seen him do this many times before after showers and when changing clothes. Personally, he thought Zack might be better off not remembering the details—whatever they were. He couldn't blame the guy for trying to understand his flashbacks but personally, he didn't think he'd _want_ to remember getting all those bullet wounds if he were in Zack's place.

"Ready for bed, Zack?"

The patient looked a little startled by the question as it interrupted his mulling. He nodded at Marlow and followed him out of the shower room and down the hall to his bedroom. They stopped on the way when they met the nurse rolling the nightly medication tray down the hall and she gave Zack his pills. After making sure he swallowed them, Marlow walked inside with him and waited while Zack got into bed and squirmed into his favorite position.

"Night Zack," the aide said. On sudden inspiration, he added; "Oh, and don't worry about what you were doing in the shower, buddy. Every guy I know does it and there's nothing wrong with it. Just don't play with it in public, you know?"

Zack looked at him with a grateful, relieved expression and Marlow smiled and shut off the light before closing the door.

* * *

_~Not real…not real.~_

He kept reminding himself of that over and over again as dark shapes skittered soundlessly in the shadows and he waited for his medicine to start working. This time, the light from the posts outside weren't helping much and he pressed against the corner and closed his eyes, telling himself the shapes couldn't reach out and grab him because they weren't solid.

Cloud had made them go away entirely last night…like…like sunshine. The thought gave Zack an idea. He kept his eyes shut and he pictured the blond, concentrating only on him. After a while, his anxiety began to fade and he started feeling sleepy. Zack curled up in the corner of his bed and hugged his pillow, whispering Cloud's name.

* * *

-To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

Cloud took his time packing the next day, starting in the morning and adding things he thought he might need as the day moved on. When the kids came home from school in the afternoon, he sat down with them in the living room and talked to them about it.

"So you don't know how long you're going to be gone?" Marlene frowned, but she was trying her best to understand. She was used to Cloud going away for days at a time when he was out on the road, but this was different.

"No," he said, his blue eyes soft on her. "I wish I could give you an estimate but we won't know until Zack starts showing improvement. He has to make it to short-term care before the doctor can even make a guess about when he can be released."

"Why can't you just bring him home now?" Marlene persisted. "We can help you take care of him."

"I know you can," Cloud pacified, smiling a little at the girl. "And I know you're good at taking care of sick people."

"Yeah!" She nodded, her eyes widening with youthful sincerity. "I took care of Denzel when he had Geostigma and I always take care of you guys when you get a cold!"

"More like boss us around and force soup down our throats," Denzel teased, ruffling her hair.

She slapped at him with annoyance. "You're not supposed to be up and around when you're sick," she told him peevishly. "It's not _my_ fault you and Cloud are so stubborn."

Denzel shrugged and sat down on the couch, putting Cloud between himself and the little girl in case she decided to try and smack him some more. "And this is the guy that saved you from ShinRa back before you joined AVALANCHE?"

Cloud swallowed and nodded, painful memories springing up at the mention of it. "That's right. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here—and if it weren't for _me_ , he might not be in his condition."

Marlene's lips quivered with sympathy at the aching pain she saw in the blond's eyes. "Then you've got to take care of him," she agreed, nodding. "We might not be there if it weren't for you, Cloud. Heck, the whole _world_ probably wouldn't be here, if it weren't for you. If _you_ were sick somewhere, I'd go to take care of you."

"Thanks for understanding," Cloud said with another fond little smile at her. "I'd bring him home right away if I could, but the kind of illness Zack has can't be treated with bed rest and chicken-noodle soup. He needs special care for now."

Marlene sighed and her head drooped. "Okay. I guess he's better off in that hospital right now. You'll call us every week, right?"

"I'll call every chance I get," promised Cloud. "Maybe you guys can come visit Kalm some weekends and holiday breaks, too."

"That sounds cool," Denzel agreed. He'd never been far outside of Midgar and he'd always wanted to go to one of the carnivals or festivals Kalm was so renowned for. Remembering something Cloud explained to him before, Denzel hesitated. He wasn't sure if he should bring it up in front of Marlene; because she was still too young for certain "talks" that he'd already been privy too.

"Hey Cloud, is this guy…like…the kind of friend Reno used to be?" Cloud had dated the redheaded Turk briefly last year but it hadn't lasted for long. Denzel got "The Talk" that same year from Cloud and though he hadn't been very good at explaining how things worked, the library helped Denzel interpret his clumsy attempts and he understood that not everyone stuck with the standard boy/girl preferences.

"More than," Cloud nodded, glancing sidelong at Marlene. "Zack is…he was my first uh…partner and I've never…he's the only one." He was blushing now, stumbling over his words as he tried to tell Denzel in code that as far as he was concerned, Zack was his soul mate.

"You love him," Marlene stated with a shrug. When both males looked at her uncomfortably, she rolled her eyes. "I know Cloud likes boys. So what?"

"How do _you_ know about things like that?" Cloud blurted.

"Yeah!" Denzel added, equally surprised. It made him feel a little dumb that Marlene already knew something he'd had to be told about.

"I'm not stupid," she huffed. "I see what goes on and Cloud never goes on dates with girls. I just put two and two together."

Cloud stared at her. "Sometimes, you're too smart for your own good."

She beamed. "Girls are smarter than boys."

"Yeah, right," Denzel muttered.

"We are! I figured it out waay before _you_ did!"

Cloud held up his hands and made the "time out" gesture. "Okay, okay…let's not get into gender bashing. So uh…do either of you know who Tifa's dating?"

"Nice try, Cloud." Marlene grinned at him. "She already told us not to tell you if you asked."

Cloud gave her an annoyed look and turned to Denzel, hoping he'd be more reasonable.

"Sorry Cloud," the boy said with a shake of his head. "I'm not getting on Tifa's bad side and I'd be the one stuck living with two angry girls if I told you."

"Couple of mutineers," grumbled the blond. "That's what you are."

"I'm just covering my butt," protested Denzel.

Cloud smirked. "Guess I can't blame you for that."

* * *

After their talk, Cloud began to load his luggage onto Fenrir. He carried his duffle bag full of clothes downstairs to the bar and started towards the back door that led into the back yard. There were a few patrons seated at tables and at the bar and he caught sight of a familiar head of vivid red hair as he was turning. Cloud paused just long enough for Reno to spot him and he grimaced as the Turk's blue-green eyes met his across the distance.

"Taking a trip, Blondie?" asked Reno after swallowing a sip of his drink.

His partner sat in the stool next to him but Rude just gave Cloud a polite nod, minding his own business as usual. Tifa busied herself by restocking the ice bin, tactfully avoiding looking at either Reno or Cloud. They'd parted ways amicably enough but there was always an underlying, awkward tension between the two of them whenever Cloud and Reno crossed paths.

"Yeah," answered Cloud shortly. "Just loading my bike."

He continued through the back door, trying to ignore the familiar guilt that gnawed at him. It wasn't Reno's fault things hadn't worked out between them. To the Turk's credit, he'd tried. Their differences and Cloud's ambiguity about getting too close to someone were the key arbitrators in the demise of their brief relationship.

With a sigh, Cloud walked around to the gate leading to the front yard and opened it. Going through the front door of the bar to reach the driveway and garage might have been easier but he'd tried to avoid attention by taking the back route, so that he wouldn't have to walk past all the customers. He wondered if he'd sensed Reno was there without even realizing it.

He walked into the garage and turned the light on. The sight of Fenrir's sleek black form greeted him and he felt a little comforted. He murmured a greeting to the bike and opened one of the storage compartments. It was a tight fit but he managed to squeeze the duffle bag in and shut the compartment. He hesitated when he was through, wondering if he should take the back route into the building or just suck it up and go through the front. He'd already been spotted and he knew he wasn't going to get away without interacting with Reno. He had to say goodbye to Tifa, after all.

"Dammit," sighed the blond. _~Might as well face the music and get it over with.~_

He steeled himself and left the garage, heading back into the building through the front door of the bar. He gave Reno a curt nod in passing, feeling his eyes on him as he walked straight to the back and up the stairs. He went to his room and grabbed his second bag, which contained shoes, personal hygiene products and a little something he'd bought on a whim for Zack. Slinging the lighter bag over his shoulder, he headed down the hall and stopped briefly in front of the archway leading to the living room to say his final goodbyes to the kids. They were watching a nature program together and he was comforted when they both gave him a supportive smile.

"We'll talk to you soon, Cloud." Denzel lowered the volume on the TV so it wouldn't interfere. "Don't worry about us."

"Be careful on the road," Marlene said in her Mature Voice. "And call us when you get there!"

"I will," answered Cloud. "Keep up your schoolwork and try to stay out of trouble, guys."

* * *

Cloud finished loading Fenrir and came back into the bar to say his goodbyes to Tifa. He approached the bar warily and sidled up to it next to Rude, keeping the big man between himself and Reno. He heard the redhead snort and he chose to ignore it. Tifa finished loading a tray with drinks for one of the tables and as her hired barmaid took it, she turned and gave Cloud a strained smile.

"One for the road?" offered the brunette, knowing that Cloud had a high enough tolerance to safely have one drink before he left.

Cloud nodded, absently staring at a bouquet of flowers sitting on the surface of the bar near the wall. He frowned, his eyes narrowing as he realized they were fresh flowers. "Those are new," he said with a nod toward the vase.

Tifa glanced at them as she set a beer in front of the blond. "Yes, they are."

"I guess your date gave them to you?" Cloud asked the question casually but she saw through it.

"It really bugs you that I won't tell you who he is, doesn't it?" Tifa said with a smirk, crossing her arms over her ample chest.

Cloud shrugged. "Just a question, Tifa." He took a drink of his beer and produced his cellphone from his leather jacket, pretending to check through the stored numbers. Beside him, Rude cleared his throat as Reno leaned in to whisper something in his ear.

"Can I get you a refill?" Tifa asked of Rude, still eying Cloud with smug amusement as she spoke.

The bald man nodded. "Another whiskey sour, please."

As she went to make it for him, Cloud leaned towards the Turks a little and whispered; "You guys haven't happened to see who she's been going out with, have you?"

Rude shook his head mutely and straightened his tie, while Reno shot a nasty smirk at Cloud. "What's the matter, Strife?" needled the redhead. "Afraid someone might take your place as man of the house?"

"Don't be stupid," snapped the blond, reacting defensively to the tone. "She's my best friend and I just want to look out for her."

"Yeah, you do that," Reno muttered, taking another sip of his scotch. "Just remember, you ain't the kind of person that ought to be giving relationship advice, yo."

Cloud bristled further and Rude leaned back as the blond and Reno leaned closer to each other in front of him, both glaring. "You know, you can be really nasty," murmured Cloud in an angry tone.

Reno smiled in a predatory manner. "That's how I got my first taste of that hot little ass of yours, Cloud. You like it 'nasty'. Don't worry though; I've got someone else to fuck now and he ain't some indecisive, disconnected dingbat."

Cloud reigned in his temper, reminding himself that Reno's hostility toward him was justified. So, he was seeing someone else now. Maybe he'd forgive him in time, now that he had someone to distract him from his anger. "Oh," Cloud said, gentling his voice. "That's…good. I hope you're happy."

Reno frowned at the apologetic tone of Cloud's voice. "Oh, get over yourself, kid. I did."

Cloud sighed and straightened up again, shaking his head in surrender as he took another swig of his beer. Tifa came back with Rude's fresh drink and she shifted uncomfortably at the thickness in the air. "Reno, yours is getting pretty low," she said conversationally. "Want another one?"

"Sure thing, doll," the redhead saluted her with his glass and drained it. When she took his empty glass and walked away, Reno looked at Cloud again. "So, where _are_ ya heading, Strife? Looked like you were packed for a pretty long trip."

Cloud wasn't about to tell Reno the details. He knew that if the Turks wouldn't go after Zack if they found out he was alive—they'd have come after Cloud by now, if that were the case. Still, residual mistrust of their organization kept his protective instincts on alert. He trusted Tifa not to have said anything to them already, so he chose to be vague.

"Nowhere special. I've just got things to take care of." He kept his gaze steady on the wily redhead, knowing that if he looked away it might just rouse further suspicions.

"Hmm, mysterious," Reno chuckled. "You'd think I was a stalker."

Cloud shrugged. "It's just not your business."

"Guess not," agreed Reno snidely. "But I can tell something's off."

"Leave it alone, Red," suggested Rude in a low mumble.

Reno tensed, but he deflated a moment later and shook his head. He'd gotten attached just enough to Cloud to care if he was in trouble. "Just so you know, Blondie," he said reluctantly, dragging the words out with inexperienced care, "just because we went sour, it doesn't mean I wouldn't help if you really need it. I'm not gonna keep jawing about it but I want you to know that."

Cloud was a little surprised, unused to seeing Reno be graceful about anything. He _did_ know that the Turk could be counted on at times but he was unpredictable at best. Still, he appreciated the sentiment and the last of his anger died. He nodded at Reno. "Thanks."

* * *

Cloud left after finishing his beer and saying goodbye to Tifa. He was delayed on his way out of the Midgar area, however. As he drove alongside the cliffs, his eyes automatically scanned the top of them, as was his unconscious habit. He came to the spot where Zack had been shot down that fateful day and he pulled his bike to a stop and gazed up at the cliff. He could just see the hilt of the Buster Sword sticking up, from his vantage point.

 _~I left it there as en epitaph,~_ he thought, his lips pressing together. _~But Zack's alive. It doesn't seem right to leave it there, rusting.~_

He debated over it for a few moments, struggling inwardly. He'd lose some travel time if he went up there to retrieve Zack's old sword, but he didn't know how long it would be until he could come back. Every day he left it there, exposure would take further toll on it and restoration of the blade would be harder.

_~When he gets better, I want him to have it back—as good as new if I can help it.~_

He wouldn't make it to the Kalm area in time to see Zack before visiting hours were over, anyhow. With a nod, Cloud made his decision and he turned Fenrir around to scout for trails leading up to the cliffs. Half an hour later, he was driving back to Edge with the precious burden strapped to his back. He took the Buster Sword to the best weapon smith he knew and dipped into his gil supply to pay for restoration of the blade.

"I don't know when I'll be back to pick it up," Cloud told the weapon smith, "but I'll be returning for it eventually. Do you think you can restore it?"

The stocky old weapon smith examined the sword with a practiced eye, his weathered features contemplative. After a moment, he gave Cloud a nod. "This is quality craftsmanship," he explained. "It's a bit worn down but I think I can have it back in mint condition for you in a few weeks. Good thing it's put together so well or I might not be able to save it. Want me to store it for you until you get back, or should I send it to Ms. Lockheart when I'm finished?"

"That's a good idea," Cloud said. "Just call Tifa to pick it up when it's finished and she can keep it someplace safe until I get back. Thanks, Neil."

Cloud left the shop and returned to Fenrir. He hadn't lost that much time but he thought it might be a good idea to book his room at Kalm in advance. Thankfully, he'd remembered to add the Inn's phone number to his cellphone directory before leaving the house. He stopped beside his bike and called them to book his room first, just in case he didn't make it before they stopped accepting bookings for the night. When he was done, he mulled over the problem of Tifa's new mystery suitor and something she'd said to him popped into his head.

"'He's really patient'," he repeated aloud, his brows knitting. He could think of one person in their circle of allies who fit the bill perfectly. If he was right, the age gap could be overlooked. Since the enigma was nagging him so much, Cloud searched through his phone numbers and hit the "call" button to see if he could confirm it.

"This is Reeve Tuesti," the voice said on the other end of the line.

"Hey Reeve," Cloud responded, guessing it wasn't a bad time of the day to call.

"Cloud!" The older man sounded delighted and friendly. "How have you been?"

"Fine," answered the blond. "And _Tifa's_ been fine, too."

"Well, that's fantastic." Reeve's voice was light. "So what do I owe this call to; business or pleasure?"

Cloud thought about his response for a second. "I just wanted to tell you the flowers look pretty good. Tifa has them sitting on the bar."

There was no answer for a few heartbeats. "Flowers? I…I'm afraid I don't follow."

"You know," Cloud persisted, his confidence increasing, "the flowers you bought for Tifa when you went on your date? They look pretty good."

Another stretch of silence, then: "Cloud, are you feeling all right? What date?"

Cloud pursed his lips. "You and Tifa are dating," he stated. Or rather, insisted.

"What?" Reeve's voice sounded convincingly confused. "Are we? I'm afraid I never received the memo." He chuckled. "You know Cloud, I prefer to be _aware_ of it when I'm dating someone. I don't know where you got your information from, but—"

"So you _aren't_ dating Tifa?" Cloud cut in, feeling unreasonably disappointed. At least with Reeve he would have known she'd be treated well.

"Not to my knowledge, no," answered the WRO leader with amusement.

"Damn," muttered the blond. "Uh, never mind…it's not important. Talk to you later, Reeve." He hung up without waiting for a response, his face heating with embarrassment.

_~I was so sure. Tifa doesn't date people she doesn't know and I know she likes Reeve.~_

Deciding it was a lost cause to keep mulling over it for now, Cloud flicked through his numbers again until he found the one for the Kalm Psychiatric Hospital. He didn't know if Zack could use phones but if he could, he wanted to talk to him and tell him he'd be there tomorrow.

* * *

"Zack? You have a phone call."

Zack stopped halfway through his twenty-seventh squat and stood up, regarding the nurse with a puzzled look.

"This way, dear," Nurse Walters encouraged, her withered hand resting on his right arm. "Someone wants to talk to you."

Zack allowed the old nurse to escort him out of the activity room and down the hallway. They stopped outside the nurse station and she picked up the phone from the handset resting on the wall.

"Mr. Strife, are you still there? Yes, I've found him. I'll put him on for you." She pulled the phone away from her ear and held it out to Zack. "Go on, Zack. Just put it against your ear."

He took the device from her and pressed it against his ear, familiar enough with the way it worked from watching other people talk on it. He waited, knowing from watching others that he was supposed to talk into it but unsure of what he was supposed to say.

"Zack?" A familiar voice spoke into his ear, "are you there?"

Zack nodded enthusiastically, his eyes widening and his mouth splitting into a grin of surprised delight. "Cloud?"

"Yeah, it's me," answered the other man. "Listen, I'm on the road now but I won't be able to make it in time today to see you before visiting hours are over. Do you understand?"

Zack's face fell and he nodded. "W-when?" he murmured. "To…tom…orrow?"

"Yes," answered Cloud gently. "I promise, I'll be there waiting at the door tomorrow morning and we'll spend the whole day together. Think you can wait for me?"

Zack closed his eyes. He wanted Cloud NOW. He didn't know how to read clocks and to his mind, tomorrow could be years. It already felt like he hadn't seen him for ages. "H-how soon…is th-that?"

Cloud didn't answer immediately and Zack gripped the phone tighter, worried that he'd gone away. When the other man spoke again Zack relaxed.

"A little while after you wake up," Cloud explained. "Just try to have some fun, don't give the staff any trouble and sleep tight, okay? The time will go by before you know it."

Zack was slightly pacified by his lover's explanation. He knew Cloud wouldn't tell him it would only be a little while if he didn't mean it. "Miss you," he murmured, the words coming out easily in his sincerity.

"I miss you too," answered Cloud. Something was wrong with his voice…it sounded thicker than usual. "Promise me something, okay?"

"Kay," Zack said with a nod, listening carefully.

"If you start feeling nervous or anxious, talk to a nurse or aide and let them know. Don't wait until it gets bad. You say something as soon as you start feeling bad. Understand?"

"Mmm-hmm," answered Zack, finding it easier to hum the response than say the word "yes". He was troubled by the huskiness of Cloud's voice and he thought that if he could see the blond's face, those blue eyes would be bright with tears. "Um…Cloud?"

"Yeah?"

"D-don't…cry." Zack caressed the phone with his free hand, wishing he could brush his thumb under those eyes.

There was a soft, unsteady chuckle on the other end of the phone. "You still know me better than anyone. Okay Zack. I won't cry. I'll see you in the morning."

Zack smiled. "Okay." He waited until he heard the click and he sighed heavily and handed the phone over to Nurse Walters. "H-he was…sad," he informed her with an unhappy frown.

Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled at him and replaced the phone on the handset. "Of course he was, dear. Being away from loved ones is always hard. Now, why don't we get you a snack, hmm? Would you like some ice cream?"

Zack nodded, his face lighting up at the thought of a treat.

* * *

After having his cup of ice cream, Zack did a few mind exercises. He normally didn't do them at this hour but he remembered Cloud saying he had to work extra hard so they could be together more. Jenny worked through them with him and praised him on his efforts.

"Very _good_ , Zack! Just think, a week ago you couldn't have put that puzzle together." The young aide's blond ponytail swung as she shook her head with amazement and looked at his work.

He smiled at her and winked—it just felt natural to him. Her cheeks darkened a little and he found it interesting. Had _he_ made that blush happen? It sure seemed to happen a lot with some of the staff…particularly the girls. Cloud blushed like that too, sometimes. Zack was starting to wonder if he had some kind of special power.

"Well," Jenny said abruptly, "I think I'll tack this on the 'gold star' board. Why don't you go join some of the others in the entertainment room, Zack? There's a good movie on tonight." She stood up and started to leave, only to stumble a little. Zack quickly grabbed her to steady her and she blushed even brighter. "Thank you, Zack." She straightened up and walked away at a brisk pace, leaving him scratching his head and wondering if he'd done something wrong.

Shrugging, Zack walked out of the activity room and down the corridor until he came to the entertainment room. He pushed through the double-doors and several of his fellow patients turned in their seats to look at him as he walked in. Some greeted him and others just turned back around in their seats to watch the movie that was on screen. Zack picked out a chair and started to sit down, when the sound of gunfire made him jump and look around wildly.

His heart pounded and he stared at the square screen of the TV with wary, amethyst eyes. He saw men shooting at each other amidst the residual smoke of bombs and napalm. He started to back up and he flinched as more gunfire sounded out and one of the actors on screen shouted in pain. Zack's adrenaline rose and he narrowed his eyes, his nostrils flaring as the noise and sight made something rise within him.

_"If you start feeling nervous or anxious, talk to a nurse or aide and let them know."_

Cloud's voice spoke in his mind and Zack swallowed. He could feel the aggression and fear rising and he knew that if he didn't leave soon, he'd have an attack and possibly hurt someone. He hurried out of the entertainment room, pushing the doors with enough force to make them bang against the wall and startle a couple of staff members and patients.

"Hey Zack," Marlow said cautiously. The dark-skinned man approached him slowly. "What's the problem?"

"F-f-feeling," Zack tried. He swallowed and shook his head, curling his fingers into his hair.

_~Bloodbloodbloodbloodblood~_

"Nerv….nervous," he finished with a huff of breath. A cold sweat was breaking out all over his skin and he trembled, fighting instincts that urged him to run, attack or both.

"Okay buddy," Marlow said soothingly, shooting a glance at the other aides and nurses nearby. "Let's go to the nurse station together and we'll get you more comfortable." He didn't touch Zack, knowing that it could trigger an episode. Instead, he backed up and urged the tall fighter to follow him with hand gestures. "It's okay Zack. Stay with me, man. This way."

Zack struggled for breath as he obeyed, his teeth clenching and his eyes shooting left and right. The environment around him started to change and he called Marlow's name uncertainly as the walls faded around him and the floor became hard-packed, cracked earth.

"Come on, Zack," urged Marlow, "Just a little further. We're almost there, buddy."

Several other staff members followed cautiously behind Zack as Marlow guided him down the hallway. They didn't touch the patient, equally aware that bodily contact at this point was dangerous. They stood ready, none of them eager to restrain the former Soldier but prepared to do so if necessary.

Zack followed the sound of the aide's voice and forced his fear back as he approached a lab room door. It opened and he focused on the aide's worried face as Marlow urged him in. Step by trembling step, Zack made himself cross the threshold and he sat down in the chair Marlow pointed to. A woman wearing a blue ShinRa uniform and a helmet approached and spoke to him.

"It's okay, Zack. We're just going to give you something to take the edge off, all right? Can you hold still for me?"

Zack nodded convulsively, his lips pulling back into a snarl as his mind warred within him. "T-t-try," he responded shakenly.

Another ShinRa trooper hurried over with a gun and handed it to the one who'd spoken to him. Zack whimpered and tensed, his vision blurring with tears as he struggled against his instinct to break the woman's neck. She raised the gun and he stared down the barrel for a moment before shutting his eyes.

There was no gunfire and no blast of agony in his head. Instead, he felt a sharp prick on his shoulder. Zack yelped softly and curled his fingers into his hair, rocking back and forth and keeping his eyes tightly shut.

"It's all over, buddy," Marlow's voice said in his ear. "It's all over. Just let it go, Zack."

He felt strong arms supporting him and Zack let loose a little sob, resting his head against the other man's shoulder. Someone stroked his hair but he was afraid to open his eyes to see who it was. Within moments, Zack felt his muscles relaxing and a familiar little rush of warmth swept through him. He sighed and risked opening his eyes a crack. The familiar, friendly face of Nurse Walters looked back at him, her faded blue eyes concerned.

"How's that, honey?" asked the nurse. "Feeling better now?"

Zack nodded and sniffed, a little embarrassed that his nose had run and soiled the right side of Marlow's shirt.

"S-sorry," Zack whispered.

"What, for this?" Marlow asked as Zack pulled away. "I've had worse on me." He patted Zack on the shoulder and smiled. "You did good. You did real good, coming to us like that."

"Good boy," agreed Nurse Walters with a wrinkled smile. To the younger nurse beside her, she muttered; "He's _never_ done that before."

Zack drew a shivering breath and moistened dry lips with his tongue. The environment around him was still flashing a little, but the drug was working quickly and he felt himself calming down more with each passing minute.

"Thanks," Zack said to them all.

* * *

When Zack went to his room for bed that night, he noticed something different. There was a new picture hanging on the wall above his bed, near the window. He approached slowly, with his head cocked to one side and his eyes narrowed. When he recognized the face in the picture, he gave a little gasp of surprise and bounded onto his bed, sitting on his knees and peering at it with a wide smile.

"Cloud," he murmured.

"I thought it might help you sleep at night," a familiar male voice said from behind him.

Zack twisted on the mattress to regard Dr. Clark, who had just stepped into the room. The older man was smiling at him kindly, standing beside the nurse. "It isn't a perfect image," the doctor said with candid criticism, "but it was the best I could do, for now."

Personally, Dr. Clark thought it looked like a mug shot. He'd found an old ShinRa file on Cloud Strife and printed up the photo on it, doing the best he could with his limited knowledge of computer graphics to expand it. The picture was bad quality, pixilated and fuzzy. Cloud's expression was carefully neutral in the manner of a person lining up to be identified for a crime or enlisted in the military. Despite the poor quality, the doctor thought that having something to remind him of Cloud might help Zack sleep at night. Evidently, the young man liked the picture despite its failings, because he hopped off the bed and bounded across the room to hug Dr. Clark.

"Okay, easy there, son," the doctor chuckled, patting Zack on the back. He felt like he'd just given a much-desired train set to an enthusiastic child for Yule. "Maybe we can get one of him smiling for you later. I guess this means you like it?"

Zack nodded and pulled away, grinning like a child at him. "Thanks," he said, quite clearly.

"You are, of course, welcome," answered the doctor. His concerns about the negative effects Strife might have on Zack's condition began to fade. While Zack certainly depended on Cloud for comfort, he handled himself well when the blond wasn't around, too. Dr. Clark had heard about Zack's earlier incident and he was swelling with pride over his patient consciously seeking help before his fit got out of control. The picture of Strife was his roundabout way of rewarding him.

"Let's get you ready for bed," Dr. Clark suggested. "Oh, and here's a little something to help you see him," he added, pulling a small squeeze light out of his pocket and handing it to Zack. "Now, don't go using up the batteries in one night. It's not a toy; it's supposed to help you relax for bed."

Zack looked at the item curiously and accidentally blinded himself for a moment when he figured out that squeezing it made the tiny bulb turn on. He squinted and grinned before he walked to his bed and put it by his pillow. He took the pills and water from the nurse without complaint, chewing on some of them and grimacing at the flavor as he washed them down. Some patients could swallow the lot of them whole but sometimes Zack had to break some of them down. He dutifully opened his mouth when he was finished and allowed the nurse to look inside and confirm that they were down. She noticed his grimace and she smiled and gave him a piece of peppermint candy.

"Here, this should help," she said as she unwrapped it. He opened his mouth and she popped it in. She chuckled as he grinned and bobbed his head at her thankfully. He'd already brushed his teeth so the candy was a welcomed alternative.

Dr. Clark shook his head and smirked.

_~You must have had scores of ladies swooning over you before this happened, Zack.~_

Most of the female staff from young to old gushed over Zackary Fair and he suspected some of the male staff did as well. Thankfully, none of them had ever given him a reason to believe they'd take advantage. He was very thorough about that, having witnessed a couple of rare, unfortunate incidents in which a staff member abused their power.

* * *

Zack made it through the night with minimal trauma. His initial fear when the lights went out faded quickly as he used his new flashlight and shone the beam on the picture of Cloud. He smiled and stared at the blond's image. The monsters were still all around him but Cloud held them at bay for him. After a while, his eyelids drooped and Zack's grip on the flashlight loosened enough for the beam to go out. He was feeling better by then, so he tucked the squeeze light into his pillowcase and huddled up in the corner of his bed. His sleep was still a bit fitful but he didn't have as many nightmares as usual.

* * *

-To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

Zack finished his morning squats and did some chin-ups. He couldn't accurately count how many he did; he just stopped when his muscles got tired. He wondered why some of the supervising aides were shaking their heads and murmuring about him as he let go of the bar and wiped his sweating forehead. He crossed the room to them, looking at them curiously. Their discussion faded as he approached and they regarded him with friendly expressions.

"Did…I," he started, biting his lip in concentration, "d-do bad?"

Bruce looked a bit surprised by the question. "Bad? No, you didn't do anything wrong. We were just wondering where you put all that energy." He grinned at the dark-haired man and shook his head again. "A hundred-fifteen squats followed by eighty-two chin-ups and you're not even winded!"

Zack was able to comprehend that they were marveling at how much he exercised and he shrugged modestly. "It's f-fun." He didn't see the big deal. Activity was a nice way to fill in the endless minutes and now, it helped him to cope with how much he missed Cloud.

"If you say so," Bruce said doubtfully.

Zack sighed and looked at the round clock on the wall. The smallest hand ticked along steadily as he stared at the numbers and position of the larger hands, trying to make sense of it. He'd already had breakfast and he came straight here afterwards. How much longer before Cloud would be there? Zack held up one hand and muttered softly, attempting to count with his fingers as he looked back and forth from the clock to his hand.

* * *

Bruce and his two companions watched the sable-haired patient do this and each of them expressed mild surprise. Zack usually just looked at the clock, screwed his face up and made a dismissive, insulted gesture at it after a moment. Now he appeared to be stubbornly trying to comprehend the concept of time. They exchanged a look between each other, wondering what motivated him to try so hard, all the sudden.

"What's up, Zack?" asked Eddie.

"V-visit…time?" the patient murmured, his straight black brows lowered in concentration as he kept counting his fingers.

"Visiting hours?" interpreted Bruce. "They start in about fifteen minutes." Remembering the blond that started showing up a few days ago, he thought he understood. Zack had literally been a mystery man until his friend started coming around, so Cloud was the first visitor the dark-haired man had ever had in his entire time there. Interaction with other patients and staff was all well and good, but nothing could compare to a family member or trusted friend.

One of the nurses hurried through the doors and approached Bruce and the others. "The medical director is here," she said, "and he wants to see Zack to evaluate his progress himself."

The patient formerly known under a standard alias was a great curiosity now and even the head of the hospital was interested in him. Zack had arrived there in a catatonic state and when they hit a brick wall after three years of treatment, everyone assumed that he had reached his maximum potential for recovery. His recent, drastic improvements had caught the director's attention and he wanted to see for himself if the reports were being exaggerated.

"Come on, Zack," Eddie said. "There's someone that wants to meet you."

Zack looked at the clock again and frowned. "B-but…"

"It won't take long," the nurse assured him, guessing the reason for his reluctance. "Don't worry, your friend will probably be here by the time Dr. Matthews is finished talking to you. He just wants to give you a checkup and ask you a few questions."

The dark-haired man blew his bangs out of his eyes in a sigh and nodded, following the nurse and Eddie out of the activity room. They went straight to Zack's bedroom and the nurse and aide waited while Zack took a seat on his bed. He kicked his feet absently, swinging them back and forth over the floor while he waited to meet this new person.

"Now, let's have a look at Mr. Fair," a male voice said from the doorway as a new set of footsteps entered the room.

* * *

Zack looked up from contemplating his swinging feet and he froze. A man in a white lab coat stood between the nurse and the aide, holding a clipboard in one hand. He was lanky and he had his dark hair pulled back into a tight ponytail at the nape of his neck. The square lenses of his glasses flashed in the light as he looked from the chart he was holding to Zack.

 _"YOU!"_ Zack roared the declaration, his lips pulling back in an animal snarl. He leaped up and charged at his hated tormenter, determined to pay him back for everything he'd done to him and to Cloud.

The director stared with an open mouth as the patient that everyone had been touting such a "sweet young man" came at him with death in his eyes.

* * *

Cloud tapped his foot impatiently as the elevator rose. In his left hand, he held a gift bag containing the present he'd purchased for Zack. He hardly slept last night, tossing and turning in his bed. It wasn't that the Inn's beds were uncomfortable. Kalm had always had some of the best hospitality and the cottage-style Inn boasted the most comfortable guest beds in the world. He'd been unable to get his mind off Zack, though. The temptation to go back on his word and sneak up to Zack's window again had been almost unbearable. Sheer strength of will kept him from doing it and he estimated he only got about four hours of sleep.

The elevator stopped on the second floor to admit another passenger and Cloud pressed his lips together with annoyance. His frustration eased when none other than Dr. Clark stepped in. The doctor looked at Cloud and smiled at him.

"Somehow, I knew you'd be here the moment visiting hours began. How are you this morning, Cloud?" He stuck his hand out and the blond shook it, giving him a quiet smile in return.

"A little tired, but good, otherwise. How is he?"

The doors slid shut and the elevator started up again. "He's doing well," answered the doctor. " _Quite_ well, actually. I think we have you to thank for that."

Cloud shrugged and lowered his eyes, smiling a little.

"Early last evening, he started to have an episode," Dr. Clark went on.

Cloud looked at him with a worried expression. "That doesn't sound like he's doing 'well'," he murmured.

"Ordinarily I would agree with you," the doctor said with a smile. "However, _this_ time Zack went straight to a staff member for help, before it overcame him and got out of control. They were able to medicate him and get him settled down. He knew the warning signs and he acted very responsibly. He's never done that before, Cloud."

The blond smiled, his eyes lighting up a little with pride and relief. "He remembered," he said softly.

"Remembered what?"

"When I spoke to him on the phone last night," Cloud explained softly. "I told him not to wait until it gets bad if he started feeling weird. I told him to go straight to a nurse or aide for help." He swallowed. "I didn't think he'd be able to remember. Should have had more faith. A guy that faces down a whole army…he's a fighter. I should have known better."

* * *

_~A whole army?~_

Dr. Clark blinked. When Cloud explained the events that led to Zack's condition, he'd only said they were "outnumbered". He hadn't elaborated beyond that and the doctor just assumed they had a dozen or so opponents to face. His respect for Zack increased even more and the question of how the young man had come so far in such a short time was answered in full.

"Zackary has a lot of spirit," mused Dr. Clark. He noticed the gift bag Cloud was holding and he nodded at it. "What have you got there, son?"

Cloud shrugged, his cheeks flushing. "Gift," he mumbled.

"What kind of gift?" Dr. Clark hid a smile behind his hand, pretending to scratch his nose.

The blond opened the bag and pulled out a plushy animal. It was a yellow chocobo. "I know," Cloud muttered, "dumb, right? You told the security people he'd dropped his stuffed chocobo out on the ledge that morning. Well, one of his favorite nicknames for me when we were together was 'Chocobo'. Thought this could keep him company at night." He nodded and hastily put the toy back in the bag, averting his sapphire eyes.

A soft chuckle escaped Dr. Clark's mouth. Looking at Cloud's fluffy golden hair, he could see how the nickname came to life. He'd thought he was just improvising when he made the excuse to get the security bars open but now he wondered if it had been a subconscious comparison, on his part.

The elevator reached the fourth floor and opened. Together, Cloud and the doctor stepped out and began walking down the corridor to the secured area. As soon as they neared the reinforced security doors, they could tell something was wrong. Through the wire mesh windows, they could see staff rushing around and no sooner did they reach the doors than Dr. Clark's pager went off. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the digital code on it.

"It's Zack," the doctor said grimly.

He debated making Cloud stay behind, but given the blond's influence on the patient, his presence might be needed to defuse the situation more quickly. He hastily swiped his keycard and pushed the doors open as soon as the buzzer sounded. Dr. Clark ran down the hallways with surprising speed for a middle-aged person and Cloud kept pace with him. They reached the residential hallway and they could see that Zack's door was open. Shouting could be heard from within the room and an agonized, furious male scream echoed off the walls.

* * *

"Zack," Cloud gasped, his heart slamming against his ribcage. They reached the open doorway leading into Zack's room and Cloud saw four burly aides struggling with his lover on the bed. They'd gotten him strapped down but he was writhing violently and shouting obscenities—quote coherent ones, too.

Cloud's eyes snapped to a man standing a few feet away from Zack's bed and his body went cold. For a moment, he could have sworn the man was Hojo but his rational mind kicked in and he noted that while the man had the same ponytail, thinness of face and glasses, his features were different from Hojo's. Still, the similarity was striking enough for Cloud to immediately understand what had set Zack off.

"Get that man out of there," Cloud said urgently to Dr. Clark.

* * *

The doctor paused in mid-step and he was a little stunned by the expression on Cloud's pale face. The blond looked like he was waking up from a particularly horrible, vivid nightmare. His pupils were dilated, his lips were waxen and his whole body was tense. He followed Cloud's gaze and spotted Dr. Matthews. He'd known the director was coming today to evaluate Zack for himself, but he hadn't expected him so early. Cloud's reaction to the sight of him and Zack's animalistic struggles left little doubt in Dr. Clark's mind that the director reminded them both of someone that had hurt them. He could guess who that "someone" was, now that he thought of it. He'd seen some pictures of professor Hojo and while Dr. Matthews didn't look much like him in the face, there were enough similarities to trigger a psychotic episode for Zack.

"Wait here," Dr. Clark ordered Cloud, his tone firm and commanding. He hurried through the door and approached the Director. "Dr. Matthews, I think you should leave the room," he said in a rush.

"They have it under control," argued the director, watching Zack's struggle with faint amazement.

One of the restraints broke and those bright, amethyst eyes remained fixed on Dr. Matthews with murderous intent—like a wolf determined to bring down prey.

"I really don't think they'll have it under control for long," Dr. Clark observed nervously. "Please, Director…your presence is upsetting the patient more. You resemble the man that hurt him."

The director looked at his colleague with surprise. It made sense, because the patient had been sitting calmly on his bed, kicking his feet like a child when Dr. Matthews first came in. He didn't become violent until after he looked up and saw him. Deciding it would be wise to take Dr. Clark's advice, the director exited the room and stood out of sight by the doorway.

"We've already given him enough tranquilizer to bring down a guy twice his size," informed the nurse in the room. "Should we dose him again, Doctor?"

"No," Dr. Clark answered, "his adrenaline is obviously through the roof…giving him more would just overdose him…probably kill him."

"Zack," Cloud called out, trying to ignore the Hojo-like doctor standing close to him. "It's okay!"

Zack looked around wildly at the sound of his lover's voice and his struggles only increased. "Cloud," he shouted, "RUN!" He snapped his teeth at one of the aide's hands as the man reached across to re-secure the restraint he'd broken.

"Shit," Marlow cursed. He had no choice but to get the mouth restraint out and gag Zack, to prevent the patient from biting anyone until the sedatives worked. He pulled a plastic case containing the device out of his pocket and struggled to get it open without losing his hold on Zack. He shook the gag out and fit the rubber bit between the patient's gnashing teeth, securing it snugly by the strap around his head.

Their efforts seemed to only upset Zack more and Dr. Clark took a bold gambit. "Cloud, get in here," he called. "Let him see your face, son." Ordinarily, family and friends were never allowed near patients during fits like this, but Zack was no ordinary case.

* * *

Cloud didn't waste any time. He hurried into the room and wedged between the struggling aides, looking down at Zack with desperate, anxious eyes. "Zack, I'm here," he said, reaching out for the other man.

"Careful," warned Marlow with a grunt.

Cloud ignored the warning and stroked Zack's sweating face. The black-haired fighter's struggles weakened as he looked up at Cloud and recognized him. His nostrils flared with his labored breath and he mumbled incoherently behind his gag. He continued to strain against his bonds but he kept his eyes on Cloud, as if assuring himself that the blond was unharmed.

"Let me get this thing off you," Cloud said as he slid his hands behind his lover's head and pulled the strap of the gag up. He absently tossed the thing over his shoulder after pulling it out of Zack's mouth and he stroked the other man's dark hair slowly. "It's okay," he murmured when Zack whimpered.

"H-Hojo…run," Zack said hoarsely, his throat raw from his screams.

Cloud shook his head and his beautiful, vivid blue eyes stared into Zack's. "He's gone, Zack. He can't ever hurt us again. Please, you've got to calm down or you'll hurt yourself."

Zack glanced down the length of his body, then at the staff in the room. It was too familiar in a bad way…the restraints, the bed, the scrubs and lab coats. He started feeling dizzy and he panted, fighting against the drugs flowing through his veins. Cloud's fingers continued to comb through his hair and the blond kept murmuring to him, urging him to relax.

"Can we take these restraints off?" Cloud asked, shooting a pleading look over his shoulder at Dr. Clark.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," the doctor said uncertainly. "He seems to be calming down, but I know how fast he can move when he's having an episode. It might be better to leave them until—"

" _Look_ at him!" Cloud cried, his emotions reaching a boiling point. "They're only making it worse! You don't know the things that were done to him…to _both of us_ …under restraints!"

Zack struggled harder and made a half-distressed, half-aggressive sound, upset by the anxiety in Cloud's voice.

* * *

Dr. Clark remembered why he always preferred to get Zack calmed down without the use of restraints. What Cloud said was true; they only seemed to make him more anxious. Perhaps…now that the drugs appeared to be affecting him…

"Release him from the restraints," the doctor finally said, trusting Strife to keep the patient in check until he fell asleep.

The aides were clearly reluctant but they didn't question his decision. Zack's tension visibly faded as his limbs were freed from the straps and Cloud continued to stroke his hair and murmur soothingly to him. Zack was trembling but he didn't try to get up. His left hand reached out and Cloud caught it with his free hand, twining their fingers together.

* * *

"It's all over," Cloud assured Zack softly, again and again. The other man's blue-violet eyes were dilating as they gazed up at him. The sooty lashes lowered, only to rise again as if he was afraid to shut his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, Zack. Go to sleep. We're both safe, now."

Zack yawned helplessly and mumbled, turning his head to nuzzle Cloud's stroking hand as it caressed his face. He breathed in his scent and closed his eyes, his grip on the other man's hand slowly loosening as he faded out of consciousness. Safe…maybe they really were.

* * *

Cloud remained hovering over the bed, holding one of Zack's hands while caressing his face. When the dark-haired man's breathing rhythm became deep and steady with sleep, Cloud sighed and gently pulled his hand out of his slack grip. He looked around with a frown, wondering where Zack's gift went. He'd dropped it sometime between coming to Zack's room and rushing to his side.

"Here, is this what you're after?" the nurse said as she handed over the gift bag to him.

Cloud nodded and thanked her softly, taking it from her and opening the bag. He reached in and produced the chocobo plushy, lifting Zack's hand off his stomach to place it underneath. "There," Cloud whispered with a nod of satisfaction. Zack would find it when he woke up and maybe, it would give him comfort if Cloud didn't happen to be in the room with him.

Dr. Matthews peeked in from the doorway. "Is the situation under control now?"

Dr. Clark faced him and gave him a respectful nod. "Crisis averted. The patient is down, now."

Dr. Matthews took a cautious step in and regarded Zack thoughtfully. "Is this your idea of 'improvement', old friend?" he asked of the other doctor. "I came here expecting to see a patient you've been praising for recovering by leaps and bounds, but instead I was attacked."

"That was a fluke," Dr. Clark insisted. "You can interview all of the staff members if you'd like, but I swear to you he's made so much progress, he should be ready to move on to the next stage of recovery soon. If I had thought about it, I might have considered the possibility that the sight of you for the first time could prove triggering for him. You do bear a superficial resemblance to Professor Hojo—the man that experimented on Zack and his friend Cloud there for four years."

"Hojo," murmured the director thoughtfully, his eyes going to Cloud. "I've had my appearance compared to him before. It's rather unflattering, I confess. What about you, young man? Would you say I look enough like this Hojo to warrant your friend's reaction to me?"

Cloud bit his lip and shrugged. "I was even a little freaked when I first saw you," he admitted softly. He made himself look at the doctor and really examine him. "Your coloring, hair, size and glasses do it the most. Your face…no…you don't look like him in the face, now that I think of it."

"Considering that the man's face looked like a foot, I'm grateful," Dr. Matthews said dryly. "I want to discuss some things with you and Dr. Clark, in private."

"Let's go to my office, then," offered Dr. Clark.

Cloud leaned over Zack and brushed his hand over his face once more. "I'll come back as soon as I can," he promised his sleeping lover.

* * *

"I'll get straight to the point," Dr. Matthews said once they were all seated in the office, "I can't recommend this patient for a status change. In fact, I'm tempted to move him back to the fifth floor."

Cloud tensed, but Dr. Clark kept his cool and nodded. "I can't say I blame you for feeling that way, after the impression you just got. Are you going to ignore all of the reports you've gotten about his progress, though?"

"The progress is fine," countered the director. "Better than fine, actually. It's the frequency and violence of Zack's psychotic episodes that worry me. When it takes four large men to hold a single patient down and enough tranquilizer for two patients, I worry. When a man can break the restraints the way he did, I worry. I don't think you're appreciating how lucky I was today, Allen. If the aide hadn't intervened and the nurse hadn't gotten help in time, your patient might have snapped my damned neck."

"I explained why he reacted to you the way he did," Dr. Clark insisted. "We're getting closer to solving Zack's fits. We've learned a lot about what triggers them and if you want to blame someone for what happened today, blame me. That young man suffered tremendously at Hojo's hands and I should have considered the possibility of your looks triggering an episode."

"But how do you _know_ how much he suffered?" questioned Dr. Matthews. "Do you have the ability to read minds or look into the past? If you've figured out how to swing that, I wish you'd share it with me. Zack Fair can't string a complete sentence together. How could he give you a detailed account?"

"I've been caring for Zack for four years now," Dr. Clark sighed in exasperation. "What do you think we're _trained_ for? Observation, evaluation and treatment! He doesn't have to give me a full report for me to know he's been through hell!" He calmed himself and gestured toward Cloud. "There's also him. This young man was there with Zack when it all happened. He was also a prisoner under Hojo's care and as you can see, he's quite lucid."

Dr. Matthews regarded Cloud thoughtfully. The young man appeared to be perfectly healthy but he hadn't missed the expression on his face or the emotional turmoil apparent when he was in there helping with Zack. "I'd like to hear the details concerning the events that led to this."

Cloud grimaced. "I'm not very good at explaining things, but I'll try."

* * *

Once again, he found himself delving into painful memories to give another doctor the same account that he'd given Dr. Clark. This time, he made a greater effort to give more details, even though he had to stop every now and then when the walls felt like they were closing in on him. Both of the doctors looked at one another thoughtfully during these moments and Cloud knew that he was being psycho analyzed.

_~That's just what we need…for me to get committed right along with Zack. Lot of help I'd be to him then.~_

When Dr. Matthews asked him to give more details about his and Zack's experience as Hojo's prisoners, Cloud broke into a cold sweat. Those memories were buried deepest. There had been no concept of time; only hopelessness and pain. He could only recall bits and pieces from those four hellish years, but they were enough to make him wish he could wipe the memories away forever.

* * *

Hojo liked to play games sometimes. Once or twice a week, he allowed his prisoners the chance to decide which one of them went on the table for examination and experimentation. The other would be spared the process for that day. By the time he started playing these games, Cloud was hardly lucid. He could understand what was going on around him but he'd lost his ability to speak coherently and his muscle coordination was impaired.

Hojo knew this. It was obvious that he played these games to torment them both—especially Zack. The black-haired fighter had given him the most trouble from the beginning, while the younger, more reserved blond was more easily intimidated and less rebellious. His special punishment for Zack was to offer the choice, knowing that of the two of them, Zack was the only one who could coherently answer.

"So, which specimen shall it be today, hmm?" Hojo asked as he examined his prisoners through the reinforced glass of their cylindrical prisons.

Cloud struggled to get to his feet, knowing that if he didn't do it fast Zack would beat him to it. Hojo regarded him with a ghastly, amused smile as he pressed his hands against the glass and panted, slapping weakly at the surface.

"It looks as though Specimen S wants to go today. Very well…" Hojo motioned to his assistants and Cloud whimpered, hating what was coming but glad that for once, he could spare Zack the suffering.

"No!" Shouted Zack, beating futilely against the smooth walls of his holding tube with a fist. "Take me!" He'd been half-asleep when Hojo asked the question so for the first time, Cloud was able to volunteer first.

"But Specimen F, your little friend offered first!" Hojo seemed delighted. Cloud made a token effort of resistance as his tube was raised and the assistants came for him. They dragged him off of the platform that the glass tube connected to and started to carry him to the hard metal table.

"He can't 'volunteer' for anything and you know it!" Zack shouted desperately. "Use me, Hojo! I'm in better condition!" Ordinarily Zack would have been calling Hojo all sorts of insulting names, many of them quite creative. Now he was keeping a civil tongue and trying desperately to reason with him.

"Hmm, you do make an interesting point," Hojo said thoughtfully, glancing at Cloud's shivering form and then back at the stronger, dark-haired specimen. "Perhaps today I can make something stick with you, Specimen F." He held a hand out to stop his assistants in the middle of the process of strapping Cloud down. "Very well. Return Specimen S to his tank and prep him for his nightly Mako saturation. Bring Specimen F to the table, instead."

Cloud tried to protest but all that came out was a pathetic whimper as he was taken off the table and carried back to his holding tank. If he could have spoken, he would have reminded Hojo that unlike Zack, he didn't have the strength to fight anymore and therefore would be easier to work on. He stumbled to his knees as his captors pushed him back onto the platform and he tried to crawl away before the capsule descended again. It was no use; his muscles just wouldn't obey his mind's commands. He trembled and squirmed as the glass came down and the prison sealed around him with a hiss of compression.

Cloud lifted his head with great effort, his naked body shivering as he looked up to see his equally naked lover being dragged away from his holding tank. Zack was struggling instinctively but Cloud knew he wasn't using his full strength. He wouldn't, because Hojo held Cloud's life in his hands and Zackary Fair couldn't escape without leaving his companion to die. There was a humming sound, followed by the rush of water through pipes. A familiar, blue-green liquid began to pour from the tube at the top of Cloud's capsule.

"No…more," Cloud whimpered.

His shivering increased as the cold/hot Mako struck his back and began to rapidly pool around him. He reached out weakly toward Zack, spreading his fingers against the glass as the other man was forcibly escorted to the table. Zack looked over his shoulder at him and there was relief mixed with fear in his vivid gaze. His eyes silently begged Cloud to be strong, to hang on. The fluid in Cloud's holding capsule steadily rose and by the time Zack was restrained on the table, the Mako was up to Cloud's waist.

Cloud struggled to get to his feet, pressing his hands against the glass to support his balance. He wanted to delay the horrid drowning sensation for as long as possible and that meant getting his head as high as he could. Zack was now stretched out on the examination table, his limbs securely strapped down. Another restraint was strapped over his forehead to keep his head still and he had a rubber bit gagging his mouth to muffle the inevitable screams. Hojo approached the subdued fighter with a macabre smile on his face.

"What shall we do first, hmm?" The scientist pondered the question, his beady eyes roving Zack's helpless form slowly. "So far, the treatment hasn't taken the way I'd hoped. Since you destroyed my prized experiment, it's only fitting that you replace it. But, how to make it stick?"

Zack shivered, his breath coming harsh and fast as the scientist examined his instruments and syringes. Finally, Hojo chose a syringe of monstrous proportions, filled with a viscous, greenish fluid. "I don't believe we've tried injecting the intestines yet." He motioned an assistant over and the man approached and immediately began preparing more syringes of the formula.

"This might sting a bit, my boy," Hojo said brightly, and then he plunged the long, thick needle into Zack's lower abdomen, just under his belly button.

Zack screamed around the bit in his mouth and bucked in his restraints as Hojo pushed the plunger down and slowly injected the formula into his bowels. Cloud tried to beat his fist against the glass of his prison, but he may as well have been tapping it for all the force he could muster. He managed to call his lover's name in a shaking voice and his eyes filled with tears as he watched him convulse with agony. Hojo injected the last of the formula and took a fresh syringe from his assistant. He chose a different place this time and injected the second dose into Zack's lower right side. Zack choked and gagged behind his restraining mouthpiece and the assistant quickly pulled it out and loosened his head restraint, forcing his head to the side so he wouldn't choke on his own vomit.

Hojo continued impassively, ignoring the expulsion of Mako-laced stomach bile that splattered his lab coat as Zack heaved painfully. Cloud was now up to his neck in Mako and he tried to tread the liquid to stay afloat as it reached his ears. He looked down his nose at the activity in the room as he was forced to tilt his head back. Zack's writhing had weakened and he lay panting and moaning as his body was injected with the cell formula Hojo had concocted. The professor finished with the injection in his side and he discarded the syringe and took another one, this time injecting it into Zack's other side.

The Mako closed over Cloud's head as he took one last, deep breath. As the capsule filled to the top, the blond held his breath for as long as he could and peered through the liquid and glass, still pressing his hands against it hopelessly. His lungs burned for air and he started feeling dizzy. Soon, he couldn't resist a convulsive gasp and he choked as Mako flowed into his lungs. He struggled instinctively, drowning for a few moments until the oxygenated fluid stabilized. His struggles slowed as he laboriously breathed the fluid. His tears mixed with the Mako as he watched them finish up with Zack and take him off the table.

There was no resistance from the black-haired fighter as he was cleaned up and dragged back to his capsule. He lay curled in a fetal position, twitching and holding his stomach as they sealed the tube and started the Mako flow. He shivered as the liquid struck his shoulders and he looked up at Cloud. The blond couldn't hear his voice but he saw his lips moving, forming his name. Zack gave him one weak, triumphant smile before he lost consciousness.

* * *

Cloud's eyes were far away and traumatized as he finished his story. He'd gotten so absorbed in the terrible memories that he'd stopped consciously trying to explain and simply given a detailed, verbal account. Tears streaked his face and he hugged himself, still trapped in the memory.

"Cloud?" Dr. Clark called gently, squeezing the young man's shoulder. He was sure his expression was as horrified and pitying as his associate's as he tried to bring the young man out of his trance. "Come on, son. Snap out of it."

Cloud blinked and looked at him with wary, dazed blue eyes. He sniffed. "Zack…he took it for me every time," he choked. "When…when I first woke up after Nibelheim, my injuries were healed but Hojo had already done so much to me I could hardly move. That's all I can tell you…that's all I remember and I hope it's all I ever will."

* * *

Dr. Matthews passed a tissue over to Cloud and he took it, embarrassed by his own tears and the trembling he couldn't seem to control. It had been a long time since he'd allowed himself to fully immerse in the few memories he had of Hojo's tortures. He hadn't expected it to hit him so hard, but now that he knew Zack was alive and still suffering, it hurt him even more. His own pain had been nothing compared to being forced to witness Zack's.

Dr. Clark gave the director a severe look, his pity for Cloud and Zack making him cross. "Well, Karl? Was that traumatic enough for you?"

Dr. Matthew's expression of pity on Cloud dropped and he gave his associate an annoyed look. "That was uncalled for, Allen. You know I was only acting in the best interests of the patient and those around him. Your problem is you've become too emotionally attached to your patient. You look on him almost as a son and you're losing sight of your duties."

"Oh?" Dr. Clark raised his eyebrows. "I seem to recall you're having a rather fatherly attachment to a young lady that—"

"My patient wasn't a Mako enhanced, former Soldier," interrupted Dr. Matthews hastily. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I don't want to argue with you. We went through medical school together and it's only because of our friendship that I rarely pull rank on you. You are asking me to give approval to lower security restrictions on a man that can kill with his bare hands, if his rages aren't controlled. I can't rush something like that, no matter how quickly reports say he's improving. In order to determine when and if he can be moved, I must be able to analyze him _myself_. How can I do that if I can't even be in the same _room_ with him?"

Dr. Clark considered the problem while Cloud pulled himself together. He glanced at the blond thoughtfully and drummed his fingers on his knee. An idea came to him and he snapped his fingers. "Video reports," he announced. "I can film his examinations and exercises, so you can see for yourself how he's progressing without the risk of triggering an episode."

"But that still leaves the problem of the episodes themselves," countered the director. "Even if the patient improves to the point where he's fully functional, he could have an attack at any time. What do you propose to do about that?"

"First, we work on increasing his awareness of the symptoms," answered Dr. Clark without missing a beat. "Cloud has already helped him take the first steps in that. Last evening he started to have an episode and he sought help before it got out of control."

"Yes," agreed the director. "That was in the reports. Go on."

"When his cognitive skills have improved enough, we can move on to helping him face the things that put him in a state. It's been done before…you and I both have former patients who are now living normal lives. The physical damage to his brain is almost healed, thanks to his Mako enhancements. All that's left to do is help him strengthen his mind and control his rages."

"You really believe this young man can be healed?" Dr. Matthews didn't sound quite convinced, but he'd seen for himself the amazing recovery Zack's brain had made.

"Look at the results so far yourself," Dr. Clark shrugged. "All I'm asking is that you give us—and him—a chance. With Cloud's help I truly believe Zack could eventually be discharged, but we need your cooperation."

The director looked at Cloud, who had regained control of his emotions and sat quietly and thoughtfully beside his associate. "Mr. Strife isn't a doctor, and yet you talk as though the two of you are a team."

"I've got the medical part covered," answered Dr. Clark. "But Zack needs more than that. You know that no two patients are alike and we can't be afraid to try new things. Cloud can give Zack the emotional support he needs. After all, if I succeed in rehabilitating Zack, Cloud here is going to be his caregiver. It's only fitting that he takes an active role in this, since Zackary has no surviving family members."

Dr. Matthews mulled over it for a little while and his associate quietly waited next to Cloud. After a while, the director sighed and nodded. "We'll try it your way, Allen. If I approve a change of his status and there's a crisis, it won't be your ass on the line, but my own. Try to remember that. If you provide me with comprehensive video documentation along with the usual progress reports, I can assess the situation more easily."

"Maybe you could just cut your hair and get contacts," suggested Cloud softly. "It's the hair and the glasses that give the 'Hojo' impression."

Both doctors blinked at him and Dr. Clark laughed suddenly, patting Cloud on the back. "Here it comes," he said.

"I am _not_ changing my looks just because some sadistic bastard had a similar style," Dr. Matthews said firmly. "I _like_ my hair the way it is and I _like_ my glasses."

Cloud shrugged. "It was just a suggestion, so you could do your evaluations face-to-face without freaking Zack out."

Dr. Clark's mouth twitched and Dr. Matthews lifted an eyebrow. Well, the idea had merit but to change his looks for one patient? "Let's just see how Dr. Clark's plan goes. I'll decide whether it's not worth the trouble after we've given it a try."

* * *

After the meeting, Dr. Clark walked back into the secured area with Cloud. As they approached Zack's room, the doctor asked one of the nurses to get a spare pillow and blanket. Cloud gave him a puzzled look and the doctor smiled.

"You're tired, son," explained the doctor. "You already looked tired when you got here but telling us that back-story really seems to taken a lot out of you. That chair in Zack's room reclines and he's probably going to be down for a while. Maybe you could take a nap while he's sleeping."

Cloud wasn't sure he could sleep after all of that emotional upheaval, but it was nice to have the option. "Thanks."

When they walked into Zack's room, Dr. Clark gave him a quick examination. While they were away, the staff had set up a pulse monitor that was attached to one of Zack's fingers. The doctor checked the readings and had a look at Zack's eyes, chuckling a little at the stuffed chocobo, still resting on the patient's stomach under his hand. A nurse came in with a pillow and a folded blanket, which she placed on the reclining chair in the corner of the room. Cloud thanked her and dragged the chair over to the side of Zack's bed.

"Guess it wouldn't hurt to try and get a nap," Cloud muttered after the nurse left. He picked up the items and sat down on the chair, taking a moment to find the lever to make it recline. Placing the pillow behind his head, he shook the blanket out and covered himself with it. "Should I get someone when Zack wakes up?"

"There's no need for that," answered the doctor as he finished his examination. "He's doing just fine. If you do have any trouble, just push the assistance button on the wall by the bed and someone will come from the nurse station."

Cloud nodded and reached out to rest his hand over Zack's monitor-clad one. He absently toyed with the metal identification bracelet on the other man's wrist and closed his eyes. "Thanks, doctor."

Dr. Clark nodded and turned to leave. As he reached the door, he paused and turned to regard the blond. "Cloud, I know post-traumatic stress when I see it. Zack isn't the only young man in this room suffering from it."

Cloud opened his eyes and regarded the doctor. "I've made it for this long," he said, trying to downplay his own suffering.

"So you have," agreed the doctor, "and an admirable job you've done of that, too. Still, it might benefit you to talk to someone about it. If you ever consider it, I'm at your disposal."

Cloud lowered his eyes and nodded, unsure of how to respond to the offer. Taking the hint, Dr. Clark left the room and shut the door behind him.

* * *

Cloud drifted off faster than he could have expected. There was something comforting about being near Zack. It had always been that way and it was the same now. Of course, it helped to know that Dr. Matthews was nothing like Hojo—despite his superficial resemblance—and he was willing to cooperate with Dr. Clark's plan. After a while, a noise woke him up from a dreamless sleep and as he regained awareness, he realized it was Zack's voice.

"Cloud? Cloud?" There was confusion and alarm in his tone.

Cloud opened his eyes and sat up, turning his head to look at his companion. Zack was awake but he didn't appear to be fully aware, yet. Cloud frowned in bemusement as his lover held the chocobo plushy up, shaking it gently as he called his name.

_~Oh god…does he think…does he think that thing is ME?~_

Indeed, Zack appeared to be under the impression that Cloud had somehow turned into a fluffy little bird. It was almost comical the way the dark-haired man stared at the toy with confused, glossy eyes and demanded a response from it. The size of his pupils indicated that he was still stoned out of his mind on the medication they'd given him.

"Uh, Zack," Cloud said as he pulled his chair into the upright position and reached out to squeeze the other man's shoulder, "I'm right here."

Zack stopped trying to get a response from the chocobo and he turned his head to look at Cloud. His dark-lashed eyes were heavy-lidded and quizzical. "Cloud?" He frowned and looked at the bird again. "Oh." His speech was slurred but he hadn't stammered once.

Cloud hid a smile. He'd personally done similar things upon waking before. Once, his phone woke him up and in his sleepy stupor, he'd tried to talk into his watch. Reno had almost pissed in Cloud's closet once when he stayed the night, confusing it with the bathroom. Tifa accidentally poured orange juice into her cereal just the other week because she mistook it for the milk.

"Whatever they gave you must be pretty good stuff," Cloud murmured, reaching out to stroke Zack's hair as the other man turned onto his side and regarded him with bright, glassy eyes.

Zack held up the chocobo, pointed to it and then pointed to Cloud. There was a question in his expression.

"Yeah, I brought that for you," Cloud said, guessing what Zack was trying to ask. "You used to call me 'Chocobo' all the time, so I thought…I guess I thought you'd get a kick out of it." He used to hate the pet name but now, he'd give anything to hear Zack teasingly call him "Chocobo" again.

Zack grinned goofily at him and hugged the animal with one hand, while reaching up to pat Cloud's stroking hand with the other. He sighed and shut his eyes, his fingers closing loosely over Cloud's hand.

Cloud returned the little squeeze and scooted his chair even closer. He reached up to adjust the pillow behind his head and then reclined his chair again. Zack had already fallen back to sleep and was snoring softly. With a little sigh of his own, Cloud shut his eyes again. He hoped the two of them wouldn't sleep through the entire visiting period, but it was nice to sleep next to Zack again—this time without cold iron bars separating them.

* * *

-To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zack mistaking the chocobo plushy for Cloud was probably the highlight in this chapter for me. >_<


	6. Chapter 6

Cloud woke up just before noon and he was surprised to find Zack already awake and watching him silently.

"Hey," Cloud greeted, giving his companion one of his quiet smiles. "Feeling okay?"

Zack nodded and sat up in his bed, still clutching his chocobo plushy in one hand. He frowned at the device clamped over his pointer finger and he shook his hand in an attempt to dislodge it.

"Hold on," advised Cloud, "I'll get a nurse. I'm not sure you're supposed to take that off until they have a look at you."

Zack huffed but he took the blond's advice and waited while Cloud went to get a nurse. He came back with one of the newer ones and she checked the machine and freed Zack's finger from the pulse monitor. After checking his pupil response and reflexes, she declared it safe for him to be up and about and she left them alone.

"Here, why don't we put this guy into one of your dresser drawers for safe keeping," suggested Cloud with a nod at the chocobo. "We can go play some ball until lunch and then I can help you with some of your mind exercises."

"Okay," Zack said with a smile. Cloud stopped in the act of selecting a drawer for the toy and he looked at his lover thoughtfully. "Hey Zack, is there anything else you want to do today?"

Zack shrugged. "Just spend…time with you."

* * *

Cloud literally stopped breathing for a few seconds. Zack had spoken the sentence haltingly but he hadn't stammered or stuttered once. It was also the first full sentence Cloud had heard him speak since he'd found him here.

_~Maybe he just has his moments. Dr. Clark told me that all of the patients have days that are better or worse than others. Kind of weird that he'd be doing better after what happened this morning, though.~_

Deciding it would do neither of them any good for him to push it or fixate on it, Cloud took the stuffed animal from Zack as the other man held it out to him. He smirked at the chocobo. "Do you want to give him a name, Zack?"

Zack stopped and regarded the chocobo thoughtfully. "Sunny," he said with a grin.

"'Sunny', huh?" Cloud found himself smiling. He gently took the toy from his lover and placed it in the bottom drawer.

Cloud got permission to take Zack into the yard and a couple of aides escorted them to the bottom floor and out. They tossed a football back and forth for about an hour before going back to the ward and having lunch. After they ate, Dr. Clark found them and informed them that he wanted to go through Zack's mind exercises. He'd increased the difficulty a little, to push Zack further. Cloud sat at the table with the two of them and watched as the doctor ran his lover through the assignment. Zack was having trouble with one of them and Cloud unconsciously started throwing hints at him, trying to help.

Dr. Clark cleared his throat so loudly it startled both young men. He gave Cloud a severe look and muttered: "No cheating, Mr. Strife."

"Huh?" Cloud blinked at him. "I wasn't…what are you…"

"You were signaling to Zack," explained the doctor with patient amusement, "trying to give him hints. I know you want to help him but we _want_ to push him and make him think harder. Let him do it on his own, for now."

Cloud blushed. "Sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that."

"That's all right," the doctor said. "Just be more aware and try to avoid doing it again."

Zack put another puzzle together after stopping several times to scratch his head and chew on the end of his marker. Dr. Clark praised him and Cloud smiled and patted his shoulder. The doctor moved on to the picture cards he'd put together for the day's exercise. He started out with the easier ones first and Zack named off a tree, the moon, a fork and a plate before the doctor held up one of the more difficult ones.

* * *

Dr. Clark's hazel eyes were intense as he held the card up and smiled encouragingly. "Tell me what this one is, Zack." It was a moment of truth. If the patient got it right then his theories might be right.

Zack tilted his head and frowned at the image, bearing a look of recognition on his face that said he knew what it was. He concentrated for a moment and he took a deep breath before answering. "Butterfly." No stammering, no struggling.

Cloud looked between Zack and the doctor curiously as Dr. Clark's face lit up. He scribbled something down in his notes, his movements excited.

"Very, very good, Zack." Dr. Clark swallowed quickly. He saw Cloud leaning toward him, trying to peek at what he was writing. "Don't make me lecture you again, son," mumbled the doctor as he hid a smile.

* * *

Cloud sighed and gave up. By now, he knew that the doctor would share information with him when he felt he needed to know. He suspected that Zack had just reached a milestone but he wouldn't know the details until the doctor shared them.

"Let's do a few more," suggested Dr. Clark when he finished writing. He went through five more cards with Zack and the only one the patient had difficulty identifying aloud was the refrigerator. The doctor put the cards away and reached over the table to pat Zack's hand. "I'm proud of you, Zack. You've given me something to think about."

Cloud was eaten up with curiosity but the doctor didn't elaborate. Instead, he informed the blond that he was going to set up an appointment for a CT scan next week. "His last one was six months ago," explained the doctor. "It showed that the physical damage was nearly healed, but it was difficult for them to get an entirely accurate reading because he wasn't cooperating very well. Perhaps now, he'll endure it better. With any luck we only have the psychological trauma to deal with now."

Cloud nodded. "I don't suppose I can be there for it?"

"Actually, I'm counting on you being there," corrected the doctor. "You can talk to him while he's being scanned. I'm sure that hearing your voice will help keep him calm." He noticed Zack frowning and he smiled at him. "What's the matter, Zackary?"

"I don't…like that…mach-ine." He was practically sulking.

"I know you don't," said the doctor. "But it's necessary to put up with it once in a while, until we can be sure the physical damage is gone. You want to get better, don't you?"

Zack sighed and nodded, grumbling under his breath.

Cloud shared a little smile with the doctor and squeezed Zack's hand. "I'll be there," he promised.

* * *

It was hard for Cloud to leave that evening, as always. He shared some stolen kisses with Zack throughout the afternoon and after dinner and he helped him brush his teeth. When the nurse came in with Zack's night meds, the dark-haired fighter knew Cloud was going to have to leave and he gave the blond a sad look and scooted closer to him on the bed. He didn't plead with him this time; he merely laid his head on his shoulder and sighed.

Cloud stroked his hair and didn't pull away, though the amused smile the nurse gave them made him blush. "I'll see you in the morning," he murmured to his lover, "as soon as visiting hours start." He tilted his head to look down at his lover. "I'm proud of you, Zack."

Zack tilted his head back to regard Cloud and he grinned. "Good."

"Okay Zack," said the nurse gently, "it's time for you to take your meds and say goodnight to your friend."

Zack sighed again and reluctantly lifted his head from Cloud's shoulder to take the cups from her. Cloud waited until he finished swallowing the pills to give him a hug. Zack returned the embrace and the nurse politely left the room to give them a private moment. When she was gone, Cloud's seeking mouth met Zack's and they kissed for several moments. It was Cloud who regretfully pulled away first and the blond couldn't help but smirk a little when he noticed that the crotch of his companion's jumper was tented.

_~Hopefully, we won't have to wait for much longer to be able to do something about that.~_

"I'll see you in the morning," Cloud murmured as he stood up. Zack nodded, frowning unhappily as the blond walked to the door. Cloud stopped at the dresser on his way out and he bent down to retrieve Sunny from the bottom drawer. He spared an amused glance at the toy before tossing it to Zack. "He'll keep you company until I come back."

Zack caught the plushy and held it to his chest, smiling a little at the blond. "Love you, Cloud."

Cloud swallowed a lump and reminded himself that he'd promised not to get upset in front of Zack if he could help it. He nodded and forced a smile. "Love you too."

* * *

Cloud kept in touch with Tifa and the kids regularly, calling them every other evening to see how things were with them and give them updates on Zack's condition. Meanwhile, Zack was steadily improving, bit by bit. Cloud was no doctor but he could have sworn each new day brought some new milestone with it…even if it was small. Zack seemed to be remembering things from the days before the crisis that tore them apart. He started using old pet names for Cloud and though he couldn't hold a real conversation, he continued to string simple sentences together with greater frequency.

Zack's mischievous nature made an appearance as well. Once a regular prankster, he was now doing little things here and there to amuse himself that threatened to get him into trouble. He unscrewed the cap on the salt in the cafeteria and when another unfortunate patient sat down to eat at the same table, he ended up with the entire contents of the shaker on his food. Cloud thought it was just a fluke at first and he helped the guy select a replacement meal. When he came back to the table to re-join Zack, he found his lover snickering softly.

"Zack," sighed Cloud, trying his best to look serious, "you can't do things like that to the other patients. It's mean."

Zack pouted a little. "He didn't…mind."

Cloud tried to think of how to put it delicately, since the victim in question was sitting close by. "He didn't _know_. If he did, I'll bet he'd have minded."

Zack took a drink of his milk before answering. "Okay," he shrugged. "Don't want…to be mean."

Cloud nodded, smiling softly at him. While pulling pranks wasn't a nice thing to do to the other patients, he'd missed that part of Zack's nature more than he realized. He used to get _so_ pissed off when Zack pulled pranks on him but now, he just felt relief. He dared to hope that the man he loved would be whole again some day soon and he made a silent vow to appreciate every stupid prank, lewd joke and goofy nickname Zack bestowed upon him.

* * *

The end of the week approached and Cloud was battling a combination of excitement and trepidation. Zack's brain scan was scheduled for the next day and they would discover how much of the physical damage was healed, as well as how much lost brain activity had been restored. Dr. Clark warned him not to expect too much, even though he was confident that the results were going to be favorable, if not incredible. With that precaution in mind, Cloud tried to keep his optimism at a realistic level.

He arrived at the hospital a little early and he had to wait for visiting hours to start. He ignored the knowing, subtle smiles the staff gave him as he waited by the security doors. He didn't care if they knew he was eager. As long as he maintained control over his urges until Zack could be moved to a less restricted area, there was no harm in it.

"You can go in now, Mr. Strife," the guard finally told him. He punched in the code and held the door open for the blond.

Cloud thanked him and walked through, heading straight for the activity room. He usually found Zack in there doing squats, hitting the punching bag, doing sit-ups or chin-ups. Today the black-haired man was nowhere to be seen and Cloud couldn't hide a frown of concern as he checked Zack's bedroom and found him missing from there, too. Had he been moved? Did he have another episode? Zack hadn't had any attacks since the bad one when he first laid eyes on Dr. Matthews.

"Excuse me," Cloud said to a passing nurse, "have you seen Zack Fair?"

"Oh, he's out in the yard with some of the other patients," she answered. "The days are growing colder so we've been trying to give them as much outdoor time as possible, while it's still warm enough for most of them."

He relaxed. "Thanks."

* * *

Cloud scanned the large expanse of fenced-in yard, searching the benches, shaded areas and open lawn for a familiar head of thick, raven hair. He passed under a large oak tree with low-hanging branches, sighing a little when he saw no sign of his lover.

_~Maybe he went back inside and I just missed him.~_

He was about to turn around and head back in when he felt something lightly hit his left shoulder. Frowning, he reached behind and brushed at the spot, thinking it might have been a bug or something. He continued walking and he stopped when the same thing happened again…only this time it hit the middle of his back.

"What the—" Cloud turned around and impulsively raised his eyes to the tree he was passing under. He figured out what was going on as soon as he spotted Zackary Fair lying lengthwise on his stomach over one of the big, low branches. Zack's mussed hair stirred in the breeze and his bangs hovered over his eyes. He had a handful of acorns in one hand and he grinned and waved down at Cloud.

"Pegging me with acorns, eh?" Cloud tried to look annoyed but Zack's mischievous smile was infectious. He found himself returning it as he moved under Zack's perch. "Why didn't you just call out to me?"

Zack chuckled. "Couldn't…resist teasing…a little." He sat up and straddled the branch, patting it invitingly and winking at the blond.

Cloud stared up at him. He was _so_ much like the old Zack right now that it was a little disorienting. The confident, sexy smile, the suggestive wink, the inviting body language…it took his breath away for a moment. Before he knew what he was doing, Cloud reached up with both hands and hopped, catching the branch and lifting his legs to cling to it. He climbed onto it and straddled it, facing Zack. The former Soldier gave him another suggestive grin and patted the space between his thighs, motioning with his chin for Cloud to move closer.

Cloud looked around furtively, wondering how much he should indulge Zack's invitation and his own desires. The canopy partially shielded them from prying eyes. Someone would have to walk under the tree they were sitting in to see what they were getting up to. Most of the patients were occupied with outdoor activities or sitting in a daze on the benches, while the aides and nurses kept a watchful eye on them.

"Maybe just for a little while," Cloud muttered. He scooted Closer to Zack, until their knees were touching. He reached out and put his hands on the other man's thighs, rubbing gently and smiling at him. "Some day soon, you'll have a room you can lock and we can do more than kiss."

Zack looked at him curiously, his eyes intrigued but faintly ignorant. Cloud had a sneaking suspicion that once he showed his lover what he meant, Zack would catch on quickly…maybe even remember some of the previous intimate encounters they'd shared. Against his better judgment, Cloud leaned forward and kissed Zack. As usual, the other man responded favorably and he took control of the kiss in seconds. His tongue stroked inside of Cloud's mouth with familiar sensuality and his hands settled on the blond's hips.

Zack broke the kiss after a moment and he gave Cloud a smug grin. "No kissing in…public. Remember?"

Heat spread through Cloud's face. "Okay, so this time I slipped," he conceded bashfully.

Zack stroked his hips and gazed at him with bedroom eyes. "Inside?" he murmured seductively.

A naughty idea suddenly popped into Cloud's head. The half-bath connected to Zack's room had a lock on it. He knew the locks on the private toilets shared a universal key, which all staff members had a copy of in case of emergency. That one little allowance of privacy for patients of Zack's recovery status could provide an opportunity to further re-acquaint Zack with some of the most pleasurable aspects of their relationship.

_~I…I can't do that. Can I? Would I be taking advantage of him if I did? Maybe I could just start slow and keep it simple.~_

"Cloud?" Zack was gazing at him uncertainly now, apparently misunderstanding his silence for reluctance to go inside and share more kisses.

"I'm sorry," the blond apologized, squeezing Zack's knees gently. "I was just thinking. Let's go back inside."

Zack smiled happily at him.

* * *

The idea kept popping into his head no matter how much he tried to stifle it. Zack's drugging kisses were only making it harder to resist acting on the plan and Cloud moaned softly as his lover's tongue thrust suggestively in his mouth. He sucked on it with eager arousal and before he knew what he was doing, he slid his hand up Zack's thigh and cupped his crotch.

Cloud came to his senses when Zack gasped into his mouth and gave a start of surprise. "I'm sorry," he said breathlessly, pulling away to look into the other man's eyes. "I shouldn't have done that. I know you don't remember…things like that…" He trailed off at the expression on Zack's face. While the handsome features were faintly confused, they were also more than a little curious.

"Zack," Cloud whispered, glancing at the closed door of the bedroom. "Do you…want me to do that again? I mean did it bother you?"

Zack looked down at the tented crotch of his jumper pants and then looked at Cloud again with a smirk. "I think…I liked it."

Cloud was encouraged by the answer. He took Zack's hand and stood up, urging the other man to get off of the bed as well. Zack didn't hesitate and he followed him curiously into the little bathroom. There was just enough room inside for two people without it being cramped. Cloud shut the door and depressed the locking mechanism before looking up into Zack's eyes.

"If you get uncomfortable, just tell me," murmured the blond. With that said, he kissed him and stroked his shoulders and the front of his chest with his palms. Zack returned the kiss almost hesitantly, his breath quickening with curious anticipation. Cloud took his time and allowed the other man to dominate the kiss as his instincts urged. He backed him up against the door and let his right hand slide down over his abdomen, slowly nearing his goal as their tongues fenced and caressed. Zack's hands went around his waist to the small of his back and Cloud's pulse raced as they dropped lower to rest on his ass.

_~I've been dreaming about doing this again for so long. His mind hasn't caught up yet but his body remembers.~_

Every touch, technique and sound was very much "Zack". The black-haired man varied his actions, trying different things as he always had before. When they were together, Cloud had learned to anticipate some of his moves but being parted from him for so long put him at a disadvantage again. He couldn't stop the little gasps of surprise and delight when his lover curled his tongue or fondled the back of his thighs, just below his buttocks. When those strong hands cupped his ass and squeezed gently, Cloud rocked closer to Zack's body with a needy moan.

After a few moments, Cloud thought Zack was comfortable enough to go further. He cautiously slipped his hand the rest of the way down and palmed the larger man's bulging package, just resting his hand over it for a moment. Zack kissed him with greater urgency and pressed his crotch against the blond's hand with silent invitation. Cloud accepted and he began to gently rub the area, feeling his companion's erection through the cotton drawstring pants. Zack wasn't wearing underwear. Cloud didn't know if that was a hospital requirement or if Zack simply didn't like the restriction any more but it was a ridiculous turn-on for him.

Zack's breath caught and Cloud broke the kiss and looked up at him with gentle, soft blue eyes. "It's okay," he murmured. "I'm not going to do more than this unless you're comfortable with it."

Zack nodded. His lips were parted and his eyes were a bit dazed. He made a soft sound of pleasure as Cloud gripped him through his pants and stroked up and down the length of his arousal. The blond watched his face as he fondled him, appreciating the expressions that flitted over his sculpted features. The speed of his gentle stroking increased slightly and he leaned in and pressed soft kisses on Zack's throat and clavicle.

* * *

Cl-Cloud," murmured Zack breathlessly. He reached up with one hand and stroked the soft, golden spikes of Cloud's hair while rubbing the firm mounds of his bottom with the other. There was something evasively familiar about this feeling. He struggled to recall the exact memories but they remained just out of reach. Regardless, he knew that his lover had done this to him before, many times in the past. He also knew he'd returned the favor many times—sometimes initiating it first. It felt so good…even better than the brief petting he'd given himself in the shower earlier that week.

Zack licked his lips and struggled to keep his breathing steady as the throbbing tension increased with the pleasure. He murmured Cloud's name again and stared at him questioningly, puzzled by the conflict of familiarity and newness. Mako-bright, sapphire eyes stared into his encouragingly and the blond shushed him gently, his hand steadily rubbing his package until a spot of dampness formed at the tip of the tent. Cloud glanced down and saw it and Zack whimpered softly in disappointment when he stopped petting him.

* * *

"Can I pull these down a little?" queried the blond, his eyes searching Zack's.

When the other man nodded enthusiastically, Cloud couldn't contain a faint smirk of triumph. He swiftly untied the drawstrings of Zack's pants and tugged them down enough to expose his erection. Cloud stared at it for a moment, admiring the sight. He'd always had a sort of fascination with Zack's cock and now was no exception. The sable-haired fighter was hung better than average. Cloud stroked the glistening tip of the organ with his thumb while curling his other fingers around the shaft. More fluid dribbled out and Zack caught his breath and groaned, his body tensing involuntarily for a moment with the pulse of sensation.

Cloud looked up at him again, keeping his eyes locked on his as he resumed stroking him off. "I missed this," he admitted softly. He'd missed a lot of other intimate things too and he briefly contemplated going down on the other man, but he immediately pushed the idea aside. Zack looked a little bewildered as it was and he didn't want to push it too far. With time and patience, they could consummate their relationship in full again. One step at a time…Cloud could live with that.

Zack's hand squeezed his bottom harder and he began to flex his hips with sensual instinct, pumping in time with Cloud's strokes. "That's it," Cloud encouraged breathlessly.

Damn, it was such a turn-on to see that face alight with pleasure again and hear that voice groaning his name. The way Zack was thrusting into his hand told Cloud that the instincts were indeed all there. It was so difficult to resist attempting to initiate more but he again reminded himself that it was still too soon to try going all the way. Zack's movements became erratic and his cock was getting harder and tighter in Cloud's stroking hand.

"Unh…ahh…fuck…Cloud." Zack's voice was as tense as the rest of him as he got closer to release. Cloud almost stopped in surprise at the blurted expletive. The only time he'd heard Zack swear since finding him again was when he had the flashback triggered by Dr. Matthew's appearance.

Cloud covered his panting lover's mouth with his own and kissed him deeply to muffle his groans and exclamations—just in case someone happened to come into Zack's room. It wouldn't be hard for anyone listening on the other side of the door to figure out what they were up to, if he couldn't keep him quiet. Zack cupped the back of Cloud's head and stroked his tongue against his with hot sensuality, his nostrils flaring as he panted into the blond's mouth.

Cloud sped up his strokes and brushed Zack's bangs out of his eyes with his free hand as the final knot of tension coiled and broke. Zack called his name once more in a shaken, rough voice as his cock bucked sharply in Cloud's stroking hand and spurted rhythmically. Cloud quickly cupped his other hand over his lover's twitching sex to keep it from splattering all over their clothes. He kept kissing Zack as he shuddered and panted with release. As the spasms slowed, he felt Zack grinning against his lips and he released his mouth to look up at him. His face was flushed and sweaty and his relieved smile was sexy and irresistible.

"Knew you'd like that," Cloud murmured, ignoring the mess on his hand. He smiled at Zack, enjoying the blissful expression on his face. On impulse, he nuzzled his cheek and traced the criss-crossed scar on the left side of his jaw with the tip of his tongue. "You okay?"

* * *

Zack nodded sincerely, closing his eyes and putting his arms around him. He felt like he could melt, he was so relaxed. What Cloud had just given him was better than anything the staff could give him in a needle or gross tasting tablet.

"Not too close," Cloud warned. "I've got to get us both cleaned up."

Zack looked down and saw his own semen coating Cloud's hand. He stared with furrowed brows, finding the sight oddly mesmerizing. While he caught his breath, Cloud turned around and twisted both taps on the sink. He rinsed his hands off first and then he grabbed a washcloth from the overhead shelf and dampened it. He turned back around to face Zack and whispered for him to be still. Zack placed his hands on the blond's shoulders and rubbed them slowly as he wiped his spent genitals off. He shivered a little at the pleasant feeling and wondered why it felt so different for Cloud to do it.

Cloud finished up and he draped the washcloth over the side of the sink and tugged Zack's pants up. The taller man was still breathing heavily and his features still bore an expression of faint awe on them. Cloud tied the drawstrings and kissed him.

"We used to do that kind of thing all the time," Cloud informed softly, his fair features going slightly pink with a blush. His pants were still tented with an erection, but he didn't seem to mind. "I loved making you feel good like that, Zack."

"I…want to…do that to you," Zack murmured seriously, his amethyst gaze holding Cloud's.

Cloud smiled softly at him. "Wouldn't be _you_ if you didn't. Right now we've got to get out and be seen, before someone gets suspicious."

* * *

Zack knew that he was supposed to be acting like nothing had changed, but every time he looked at Cloud from that moment on, he felt memories pushing to the surface and a giddy feeling that made him smile. He kept trying to coax the blond into the bathroom again because he was desperately curious to find out what it would be like to return the favor. Cloud stubbornly refused to be herded and Zack found himself heaving more than one frustrated sigh as the day wore on.

Some time after lunch, they met in the activity room with the doctor for his daily mind exercises. He remembered to try hard and he put his best foot forward when he and Cloud sat down with Dr. Clark to do the card, puzzle and picture games.

"Zack, can you try to tell me what time it is?" Dr. Clark asked spontaneously, after Zack succeeded in selecting a picture of a train when asked to do so.

Zack looked at the doctor with a dubious expression, then at Cloud. The blond nodded encouragingly and Zack twisted in his seat to look at the clock on the wall behind him. He frowned in concentration and held up one hand, gazing between his spread fingers and the round face of the time device as he struggled to comprehend the significance of the numbers. He used to know how to do this—he was sure of it. He peered at the large hand on the clock, then at the small hand.

"Four," Zack answered uncertainly. "Four…um…three?"

Dr. Clark and Cloud both looked at the clock. It was four-seventeen. The doctor breathed a hopeful sigh and he smiled. "Close enough, Zack. Do you realize that this is the very first time you've ever been able to look at the clock and comprehend what time it was?"

Zack nodded, his expression puzzled and a bit anxious. "What…what's happening…to me?"

Beside him, Cloud looked as though he was wondering the same thing.

"What's happening to you?" repeated Dr. Clark slowly, appearing to think deeply on the subject, himself. "It's too early to say for certain, but I think you may soon get your new room, Zack. I'll know more after the tests, tomorrow."

Cloud spoke hesitantly, then. "Um, Doctor? I've only been around for a few days but…isn't he a lot better today than he was yesterday?"

Dr. Clark nodded. "That does seem to be the case. However, I must remind you again that it's common for some patients to have sudden boosts in performance that can drop just as quickly." He reached out and patted Cloud's arm comfortingly. "We'll know more soon, Cloud. Remember what I said about getting too far ahead of yourself."

* * *

That night, Dr. Clark got on the phone with Dr. Matthews as soon as he got home. "I've ordered a camera and should be able to start recording video reports soon," he said, "but there's something else I think we should discuss."

"Which is?" Dr. Matthews sounded tired, but intrigued.

"Do you remember what I said to you regarding the patient's fits and his behavior afterwards?"

Dr. Matthews was quiet for a moment. "I know his episodes have increased in frequency over the past year and they only seem to have gotten worse since his friend arrived."

"Yes," agreed Dr. Clark patiently, "but the other observations concerning his progress after each one is what I'm hinting at."

"What about them?" Dr. Matthews didn't sound very impressed.

"I'm almost certain that I was right," explained Dr. Clark. "The patient is clearly exhibiting an increase of cognitive skills and fine motor functions after each attack. Yesterday, Zack identified a picture of a butterfly out loud for the first time…without stuttering. Today he spoke in _full sentences_ , Karl. This afternoon, he was able to look at the clock and consciously work out what time it was. He has more awareness now than he's ever had, and these changes occurred after the episode you witnessed yesterday morning."

Dr. Matthews went silent for a long stretch of time. Just when Dr. Clark was about to ask him if he was still there, he spoke up. "The plan you've been considering is incredibly dangerous," he said, "not only for the patient, but for anyone who happens to be within proximity."

"I'm not suggesting we start right away," defended Dr. Clark, "I'm just suggesting that it might not be as far-fetched as we once thought. I need to know that you're open to trying it, should my patient's scans prove that his brain is healthy enough and his condition continues to improve. Until then, we can continue the way we're going and I'll monitor him for any changes after episodes that occur on their own."

Dr. Matthews sighed. "I'm going to have to get my damned hair cut, aren't I?"

Dr. Clark chuckled. "Actually, I hope you'll hold off on that. If I'm right, your standard look might prove more useful than detrimental to my plan."

* * *

"I'm right here, Zack," Cloud said into the mic when Dr. Clark motioned to him. "Just take it easy and try to lay still until it's over, okay?"

Zack gulped and nodded. He was lying flat on his back, on top of the cold surface of the sliding platform he was restrained to. He moistened dry lips with his tongue and squeezed his eyes shut as the platform began to move into the tunnel. He instinctively began to struggle when his upper body was inside and the lights came on, but Cloud's voice spoke over the speakers again and urged him to relax.

"He's doing well," commented the neurologist as he looked up from his task and peered through the observation window. "Much better than the last time, as I recall."

"Yes," agreed Dr. Clark. "I think we can thank his friend here, for that." He smiled at Cloud. To the blond, he murmured, "It was difficult to get an accurate reading the last time, because we had to use stronger medication to keep him docile and it affected his brain activity. Maybe now we can get a more thorough scan."

"Cloud?" Zack called in a nervous voice as the machine started up and the noise began.

"I'm here," answered the blond quickly, his youthful features pained as he watched his lover clench his fists. "I'm not going anywhere, Zack. You're doing good." He could hear the sounds that the machine was making and he winced as he thought of what it must be like for Zack, who was intimately surrounded by the noise. "You can do it," he finished in a determined tone.

* * *

Zack clenched his teeth and tried to focus on his lover's voice. The noise…it was like a monstrous, distorted heartbeat all around him. It made him think of capsules and monsters and…and a man with impossibly long, silver hair. The man used to be his friend, he was certain of it. Something happened though…something went wrong. Reality faded around him and memory began to shape his world.

* * *

_"Sephiroth, stop! This isn't you! Just tell me what's going on!"_

_"You're just like the rest of them…"_

_"Papa! What did you do to Papa and the townsfolk? How COULD you?"_

_"Tifaaaa!"_

_"Zack? Zack! Oh god, what did he do to you? Tifa…I…what should I do?"_

_"Cloud…Sephiroth's out of his head…you've gotta…take care of him for me, okay? Stop him, if you can."_

_"I'll stop him, Zack. I'll stop him…and I'll be back for you and Tifa. Just hang on!"_

_"Took…care of it…Zack. He's…gone."_

_"Yes, this one too. He'll make a fine specimen."_

* * *

"How much longer?" Cloud was tense all over as he listened to his lover ramble about the past. It should have been heartening that Zack was speaking so clearly in his growing delirium but it was frightening. He was literally reciting things that Cloud remembered him saying in the reactor, the day their lives fell apart.

"Only a few moments," answered the neurologist. He was somewhat tense as well. "This is amazing. He's speaking with no impediment whatsoever!"

"He's going into a fit," Cloud warned, his jaw clenching. Zack was straining against his bonds.

"Sephiroth…why? Why did you do it? No, Hojo you twisted bastard, leave Cloud alone!" Zack was becoming fully immersed in the flashback and his restraints weren't likely to hold him for much longer.

"He had one the last time as well," Dr. Clark said. "But look at him, Cloud. He could have broken free by now but he's controlling it. He's reliving his experiences and facing them."

Cloud looked from his tortured lover to the doctor, his vision blurring. "It's cruel," he murmured.

"I know," agreed Dr. Clark, his expression softening. "Which is why you _need_ to keep talking to him until this is finished. If we can get through the scan without interruption, we can get the data we need to help him recover more. I promise you, I'll sedate him as soon as it's finished. Just help him get through this, son."

Cloud shut his eyes and struggled inwardly. "Zack, can you hear me?" His voice was surprisingly even as he spoke into the mic again. "It's okay. I'm right there with you and I know what you're seeing right now. It can't hurt us anymore, understand?"

Zack shivered and broke into a sweat but he listened to Cloud's voice and forced himself to stop struggling. "You okay, Sunshine?" he asked raggedly.

Cloud's smile trembled on his lips as he nodded. "I'm okay. Just wait a little while longer, Zack. I'm safe."

It went on for another five minutes, with Zack shouting threats directed at the non-present Hojo and Cloud assuring him over and over again that he was okay. When the scan was finished, Dr. Clark didn't even get the chance to administer a shot of tranquilizers to his patient because Zack passed out from the strain.

* * *

-To be continued


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for the kudos and positive feedback so far! I hope it continues!

"This is where the bullet pierced his skull," explained the neurologist as he pointed out the frontal lobe in the x-ray. "The last time he was scanned, there was still damage in that area that hadn't completely healed." He stopped and shook his head with an expression of faint amazement on his dark features. "It's gone now. Completely gone. The only sign that he'd ever had such an injury is in that faded scar on his forehead."

"So he's healed, right?" Cloud glanced at his lover, who was sleeping on the hospital bed in the room. Dr. Clark had injected him with a sedative as soon as he determined that it was safe to do so. Cloud thought it was strange that he'd left him un-sedated when he had his fit but right now, he was more concerned with finding out what kind of physical shape Zack's mind was in.

"The tissue damage is repaired," confirmed the neurologist with a nod. "And his brain activity is back to a normal level. _My_ job is done…healing the psychological damage and helping Zack's mind re-connect is up to Dr. Clark."

Cloud looked at Zack's doctor with a question in his eyes and he debated over how to ask it. "I know you can only tell me so much," he said carefully, "but can you give me a basic idea of what you plan to do from here on out?"

Dr. Clark ran his fingers through his hair and considered his sleeping patient for a moment before answering. "Cloud, sometimes in order to recover from trauma, confrontation of past events is necessary. We can discuss it further when I've had the chance to observe him more and make an informed decision about further treatment, okay?"

Cloud nodded wordlessly, having expected a vague answer in the first place.

* * *

"I feel weird."

Cloud looked at Zack, who was just sitting up in his bed after resting for two hours. They'd transported him back to his floor after the scan and put him in his own room again to recover from the medication. Cloud was surprised by how smoothly the announcement came out but he was more concerned with the ominous implications of it.

"Weird how?" He got out of his chair and helped Zack sit up, hopping onto the bed beside him and rubbing his back slowly.

"Not sure," Zack said in a puzzled tone. He looked at the stuffed animal sitting by his pillow and he picked it up to consider it. "Sunny's too bright." He shifted his gaze to Cloud and looked him up and down. "You are, too. I also…feel like…I'm two people."

Cloud glanced down at himself with a frown. What Zack was describing sounded a lot like the symptoms he often had after delving too deeply in bad memories and getting caught up in them. The vivid sharpness of the world, the detachment and confusion…it sounded familiar to him. The part about feeling like two people bothered him, though.

"Do you always feel like this after a flashback?" Cloud asked. He'd never heard Zack make these complaints before but the black-haired man hadn't been this coherent before now, either.

Zack hesitated for a moment before nodding. "I…think so. It's hard to um…remember—kind of fuzzy? Like…like I wasn't the same _me_ before you came here." He stopped and shook his head, pushing his fingers through his dark hair. "Head hurts."

Cloud stroked his lover's shoulder soothingly. "Just lay down and rest. I'll go see if I can find Dr. Clark to come have a look at you."

* * *

The doctor was just leaving another patient's room when Cloud intercepted him in the hallway. "Is something wrong?" he asked when he noticed the worried expression on his face.

"Zack's awake and I think you should hear some of the things he's told me," Cloud said in a rush. "He's also got a headache."

The doctor followed him to Zack's room without hesitation. When they arrived, Zack was lying on his back and rubbing his forehead with a frown. He looked up at them as they approached and he gave the doctor a strained smile. "Hi, Doc."

"Hello, Zack." Dr. Clark returned the smile and urged him to sit up. "Cloud tells me you've discussed something interesting with him. Would you care to share it with me?"

Zack shrugged and awkwardly told the doctor what he'd said to Cloud. "Is it im…important?" he said when he finished, wincing a little and rubbing his forehead again.

Dr. Clark flipped a page on his tablet and wrote something down. "Actually, it is. Zack, you're more self-aware now than ever. Some of what you've described are symptoms of posttraumatic stress. Does it feel like some of the things you've been through since coming here happened to another person?"

"Some of it," agreed Zack with a nod. Cloud sat down next to him and he put a hand familiarly on the blond's knee. "Am I two people?" He looked alarmed at the possibility, as if he expected a copy of himself to pop up out of nowhere.

"You're just _one_ person," assured the doctor, "but you've changed a lot in a short period of time, Zack. It may feel like some of the things you've endured happened to someone else, but that's because you saw the world differently from the way you see it now. Can you tell me how long you've been here in the clinic?"

Zack's brows hedged as he thought of the question. He mumbled to himself and tried to count on his fingers but his head throbbed with pain and he gave up. He shrugged and looked at the doctor uncertainly. "Months?"

"No," corrected the doctor gently. "Zackary, you arrived here four years ago and have been here ever since."

Zack's expression was bewildered. "Four years?" He turned the information over in his head, trying to comprehend the time span. He grimaced and held his head in his hands. "H-how long is that?" There was something hauntingly familiar about being told he'd been somewhere for four years, but he couldn't figure out where he'd heard it before.

Dr. Clark exchanged a look with Cloud, both of them trying to think of a way to put it in words that Zack could understand. Finally, Cloud said: "Winter's come and gone four times since you came here."

Zack lifted his head and gazed at the blond thoughtfully. Putting it that way actually made some sense to him. Funny, it really didn't feel like that many seasons had passed. Of course, he hardly recalled anything from before the day Doc had shown him the picture that made him remember Cloud. Before then, it was all blurred and surreal—like a half-remembered dream. Now he was getting snatches of memory from some other life on a regular basis and Cloud made an appearance in a large portion of those memories. It was confusing and difficult to sort out.

"My head…still hurts," Zack muttered, giving up entirely when a sharp pain flared behind his eyeballs.

"I think I know what your problem is," Dr. Clark said dryly. "You're thinking too hard."

"Thinking's bad?" Zack rubbed his head ineffectively and frowned at the doctor.

"No," chuckled Dr. Clark. "Thinking is wonderful and I'm glad to see you exercising your mind. There's still such a thing as overdoing it, though. It's like when you strain a muscle working out, Zack. You need to take a break now and then, like everyone else."

Zack nodded and Cloud began to rub his temples solicitously. "Are you sure it's just strain?" asked the blond cautiously.

"If it were medical, it would have shown up in the scan," soothed the doctor. "Zack, I'm going to give you a couple of Ibuprofen for your headache and I'd like you to just relax for the rest of the day. Spend time with Cloud and get rested up. If you're feeling up for it tomorrow, we can try to piece more of this together."

"Okay," Zack agreed. His head was aching too much to keep worrying about it, anyhow. He knew he only had a few hours to spend with Cloud before the blond had to leave again, so he agreed that his energy was best spent on enjoying the visit. He grinned impulsively as the doctor left the room to go and get his medicine and he looked at his lover, momentarily forgetting about his headache.

* * *

Cloud looked down when Zack's hand settled on his knee and slid up his thigh, stopping very close to his crotch. He looked at Zack and found him grinning wolfishly at him. "Uh…you look kind of cheerful for a guy with a headache." He could tell by the twinkle in his eyes and the smile on his lips that Zack was up to no good.

"Bathroom later?" Queried Zack in a low voice. He winked suggestively at the blond.

"Look at what I started," Cloud groaned, only half-serious. "We'll see."

Zack leaned in and nibbled his ear. "I want to touch you," he murmured.

Cloud shut his eyes and flushed with a mixture of arousal and embarrassment. He was hardening quickly in his pants and he knew if he let Zack return the favor from yesterday, he was likely to lose his head and beg him to hump his brains out.

"Er…we have to wait on that," Cloud said breathlessly. "I'm…it's been too long, Zack. I've got to keep it cool for now, okay?" He pulled his ear away from Zack's lips and sighed when he saw the pout the other man gave him. "Come on, don't give me the 'puppy' face. I want to, I just don't think I can stop at touching, if you do it to me."

Zack's mouth suddenly broke into a wicked grin. "Yeah?" He slid his hand the rest of the way up Cloud's thighs and boldly cupped his hardening package through the cargo pants. "So, you…like me, huh?"

"Stupid question," Cloud gasped, swiftly dislodging the groping hand from his crotch. "You know I more than _like_ you. You also know we have to be careful for now, don't you?"

"You did it to me," reminded Zack in an insistent voice.

Cloud became aware that he was grinning even as he struggled to keep Zack from groping him. "I can do it to you without losing my head," he argued. "You don't know how hard it's been for me to…uh…"

"To?" Zack queried, nibbling his ear again.

Cloud inhaled sharply and he turned his head to give Zack a quick, hot kiss. "I want you," he admitted in a breathy murmur. "If we play around too much I might not have the sense to stop, Zack."

Zack sighed in disappointment, but he didn't push any further.

* * *

Cloud continued to resist Zack's attempts to get him into the bathroom again. The black-haired man had regained his persistence in the worst way and Cloud tried to explain to Zack that the hospital would see it as Cloud taking advantage of him right now.

"You aren't considered well enough to consent," the blond informed him gently. "I've already let it go too far once. Just wait a little while longer, okay? When you make it to the next phase we won't have to be so careful, understand?"

Zack groaned softly with frustration but he nodded. He understood that Cloud could get in trouble if they got caught touching that way right now, but it was hard to understand _why_. He knew what he wanted and it was starting to annoy him that the doctors apparently thought differently. He also didn't understand all this "status" business. Why should it make any difference what sort of room he stayed in?

Rather than try to figure out what was clearly still beyond his comprehension, the former Soldier accepted the limitations he was under even though it rankled him. He trusted Cloud and he knew he wouldn't lie to him about these things—especially when he'd shown Zack in more ways than one that he wanted to play, too.

Zack made a silent promise to himself and to Cloud that he would double his efforts to get better, not only so that he could get his new room but so that some day, he could go home with him.

* * *

That night after Cloud left and the lights went out, Zack huddled in his bed with his squeeze light ready, waiting for the shadow monsters to try creeping up on him. Usually they began to take shape almost as soon as the light went out, but tonight, they were unusually tardy. Zack finally spotted one in the far corner of the room, but it only climbed the wall like a salamander before puffing out of existence. He hardly even felt alarmed by the sight and he couldn't be sure if it was his medication or a new feeling of bravery that was responsible.

He yawned as his eyelids grew heavy and he rested his head against the wall just under Cloud's picture, holding Sunny close to his chest. As he grew sleepier, he felt brave enough to stretch out under the covers and sleep lying down, instead of huddled against the wall. It was the first night he'd ever felt safe enough to do it and his dreams were filled with Cloud and hopes for the future, instead of nightmares.

* * *

By the middle of the week, Zack was able to say short sentences without hesitation or stammering. He'd also learned how to tell time and he was often waiting for Cloud at the security doors when he came to visit each morning. The days were still warm enough to be outdoors so Cloud spent a couple of hour's time with Zack in the yard each afternoon. They had just finished tossing the football and were taking a break watching the clouds when Zack asked a question he'd never asked before.

"Cloud?"

The blond turned his head and looked at Zack, who was resting his head on his shoulder. "Hmm?"

"How old am I?"

Cloud almost answered immediately but he stopped himself and chose to make Zack think about it, instead. "Well, I'm twenty-six and you're almost two years older than me, so how old do you think that makes you?"

Zack puzzled over it thoughtfully while Cloud combed his fingers through is hair. "Um…twenty-seven?"

Cloud smiled. "That's right. Good job, Zack."

The dark-haired man returned the smile and nuzzled Cloud's neck. "I don't _feel_ twenty-seven," he murmured against the fair skin.

"What do you mean…you feel older than that or younger?"

Zack considered the question for a moment. "Younger," he answered hesitantly.

Cloud remembered something he'd discovered when he finally started doing a little research on Mako enhancements for his own piece of mind. "It's because of the Mako," he said slowly, thoughtfully. "I wanted to know more about it when…things…started happening to me. You're feeling that way because the Mako slows the aging process."

He sighed. "How long we've been alive doesn't have much to do with how old our bodies are, Zack. Physically, we're not much older than we were when we got the infusions. We're going to be stuck in our twenty's for a while."

"How long?" Zack questioned curiously.

Cloud shrugged. "No idea. On a guess I'd say we'll still look basically the same when all our other friends are getting gray hairs and wrinkles."

_~Which was partially why I couldn't let myself get too close to Reno. ~_

All of the talk about age reminded Cloud of something. He mentally reviewed what month and day it was and he nearly slapped himself in the forehead when it came to him. "Zack, you've got a birthday coming up."

"I do?" Zack looked interested.

The blond nodded, his eyes following an oddly shaped cloud that was floating by overhead. "Yeah, at the beginning of next week. So, what do you think you'll want to do for your birthday?"

Zack could only think of one thing he wanted. "Stay the night with you," he murmured.

Cloud smiled softly and rubbed the other man's shoulder. "I'll talk to the doctor about that. Maybe we can get you an overnight pass or something."

* * *

"Hmm, you want me to give Zack an overnight pass to go into town with you?" Dr. Clark looked more intrigued than reluctant—a good sign. "If you had come to me asking for this last week, I'd have been inclined to say 'no'. Zack's level of recovery is impressive enough now that I may be able to swing that. There are some rules you must follow, however."

Cloud nodded. "I figured as much."

"I'm afraid I'll have to come with him or send an aide with you. If he starts to have one of his episodes he'll need someone with medical knowledge close at hand, to keep it from spiraling out of control."

Cloud's expression dropped a little. "I didn't think of that."

"I would give you two a day of total privacy if I could," soothed the doctor, "but I'm already taking a risk in agreeing to give him a pass. I imagine you'd rather have _me_ there than someone who might not be understanding of your needs, correct?"

Cloud felt heat rise in his face. "Er…I think I know what you're getting at."

Dr. Clark smiled. "I'll book my own room at the Inn and you won't even know I'm there. I'm only coming along for Zack's best interest. He has an evaluation coming up next weekend and I'd rather not have anything go wrong. The sooner I can prove that he's stable enough to move forward, the sooner he'll have his private room and greater privileges."

Cloud nodded eagerly. Suddenly it didn't seem like a bad thing to have the doctor coming along with Zack. He'd been filming his sessions with Zack to provide visual proof of his progress to the director. The last thing they needed was to stuff things up through carelessness.

The doctor thumbed through some paperwork on Zack and shook his head. "It's odd…he really doesn't look much different from the old file I dug up on him. I wouldn't have placed either of you as a day over twenty-one. You're certain he's going to be twenty-eight?"

Cloud smirked a little and nodded. "I'm sure. We don't look our ages because of the Mako, is all."

Dr. Clark was visibly intrigued. "How interesting. We learn something new each day, don't we? Maybe I can look into a Mako facelift."

Cloud chuckled quietly.

* * *

Both young men looked forward to Zack's birthday and it was hard to be patient as the day approached. His eagerness distracted Zack a little bit over the weekend and his test performance dropped. Knowing that the patient's mind was on the special day coming up, Dr. Clark was lenient with him. He encouraged Zack to concentrate and helped him keep his thoughts on his exercises, to avoid having to give him negative marks on his progress.

Cloud was likewise distracted and he forgot to call home over the weekend to tell Tifa about the progress and check on the kids. The barmaid of course called him instead and lectured him about it. When she found out that Zack's birthday was coming up, she was more understanding of the lapse and she told Cloud not to worry about checking in until after they'd celebrated the special day.

"I want you two to have a good time together," she told him, "Shiva knows, you both deserve it. Take care, Cloud."

He thanked her and hung up before going to the activity room to see if Zack was finished with his afternoon mind testing. The nurse was just putting away the cards and puzzles when Cloud approached and she greeted him politely before getting up out of her chair.

"Good work, Zack," the nurse complimented. "You could have done a little better but it's still an improvement." She ruffled his hair fondly before walking away.

Zack stood up and smiled at Cloud. He heard the blond's stomach growl and he chuckled and patted his own belly. "I'm hungry too," he said. He looked at the clock and narrowed his eyes with concentration. "It's almost dinnertime, right?"

Cloud nodded. "About another fifteen minutes," he agreed. "Why don't we go to the snack machine and I'll buy us something to tide us over until then."

* * *

The day finally came and Cloud arrived first thing in the morning to get his lover. There was only one problem: He couldn't fit more than one passenger on Fenrir and Dr. Clark had to go into town with them.

"Don't worry about that, Cloud," soothed the doctor. "You can leave your motorcycle here and we'll take my car into Kalm. We'll be coming back tomorrow anyhow and you know we have a good security system in the parking garage."

Cloud nodded in agreement. Fenrir was probably safer parked at the hospital than outside the Inn, anyhow. He'd almost bought his lover a birthday present before coming to get him, but since he wasn't sure what Zack liked anymore, he decided to just keep an eye on him while they were in town and see what caught his interests. He smiled at the black-haired man, who had lifted the overnight pass hanging around his neck and was staring curiously at the tag.

"You ready to go?" inquired Cloud.

* * *

Zack nodded happily and put an arm around him. He really liked outfit Cloud was wearing today. The black leather pants hugged his ass just right and the forest green sweater complimented his coloring. Zack glanced down at his own plain hospital attire and he sighed. He wasn't going to fit in with the townsfolk. Everyone was going to know he was sick.

"What's the matter?" asked Cloud when he noticed the contemplative expression on Zack's face.

"I look sick," complained the other man softly.

Cloud frowned at the comment and looked at the doctor. "Is there any rule against him wearing regular clothes?"

"It makes it easier to keep track of large groups on field trips," answered Dr. Clark, "but there's no reason Zack can't have a wardrobe of his own. The men and women under our care have ID bracelets to identify them as patients of this hospital, so it really doesn't matter what he's wearing. Until you came along, Zack simply didn't have anyone to bring him civilian clothes."

"You hear that, Zack?" Cloud smiled warmly at the taller fighter. "We can get you some clothes of your own in Town. You might have to let someone take your measurements but you don't have to be stuck in that jumper all the time."

Zack's eyes lit up. "It's no trouble?" he asked hesitantly.

Cloud shook his head. "No way. I brought plenty of extra gil and I've been taking night deliveries here and there to keep my stash up. Buying you a few outfits isn't a problem."

Zack hugged him and Cloud smiled and returned the embrace. Zack had always been easy to please.

* * *

Zack decided that he loved candied apples and he was a little sad he'd never gotten the chance to try one before now. He stood beside his doctor and ate the treat happily while Cloud scanned the shops lining the street.

"There's a clothing shop," said the blond with a pointing gesture. "Why don't you wait here with Dr. Clark while I have a look inside?"

Zack nodded wordlessly and chewed the bite he'd just taken. He watched his lover walk away and his eyes fixated on Cloud's backside, admiring the view of his tight bottom. Beside him, Dr. Clark was writing something down on his tablet. He was always writing, it seemed. Zack wished he could read more than a few lines of children's stories because he knew that whatever the doc was writing had to do with him.

"Am I doing okay?" Zack asked after swallowing.

* * *

The doctor glanced up at him and smiled. "You're doing better than okay, son. Don't you worry about that, now. You're here to enjoy your birthday and be with your…er…boyfriend." There was no point in continuing to address Cloud as simply a "friend". It was obvious to everyone now that the two of them were lovers. As odd as the idea of same-gender couples was to a man of Dr. Clark's generation, he couldn't deny that Zack and Cloud fit together better than most heterosexual couples.

"Can Cloud and I get married?"

Dr. Clark was so startled by the abrupt question that he dropped his pen. He hastily squatted down to retrieve it and he tried to think of how to answer the young man in a way that Zack could comprehend.

"I wish I could tell you 'yes'," explained the doctor carefully, "but as far as I know, marriage is something that only a man and a woman can have. You can _be_ with Cloud but I don't think it's legal for two boys to be married."

Zack gave him a look that said he thought that was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard. "Why? I love him. He loves me." He spoke the simple truth with heartbreaking, boyish sincerity and it made the doctor want to cry.

"There's more to marriage than that," Dr. Clark said awkwardly.

"You mean more than love?" Zack persisted, tilting his head a little. "I thought that was why people marry."

"It is," agreed the doctor, "but…you see, marriage was invented to unite men and women and legitimize any children they have together."

"Kids aren't leg…legitimate without marriage?" Zack frowned in confusion.

"They…they are," Dr. Clark was getting flustered as he dug himself deeper and deeper into the hole. "It's just that…legally a child is a bastard if the mother isn't married to the father."

Zack's eyes dilated. "It's not nice to call them that."

"I know," the doctor said hastily, "It's an outdated term that should be done away with. Don't get yourself worked into a state over this, son. Maybe someday, you and Cloud might find a celebrant of priest that's willing to marry you two. Right now, you couldn't marry him even if one of you were female, Zack. We can't allow patients to marry until they've achieved a condition of permanent stability, can you understand?"

* * *

Zack sighed, disheartened. "Sort of. I'm sorry I made you sad, Doc." He looked at the doctor sincerely. The older man's agitation hadn't been lost on him and he liked him too much to make him upset on purpose. He didn't understand the rules behind marriage but he knew the doctor was trying to be nice about explaining it to him.

"I'm fine," assured Dr. Clark with a paternal smile of fondness. "My daughter asked some hard questions to me while she was growing up, too. Nothing challenges a parent's creativity more than trying to explain the difficult things in life."

Their conversation was interrupted by a group of people who were obviously part of some street gang passing through Kalm. The lead guy noticed Zack's hospital jumper and the doctor's lab coat and he stopped. His friends stopped behind him and examined Zack with less than friendly interest.

"Look at this," the lead fellow said with a nasty smirk. "We've got a mental midget here."

A couple of the women in the group laughed. One of them had what looked like a safety pin piercing her left nostril and the other would have been attractive if it weren't for the contemptuous sneer adorning her red lips.

Zack didn't understand. "I'm not a midget." He looked down at himself. Midgets were short people, weren't they? Since he was almost a head taller than the heavy-set guy that made the comment, he wondered if the guy was hallucinating. "You should talk to my doctor," he offered sincerely. "He can help you see right."

The gang members laughed and the leader rolled his eyes. "Man, you're crazy _and_ dumb, pal."

Zack's friendly expression faded and he muttered out the corner of his mouth to the doctor. "The 'midget' thing was an insult, right? Because my head's messed up?"

"Yes," answered Dr. Clark angrily, his eyes narrowing on the culprit and his gang. "He was insulting your intelligence. Just ignore them, Zackary." He looked around hopefully. Normally there were WRO peacekeepers on duty but unfortunately; there weren't any around now.

Zack was well aware of what he could do to the rude guy if he wanted to. Something told him that if he acted on the urge, he'd only get himself in trouble and spoil his evaluation. He allowed the doctor to take his arm and begin guiding him toward the shop that Cloud had disappeared into earlier, trying to ignore the taunts and jeers the gang threw his way.

The leader stepped in front of Zack, blocking his retreat. "What's the matter, head case? You afraid of me?"

"Not really." Zack shrugged and smirked at the man.

"Hmm, he's cute," observed the woman with the safety pin in her nose. She interposed between the gang leader and Zack, gazing up at the former Soldier with curious green eyes. "I wonder what it would be like to fuck a mental patient."

The leader grabbed her roughly by the arm and dragged her behind him. "Don't even think of tapping that shit," he warned her. When he saw the look on Zack's face he grinned. "What's the matter, fruit loop?"

"Leave her alone," Zack said simply, his amethyst eyes narrowing. Chivalrous by nature, he couldn't abide watching a woman treated that way, even if she was kind of scary.

The gang leader answered him by punching him in the nose. Zack's head snapped to the side and he felt warm blood trickle out of his nostrils and over his lips. Dr. Clark shouted in alarm and the black-haired man slowly turned his head to look at his attacker.

"You shouldn't do that again," Zack warned softly, paying no attention to the sticky wetness dripping out of his nose.

"Oh yeah?" The thug reared back for another hit and Dr. Clark jumped in front of Zack with his hands spread in supplication.

"There's no need for—"He tried to say. He ended up falling to the cobblestone street as the gang leader's fist struck him in the face.

Zack watched his doctor fall to the ground with wide eyes. He looked his assailant in the eye, shook his head in a chastising manner and lunged at him. Furious that the guy had struck the man who was the closest thing to a father Zack had known over the years, he drove his knee into the gang leader's solar plexus and gave him a good, hard punch in the jaw when he buckled. The guy's companions shouted and came at Zack but by then, his old military training had kicked in and the black-haired man deflected each attack with instinctive skills he didn't even know he had.

* * *

Satisfied with the selection of men's clothes the store had to offer, Cloud approached the saleswoman to discuss the situation. "I've got a…friend…who needs some new clothes," he began, "And he might need some measurements taken. Can you do that?"

"Of course," she answered with a sunny smile, "Just bring you friend in and—"

A commotion from outside distracted her and she looked out the shop window with a frown. "Oh my god, there's a street fight happening out there!"

Cloud turned and looked in the direction she was pointing. His heart slammed against his ribcage when he saw Zack fighting an entire gang of ruffians, while Dr. Clark yelled ineffectively and struggled to his feet.

"Gotta go," Cloud said breathlessly, reaching up and behind to draw the sword strapped to his back as he charged out the shop door.

His eyes were fixed on Zack and he felt a chill shoot down his spine as the sable-haired man skillfully dodged a kick aimed his way and knocked his attacker off his feet with a kick of his own. If it weren't for the hospital jumper, Cloud wouldn't have been able to tell anything had happened to Zack. He was a Soldier in action now, beating his opponents with combat skills the average person couldn't master. Two of the thugs lay in a groaning heap on the cobblestones and the two women in the gang had backed away to stay out of the fight.

Cloud reached the fray and he put the thick blade of his weapon against the leader's throat, staring down the length of the cold steel with flashing blue eyes. "That's enough."

Everyone went perfectly still. Some bystanders were recording the event with their cellphones and Dr. Clark smoothed his clothes and looked at Cloud warily. "Don't do anything rash, Cloud," he cautioned.

Zack stood beside his lover and crossed his arms over his chest. Cloud glanced sidelong at him and muttered: "What started this?"

"He hit the doc." Zack shrugged. "So I hit him back. We tried to walk away but they wouldn't let us."

Cloud frowned at the blood dripping out of his lover's nose. "You okay?"

Zack wiped absently at the blood and looked at the stain it made on his fingers. "Yeah. Dropped my apple, though." He glanced mournfully at the now ruined treat that was lying in the street beside the man that Cloud held at sword point.

"I'll buy you another one," Cloud said hastily. He glared at the gang leader. "Why'd you attack them?"

"I don't like crazy people," the man said bravely, shooting a contemptuous look at Zack.

Cloud shut his eyes and sighed, fighting the anger that shot through him in response to the cruel response. "Maybe someday, it'll be someone you care about," he growled. "I hope not, for their sake." He saw some WRO peacekeepers hurrying over with some civilians and he took his sword away from the thug's neck and sheathed it. "Looks like you guys get to spend the night in jail. Lucky you."

When the peacekeepers made it over to them, Dr. Clark showed his ID and explained what had happened. There were witnesses that spoke up on his and Zack's behalf as well and the other party was easily found at fault for the disturbance. The gang was rounded up and led away while the captain of the WRO regiment finished up with the report.

"It's a good thing your friend can take care of himself," the WRO announced with a shake of his head. "These guys breeze into town now and then when they take their road trips and they cause us no end of trouble. It's kind of refreshing to see them get a little payback from someone they thought was an easy target."

The man recognized Cloud's name when he looked at his ID and wrote the information down on his report. "Hey, you're one of Commissioner Tuesti's friends, right?" He handed the ID card back to the blond and searched his face.

"Yeah," confirmed Cloud softly. "Reeve and I are friends."

"Well, if there's anything else we can do for you, just let us know Mr. Strife," the WRO captain said with a salute. "Any friend of the commissioner's is a friend of ours."

Cloud blushed a little and nodded, absently reaching out to link arms with Zack. "Thanks."

Zack looked at Dr. Clark with a worried expression. "Am I in trouble?"

The doctor appeared a bit confused. "In trouble? What makes you ask that, son?"

"I hit those guys," Zack said with a nod in the direction of the gang being herded away by the peacekeepers. "Won't that mess up my…um…thingy?"

Dr. Clark chuckled and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "The evaluation? Hardly. You didn't throw the first punch and you acted to defend yourself and me from antagonists that would not leave us alone. I'll see to it that this brawl doesn't reflect badly on your progress reports, Zack."

The dark-haired fighter grinned. "Cool."

Cloud examined Zack's nose with faint worry. "Let's get you into the clothing shop and see to your nose, okay? Then we can see about getting you some new outfits and replacing your candied apple."

Zack nodded and gave the blond a look of warm gratitude.

* * *

-To be continued


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the kudos and reviews! I hope everyone continues to enjoy the story.

The saleswoman at the clothing shop was very understanding and helpful. She got a role of toilet paper out of the bathroom when Cloud came in with Zack and the doctor and she offered to get the first aid kit from the back office if they needed it. Having witnessed the disturbance herself, she admired both Zack and Cloud for standing up to the troublesome street gang.

"I have aspirin in the first aid kit if you need it," she said as Cloud wiped at the blood staining Zack's lips.

"Blood thinner isn't a good idea right now," Dr. Clark said politely, "but we appreciate it."

Cloud finished his task and he guided Zack's hand to his nose. "Here, just pinch the bridge for a few minutes."

Zack obeyed and Cloud stood up and got his wallet out of his pants. "I'm going to get a soda for him from the diner across the street," He said absently to the doctor. "Do you want anything?"

"A lemon-lime would be nice," answered Dr. Clark.

Cloud nodded and headed out the door. Zack watched him go and continued pinching his nose between his fingers. He looked questioningly at his doctor. "How long do I do this?"

"A couple more minutes should do the trick," answered the doctor with a smile. He almost gave Zack a compliment on his fighting skills but he thought it best not to encourage violent behavior. Zack was still in a learning stage and until his mind was finished healing, he was too impressionable.

Cloud returned after several minutes, carrying three soft drinks in his arms and another candied apple in his teeth. He smirked around the stick in his mouth as his companions relieved him of part of his burden.

"Here, this is yours too," mumbled the blond to Zack as grasped the apple's stick and held it out to him.

Zack took the treat and thanked him with a grin. Cloud turned to the saleswoman and asked if she could get started on Zack's measurements. She got to work right away and Zack cooperated nicely. Dr. Clark silently applauded Cloud for bringing the drink and snack to his lover, as they distracted him and kept him from squirming as the saleswoman did her job.

* * *

Approximately an hour later, Zack was the owner of five new outfits and two pairs of shoes. He stood in front of the full-length mirror and stared at his reflection, while Cloud made some adjustments. Their eyes met in the reflection and they smiled at one another.

"You look good," Cloud complimented truthfully.

The deep wine colored sweater and dark gray stonewash jeans suited Zack. The black oxford shoes completed the outfit nicely and it was difficult for him to resist embracing the taller man from behind. The only thing that was missing was Zack's customary spiked hairstyle. Cloud combed his fingers through the dark, soft locks and considered his lover thoughtfully.

"Hey Zack, want me to try and style your hair for you?" Cloud wasn't exactly a stylist—his own hair held its style naturally as long as he kept it trimmed right. He figured the worst he could do was use too much spray or gel on Zack's hair and end up having to wash it out.

"Sounds fun," Zack agreed with a nod.

Cloud saw the look on Dr. Clark's face before he could conceal it and he smirked at the older man. "What, is there a rule against using hairspray on patients or something?"

"Only if it could put someone's eye out," answered the doctor in a tone that was only half-kidding. "I saw how Zack used to wear his hair."

Cloud blurted a soft laugh before he could stop himself. "I don't think I can get it that extreme. Zack had some kind of special talent with his hair."

"Just don't hurt yourself in the effort," cautioned the doctor with amusement.

* * *

"That stuff smells funny," Zack complained as Cloud pumped another mist of spray over his hair.

"I know," the blond said with a grin. He teased another lock of dark hair with his comb and sprayed more on it. "I'm not going to use a lot of it. We're almost done."

Zack looked around at the interior of the Inn room they were in. It occurred to him that he and Cloud were alone, now. The doc went to see a movie and he was staying in a different room. That meant Zack had Cloud all to himself and there was nobody to get in the way. He began to grin as his mind started conjuring images of all the things they could do together.

"What's that grin for?" Cloud asked with a smirk. He fluffed another spot on Zack's head to even it out and he pumped the spray bottle again.

"I'll tell you in a minute," answered the sable-haired fighter with a wink.

Cloud paused. "I know that look. You're up to something, Zack."

Zack shrugged and tried to look innocent. "No I'm not."

Cloud's gem-bright eyes gazed into his as he set the hairspray on the little table. "Yes, you are. I know you too well."

Zack impulsively reached out and traced Cloud's lips with a finger. He loved the blond's mouth. "Maybe you're right."

He smiled engagingly at his lover, enjoying the way his lips parted and the feel of his warm breath caressing his skin. He was taken by surprise when Cloud sucked his finger into his mouth and stroked the pad of it with his tongue. His breath caught and he stared at the way the lips sealed around the digit.

"Cloud." Zack spoke the name with longing and tenderness.

* * *

Cloud hadn't meant to suck on Zack's finger. It just happened in its own and when the black-haired fighter began to push the digit forward and back, he instinctively moved his mouth in synch. He stared into Zack's eyes and felt his body temperature go up with desire. He hadn't done a bad job on Zack's hair, if he did say so himself. Zack looked a lot like he had when Cloud first met him and it made his need for him even greater. The door was locked and Dr. Clark had already told him that unless there was an emergency, he wouldn't be troubling them until the next morning. There was absolutely nothing standing in the way of the two of them acting on their needs.

Cloud released Zack's finger from his mouth and he was just about to make a suggestion when the larger man suddenly caught him around the waist and pulled him into his lap. Cloud had no choice but to straddle Zack or fall over and before he could get a single word of protest out, the other man's mouth met his in a hot, demanding kiss. Cloud practically melted in his arms and he lightly scraped his teeth over the surface of Zack's tongue as it pushed into his mouth. He realized he was moaning and he tried to stifle himself, embarrassed by his own needy behavior.

* * *

Zack cupped the blond's leather-clad bottom and pulled him more tightly against him. He felt Cloud's stiffened crotch rubbing against his own and he made a sound that was something between a growl and a purr of delight. The feel and scent of the smaller man was achingly familiar and irresistible. Without even thinking about it, he got to his feet and carried his lover across the room to the bed. Cloud was clinging to him with sensual tenacity, his hot little mouth pressed eagerly against Zack's.

They fell onto the bed together and Zack instinctively ground his hips between Cloud's thighs, desperately wanting something he couldn't name. He groaned the blond's name and panted softly against his lips, sliding his hand up underneath Cloud's sweater to feel the tight knots of muscle underneath. His fingers encountered the blond's right nipple and he stroked it until it pebbled, drawing a shiver of pleasure from his companion.

"Want you so bad," Cloud panted, his own hands getting busy with exploration.

The feeling was mutual. Somehow, Zack knew he would catch on quick if he could just figure out where to begin. He had always been erotically inclined and even if his mind couldn't recall all of the memories, his body would surely remember once they got started. Zack's mouth covered Cloud's again and his erection throbbed in his pants as the other man's tongue caressed his invitingly.

Zack paused long enough to help Cloud get his sweater off. He resumed kissing the blond once the garment was pulled over his head and tossed to the floor. He groaned low in his throat at the feel of Cloud's battle-roughened palms sliding over his naked chest and stomach. He reciprocated the touching, moving his hand back and forth over the blond's chest to tease his nipples one at a time. Unable to stand it any longer, he slid his hand down and cupped the strained bulge between Cloud's thighs. This time the other man didn't protest…in fact, he pushed into the touch eagerly and rubbed himself against Zack's groping hand.

With deftness that surprised him a little, Zack undid the button on Cloud's pants and tugged the zipper down. He moved his mouth away from the blond's and started kissing his neck, pausing long enough to pull his sweater up and toss it away. Cloud's fingers pushed through his hair as he kissed and licked his way down his chest. Zack closed his lips over one of his companion's pink, taut nipples and tongued the pebbled flesh curiously. Cloud's back arched and he gasped his name sharply, his soft voice husky with pleasure. Zack sucked on the bud for a moment before moving to the other one and giving it the same treatment. He continued to rub and squeeze the blond's crotch, subtly burrowing his hand into the opening of his pants.

* * *

Cloud was so caught up in his desire and pleasure that it didn't occur to him how quickly Zack was catching on until he felt the other man's tongue delve into his navel. He opened his eyes and looked down at Zack, his breath heavy and uneven as he watched the other man ease his cock out of his pants.

"Um…Zack?" Cloud wasn't sure, but it looked like his lover was about to give him a blowjob. He got conformation of that impression a second after he questioningly called his name. He watched the flushed tip of his erection slide into the other man's mouth and his vision went blurry with pleasure.

"Oh god. Y-you...Zack!" His hips bucked convulsively as Zack tongued the sensitive slit at the tip of his cock. Zack's hands clamped down on his pelvis to hold him still and he lowered his mouth further, taking the length deep into his mouth and down his throat.

Cloud shuddered under the sweet assault, happily bewildered. Zack experimented for a few moments, until his technique made Cloud's back arch. He then proceeded to demonstrate that his oral skills remained just as intact as his combat skills. The blond was as helpless to quiet his responses now as he had always been in the past and he vocalized the pleasure Zack was giving him.

* * *

Zack would have smiled if his mouth weren't full. He wasn't sure how, but he knew exactly what he was doing and he immediately fell in love with Cloud's responses. He sucked on the rigid, silken flesh in his mouth and stroked his tongue against it as he made swallowing motions in his throat. Cloud was panting raggedly and his hands trembled as they stroked Zack's spray-stiffened hair. Zack's erection twitched in his jeans—which now felt uncomfortably tight in the crotch. He quickly reached down with one hand and undid his fly to relieve some of the pressure, not pausing his ministrations in the slightest. He began to bob his head and slide his mouth up and down the length of Cloud's sex, turning his head to find the best angle.

After a while of teasing, swallowing, licking and sucking, Zack knew he was getting closer to giving his lover that final, wonderful sensation that came with an orgasm. Cloud confirmed his suspicions with an urgent, breathy warning. Zack knew that now was the time to switch to using his hand, if he didn't want Cloud coming in his mouth. He decided not to stop what he was doing, unwilling to interrupt Cloud's pleasure even for a moment.

* * *

"Oh…ah, Zack…y-you're going to make me come," Cloud whined, thrusting helplessly in time with the motions of the other man's sucking mouth.

Ordinarily, he wasn't quick to blow his load but it had been so long and the truth was, nobody gave head like Zack Fair. Even with his memories scattered, he demonstrated that he still had oral sex skills that blew everyone else away. Cloud worried about coming in his mouth, though. Regardless of his talent, odds were the other man probably didn't remember what cum tasted like and the last thing Cloud wanted to do was make him sick.

"Zack," begged Cloud breathlessly, "I mean it…I'm about to come…oh…ah, _Zack_!"

Zack stubbornly persisted, vaguely understanding the warning but unwilling to stop until he'd given Cloud that final burst of pleasure. He felt his lover's body go taut and he slid his hands beneath his ass as his cock tightened in his mouth. Zack obeyed his instincts and swallowed the entire length of the organ as it began to spasm, taking the warm spurt of the blond's release down his throat. The flavor hardly bothered him because he'd started swallowing before it hit his tongue. Cloud shuddered and panted while Zack took every drop. When the pulsing stopped, the black-haired man slowly let his lover's softening cock slide out of his mouth, licking at it gently as it went. Zack grinned proudly at his companion and he admired the flush of passion on his fair skin.

He stretched out on top of Cloud and kissed him tenderly. "So you liked that?"

Cloud looked at him with an incredulous expression on his youthful face. "You kidding?"

Zack laughed and nuzzled his neck. "I liked it too." He went still when he felt Cloud's hand slide between their bodies to cup his erection. He pulled back to look at the blond, moistening his lips with his tongue. "Feels good," he sighed, closing his eyes with pleasure.

"I want you inside of me," Cloud murmured. He lifted his head to kiss the other man's throat and he slipped his hand into Zack's new underwear to fondle his package. "There's no telling when we might get this chance again."

Zack looked down at his lover curiously, not completely understanding what he meant. "Inside…of you?" A dim memory nagged at the edge of his consciousness and he struggled to recall it. He felt like he _almost_ knew what Cloud meant and he was sure it had something to do with rubbing against one another without clothing in the way.

Cloud nodded and Zack shivered when he brushed his thumb over the head of his erection. "That's right. We used to do it all the time. You were my first."

"I was?" Zack found the knowledge pleasing, for some reason. He wondered how many men Cloud had been with that way during the time they were apart and he felt a swift stab of emotion that he wasn't familiar with. "Who else have you done it with?"

Cloud blushed uncomfortably at the look in Zack's eyes. "I should have known this question would come up sooner or later. Uh, three. I…I thought you were dead, remember?"

Zack's first impulse was to find out who these other three men were, track them down and tell them in no uncertain terms that Cloud was _his_ and they'd better keep their grubby hands off of him. By the worried expression on the blond's face, his thoughts must have been obvious. Zack snorted and shook his head when it dawned on him that he was feeling jealousy. He trusted Cloud and he felt a bit ashamed of himself.

"I'm the only one, now," he stated, holding Cloud's gaze with his own.

"You're the only one," agreed the blond with a small smile. "Wow, I've never seen you look like that before."

Zack blushed faintly and averted his eyes. "Never had a reason."

Cloud bit his lip and reached up to comb his fingers through the other man's hair. "If I had any idea you were still alive, I never would have slept with anyone else."

Zack nodded and turned his head to nuzzle the blond's hand. "I know." He smirked at the other man. "So how do I get inside you?"

* * *

Cloud blushed so brightly he was sure his face could have been used as a traffic light. "Er…well, you…um…we take our clothes off and you…uh…" He couldn't even begin to explain it. He hadn't expected such a blunt inquiry and he'd pictured the two of them just falling into it naturally, without the need for instructions.

_~How do you tell a guy to put his dick up your ass without sounding crude?~_

"Gosh, your face is red." Zack was grinning at him with amusement. "Are we about to do something bad, Sunshine?"

Cloud blinked up at him. Not only had Zack spoken a perfect, unbroken sentence with ease but he'd also used one of his favorite pet names for him. He'd only done that once before, while in the middle of a flashback. Cloud smiled softly at him and stroked his naked shoulders.

"No, we're about to do something good. Something _really_ good."

* * *

Zack swallowed nervously as he watched his lover pop open the cap on a tube of lubricant and squeeze a generous portion of the clear gel onto his fingers. He rubbed them together curiously, smearing the slippery wetness over them. He couldn't stop staring at the blond. It was his first time to see Cloud utterly naked since their reunion and the sight of his compact, lithe body was maddeningly familiar and new at the same time. He wanted to touch him all over but now he had goop on his fingers and he didn't think he was supposed to smear it all over Cloud's body.

"It's okay," Cloud murmured with a smile as he climbed onto Zack's hips, straddling them. He caught hold of the hand he'd applied the lubricant to and he guided it down and behind, gazing into Zack's eyes as he did so. When he felt the slick fingers brush against his sphincter, he let go of Zack's hand and rubbed gently against the fingertips.

"Start with one," Cloud urged softly. "Just ease it in slowly, okay?"

Zack nodded and gingerly pressed his first finger against the ring of muscle. It gave a little and he gently pushed, sliding his finger into the tight warmth of Cloud's body. The blond gave a shivering gasp and Zack paused and regarded him warily. "Hurt?"

Cloud shook his head and kissed him softly. "I'm okay. Don't stop."

Zack pulled out a little and then pushed back in, watching Cloud's face closely for expressions of discomfort. He realized that the penetration was more pleasurable than uncomfortable for his companion when a light flush crept into the blond's cheeks. Cloud's pink tongue swiped his lips and his eyes fluttered shut. Zack felt a firm little lump against his finger when he curled it inside of his lover and he pressed it curiously. Cloud's sharp little moan startled him so bad he almost yanked his finger back out again.

"That's good," Cloud panted encouragingly. He shifted on top of Zack urgently, silently begging for more. Zack stared at him and rubbed the gland again. Cloud's head fell back and he whimpered with pleasure, his newly awakened cock twitching against Zack's.

"I remember this," Zack murmured with certainty.

He had a vivid recollection of doing this to Cloud before and his head felt clearer. His confidence increased with the returning knowledge and he eased a second finger into his partner's body, curling both of them to pet that tender spot. He smiled with satisfaction and Cloud moaned his name and trembled. The blond's ankles crossed together at the small of Zack's back and his arms tightened around his neck, drawing his head forward. Zack kissed his arching throat, tracing the Adam's apple with his tongue as he began to pump his fingers steadily.

"Unh…ah…you caught on…fast," Cloud panted. His eyes rolled with bliss as Zack's skilled fingers massaged his prostate. "Probably shouldn't...surprise me. You always were...a fast...learner." He clung to Zack and tried to control the volume of his moans as the fingers thrust harder and faster. Zack's other hand curled around his erection and began to stroke it, spoiling Cloud's chances of being quiet altogether.

"Shit, Zack!"

"Pottymouth," replied Zack with a wolfish grin.

"Y-you said worse the first time I…ohhh…gave you a hand job," countered the blond raggedly.

"I did?" Zack didn't remember uttering any swear words that day, but he'd been pretty caught up in pleasure. "What did I say?"

"Fuck," howled the blond, and Zack wasn't sure if he was answering him or shouting the word just to say it.

"Wow, that _is_ a naughty one." Zack leaned in and kissed the blond's parted, gasping lips. He was enjoying every minute of this. Cloud was so much fun to look at. He was more than handsome to Zack—he was downright beautiful. He knew how this was going to end now and his erection throbbed eagerly. He wondered if he was going to make Cloud come again before he even mounted him but the smaller man lasted throughout the preparations. When he thought he was stretched enough, Zack pulled his fingers out.

"Kind of eager, huh?" Zack said teasingly when Cloud reached out and snatched the lube lying on the bed. His breath caught as the blond squeezed a glob onto his erection and began to slick it over the taut flesh.

"It's been over four years," Cloud muttered huskily, his blue eyes holding Zack's. "Hell yes, I'm eager."

Zack pumped into Cloud's stroking hand and smiled with pleasure. "I wonder if it'll feel the same," he pondered breathlessly.

"You're about to find out," answered Cloud as he stopped lubing Zack's cock and gripped the base of it. His lips parted on a soft moan as he positioned himself over the organ and took the tip of it in.

Zack stared at the blond with a faintly bewildered expression as his cock slowly and steadily sank into the tight warmth of Cloud's body. "Oh my god," he breathed, his eyes widening.

The faded memory of what it felt like to penetrate Cloud wasn't enough to prepare Zack for the reality. He grunted softly and shut his eyes when the other man finished sinking down onto his cock.

* * *

Cloud sucked in several deep breaths as he waited for his body to adjust to the invasion. He studied Zack's amazed face and he planted soft kisses all over it. "You okay?"

"I think I'm dying," gasped the dark-haired man.

Cloud chuckled breathlessly and began to rock his hips. "You'll live."

Zack's breath shivered against his skin as he put his arms around him and laid his cheek against his chest. "Cloud….oh, Cloud!" He began to thrust into the gripping heat, his body instinctively performing motions it hadn't done in years.

"Zack," panted the blond, his brows furrowing as his lover's thick cock stroked inside of him.

It almost hurt but he was steadily adjusting to Zack's size and he was well on his way to another orgasm. He gasped sharply with surprise as his lover suddenly moved. Cloud found himself on his back with his legs hooked over Zack's shoulders. He cried out as the bigger man started taking him with deep, powerful thrusts.

Zack paused for a moment when he heard the ragged cry burst from Cloud's lips, but when he saw the blond's expression of ecstasy and realized he wasn't in pain, he resumed. He rolled his hips smoothly, driving himself in and out of the blond's body with desperate need. He lowered his head to kiss Cloud's throat, growling softly with pleasure. Cloud's hands clawed at his back and his cries grew louder and more urgent with each thrust. For someone that was normally so quiet in everyday life, Cloud Strife was a loudmouth in the bedroom.

Zack grinned through his pleasure, finding his companion's vocalizations gratifying, sexy and even kind of cute. The helpless expression on Cloud's face and the way he moistened his gasping lips with the tip of his tongue served to excite Zack further.

"Can you...handle more?" Zack panted, resisting the urge to cut loose.

"More," agreed the blond, his blue eyes drifting shut with ecstasy. "Fuck me, Zack."

Cloud's raw, passionate command did away with whatever restraint Zack had left. He entwined his fingers with the blond's and held his hands over his head as he obliged him, bucking like a wild thing and re-claiming what had been lost to him for all this time.

"Mine," Zack growled.

Cloud's cries of encouragement sounded almost tortured and he evidently agreed with the statement whole-heartedly.

"C-coming," blurted Cloud hoarsely, his hands clutching Zack's painfully.

* * *

Zack felt his lover's cock bucking against his stomach and he moaned, loving the feel of him spurting against his skin. He watched the tension bleed out of Cloud's expression as the orgasm finished and he admired the look of relief and pleasure on his face. He slowed his pumping to a less frantic pace, satisfied that he'd figuratively marked his territory. He bowed his head to give him a kiss and their breath intermingled as their mouths touched. Zack would have loved to keep doing this for the rest of the day and all through the night, but he could feel the tension growing in his pelvis and he knew it wouldn't be long before he came.

"Love you," Zack panted between kisses.

"Love you too," answered Cloud with a sweet, satisfied smile.

He gasped softly as Zack gave a particularly powerful thrust and held himself deep inside of him. He caressed his face as Zack tensed and came inside of him. Cloud shut his eyes and murmured that it felt good. When it finished, Zack collapsed on top of him, trembling all over from the experience. Cloud rubbed his back and kissed his sweating face.

Zack lifted his head and stared down at Cloud, his lips parted with wonder as he caught his breath. "Wow," he murmured. "That was…wow."

"So I guess that mean's we'll be doing that again as soon as we get our second wind?" suggested the blond with a smirk.

"Oh yeah," Zack agreed. "I wanna do that as much as I can."

* * *

They showered together after that and Zack got frisky again. Cloud protested half-heartedly when the other man pinned him against the shower wall but his complaints died quickly when his cock ended up in Zack's mouth. As soon as he finished sucking him off, Zack carried him back into the bedroom and made love to him without bothering to dry their bodies off, first.

When it was over, they both lay pleasantly exhausted, with Zack spooned up against Cloud's back. The latter noticed the angle of the sunbeams coming in from the shutter and he realized night was falling.

"Zack," Cloud murmured, turning his head, "you hungry?"

"Mmm?" Zack lifted his head and nuzzled the blond's neck. "Kind of." He stroked a hand over Cloud's stomach, admiring the soft skin and firm muscles beneath. Cloud turned around to face him and he began to trace the scars on Zack's torso with his fingers. Zack's body reacted shamelessly to the touch and he grinned as his groin stirred against the other man's thigh.

Cloud noticed it too and he faked a groan. "We've got to eat sometime, Zack."

"After this," insisted the sable-haired fighter as he put an arm around Cloud and started kissing him.

"Mmph…everywhere is going to be closed if we put it off much longer," protested the blond against Zack's lips.

"Want you more than food," Zack murmured petulantly, rolling onto his back and carrying Cloud with him.

* * *

Cloud chuckled in spite of himself as he straddled his lover's hips. The feel of Zack's hardening length pressing against his groin made Cloud harden too. "I'm not going to be able to walk tomorrow," he predicted softly.

Zack began to trace lazy patterns on the blond's stomach and chest as he grinned up at him. "I'll carry you."

"I think you're going to have to," agreed Cloud—only partially kidding. Not that he had any real objections to having sex with Zack again and again. He'd been starved for years and they wouldn't be able to do it again until Zack got his new room. Cloud lowered his mouth to the other man's and kissed him deeply, deciding that they had enough time for a quickie before the shops and diners closed for the night.

They worked quickly, both young men eager and increasingly impatient as their arousal grew. Cloud was still somewhat stretched from the last time so all they really needed to do was apply the lube. This time he rode Zack without getting flipped onto his back in the middle of it. The dark-haired man stared up at him with heavy-lidded eyes and he fondled Cloud's erection while the blond rocked on him. He matched Cloud's rhythm and he again demonstrated that he had caught on to reading Cloud's body language and acting on what felt best to him.

"Not gonna last," Cloud groaned.

Shiva, it was like Zack was put together specifically for him. His shaft always put the right amount of pressure on his internal gland. The length and girth were both perfect…long and thick enough to make him gasp without causing undue pain for him. Cloud moaned his lover's name as the thrusts of his cock and the strokes of his hand brought him closer and closer.

"Do it for me," Zack demanded breathlessly, staring up at the undulating blond with an openly admiring, tense expression.

Cloud shuddered as he stroked his rigid length faster and harder. He threw his head back and cried out as his orgasm approached. Zack watched as the flushed cock he was stroking pulsed and shot several little spurts of creamy fluid. Either the sight of Cloud coming or the feel of his body clenching around him did Zack in. He shut his eyes and gasped Cloud's name as he unloaded inside of him.

* * *

Cloud sighed as he recovered from the climax and he opened his eyes and looked down at his companion. His expression of bliss faded into a little frown. "Uh, don't move, Zack."

Zack opened his eyes and gazed up at him blankly, still dazed from his release. "What's wrong?" He then felt a trickle under his nose and he started to reach up to cover it.

"Nosebleed," said Cloud softly. He winced as he got off of the larger man and hurried to the bathroom for some toilet paper.

Zack watched him with confusion. He was pretty sure he'd have felt it if Cloud punched him in the nose while they were having sex. "Why is it bleeding?"

Cloud returned with the toilet paper and helped Zack sit up. He pinched the toilet paper over his nose and gave him a soft smile. "It just happens sometimes. Uh…usually when you get too excited."

Zack frowned. "Why didn't it happen earlier, then?" If excitement was to blame for it, his nose should have been bleeding like crazy as soon as he and Cloud started playing.

"Well, it doesn't _always_ happen," Cloud tried to explain. "This is only the third or fourth time I've ever seen it happen on its own." He bit his lip to control the urge to laugh as he remembered the very first time he and Zack had sex.

"What's so funny?" Zack asked with a grin.

"You got a nosebleed the night we had sex for the first time," Cloud admitted.

"Doesn't sound very romantic," sighed Zack.

"I didn't care." Cloud shrugged. "You were sure embarrassed about it, though." He noticed that Zack was blushing faintly and he stroked his hair with his free hand. "Just like you're embarrassed now. It's not a big deal, okay?"

"I guess," Zack reluctantly agreed.

Cloud pulled the toilet paper away and checked Zack's nose. "See, it's already stopped," he informed him. "Nothing to worry about. Let's get dressed and go someplace for dinner."

Zack nodded and searched for his clothes. Personally, he would have been happy eating in so that he could touch and kiss Cloud as much as he wanted, without worrying about offending anyone. He supposed going without for a couple of hours wouldn't kill him.

* * *

-To be continued


	9. Chapter 9

They hardly slept at all that night. Zack dutifully took his medication when they returned to the room but it only put him to sleep for a couple of hours. His dread over returning to the hospital and being unable to touch Cloud when he wanted made him desperate. Cloud drifted off a few times, only to be woken up by Zack's kisses. Once upon a time he'd have snapped at him for constantly waking him up but now, he appreciated every moment of it. He was good and sore by the time he and Zack finally succumbed to exhaustion, just a couple of hours before sunrise.

Cloud woke up to the sound of persistent knocking on the door and he glanced at his watch to see that it was late in the morning. He groaned softly and Zack stirred beside him, nuzzling his hair affectionately even in his sleep.

"Just a minute," Cloud called as he reluctantly pulled out of Zack's embrace and gathered his clothes off the floor. He slipped into his underwear and pants before answering the door. "Sorry," he apologized to the doctor, "we uh…didn't go to sleep until after midnight, or I'd have been up already."

Dr. Clark glanced over Cloud's shoulder and caught sight of Zack sitting up and stretching. He hastily averted his eyes as the young man stood up to reveal that he was quite naked. "Oh, er…no worries. Just meet me down in the lobby when you get your things together and I'll drive us back to the hospital."

Cloud nodded, unaware that his lover was buck naked and coming up behind him. "We'll be down soon." He wondered why the doctor looked so tense and as he shut the door and turned around, he yelped in surprise. "Zack, were you standing there like that the _whole_ time?"

Zack shrugged. "Most of it, yeah."

Cloud blushed. No wonder the doctor had gotten so uncomfortable all the sudden. His eyes scanned Zack's body helplessly and he gulped when the other man's softened member began to swell. "We definitely don't have time for that," Cloud muttered as Zack stepped closer.

"No time for a kiss?" persisted Zack with a smile. He lowered his mouth to Cloud's and captured his lips.

Cloud sighed softly and parted his lips to allow Zack's caressing tongue in. Maybe just one kiss wouldn't hurt. The kiss deepened and Zack's hands cupped his bottom. Cloud pulled away and shook his head. "The doctor's waiting for us," he said breathlessly.

Zack sighed and nodded. "Wish I could stay here," he murmured.

Cloud bit his lip and crossed the room to go through the bag of new clothes he'd bought for Zack. "I know," he said through and aching throat. "But you're doing so good, I'll bet they'll release you sooner than we thought. Just keep trying hard, okay?"

"I will." Zack took the clothes that his lover handed to him and he started getting dressed.

"Uh, do you wander around naked a lot?" Cloud asked as he watched Zack tug his undies over his hips.

"No," Zack shook his head. "But they watch me shower."

Cloud's jaw dropped. "They…they do?"

Zack nodded and pulled his pants on. "In case I need help," he explained. He looked up from his task and smiled a little at the discomfort on Cloud's face. "It's nothing dirty."

"Of course not," Cloud muttered, embarrassed by the direction his thoughts immediately went. No wonder Zack seemed even more immodest than ever—he was simply used to undressing and showering in front of someone else.

"Do you think I scared Doc?" Zack asked thoughtfully, scratching his chin.

"I think you just surprised him," answered Cloud with a smirk. "Or maybe he was just uncomfortable because he figured out why you were naked. You wouldn't want to think of him having sex, would you?"

Zack made a face and looked down at his deflating crotch. "Goodbye, boner."

Cloud choked on a laugh. "Well, that's one way to control that sex drive of yours."

* * *

On their way out of town, the doctor stopped at a candy shop so that Cloud could get Zack a caramel apple for later. The couple sat close together in the back seat, holding hands and whispering to each other. Dr. Clark watched them covertly through the rear-view mirror and his heart ached for them. He'd considered abandoning his treatment plan for Zack and letting him recover at his own pace. Seeing how depressed he looked now, Dr. Clark's determination to speed up the process returned. It would have to wait until after Zack's evaluation but he was almost certain that the treatment would work…even if it was going to be hard on Zack.

* * *

When they arrived, Zack hesitated after stepping out of the vehicle. The doctor looked at him with a concerned frown. "Zackary?"

Cloud got out beside his lover and he took his hand. "Come on, Zack. Let's go put your new clothes away." He held up the bag as a reminder, trying to cheer him up.

"Do I have to change clothes?" Zack asked the doctor. He'd just had his first taste of a real life after years of illness and the hospital clothes only served as a painful reminder that he wasn't well.

"Not unless you want to," answered Dr. Clark soothingly.

"I'm going to buy you some more clothes, now that I've got your measurements," Cloud promised with a forced smile. "Pajamas and boxer shorts too, so you'll have a selection to sleep in."

Zack looked at him and nodded, but he still seemed unhappy. "Thanks."

Cloud squeezed his hand and led him away from the car.

* * *

"So, do I have your approval or not?"

Dr. Matthews sighed. "You have my approval for a trial basis. If the patient doesn't show visible improvement after four sessions or if it causes him to get worse, you're to immediately stop the treatments."

"Absolutely," Dr. Clark agreed. "I'll begin after he's been moved to his new floor."

"What makes you so sure he's going to moving to the third floor?"

Dr. Clark smiled, unperturbed. "You've seen his progress yourself, Karl. I have no doubt that his evaluation will result in a status change."

"Fair enough," agreed Dr. Matthews, "but I think it's odd that you want to start an experimental treatment method on him after he's moved to a lower security floor. His stay there might end up being really short, if you're wrong about this."

"I'm not wrong about it," insisted Dr. Clark. "We'll do his therapy sessions in a padded room, to reduce the risk of injury to him or anyone else. His blond companion is the final piece of the puzzle and if I can get him to cooperate, Zack's recovery should be a sure thing."

"I really hope you're right about that," sighed Dr. Matthews.

* * *

Cloud felt fresh guilt when he left that evening. He felt like he'd flaunted a normal life in Zack's face and then yanked it out from under him. Of course, Zack's lethargy could also be attributed to lack of sleep but Cloud was sure a large part of it was depression at being stuck back in the hospital again.

He had a couple of delivery orders pending and he thought about doing a night run for the extra gil and to get his mind off of Zack, but exhaustion stopped him from doing it. He wouldn't be much good to his lover if he ended up nodding off while driving and getting himself killed. Instead, he went straight back to town and went to bed early.

* * *

The next day, Cloud arrived at the hospital just before visiting hours and he found out that Zack had another episode the night before. Dr. Clark met him at the security doors and explained that the new fish tank they'd just put in the lounge seemed to be the trigger, this time.

"I just don't understand it," the doctor sighed. "Watching fish is usually soothing for psychological patients but Zack took one look at it and ran away!" He pointed out a new dent on the left security door. "He tried to break it down."

Cloud shut his eyes and rubbed his temples. "How big is this fish tank?"

"Rather huge, actually," answered the doctor.

"When you say 'huge'," Cloud murmured, "how big are we talking? Big enough for a man to fit in it?"

Dr. Clark blinked at him. "Er…I suppose. It stands at six feet tall and it's on a platform."

Cloud groaned. "Oh, no. Tell me it's not cylindrical."

"No, it's octagonal in shape," answered the doctor with a suspicious look. "Why would that make any…oh. Oh, I'm such a jackass."

"Yup," Cloud agreed, pressing his mouth into a thin line. "I'm betting that tank looks enough like the Mako tanks Hojo kept us in to freak Zack out. You didn't consider that?"

Dr. Clark sighed. "No, I really didn't. If I had, I would have waited until after the weekend to show it to him."

Cloud furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about?"

"I need to sit down with you and Zack and discuss the furthering of his treatment." The doctor looked at Cloud searchingly. "Do you recall what I said to you when Zack had his scan, about confronting the past?"

Cloud thought about it and nodded. "Don't know how you expect him to confront his past when he can't…remember…most of it…" He trailed off and went still as the statement took on a whole new meaning.

"He remembers a little more after each episode he has," pointed out the doctor, "Every time Zack has one of his attacks, he gets a little more of himself back. You've seen the proof of that yourself, Cloud."

"So what are you saying? He needs to have more fits to get better?" Cloud was horrified by the thought but it made sense. When Zack was caught in a flashback, he sounded like his old self. His speech had improved in the time Cloud had been there and those improvements happened _after_ having his flashbacks.

"Let's discuss this with Zack," insisted the doctor. "He should still be in his room."

* * *

Zack was in bed with his back to the door when Cloud and the doctor entered his room.

"Zack?" Cloud hurried over and stroked his lover's dark hair out of his eyes. "Hey, what are you doing still in bed?"

The amethyst eyes blinked open and the dark head turned to regard him. "I didn't sleep much last night." He rolled over to face the blond, clutching his chocobo plushy under his arm.

"Why not?" asked Cloud, "You should have slept like a log with how tired you were when I left."

Zack shrugged and his sooty lashes lowered. "I had nightmares."

"Nightmares about the tank?" Cloud guessed.

Zack looked at him with surprise and nodded. "How did you know?"

Cloud shot an annoyed look over his shoulder at the doctor, who had shut the door and stood quietly in front of it. "Dr. Clark told me about your episode. I could have told him the fish tank was a bad idea but since I didn't know about it…" He shrugged helplessly and rubbed Zack's shoulder.

"Why did it scare me like that?" Zack wondered aloud, his raven brows knitting with confusion. "It's just…water…right?" He shivered.

Cloud worked his mouth and tried to come up with an explanation, but Zack sat up in the bed anxiously and stared into his eyes before he could speak. "Cloud, was I ever…in a tank?"

The blond swallowed and nodded. "We both were," he answered.

Zack's eyes unfocused as he struggled to remember. "It was like drowning," he murmured.

Cloud nodded wordlessly and took Zack's hand. "That's why the fish tank scared you," he whispered.

"And you remember all of it?" queried the dark-haired man.

"I remember enough," Cloud answered grimly. "And if you're remembering some of it then it's no wonder you couldn't sleep last night."

"I want to remember the good things," Zack said with a frown.

"We may be able to make that happen for you," announced Dr. Clark, finally speaking up.

Zack looked at him. "How?"

The doctor approached and he gave him a sympathetic look. "By helping you face the bad ones."

"I don't get it," Zack said with a shake of his head.

Cloud gave the doctor a wary look. "He thinks your fits are what's going to cure you."

Zack blinked. "Uh…I don't think so, Doc. The fits are bad. Seeing things that aren't there is _bad_."

"I agree with you," said the doctor patiently. "Your flashbacks are obviously very traumatizing for you, Zackary. However, have you stopped and listened to yourself speak today? You're even more coherent than you were yesterday, before your latest attack."

Zack lowered his eyes and absently squeezed Cloud's hand. "I…that doesn't mean anything."

"No?" Dr. Clark persisted, "Then why is it you weren't able to tell time until after you had one of your attacks? Why is it that you didn't remember Cloud until after one of them…or your own name, for that matter? This hasn't been a slow, gradual process for you, son. You've been improving by leaps and bounds between episodes. Your fits are helping your mind to reconnect and you gain back a little piece of yourself after each one."

"So I'll have to have them for the rest of my life?" Zack looked up at the doctor pleadingly.

"No," the older man answered gently. "Only until your mind is healed. I don't think these are ordinary psychotic episodes you're having, Zack. I believe they're symptoms of your mind trying to pull itself back together. They might stop occurring completely when the process is finished, in fact."

Cloud felt a fresh burst of hope. He'd never thought of it that way and the doctor's theory made even more sense to him now. He looked sidelong at his lover and bit his lip. "So what do you plan on doing? Weaning him off the meds that help control the fits?"

"There's that," agreed the doctor, "and there's also deliberate inducement."

"You mean purposely triggering them?" Cloud felt sick to his stomach and Zack went pale.

"Not all at once," explained the doctor hastily, "I want to help Zack, not torture him. In order to hasten his recovery, we need for him to have his flashbacks but under a reasonably controlled level. We can begin by triggering one per day. If he feels he can handle more than that, we can bump it up to two or three but that's up to him to decide. I would like it if you could be here for each session, Cloud. Your presence helps him get through these flashbacks and that may prove invaluable to this treatment."

The doctor looked into Zack's eyes. "The question for you, Zack, is how far you're willing to go. How much is it worth to you, to be healthy again and live a normal life with Cloud? We could let it progress on its own but with this therapy, it will go much faster."

* * *

Zack looked at his blond lover, studying the face, hair and eyes he loved so much. He was scared, but he was more afraid of being stuck in this hospital for the rest of his life. If the doctor was right, the suffering he'd have to go through to get out of there faster was only temporary.

Zack set his jaw and nodded. "I'll do it."

* * *

Since Zack wouldn't go anywhere near the entertainment room while the fish tank was in there, he and Cloud spent most of their visitation time in the yard, activity room or his bedroom. Dr. Clark began arranging to start Zack on his new treatments after the weekend. Cloud was anxious about Zack's upcoming evaluation, as well as the looming therapy sessions. He tried not to let his anxiety show in front of Zack but the dark-haired man knew him too well and he picked up on it anyway. Near the end of the week, they were resting under their favorite tree, with Cloud seated between Zack's thighs and his back resting against his chest. Zack sensed his tension and he sighed.

"Don't worry," Zack murmured to him. "I'm tough, Chocobo."

Cloud smiled and twisted around to look at him. "That's the first time you've used that pet name since we found each other."

Zack put his arms around him and squeezed him. "You hate it, don't you?"

"I used to," agreed the blond. He rested his head against Zack's shoulder and laid his hands over the other man's. "Now I love hearing you say it."

Zack looked around hastily and when he didn't see anyone in eyeshot, he kissed Cloud on the mouth, cupping his chin in one hand. Cloud responded eagerly and their tongues fenced for a few moments before the blond pulled away.

"Gotta be careful about that," Cloud breathed, dizzy from the kiss.

"Not for much longer," Zack countered with a wink. "I'm passing that test this weekend and getting more…um…rights." He still ran into verbal hitches now and then with longer words like "privileges" but he rarely stammered anymore.

Cloud had to admire his confidence and he agreed; it was time for Zack's status to reflect his recovery level. He just hoped that the experimental treatment Dr. Clark wanted to give him wouldn't do the opposite of what they hoped and worsen his condition.

* * *

When Cloud returned to town that evening, he shopped for some new clothes for Zack and then took advantage of the tavern on the first floor of the Inn. His nerves were stretched far too taut and he needed to wind down if he was going to get any sleep at all. He took a seat at one of the tables and ordered a beer and a shot of whiskey when the waitress came by. While he waited, he unfolded the newspaper he'd bought on his way in and he started scanning through it absently. His drinks arrived and he immediately downed the shot and chased it with a few swigs of beer, grimacing at the burn as it went down.

"So, do they have anything decent playing at the theater here?"

Cloud froze at the sound of the familiar voice. "What are you doing here?"

A hand reached out and tugged the newspaper down, revealing Reno's angular features. The Turk had walked in and seated himself across from Cloud without the blond even hearing him. "Hello to you too, Blondie."

Cloud sighed and folded his newspaper back up. "That's not an answer."

Reno shrugged. "I'm just passing through on an assignment."

"And you just happened to come into the Inn and recognized me?" Cloud narrowed his eyes.

"No man, I knew you were here." Reno gave him a cocky grin. "But I really _am_ just passing through. Thought I'd look you up and say 'hi' while I'm here, yo."

"How did you know I was here?" Cloud demanded.

Reno sighed and sucked his teeth for a moment before digging his cell phone out of his blazer and flipping it open. "Ya find some interesting shit on the internet once in a while," said the redhead lightly. "I was having lunch yesterday and browsing those home video sites, looking for footage of idiots fucking themselves up with dumb stunts. Guess what I found?"

Cloud had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach but he shook his head ignorantly. Reno searched through his media files and held the phone up for Cloud's inspection as he started one. The blond immediately snarled a curse when he saw footage of Zack fighting off the street gang. He watched himself arrive with his sword to put an end to it and the clip finished with the WRO peacekeepers arriving.

Reno snapped the phone shut and waggled his eyebrows at him before replacing the device in his pocket. "Neat, huh? Now, I wonder who that dude with the black hair was?" He pretended to think about it for a moment, his tourmaline eyes sly on Cloud. He snapped his fingers as if struck with an epiphany. "Oh, I know! Ya see, the hair threw me off for a little while but all I had to do was watch his moves and imagine his hair all spiky. Guess what I came up with?"

"He was just some guy they were picking on," Cloud muttered, his jaw clenching.

Reno shook his head. "Nope. Well yeah, it looked like they picked the wrong guy to bully but he wasn't just _'some guy'._ Lemme see…who's the guy Cloud Strife been mooning over for all these years? I think his name started with a 'Z' or something…"

"Reno," Cloud sighed, "what do you _want_?"

"Closure," the redhead answered. He waved a barmaid over and ordered a beer for himself. When she went to get it, he looked at Cloud again. "I just want to know what the fuck is going on, Strife. Was that your dead boyfriend I saw on that clip or what?"

"Does it really matter?" Cloud asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah, it really matters, man." The barmaid returned with Reno's beer and he stuffed a few gil in her apron before taking it from her. "See, I've been telling myself all this time that I was trying to compete with a damned ghost."

"What difference would it make?" Cloud asked angrily, "I thought he was dead when you and I were together!"

"Ah-ha! So it WAS him on that video clip!" Reno nodded with satisfaction and took a long drink from his beer. "So when did ya find out your boy was alive, anyhow? I'm guessing sometime before you took off for your 'vacation', huh?"

Cloud sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I ran into him by accident. I was finishing up a delivery to Kalm and I spotted him getting on the bus with some other patients. I've been staying here trying to help him get better, ever since."

* * *

"Get better?" Repeated Reno. Suddenly the significance of that jumper Zack had been wearing dawned on him. It wasn't a fashion statement; it was hospital issued clothing. "Uh, what's wrong with him?" He reviewed a mental map of the area, trying to remember where the nearest hospital was. Kalm had a medical clinic but it wasn't a place for extended care.

Cloud swallowed. "It's his head," he murmured, lowering his eyes. "When the ShinRa troops shot him in the head it put him in a catatonic state but didn't kill him. Someone found him and took him to the hospital. After they did surgery on him they brought him to the psychological hospital up in the hills near here."

Reno stared at him, bewildered. "He looked like he knew what he was doing in that clip," he said. It was hard to imagine Zack Fair in a catatonic state.

"He's come a long way since then," Cloud said. He explained everything to Reno then and the Turk bought them both another round of drinks when they finished their beers. There was a time when Cloud never would have given the redhead this much information, but ShinRa and the Turks weren't his enemies any longer and sometimes, they were even allies.

"I don't want a bunch of people to know about this," Cloud said when he finished explaining the situation. "I know Hojo's gone and things are different now, but Zack doesn't need a bunch of curious people coming around to bother him. When he's well enough I'm going to bring him home with me."

Reno nodded slowly. "I get what you're saying Cloud, but what do you want me to do…shut down the internet? That clip's already been viewed about a thousand times, yo."

"Even people that knew Zack won't easily recognize him and put two and two together," reasoned Cloud. "Not everyone's as sharp as you, Reno."

The Turk chuckled. "Damn straight. Hmm, so this experimental treatment his doctor wants to give him…is it dangerous?"

"He doesn't think so," Cloud answered hesitantly. "But it's going to be hard on Zack. He's got to suffer through flashbacks that are really traumatic for him. The doctor thinks they're a symptom of his brain trying to piece everything back together, so he wants to induce more of them to speed up his recovery."

Reno thought about the information and he absently turned his bottle and stared at the label. "Sounds to me like the doc's trying to reboot his brain," the Turk muttered, "So does your baby understand what they're trying to do or can he even consent?"

* * *

"He understands," Cloud confirmed, his throat tightening. He swallowed another drink of beer. "He's being really brave about it."

"But you're scared shitless," Reno observed, not smiling. When Cloud only shrugged, the Turk sighed. "Ya know, I remember the first time I saw you. They put you in the middle of a war before you were even old enough to be deployed and Zack pulled every string he could to come and get ya himself. You were this cute, innocent thing that sat there petrified in my chopper 'cause you saw Sephiroth slice and dice some poor fucker when they rescued you. Remember that day, Blondie?"

Cloud nodded. "I remember." He'd never forget that day or the night that followed it, so long as he lived.

"When you finished telling me about this new treatment they're gonna try on Zack, you got the same look on your face that you had in the chopper that day. You're good and scared, Strife." Reno sighed and gazed at him with the first expression of real sympathy Cloud had ever seen on his face. "You and Zack always _were_ good together but I figured some other guy might be able to take his place if he tried hard enough." A bitter smile curved Reno's mouth briefly but it went away quickly, lacking the strength of his usual resentment. "Some people are just meant for each other, I guess. I never had a chance with you and now I know why."

Cloud stared miserably at him. "I'm s—"

"Don't say you're 'sorry', Blondie," interrupted the Turk sharply. "I can't stand your guilt anymore. It doesn't shock me as much as I thought it would to find out Zack Fair's so hard-headed even a bullet to his skull couldn't bring him down." Reno stood up and gave Cloud a crooked smile and a wink. "Best of luck, kiddo. I've got to motor…I've got a hot date in Nibelheim tomorrow and I need to get plenty of shut-eye."

Cloud stared blankly at him as he started to walk away.

_~I'm never going to understand him. Wait, did he say Nibelheim?~_

"You've got a date in Nibelheim?" Cloud called out to him. "Who lives there that would catch _your_ eye?"

"Ya mean besides you?" Reno smirked over his shoulder. "I'll give you a hint: he used to be one of us."

"One…of us?" Cloud repeated with a confused frown.

"A Turk, dingbat," Reno sighed. "Catch ya later. I'll send Zack a get well card or something next week, man."

Cloud ogled his ex. His brain felt like it was frozen as he worked the information over. "No way," he whispered. He could only think of _one_ person in Nibelheim that fit Reno's description and it seemed utterly impossible. "Reno and…Vincent?"

"Wait," Cloud called. Reno paused again and gave him an exasperated look. "You're dating Vincent?"

Reno shrugged. "Dating, spanking, fucking…call it whatever ya want. Yeah. Can I go now?"

Cloud nodded stupidly, having lost his power of speech.

_~Well, now I can cross Vincent off my list of people that might be Tifa's mystery date. Shit, maybe I SHOULD schedule a counseling session with Dr. Clark. I don't know which way is up anymore.~_

* * *

Zack seemed very pleased the next day when Cloud presented him with the three sets of pajamas and an equal number of boxer shorts he'd bought the day before. "I'll pick you up some more everyday clothes next week," Cloud told him as he put them away in his dresser. "I've got a couple of night deliveries lined up so I should have plenty of extra cash for it."

Zack looked a little concerned. "Don't wear yourself out," he cautioned. "I don't know when you find the time to sleep and I don't want you to end up sick or splattered in a car wreck."

"I'll be okay," Cloud assured him. He reached up and traced the other man's jaw with his fingers. "Hmm, you need a shave." Well, he didn't really _need_ a shave. Cloud personally thought a little stubble was kind of sexy on Zack.

"Maybe they'll let you do it today," suggested Zack.

"Maybe," Cloud nodded. "I'll go ask."

Zack sat down on his bed and waited while Cloud left to find a nurse and ask about shaving him. Several minutes later the blond came back in with a disposable razor, a washcloth and a can of shaving foam.

"Guess I'm your barber today," Cloud said with a smile.

Zack returned the smile and got off the bed. He went into the bathroom and the blond followed him. Moments later, Zack was sitting on the closed toilet seat and Cloud was straddling his lap and spreading the lather over his face. Zack's hands rested familiarly on his ass and Cloud was thankful that he'd had the good sense to shut and lock the bathroom door behind him. Zack was kneading his bottom and if the growing tent in his cargo pants was any indication, he was enjoying doing it immensely.

"I'm shaving you," Cloud chuckled, "not giving you a lap dance."

Zack shrugged. "I don't see the difference." He stroked his hands over Cloud's denim-clad bottom and grinned.

"Okay, that's enough," chastised the blond. "I need you to hold a straight face while I'm doing this, Zack."

"Got it." Zack plastered a ridiculously serious expression on his face while Cloud reached for the razor resting on the sink. The blond heaved a sigh when he looked at Zack again.

"I said a 'straight face', Zack…not one that looks like you just ate a pile of earwax."

Zack chuckled and relaxed his face as Cloud began. He carefully dragged the razor over Zack's jaw with slow, smooth strokes, pausing to rinse it off in the sink after each sweep. Zack behaved for the first few minutes but by the time Cloud was halfway through, his hands were busy again. It didn't get too distracting until those hands slipped underneath Cloud's sweater and started feeling up his torso.

"You're going to make me cut you," Cloud warned, pausing when Zack tweaked his nipples to hardness.

Zack sighed and relented, sliding his hands back down to cup his bottom again. With a smirk and a little shake of his head, the blond resumed and worked a little faster than before. He had an obvious erection by the time he finished and he cleared his throat and reached for the washcloth to wipe the remaining traces of foam off of his boyfriend's face.

"There," Cloud said with satisfaction. "All done and I didn't nick you once. I guess you don't use aftershave."

"I tried to drink it once," Zack said with a nod.

Cloud paused and stared at him. "Seriously?"

"Yeah," Zack grinned sheepishly. "It smelled good so I thought it might taste good, too. Pretty dumb, huh?"

Cloud chuckled. "Well I'm sure you won't try that again. Maybe next time I can get them to give me some for you." He tried to get up but Zack's arms went around him and held him in place.

"Where are you going?" Zack purred.

"Um, I'm returning the shaving stuff," answered Cloud softly.

"Not yet," insisted the dark-haired man. He kissed his flustered companion, muffling any argument he might have made.

Cloud didn't pull away from the kiss, deciding that there was no harm in a little bit of making out when the door was locked. He gasped into Zack's mouth as the other man groped his stiffened crotch and started massaging it through his jeans.

"Now, that's going a little too far," Cloud warned, reaching down to tug the hand away. Zack's mouth crushed against his again and his hand squeezed in a way that made the blond moan. The strength of Cloud's grip on his wrist bled out and he shifted on top of his lover, unconsciously pushing into his touch. He felt a tug and heard his zipper go down a second later. Cloud broke the kiss again and mumbled a protest. "Hey, we agreed not to do this again until you move to the next floor," he reminded breathlessly.

" _You_ agreed," corrected Zack. "I don't want to wait."

"But your evaluation's tomorrow!" Cloud huffed. "You can't wait one more day?"

"I can," Zack agreed. Then he smiled mischievously at the blond. "But I don't want to." He kissed him again and started burrowing his hand into the opening of his jeans.

Cloud groaned helplessly as his lover eased his erection out of his pants and started stroking the exposed length of it. "Damn it, Zack," he sighed, giving up the struggle.

He kissed the other man aggressively and started returning the favor, busily undoing Zack's navy blue cargo pants with eager hands. Zack's breath quickened with excitement and he thrust his tongue suggestively within Cloud's mouth as the blond freed his erection from his pants. Cloud put his hand over Zack's again and he guided his hand to his own erection. Cloud pushed his cock against Zack's and coaxed him to wrap his hand around both of them. The blond's hand covered Zack's and closed the gap as he began to guide his motions.

"Do you remember this?" Cloud asked against his lips as he rocked slowly and encouraged Zack to keep stroking. "You're the one that taught it to me."

Zack nodded uncertainly. "Were we…on a couch the first time we…did this?" His voice was husky with pleasure and his breath caught as he spoke.

"Yeah," answered Cloud just as breathlessly. "It was in your quarters. We…uh…did it in the theater once, too."

"In public?" Zack's eyes widened and he smirked.

"Well," gasped Cloud, his eyes shutting blissfully, "it wasn't a popular…movie and it was a midnight show…so we were the only ones in the theater."

"Hmm, naughty," Zack murmured. He squeezed a little harder and sped up his strokes. "I like this," he sighed, kissing Cloud enthusiastically.

There were so many other things they had yet to try and Cloud smiled against Zack's lips. Not everything they did together was always vanilla. While he wasn't quite as kinky as Reno, Zack had a few guilty pleasures of his own. He liked feathers, blindfolds, creative use of ice cubes and the occasional swat on the ass. Of course, Cloud didn't intent to test whether Zack still liked any of that stuff until his state of mind was more stable. He moved restlessly against the other man and began moan steadily as their strokes brought him closer to his peak. Zack's breath was likewise shuddering and he echoed Cloud's grunts and moans of pleasure.

Zack lasted for perhaps another two minutes before he tensed and thrust his hips upwards. Cloud muffled his groan of satisfaction with a kiss and like the first time he'd pleasured Zack in the restroom, he cupped his hand over his cock when he came to keep the mess to a minimum. True to form, Zack didn't slow or stop his stroking once he obtained his relief. He kept going and kissed Cloud heatedly as he caught his breath and strove to give Cloud the same pleasure. The blond struggled to contain his cries, all too aware that he couldn't be as vocal as he was in the privacy of the Inn room.

"Mnuh….Zack," Cloud finally blurted, unable to help it.

He lay his head on the other man's shoulder and came, barely remembering to keep his free hand cupped over the fount. Zack slowed the motions of his hand and rubbed his cheek against Cloud's, sighing his name with delight. Cloud flopped his messy hand over the sink and gave the other man a slow kiss before easing out of his grip and off of his lap. He washed his hands carefully and rinsed the washcloth out before turning back to his companion and checking to be sure he didn't have any spunk on him. He found a couple of spots and he winced and wiped at them with the washcloth.

"Might have to change your shirt," he murmured, still winded from his orgasm.

Zack glanced down and saw the two spots Cloud was trying to wipe away. "I guess your right," he said. He tucked himself back into his underwear and did up his pants. He grinned when he saw the tip of Cloud's sated member still peeking out of his jeans and he impulsively reached out and petted it with his fingers. Cloud jumped a little and Zack laughed.

"Skittish," teased the brunet.

"You took me by surprise, is all." Cloud quickly adjusted himself and zipped his jeans. "Now, I've got to go return this shaving stuff before someone comes to see what's taking so long." He blushed at the smug expression of satisfaction on Zack's face. "Yeah, you got your way. You don't have to look so happy about it."

"But it's fun when I get my way," argued Zack with a wink.

Cloud rolled his eyes, but he smiled.

* * *

Leaving that evening was particularly hard on Cloud. As cavalier as Zack was trying to be about his upcoming evaluation, he couldn't hide his anxiety from Cloud anymore than the blond could hide his feelings from him. They embraced by Zack's door and Cloud stroked his back.

"I'll be waiting in the activity room tomorrow when you finish your tests," Cloud promised. "Just take your time and think of it like any of your regular exercises."

"I'll try," Zack agreed. "I…wish you could stay."

"I do too," Cloud murmured. He kissed the other man softly. "Just think though, soon I can stay overnight with you, as often as we want."

Zack nodded but part of him suffered uncertainty. What if he _wasn't_ recovered enough to move to the third floor? After finally being so intimate with Cloud, he wasn't sure he could handle more sneaking around and restraint. He stroked his lover's soft golden hair and breathed in his scent before releasing him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Sunshine." Zack forced a smile and patted Cloud's shoulder. The blond gave him one of those sweet, quiet little smiles that always made his heart skip a beat.

* * *

Zack sighed and stared at the pills in his cup.

"Something wrong, dear?" Nurse Walters regarded him kindly but he knew she could be strict when patients didn't behave.

"I hope I can stop taking these someday," he answered honestly.

"Of course you do, honey," she said gently. "But you know, one day you'll get old like me and you'll end up having to take pills everyday anyhow." She gave him a wrinkled smile and patted him on the cheek.

Zack returned the smile and shrugged before taking his medication and handing the cups back to her. She bid him sweet dreams and turned the light out before shutting the door. It took Zack a minute to realize he was standing there in the dark. He'd completely forgotten to hop onto the safety of his bed before the light went out.

"Huh," he said with interest, scratching his head. It wasn't so scary to him anymore. Still, he was glad for the dim light shed by his nightlight and he walked to his bed and climbed into it, automatically grabbing Sunny and holding him against his chest as he lay down to go to sleep.

It seemed like he'd only been asleep for a little while when he heard something tapping at the glass of his window. Zack stirred and opened his eyes, sitting up with a frown. Fuzzy-headed with sleep and the mild sedative they gave him at night, he clumsily tugged on his blind to raise it and he peered curiously out the window. He blinked and perked up when he saw what was there and with a wide grin, he unlocked the window and pushed it up.

"You could get in real trouble," Zack teased as he reached through the bars to squeeze Cloud's hands. "Thought you weren't going to do this again?"

"I'll be more careful this time," Cloud whispered. "I've set my phone alarm to go off a lot earlier this time and I'll be gone before even Dr. Clark comes for morning rounds."

Zack frowned. "It's going to get cold," he warned. "I don't want you getting sick."

"My jacket's warm enough."

Zack shook his head. "Hold on." He got out of bed and went to his dresser; pulling out the drawer he kept the extra pillow and blanket in so Cloud could nap when he visited if he needed to. He carried them back with him and stubbornly pushed them through the bars for his lover. "If you're sleeping out there I want you warm."

Cloud chuckled softly and gave up his protests. He took the items and set up his makeshift bedding for the night, he and Zack kissed through the security bars for a while before cuddling up as well as they could.

"Hey, Cloud?"

"Mmm?" The blond caught a yawn and looked at his lover inquisitively.

"How _do_ you get up here so easily?"

Cloud smiled. "Very carefully."

* * *

-To be continued


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, work has been kicking my ass. I'll try to be more diligent with the updates!

Zack woke up to the feel of soft lips moving against his. He grinned sleepily, hardly feeling the chill of the pre-sunrise air that wafted into his blanket.

"Zack, you awake?" The beloved voice murmured.

He opened his eyes and focused on Cloud's face, inches away from his own on the other side of the security bars. "Hey."

"I'm going to have to go now," Cloud said to him. "Otherwise I might get caught."

Zack wondered what time it was but he could hear faint activity on the other side of his door and he guessed the doctors and nurses would be making their early morning rounds soon.

"Okay," he agreed. "Don't fall."

He took the pillow and blanket from Cloud and he pressed his face against the bars for a final kiss. It was easier to watch Cloud leave, now that he understood he'd see him again in a few hours. Cloud gave him a lingering goodbye kiss before moving along the ledge out of Zack's sight.

With a little sigh, Zack shut the window and tucked himself into bed. He snuggled the pillow Cloud had been using, smelling the blond's lingering scent on it. "I'll do good on my test," he whispered. He closed his eyes drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Sometime after making his retreat, Cloud stood next to Fenrir under the willow tree and watched the sunrise with melancholy eyes. He felt the ache starting and he glanced over his shoulder with a frown and a sigh. He reached out and curled a hand around one of Fenrir's steering bars, tightening his grip on it and clutching the clothing under his other arm more tightly to brace himself. He closed his eyes and mouthed Zack's name for comfort as the pain of dried up veins and arteries, withered flesh and crumbling bone made him shudder. He began to fall to his knees with the pain as the process neared its completion and he broke into a sweat, despite the chill morning temperature.

A "failure", Hojo called him. That was what he called them both, when they didn't react to his experiments the way he had hoped. Distantly, Cloud wondered what Hojo would have said if he were alive to witness how close he'd come to succeeding with Cloud. The single wing that marked Sephiroth, Angeal and Genesis as children of biological mutations was also Cloud's burden to bear—to a certain point.

"Zack," Cloud groaned.

Thinking of his lover gave him emotional fortitude, at least. Fenrir's comforting presence also helped. He rested his perspiring forehead against the bike's side and the cool, smooth metal felt good on his heated skin. He hissed through his teeth as something cracked and finally, there was a dull thump on the ground behind him. Cloud panted softly and waited for the pain to fade before straightening back up on shaking legs. He turned slowly, looking down at the dew-sparkling grass at the object he had shed. It was rapidly decomposing and soon there would be nothing left of it except for skeletal remains. Those too would be dust before noon, leaving no evidence of his burden…except for the scar.

Cloud reached up and behind gingerly, his sensitive fingers examining his skin to be sure the wound had closed up. When he felt the scar tissue, he retracted his hand and pulled his sweater on. After straightening the material out, he slipped into his jacket and swung a leg over Fenrir's seat. He leaned forward and crossed his arms over the bike's arching front plate before dropping his head in them and closing his eyes. He sighed his thanks to Fenrir. He knew that the bike wasn't actually sentient—at least, not in the way people and animals were. Still, some part of him believed that he'd given a piece of himself in the creation of the vehicle and he couldn't help but think Fenrir at least possessed plant sentience.

Cloud dozed lightly as he waited for his watch alarm to alert him that visiting hours had begun.

* * *

Zack's evaluation doctor was a moderately attractive woman in her mid-thirties. Her hair was brownish-blond and she wore it pinned up in an elegant twist. Her eyes were warm and light blue in color. He liked her voice and she told him at the beginning of the session to call her "Jill". She held up another photo and asked him to identify it.

He examined the picture thoughtfully for a moment before carefully answering. "It's a carnival." Just a few short days ago, that word would have been difficult—if not impossible—for him to pronounce. Now he spoke it without difficulty.

Jill smiled. "Good. Now I want you to look at the clock and tell me what time it is."

Zack winced inwardly. Time still gave him a bit of trouble. He could get the hour right but pinpointing the minutes between the numbers on the dial was more difficult. He peered at the clock on the wall and concentrated. The small hand was between the numbers seven and eight, while the large hand was pointing between the numbers five and six.

"Um…eight…wait, no…sevennn…twentyyyy….eight?" He gave her a nervous look and grimaced, waiting to be told he was wrong.

"That's right, Zack."

He slumped with relief and she reached across the table and patted his hand soothingly. "Try not to stress yourself. Remember, you can take as much or as little time as you need on these exercises and if you feel yourself getting flustered, you don't have to give up on anything. We can always come back to the ones that give you trouble later, Zack."

He gave her a lopsided smile of gratitude, unaware of the sensual appeal of the expression. "Thanks, Jill."

The evaluating doctor stared at him for a second and blinked. Her cheeks colored faintly as she reached into her file case and pulled out some puzzles to slide them across the table to him. She handed him a marker next and asked him to circle the shapes that didn't belong in each category.

* * *

Dr. Matthews stood with Dr. Clark behind the observation glass and he shook his head and smirked as he watched Dr. Summers put her elbow on the table and gaze at Zack with her chin propped in her palm. "You picked a woman on purpose," he accused his colleague.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," responded Dr. Clark smoothly. A hint of smugness colored his voice and his eyes remained steady on his patient and the woman evaluating him.

"Horseshit, you don't," countered Dr. Matthews. "Look at her, Allen. She's wrapped around your patient's finger already—just like most of your female staff. The ladies find Mr. Fair charming and I'm sure you took that into consideration when selecting a doctor to evaluate him."

Dr. Clark shrugged. "I could have easily gone with Dr. Gilmore."

"He's gay," reminded the other man irritably.

"Is he?" Dr. Clark smirked and feigned surprise.

"Don't act so coy," huffed Dr. Matthews. "I know you're counting on your patient's good looks and charm to give him an advantage."

Dr. Clark looked at his old friend, his smile dropping. "And what if I am? I wanted someone who would be fair to Zack. Who would you have picked: that crusty old lizard Walters? Perhaps, Dr. Yamagata, who's jealous of any man who outdoes him in looks? You _know_ Zack's ready to move on to the next stage, Karl. He deserves the privileges of the third floor, after being here for so long. Jillian will be fair when she grades his progress and if her attraction to him influences her to be a little more lenient, I'm comfortable with that."

Dr. Matthews sighed. "Very well. I just worry about moving him to a lower security area while you're conducting this treatment you've devised for him. A more controlled environment may be necessary."

"He'll _be_ in a controlled environment during our sessions," assured Dr. Clark stubbornly. "I promise you, I won't release him from the containment room before I'm certain he isn't a danger to himself or others. Between sessions, I'd like him to have as much freedom and peace as possible. I think it will help him progress."

"If it were anybody else pushing for this," said Dr. Matthews seriously, "I wouldn't go along with it. You're lucky I trust you, Allen."

* * *

Jill moved on to the questions when she was satisfied with Zack's performance with the puzzles and exercises. She looked over his chart and his rapid improvement over the past year wasn't lost on her.

"You've been here for a long time, Zack." She looked at the dark-haired patient thoughtfully. "How much do you remember of your earliest days here?"

"Not much," he shrugged. "A lot of it feels like a dream, or…like it happened to a different person."

She nodded in understanding. "These flashbacks you have…what do you do when you have warning that one is about to occur?"

He lowered his eyes and fidgeted with his marker. "I try to tell someone, so I can get help before it gets bad. I don't want to hurt anybody. I know they aren't real…hard to remember that when I'm in the middle of one, though."

Jill scribbled something down and kept her expression friendly but neutral. When she finished, she gazed at him searchingly again. "Do _you_ think you're ready to move on, Zack?"

He knew that this was possibly the most important question in the evaluation and he made himself take his time thinking about it before answering. " _I_ think I am," he said slowly, frowning as he spoke, "but I know I'm not…healthy enough…to decide that." He gave her a sheepish little smile. "I'm hoping you can help me out with that. I want to get better."

She tilted her head a little and her cheeks colored slightly once again. "Well, that's a good enough answer, I think." She seemed to give herself a mental nudge and she wrote something down again. "Thank you, Zack. Your evaluation is finished and you can go, now."

* * *

Dr. Clark met Zack outside the door when the young man exited the evaluation room. He smiled warmly at his patient and clapped him gently on the shoulder. "Well done, Zack. The answer you gave her on that final question was even better than what I would have said."

"You were watching?" Zack gave him a puzzled smile.

"Yes, I was," admitted the doctor. "Did you notice the mirror lining the back wall of the room you were in?" When the other man nodded, Dr. Clark finished: "I was behind it the entire time."

Zack looked at him with alarm. "People watch me through the mirror?" He thought of the mirrored medicine cabinet in his bathroom. Had someone been watching those times that he and Cloud played together in there?

"Only the special mirrors," corrected the doctor hastily, understanding the young man's concern. "The special mirrors are the big ones in the evaluation and council session rooms. All of the other mirrors are normal, so you can relax. I wouldn't lie to you, Zackary."

"So you're saying someone's watching us when you give me those interviews, right?" Zack reasoned, his straight black brows knitting over his eyes.

"Yes," Dr. Clark nodded, "it's necessary for other doctors to observe some of our sessions, so that I have witnesses to vouch for your recovery process."

"Why don't they just sit in the room with us?" Zack questioned, his face screwing up. "Hiding behind a mirror sounds dumb."

The doctor hid a smile of amusement behind his hand and cleared his throat. "It may sound stupid but it has its benefits to the subjects of these sessions. Many patients aren't comfortable with someone in the room, silently watching. It intimidates them and affects their performance."

"I guess that makes sense," Zack said with a nod. "Could be kind of creepy the other way."

"I'm glad we've reached an understanding." Dr. Clark relaxed. "Now that we've established that, I believe you have a special someone waiting for you in the activity room."

Zack's whole face lit up and he grinned. "See ya, Doc." He took off before Dr. Clark could say another word, jogging down the corridor eagerly and vanishing around the corner into the next hallway.

* * *

"I was going to say we'll have the results this afternoon," sighed the doctor with a good-natured smirk. "Was I ever that in love?"

He certainly loved his wife but he didn't recall acting like an eager puppy presented with a favorite treat every time he saw her. He admitted to himself that Zack and Cloud were quite endearing together, even if their relationship was a bit strange to him.

* * *

Cloud was solicitously helping one of the patients in the activity room with a puzzle when Zack came in. He sensed his lover and he looked up and let his eyes rove over him admiringly. Today, Zack was wearing the camouflage pants and white crew shirt Cloud had bought for him. It looked ridiculously hot on the former Soldier as far as Cloud was concerned and he entertained thoughts of seeking some privacy with him immediately. Cloud stood up from his cross-legged position on the floor and brushed his pants off before closing the remaining distance between himself and his advancing lover.

"Hey," he murmured as Zack's arms went around him. He breathed in his scent and looked up at him with a smile. "How did the evaluation go?"

"Not sure." Zack shrugged. "Doc acted like he thought it went good, though."

Cloud relaxed and he reached up to comb Zack's bangs out of his eyes. "I brought some hair gel and spray with me if you want me to help you do your hair again."

"Cool." Zack grinned. While he didn't like the smell of the spray, there was something comforting and familiar about the fluffy, spiked style Cloud had fashioned his hair into that day in Kalm. Somehow, he thought he used to wear it a little more severe than that but it was hard to remember clearly.

They went to the Nurse Station to retrieve Cloud's bag. He'd left it there to be safe, to avoid the risk of another patient wandering into Zack's room and getting into the hair chemicals he'd brought. When they got into Zack's little bathroom, Cloud dampened his hair with a spray bottle full of water and applied the gel first, carefully working it into the dark hair with moderation. After that, he got his blow dryer out of his bag and he combed through Zack's hair as he dried it, fluffing it as he went. This time he was able to do a better job, with the help of the gel. When it was dry, he used a little hairspray and he smiled when he finished.

"Not bad," Cloud murmured. "I'll never be able to get it as spiked as you did, but it'll do." He helped Zack stand up and turned him around to face the mirror. "It looks a lot like how you used to wear it when I first met you, before you were First Class. How do you like it?"

* * *

Zack stared at his reflection and his eyes went blank as a surge of memory struck him. He frowned in concentration and struggled to hold onto it.

_"You look like a puppy, with all that fluffy black hair. How much gel do you go through in a month, Zack?" Angeal's subtle grin was fond on him._

_"Uh, a lot," Zack answered with a smirk. "You saying you don't like my hair?"_

_"I'm saying I don't know how it defies gravity like that," answered the bigger Soldier, "even with styling gel."_

_"Hey, this is nothing." Zack spread his hands. "I'm thinking of letting the top grow out more and then you'll see some major spike action."_

_Angeal chuckled and shook his head._

* * *

"Zack?" Cloud's soft voice called him out of the memory and he blinked.

"Angeal," Zack murmured, his eyes dropping. "He was my first friend at the academy…and my instructing officer." His blue-violet gaze rose again and met Cloud's eyes through the mirror. "He's dead, isn't he?"

Cloud hesitated for a second before nodding in confirmation. "Yes. I'm sorry, Zack."

Zack moved away from the mirror and sank down on the toilet seat. "How did he die?"

Cloud bit his lip and knelt before him, placing his hands on his knees. He searched his mind for a way to answer him. "I don't know for sure," he said hesitantly, looking away. "I didn't see it happen."

"But you were there, right?" Zack persisted, catching the blond's gaze and holding it with his own. "You were there when it happened."

"I was," admitted Cloud, nodding. "But I was hurt and I didn't see the details."

Zack studied him suspiciously. "You're lying."

Cloud felt a stab of pain in his chest. "Why would I lie to you, Zack?"

"To protect me," answered the dark-haired man with a brief, faint smile. "Like the doc said, you suck at lying." He reached out and brushed a stray lock of golden hair aside, holding Cloud's gaze steadily. "I can take it. Tell me."

"I was telling you the truth when I said I didn't see it," defended the blond with a sigh, "but you're right; I _do_ know what happened, even though you never told me specific details." He looked at Zack with aching, worried blue eyes and took a deep breath. "You killed him. You had to, Zack. He didn't give you a choice and it was self-defense. He was convinced he was a monster and he forced you to put him out of his misery."

Zack's eyes filled with tears as Cloud's words jolted his memory further and he recalled the battle with shocking clarity. "I killed…I did it. I'm…so sorry, Angeal."

His voice broke and he lowered his head and scrubbed at his eyes with his hands. He felt Cloud's arms go around him as the blond leaned in closer and he rested his head on his shoulder gratefully. Zack returned the embrace and wept softly, trembling with pent-up emotions he hadn't felt in years.

Cloud said nothing—he merely held his lover and stroked his hair while he had a good cry that he probably needed. He started rocking him slowly and rubbing his cheek against his, ignoring the dampness of his bitter tears. After a few moments, Zack's crying eased up and he sniffed and pulled away to regard Cloud with thoughtful, glistening eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole truth right away," apologized Cloud awkwardly when his lover didn't say anything.

Zack gave him a tremulous smile and sniffed again. He ruffled his hair and shook his head. "Don't be sorry," he murmured. He swallowed and moistened his lips with his tongue before finishing. "I understand, Chocobo. I'm not mad." He cupped the back of Cloud's head and drew his mouth closer for a forgiving kiss.

* * *

After lunch, Dr. Clark tracked them down in the yard and interrupted their football toss to give them the news concerning the evaluation.

"Are you ready, Zack?" The doctor's face was neutral, giving away no hint of whether the outcome was good or bad.

Cloud dropped the football on the ground and went to Zack's side, resting a hand on his shoulder supportively as the dark-haired man nodded.

Dr. Clark looked at Cloud. "I hope you've learned your lesson about sitting on ledges, son." The blond's face fell and Zack's expression slowly changed to devastation, but the doctor finished: "Because you should never have to resort to that again to be with Zack at night."

A smile broke free as he continued. "They're already moving Zack's things to his new room on the third floor. Cloud, I'm assigning you a special visitor pass that will allow you to stay as long as you like. You could even move in here with Zack for the duration of his stay with us, if you like but I'm afraid, you'll have to start paying for your cafeteria meals. You can pay for a week at a time if it's more convenient for you."

Cloud and Zack both stared at him with expressions of absurdly innocent joy. The doctor chuckled, amused by their boyish delight. "Well, aren't you going to say anything?"

Zack responded by throwing his arms around the doctor in a bear hug that squeezed the breath from his lungs. Cloud was more reserved, smiling at him and thanking him sincerely while he struggled to escape Zack's affectionate embrace.

"All right, son," chuckled the doctor as he patted his patient's back. "I'm not solely responsible for this. You should thank yourself as much as me."

Zack released him and grinned modestly. "Um…thank you, me." He patted himself on the shoulder and Cloud snorted with amusement.

* * *

Zack was completely surprised and startled when he and Cloud returned to his old floor to help with the move and he got applause from the staff and some of the other patients. He blushed and shared an embarrassed look with Cloud as nurses and aides took turns approaching him and wishing him luck.

"Way to go, buddy," Marlow said with a broad grin as he clapped Zack on the back. "I knew you'd make it there some day. Say 'hi' to my brother Mark when you see him. You'll know who he is, man."

Zack nodded and smiled at him, shaking his hand before he moved aside to let Nurse Walters in. The old nurse hugged Zack with surprising strength for her frail frame and she planted a sharp kiss on his cheek.

"You be a good boy for the staff on the third floor," she said with a matronly little sniff. "You hear?"

"Yes ma'am," Zack answered, feeling his throat tighten a little. It never occurred to him that he'd miss these people so much. "You keep taking your pills too, okay?"

She chortled with laughter and patted him gently on the cheek. "I will, under protest. Don't worry my boy; you can come and visit this floor anytime you like! You know I'll be checking in on you and your sweetheart too."

She gave Cloud a little wink before moving away. The blond went predictably pink in the face and murmured a shy response, shifting like an awkward teenager from foot to foot. With one last chuckle, Nurse Walters made her retreat. "Darling boys," she murmured.

Zack spent the next twenty minutes receiving well wishes from the people who had taken care of him and his fellow patients. He was comforted by the knowledge that he was free to come and visit them everyday if he wanted. It made the unexpected emotional sting of change easier to bear. When he was finished bidding goodbye to his friends and caregivers, he and Cloud went to his old room to see if there was anything left of his meager belongings to carry downstairs. The staff had thoughtfully left Sunny sitting on the bed, on top of the picture of Cloud that once hung on the wall over it.

"Guess they figured you wouldn't want someone else handling this stuff," Cloud surmised with a little smile. He grimaced at the ShinRa file picture of himself. "That's really a terrible photo of me. Are you sure you want to keep it?"

Zack picked it up, along with his chocobo plushy. He smiled at the picture and even though it was poor quality, it had sentimental value to him. "Doc made this for me," he murmured. "He wanted me to feel safe when you weren't around. I…I don't want to get rid of it, Cloud."

Cloud swallowed and smiled. "Then I guess I'll just suck it up, since it means so much to you. Maybe you and I can get a better picture taken together, to hang next to it in your new room."

"I'd like that," Zack replied sincerely. "Um, Cloud? Can I…get a picture of Angeal, too?"

Cloud thought about the request. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

Dr. Clark took them on a little tour of Zack's new resident floor, introducing them to staff and other patients. Most of the patients there were recovering addicts, mild cases or people like Zack whose condition had improved to the point where they were almost "normal" again. When they approached a familiar dark-skinned man with a powerful build, both of them made an identity error.

"Marlow?" Zack said as he approached the man with Cloud and the doctor. "You visiting this floor or something?"

The aide chuckled. "I'm not Marlow," he explained with a curious look at Zack. "I'm his twin brother."

Zack snapped his fingers with excitement. "Mark, right?"

"That's right," answered the other man with a nod. "You must be Zack. Bro told me about you and he said you were moving in here today. Said you were a pretty cool dude."

Zack grinned and shrugged. "I guess so. I just found out he had a brother today."

"I'll bet you weren't expecting a look-alike," reasoned Mark with the same broad grin his brother employed.

"No," agreed Zack. "I thought you were him."

"Why don't you work on the same floor as your brother?" Cloud queried.

Mark shrugged. "It would confuse the patients. Besides, Marlow's better at dealing with the hard cases than I am, you know? Takes a special kind of inner strength and he got more of that than I did from old Mr. DNA."

Cloud and Zack both nodded with understanding at the explanation.

"Anyhow, welcome to the third floor, Zack," Mark said as he shook the dark-haired man's hand. "It's a whole new ballgame and I think you're gonna like it. If you need anything you just come to me, right?"

"Okay," Zack agreed with a smile. "Thanks." While there were subtle differences in their personalities, Mark was a lot like his brother and that comforted Zack.

"Let's move on with the tour, shall we?" prompted Dr. Clark.

* * *

There was a full gym on the third floor and a separate activity room for painting, games and puzzles. They also had an entertainment room with a big screen TV, a piano and a little stage in the corner with a karaoke machine.

"They have karaoke every weekend," explained Dr. Clark. "They also have 'movie nights', just like they do on the fourth floor. They serve snacks and drinks and the patients can submit votes to the vote box on what movies they want from the available selection."

He showed them the cafeteria next, which was nicer but smaller than the one on the above floor. After that, he showed them to Zack's new room; number 3-H. Cloud followed Zack into it and they looked around together, impressed. It looked more like an actual bedroom than a hospital room, complete with a closet, a double bed and a full bathroom with a shower/bath combination. There was a clock radio on the nightstand and a vase of flowers with a card was sitting on top of the light wood dresser. Zack went to the dresser, temporarily placed Sunny and his picture of Cloud on top of it and looked at the card attached to the flowers.

"Con….congratu…lations, Zack," he read haltingly, his brows furrowing with concentration. "F-fourth floor…staff." He grinned, touched by the gesture.

"Congratulation, indeed," Dr. Clark said with a nod.

"This is…this is more than I expected," Cloud said truthfully, looking around the room with surprise. "It's almost like an Inn. I didn't expect the double bed at all…figured I'd be sleeping in the chair."

_~Or smushed into a single bed with Zack, but I'm not bringing that up to the doctor.~_

"Patients with visiting spouses are given the double beds," explained the doctor. "They were going to put Zack in a single-bed room, but seeing as this floor isn't as populated as the others I talked them into this one, instead." He smiled awkwardly at the blond. "After all, the two of you seem to be as close to being spouses as anyone can be, without a wedding ring."

Cloud felt a moment of complete warmth for the doctor and like Zack, he found himself thinking of him as a father figure without even realizing it. "Thanks, Sir," he said softly.

Dr. Clark cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, you've both taken the hard road for long enough. I hope the Kalm Inn will refund you the difference if you've booked in advance for the rest of the week, Cloud. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking you won't be moving straight in, after seeing how devoted you and Zack are to each other."

Cloud's pulse picked up with excitement at the new possibilities. He hardly cared if he couldn't get his money refunded; he was so exuberant over the thought of living with Zack and being with him every night. "I think they will but I'm not going to make a big deal out of it if they don't," he said with a shrug. "I can make daytime deliveries now and Zack can visit his friends upstairs while I'm out. I'll make the gil up in no time."

"I get my own TV?!" Zack's thrilled exclamation interrupted the doctor as he opened his mouth to comment.

Cloud looked up at the wall where Zack was pointing and he saw the television suspended from the ceiling, facing the bed and the chair on the opposite side of the room. "Looks like it," he said with a smile.

"Oh, right," Dr. Clark said, "I almost forgot about that. You'll find the remote in the top drawer of the night table. Unfortunately, the budget only allows for free broadcasts and these days there are only a few stations to choose from, but it allows for some personal choices in entertainment, nonetheless."

Zack looked like he was ready to dance in place with happiness and both Cloud and the doctor smiled at him with amusement. The presence of the television gave Cloud an idea and he turned to Dr. Clark to ask him about it. "Um, since he has his own TV, could I bring a game console in here and hook it up? I might be able to find a good deal on second-hand consoles at the game shop in town but I don't want to risk giving him seizures."

"He's not prone to seizures, so that would be fine," assured the doctor softly, and Zack perked up even more. "In fact, the hand-eye coordination exercises that video games provide would be good for him. Just remember to avoid bringing games that contain violence. We want to try and keep Zack's episodes to a controlled level. Fighting games might trigger a bad one and I'd like to avoid that outside of the secured room, if you know what I mean."

Cloud nodded grimly. "Because if he goes into a fit his privileges and new status could be revoked," he guessed. "So what kind of games should I be looking for?"

Dr. Clark thought about it for a moment. "Start with puzzle games and sports games, for now—but avoid boxing or wrestling. Perhaps as he progresses, we can move on to other games."

"I'm getting a game?" Zack walked over to them, looking eagerly at his lover.

Cloud glanced sidelong at the black-haired man and he nearly blurted a little laugh of affection. Zack was so excited that he was practically doing the "pee-pee dance".

"If I can find a console at a reasonable price, yeah," he said. "Don't get too excited, though. We may have to wait but I promise, I'll get you one eventually. First I want to get you a jacket before winter comes, so we can go outside in the yard when it's cold without making you sick."

Zack's expression fell for a moment, but he didn't complain. "Okay. You're the boss, Cloud."

Cloud snorted. "Right. I'm the boss. That's why you always get your way." He said it with an affectionate smirk and Dr. Clark chuckled at his and Zack's antics.

"Well, I think we're making wonderful progress," the doctor said enthusiastically. "I'm going to give you a couple of days to adjust before we begin your new treatments, Zack. That way Cloud can gather his things and bring them here and the two of you can get further acquainted with the staff on this floor."

He paused and pulled out a key that was hanging from a string of little metal beads—not unlike what the military used for ID tags. "Here is your key to the room, son." He looked Zack in the eye and continued sternly: "You are to put this around your neck each morning and keep it with you at all times. It would be wise to lock your door when you leave your room and if for some reason you lose the key or lock it inside your room, I want you to go to the Nurse station and ask for help. Understand?"

Zack nodded and took the offering from him, immediately draping it over his head to hang around his neck. "Got it. Thanks, Doc."

Dr. Clark nodded with satisfaction and reached into his pocket again to fish out another key. This one was attached to a small ring. He held it out to Cloud. "This one is yours, Cloud. You should keep it with your other keys. Your guest ID pass should be ready by dinnertime so don't forget to stop by the nurse's station after you eat to collect it. You can either wear it around your neck with a clip-necklace or you can keep it in your wallet. Just try not to lose it when you go out and if you do, call me on my cell. Oh, here's the number." He reached into a breast pocket and procured a business card.

"Thank you," Cloud said sincerely as he took the card and got his cell out to add the number to his contacts list.

* * *

After getting Zack more or less settled in, Cloud took a quick trip into town to check out of the Inn and get his things. He found a winter coat at a reasonable price and he bought it and brought it back with him. It was dinnertime when he returned and he stopped at the nurse station to pick up his ID pass before going to Zack's room to put away his clothes and the new coat he'd bought for him.

The room was locked when he got to it and he figured Zack was probably either doing puzzles in the activity room or exercising in the gym before dinner. Cloud unpacked his bags and hung his shirts with Zack's, placed his pants in one of the empty dresser drawers and organized his and his lover's shoes in the bottom of the closet. He was just finishing up when he heard the sound of a key turning the lock on the knob, followed by the door opening. Zack walked in and he smiled at Cloud when he saw him by the open closet.

"Glad you're back," said the former Soldier as he shut the door behind him and crossed the room. He took Cloud into his arms with typical, impulsive urgency and covered his mouth with a kiss.

Cloud couldn't respond right away, due to Zack's tongue thrusting and curling inside of his mouth. He dropped his duffle bag on the floor unthinkingly and returned the kiss and embrace. The next thing he knew, he found himself inside the closet with his back pushing the clothing precariously against the wall. A couple of the plastic hangers got dislodged and Cloud reached up with one hand and fumbled with them, trying to secure them back to the rack. Zack rubbed against him and pushed him deeper into the closet and the blond mumbled a protest into his mouth as he struggled to maintain his balance and keep the newly hung clothes from dropping to the floor.

"We can do this later," Cloud insisted breathlessly, turning his head to the side to escape Zack's demanding kiss. "And we don't have to make out in the closet…you're going to mess up our clothes, Zack!" The only response his companion gave was to redirect his mouth's attention to Cloud's neck. The blond's eyes unfocused with pleasure and lust as Zack's lips nuzzled his throat, tonguing the sensitive skin and tickling it with his breath. Zack's thigh wedged between his legs and pressed against his crotch, provoking Cloud to shift against the pressure recklessly.

"Mmm, Cloud," Zack purred, further excited by the response. A shirt draped over his shoulder as it fell from the rack and another one landed on his head, but he didn't care. He pulled one arm out from behind his lover's back and slipped the hand between their bodies, pushing it down and cupping the bulging crotch that was rubbing against his thigh. Cloud's soft whimper encouraged him and Zack kneaded the straining package lovingly. He kissed the smaller man's parted lips again, muffling the clumsy protest he tried to voice.

There was a knock on the door and both young men froze like deer startled by headlights. They'd gotten so used to tempering their affection for one another in public and hiding their more passionate activities, neither one of them knew how to react at the sound.

"Zack? Cloud? Are either of you in there?" It was Dr. Clark's voice.

Cloud relaxed and looked up at Zack with chastising sapphire eyes. "My t-shirt doesn't make a good hat on you," he said as he pulled the garment off of Zack's head. "You'd better answer him, Zack."

* * *

Zack sighed and stepped away from his lover reluctantly. "Hey Doc, just give me a sec," he called. He shot a look at Cloud that silently promised he wasn't finished with him and he smirked as a visible shiver passed through the blond's sweet, strong little frame. While Cloud turned around and straightened up the clothes again, Zack went to the door and opened it. "Hi, we were just…uh…putting clothes away," he explained to his doctor.

"I'm glad I'm not interrupting anything dire," said Dr. Clark dryly. He nodded a greeting to Cloud as the blond finished straightening the clothes hanging in the closet and he hid a smirk when he saw the color in his cheeks as he turned to face him. "I said I'd come by to check in with you after dinner, but I'm leaving early tonight. May I come in?"

Zack stepped aside and made an inviting gesture, smiling with pleasure at the action. It felt so good to be _asked_ for permission, instead of people just helping themselves. The doctor thanked him graciously, as if he were a host instead of a patient.

Rather than addressing Zack, the doctor approached Cloud and gave him a measuring look. "Cloud, have you noticed the dark circles under your eyes?"

"You _do_ look pretty tired," Zack informed the blond with a concerned frown.

Cloud shrugged. "I'll be okay. I've operated on less sleep than this before."

The doctor didn't appear convinced. "Son, look at me."

Cloud hesitantly raised his bright eyes and obeyed. Dr. Clark gave him a fatherly smile. "I'm not your doctor, Cloud. I have no authority over you and I can't tell you what to do. I'd like you to consider taking some time off, though. Something that's often overlooked in situations like this is the toll it can take on loved ones and caregivers. As I told you before, it's clear to me that you have your own inner demons to battle. If you aren't willing to seek council with me, at least consider putting off further deliveries for a few days and get some relaxation. You'd be more help to Zack with a full-night's rest, believe me."

Cloud felt his eyes burn warningly and he hastily lowered them and clamped down on his emotions. He nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

"Good," approved Dr. Clark. "You need to look after your own health too."

"Are you going to prescribe antidepressants to me next?" Cloud inquired, only half-kidding.

"No," answered the doctor readily. "I don't believe they'd do _you_ any good. Surprising as this may sound to you, I'm not a fan of immediately administering drugs. I think that for some people, a cup of tea and discussion is more therapeutic than chemical alteration—hence my choice to wean Zackary off of his anti-psychotics."

Dr. Clark sighed wearily and approached Cloud to lay a hand on his shoulder. "I know I'm meddling where I have no business. Just try to believe me when I say I have only the best intentions and as someone who's dealt with this sort of thing for over half of my life, I know what I'm talking about. You're burning the wick at both ends and you need to slow down."

Zack went to Cloud's side and rubbed his tense shoulders. "Doc's right," he said softly. "You've got enough on your plate, Sunshine."

Cloud nodded. He thought they were both being a bit dramatic, but he really was tired and he knew he couldn't keep going like this. Taking care of Zack was more important to him than his pride.

"I'll take a week off the delivery route," he promised. "Will that satisfy you both?"

Dr. Clark nodded. "It's better than nothing."

Zack grinned and ruffled Cloud's hair. "I knew you had some sense in that fluffy head."

* * *

-To be continued


	11. Chapter 11

One of Zack's new nurses came by his room after dinner with his medication. He only had two pills to take now and as he took the little cup from her, he glanced at Cloud and raised his cup as if making a toast.

"Cheers."

Cloud shifted from foot to foot and he tried to ignore the amused, intrigued look the nurse gave to him and Zack.

"All gone," Zack promised the nurse when he handed the cup back to her and opened his mouth for her inspection.

She nodded in satisfaction and smiled at them both. "Just give us a ring if you need another dose. I understand Dr. Clark has just started you on the new regiment of medication and his instructions are to give you more if you have trouble during the first days of the transition."

"I'll get someone if he starts feeling anxious," Cloud assured her. "Thank you."

She nodded and started to leave—but not before her gaze swept over them both again. When she shut the door behind her, Zack put an arm around Cloud and bent over a little to murmur into his ear.

"I think she was picturing us naked."

Cloud turned his head and stared up at the taller man with startled blue eyes. "What?"

Zack shrugged. "Or she was picturing us doing it. Maybe both...I can't decide."

The blond rolled his eyes and shook his head. "She's your nurse."

The taller man shrugged again. "So? Nurses think about sex too, don't they?"

"Well, yeah," Cloud faltered, "but that doesn't mean she was thinking it about us."

"Were you in the same room as me?" Zack demanded. "She was checking us out!"

Cloud began to smile despite himself, seeing more and more of the old Zack in his companion. "Not everyone has a pornographic mind like you, Zack. The hospital has policies against that kind of thing."

"So these policies stop people from thinking about it?" challenged Zack. "I'm telling you, she was eyeballing us. Just because she didn't act on it doesn't mean she wasn't thinking it."

Cloud gave up. "Whatever. You were always good with women, so I guess you'd know."

Zack looked surprised and he leaned away from Cloud again. "Huh? I was good with women?"

Cloud nodded. "It was a thing with you. Flirting, I mean. You practically had girls throwing themselves at your feet."

"Yeah?" Zack grinned broadly.

"Yeah. You're bi. Or at least, you _were_. Unless what happened to you changed that somehow, you still are."

Zack blinked at him. "What's that mean?"

Cloud frowned, realizing some terms and phrases hadn't made it back into Zack's memory yet. "It means you liked boys _and_ girls."

The taller man scratched his head, his amethyst gaze lingering on Cloud thoughtfully. "That explains some things."

Cloud sighed, guessing that Zack had already noticed a few women. "It's natural, for you."

Zack was looking at him shrewdly and it made him uncomfortable. Cloud decided to go to the dresser and pick out his sleepwear for the night.

"It bothers you."

Cloud stopped with the top left drawer partway open. He half-turned, not looking at the other man. "What bothers me?"

"That I like looking at women sometimes," answered Zack. "Come on, I'm slow right now but I can still figure things out."

Cloud shook his head and finished opening the drawer, staring blankly at the boxer selection inside. "It doesn't bother me."

"Don't fib." Zack came up behind him and ran his hands over his arms, nuzzling the side of his neck in a romantic, seductive gesture. "I'm pretty sure we made a pact not to lie to each other, Chocobo. If we didn't, then I think we should."

Cloud shut his eyes, suffering another bought of familiar guilt. He could at least come clean with this. "Okay, it bothers me...but not because I'm jealous. I mean, I _am_ jealous but not the way you're thinking."

Zack stepped back and he steered the blond, urging him to turn around and face him. His brows were drawn together in concentration even as he smirked ruefully. He released Cloud's shoulders and he pointed to his left temple. "Remember, I'm not all here yet. I'm going to need you to say that again—only simpler."

A little smile pulled at Cloud's lips. "Sorry. I'm not good at explaining things to begin with, but I'll try. I don't care that you're bi, but sometimes it bothers me to know you're noticing other guys _and_ women. I only notice other guys. It feels a little unfair."

Zack smiled slowly. "That's it? You don't think we're even or something?"

Cloud shrugged. "That's about the gist of it, yeah. Go ahead and tell me I'm being stupid, I'll get over it."

Zack chuckled and shook his head. "It's not stupid. It's cute."

"If you say so," groused the blond, lowering his eyes.

Zack considered the issue. "You could always check out women too, if you want."

Cloud smirked and shook his head. "Sorry, I don't swing that way. I could look at them but I'm not attracted to them, like you are."

"Hmm." Zack thought about it some more and he drummed his fingers on his hips. He finally shrugged.

"Well, how about this: I may like looking at other people sometimes, but you know who I like the most?" He leaned over and kissed Cloud softly on the mouth. "You."

Cloud stared into the sincere but playful blue-violet eyes and he found himself unwillingly smiling. "That's so corny."

Zack grinned again. "But it made you smile."

Cloud was forced to agree with that. "Yeah, it made me smile." He reached out to push his fingers through Zack's sooty hair and he kissed him.

* * *

That night, they lay down together for the first time in Zack's new bed. The nightly news was playing on the television but neither of them paid attention to it. They were too absorbed in each other. Cloud's breath quickened as Zack's mind-blowing kisses tore down the walls of self-restraint. It only took a few minutes for him to lose his composure and start groping his lover. Zack gasped with surprise as he cupped him between the legs but Cloud didn't slow or stop.

"I want to taste you," Cloud murmured breathlessly between kisses as he loosened the drawstring of Zack's pajama bottoms. He hadn't gotten the chance to give him a blowjob yet and he was impatiently eager to get his lips around Zack's cock. He remembered the way it used to make Zack tremble and moan in an almost uke-ish way and he longed to hear those sounds again.

Zack didn't try to stop him as he kissed his way down his chin, neck and chest. Cloud sucked on a nipple briefly in passing, tonguing the taut bud and drawing a shivering gasp from his lover. He got the drawstrings undone on Zack's pants and he tugged them down, exposing the stiffened, flushed prick and plump balls. Zack lay frozen, as if afraid to move. Cloud paused at the navel and looked up the length of his lover's body, catching his eyes.

"Hey, it's all right," Cloud assured him gently, smiling at him. He kept forgetting that Zack was still re-learning this stuff—especially when he had conversations with him like the one they had earlier. "I know I'm kind of pushy right now but I won't bite it or anything."

Zack nodded and swallowed, regarding him with a combination of lust and curiosity. Cloud rubbed his belly soothingly and dipped his head to trace the navel with the tip of his tongue. Zack's hands stroked his hair, his breath quickening with excitement. Cloud's mouth slipped lower, pressing tender kisses on the skin as he went. He grasped the root of Zack's erection and held it firmly as his lips neared their goal. Zack's fingers combed through his hair and his body tensed with anticipation as Cloud's lips hovered over the dew-beaded cap of his arousal.

"Relax," Cloud advised softly, his palm stroking Zack's stomach in slow, comforting circles. "I promise I'll take it easy on you."

Zack chuckled breathlessly. "Am I acting that bad?"

"I'm just trying to be reassuring," Cloud answered with one of his quiet little smiles. "This is my first time doing this to you since I found you and I don't want you to be nervous, okay?"

"I think I'm more excited," corrected Zack with a sheepish grin.

He gasped as Cloud lowered his head and covered the flushed tip of his cock with his lips, effectively ending the conversation. Cloud stroked the salty slit with his tongue, drawing more precum out of it and making Zack's body go taut. He kept his lips tightly sealed around the girth as he leisurely traced the knob of flesh with his tongue for a while, choosing to start off slow so that he wouldn't overwhelm his companion with too much sensation. Inwardly, the blond felt a certain amount of pride at his oral skills. He didn't think he was as good as Zack, but Reno had given him glowing praise in their time together and guys like him didn't worry about hurting feelings with criticism.

Cloud carefully eased Zack's cock deeper into his mouth, curling his tongue around the underside of the organ and licking at it like a popsicle as he went. Zack's fingers tightened painfully in his hair for a moment, before the other man realized what he was doing and hastily let go to grab at the sheets. The moan that Cloud had been waiting for passed through Zack's lips and the blond rubbed his belly with possessive, soothing motions. He turned his head and began to retreat, letting the velvety flesh slide out to the tip before taking it in again at a different angle. Zack started to pant softly and he gasped Cloud's name in a way that made a shiver of lust race through him.

Cloud began to move his mouth up and down the shaft rhythmically, altering the depth and angle of his strokes as he went. He hummed softly and enjoyed the ragged sounds of helpless pleasure his lover was making. He released the base of the cock and reached down to cup the heavy sack beneath it, palming the testicles and massaging them slowly as he sucked Zack off. A husky, trembling warning reached his ears and he sucked harder and faster in response, pausing his belly rubbing to drop his palm over Zack's pelvis and press down, restraining him somewhat.

"Ahh…C-Cloud, I'm losing it," Zack whimpered, tossing his head back. His hips jerked as his cock started pulsing in the blond's mouth and his eyes went blank. He moaned once more and he came down Cloud's throat. The blond slowed and stopped the motions of his mouth when the orgasm finished, releasing Zack's sated member to the cool night air. Zack grinned foolishly with satisfaction as Cloud stretched out on top of him and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"That," Zack said with feeling, "was the stuff."

Cloud breathed a faint laugh and nuzzled his neck. "I've missed doing that to you," he whispered. "Can't believe I waited for this long."

"Well, now we don't have to be afraid of getting caught," Zack reasoned simply, rubbing his back.

"Right," Cloud agreed. He yawned before he could stop himself and he covered his mouth hastily. The pill was affecting him already and he hoped it wouldn't knock him out before Zack recovered. If the way his hands were subtly trying to ease Cloud's boxers down was any indication, it wouldn't be long before Zack was ready for more action. His lips brushed against Cloud's throat and his other hand combed through the blond's hair.

* * *

"Mmm, I can't get enough," Zack admitted huskily as he slipped his hand into Cloud's boxers and stroked his bottom. His was beginning to harden again.

"Ooh, I'm naughty," Zack muttered all the sudden.

Cloud smirked at him. "No arguments there. What's on your mind, Zack?"

"Uh…just thinking of how I'd like to have you," confessed Zack.

"Gotta love your honesty," Cloud murmured, kissing him with slow sensuality. "So how do you want me?"

Zack's slowly stirring member sprang completely erect at the erotic question. "Do you even know how sexy you are?" he gasped against the soft lips.

"Hmm," Cloud murmured, "I know how sexy you always said I was but I figured you were exaggerating."

"Nuh-uh," countered Zack vehemently. He crushed his mouth against the blond's and yanked his boxers down over his hips. Ignoring the little mutter of surprise Cloud made, the bigger man rolled over and took him with him. He positioned the blond on his stomach and pulled his boxers the rest of the way off hastily, stroking his hands with eager desire over the pale, soft skin. He frowned at the scars here and there and he wondered how many of them were old or new. One, he was familiar with. It was thin and faded to the point where it was hardly visible anymore, but he knew it was there courtesy of Sephiroth's masamune impaling him. Zack had a similar scar on his torso.

"What are you doing?" Cloud mumbled, turning his head as he felt his lover's fingers tracing various spots on his back and shoulders.

"Just trying to work out what the scars are all about," answered Zack softly before kissing the slim one on his right shoulder. The one on his left shoulder was worse; it was jagged around the edges and about four inches long.

Cloud tensed a little. "Most of them are just old battle scars," he murmured. He shivered when Zack's mouth traced the one on his left shoulder and the other man paused.

"What about this one?" Zack gently traced the more obvious one on the left shoulder, sensing the smaller man's tension.

"I can't remember," Cloud said flatly, his tension increasing.

Zack paused and regarded him silently for a moment. He didn't think he was exactly _lying_ , but something troubled him about his tension and the way he'd answered.

_~What happened to you, Cloud? I know you're not telling me the whole truth.~_

Deciding that no good could come of him heckling the blond for more answers, Zack chose to see to their immediate needs, instead. One day he'd coax a more thorough answer from his lover but he instinctively knew by the tone of Cloud's voice that tonight wasn't the time for it.

"Where's the um…stuff?" Zack was so horny already he could hardly concentrate to speak coherently. He brushed a finger between Cloud's butt cheeks meaningfully and nibbled his ear.

"Lube's in the nightstand," answered Cloud with a little sigh of pleasure and arousal.

Zack reached out and pulled the drawer open, feeling around inside until he found the tube of precious gel. He worked quickly, his body remembering skills that his mind was still trying to recall. Cloud's little gasp when he eased a finger into his tight warmth gave him pause, but when he saw the flush of desire on the blond's face, he grinned and kept going. He pressed inside and brushed against the familiar little lump that made his lover gasp, each time he thrust into him. Cloud was trembling and shifting restlessly by the time Zack felt safe to add more fingers. He kissed the blond's shoulder and neck as he gently prepared him and it was difficult for him to hold back when Cloud began to rock against his invading fingers.

"Do you…think you're ready?" Zack questioned breathlessly after a while when the snug flesh was quivering around his fingers.

"More than," agreed the blond with a desperate little whine. "Zack, I need you."

Zack withdrew his fingers and he pushed Cloud's thighs further apart. He lubed his cock up and anxiously yanked his pajama bottoms off. He eased onto Cloud, bracing himself on either side of the blond's torso with his hands so that he wouldn't put too much weight on him. He pressed against the puckered little ring, sighing with need and satisfaction as it gave for him. Cloud's throaty moan as he slowly drove his cock into his body was heavenly to Zack and he whispered his lover's name and kept going until he was fully seated within him.

"How's that, Sunshine?" Zack panted, straining against the urge to start pounding him like an animal.

"It's perfect," Cloud sighed, turning his head and brushing his lips against Zack's. His breath caught as the other man withdrew to the tip and drove back in. "Unh…Zack…so good," he whimpered.

Zack began to take him rhythmically after that, shifting his hips to drive himself in at different angles. At one point, he paused and rotated his hips, massaging Cloud inside until he began to cry out.

"You like that?" Zack grunted, smiling at the way Cloud whimpered his name and clenched his fists.

The wordless nod was all the conformation he required and he did it a little harder, until Cloud was trembling all over and moaning his name with growing frequency and volume. Zack resumed his pumping, clenching his jaw and growling softly as he got closer and closer to the final release. He bucked his hips sharply and covered Cloud's mouth with his hand when the blond hollered raggedly.

"Feels so…good," Zack groaned, his features tensing with concentration as he tried to hold off his orgasm. Cloud was humping the mattress mindlessly, pushing backwards against Zack's snapping hips with slutty encouragement. He continued moaning behind Zack's muffling hand and his ass started clenching hard around the other man's thrusting cock.

"Oh, baby," Zack moaned shakenly as Cloud gave one final howl of pleasure and unloaded on the sheets. The spasms destroyed the last of his composure and he came hard, pulsing and spurting until there was no more room and his seed dribbled out around his straining sex. Zack took his hand off of Cloud's mouth when his cries faded and he rubbed his sweating cheek against his as he caught his breath.

* * *

"I…should have put on…a condom," Cloud panted, weak from the pleasure of his release. He was going to have to change the sheets, now. He hadn't even thought of using a condom to cut down on the mess and he'd blown a pretty shocking load on the bed. He felt Zack's softening length pull out of him and the feel of his semen dribbling down his thigh wasn't lost on him. Obviously he wasn't the only one that came hard.

"Ooh, I made a mess of you," Zack panted, his hands stroking Cloud's bottom with apologetic tenderness.

"It's okay," Cloud chuckled, rolling onto his side with a little grimace of discomfort. "Cleaning me up is the easy part." It was a good think the staff had supplied Zack's closet with spare sheets or Cloud would have had to go out and ask someone for some. He wasn't thrilled by the thought of trying to come up with an explanation for why they needed fresh sheets already.

After changing the bedding and putting the soiled sheets in the hamper, they had a quick shower together. Cloud could barely hold his eyes open by the time they laid back down and he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Zack stayed awake for a little while longer. He caressed his lover's back and gazed down at him in the darkness, his eyes going to the scar that seemed to bother Cloud the most. He traced it and wished he had the power to erase it. Obviously, it brought up bad memories for the blond.

* * *

The next day, Cloud went on his last delivery for the week and when he came back that afternoon he had a game console and a few discs to go with it. Zack was doing squats in the gym so Cloud was able to sneak the console into the room without being spotted. He joined his lover in the gym after setting the game up and it occurred to him that he hadn't shown Zack any pictures of his friends or family.

"Hey Zack, do you want to see some of the people you'll be living with when they let me take you home?"

Zack stopped in mid-squat and nodded enthusiastically. He approached Cloud and watched curiously as the blond pulled out his wallet and flipped it open. A familiar brunette woman with rather impressive cleavage was on the first photo, standing next to a brown-haired preteen and a little brunette girl.

"This is Tifa," Cloud explained. "The kid on the left is Denzel. Tifa and I sort of adopted him. The little girl is Marlene. She lives with us most of the time but her adopted Dad is Barret. She stays with him when he's not on a job coal mining."

Zack studied the people in the image and frowned. "Something's missing," he murmured.

"Missing?" repeated Cloud curiously.

Zack nodded and pointed at the image of Tifa. "I…don't know why but I think she needs a hat."

Cloud understood and he smiled proudly. "You remember her. The last time you saw Tifa, she had this cowgirl getup on. I'll bet that's why you think she needs a hat."

"I think I remember that," Zack said slowly. "She was…hurt? Sephiroth did it."

"Yeah," Cloud answered, his expression hardening. "Sephiroth hurt a lot of people and if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be stuck here now."

"But he's gone, right?" Zack seemed puzzled and a little frustrated at his inability to remember clearly.

"Yes, he's gone." Cloud flipped to the next picture. "This is our friend Cid and his wife Shera," he said as he showed the image to his lover. "They're standing in front of their house in Rocket Town."

He went through the pictures until he'd shown him all of his friends and explained who they were. He had a picture of Reno in there too and there was an awkward moment as he explained that he and the Turk used to date.

"Don't be so nervous," Zack advised with a little smirk. "I know you're only with me, now." He studied the redhead in the picture and shrugged. "He's cute," he said grudgingly. Reno was familiar to him as well but he couldn't pinpoint where he'd seen him before.

"He's also a pain in the ass," Cloud muttered impulsively, provoking a grin from his lover.

"Why did you get with him, then?"

Cloud shut his wallet and shrugged as he put it back in his pocket. "It just kind of happened. I didn't plan it that way but one day I woke up in his bed and that was that."

"Okay, now I'm getting jealous," Zack grumbled warningly. He could take the knowledge that his lover had been with other people while they were apart but he didn't like picturing Cloud in some other man's bed.

A tiny smile curved Cloud's lips. "Too much information, huh?" He yelped as Zack quickly and unexpectedly pinched his bottom.

"This is all mine now," Zack said seriously, his eyes holding Cloud's. He wasn't grinning now.

"Uh, I thought we already established that," Cloud said with a blush. He shifted a little restlessly.

"I think we need to do it a little more," Zack murmured, his mouth finally relaxing into a crooked grin. He caught hold of Cloud's arm and tugged insistently.

"What are you doing?" Cloud asked as he was practically dragged along with his lover out of the gym.

"Staking my claim again," answered Zack with a shrug. People looked at the two men curiously as they passed by and Cloud was blushing to the roots of his hair by the time they made it to Zack's room.

* * *

The first day of Zack's new treatment arrived and he followed the doctor and Cloud into the padded room nervously. "So what are we doing?" Zack questioned as the door was shut behind him and he was directed to a seat in the middle of the room. "Are you gonna show me pictures or something to trigger it?"

"No," answered Dr. Clark as he took a seat next to a table with Cloud. He pointed out a pendulum sitting on the table. "We're going to use hypnosis, Zack. It's painless and safe. All you need to do is relax, watch the pendulum and do as I say."

"Okay." Zack took a deep breath and watched as the doctor lifted the pendulum and started it swinging.

"Now, I want you to relax your entire body," Dr. Clark instructed in a soothing tone. "Keep watching the pendulum and imagine all of your muscles going slack."

Zack did as he was told and after a few moments, the doctor informed him that he was getting sleepy. His eyelids grew heavy and his awareness was focused on the swinging, flashing pendulum. Cloud watched his lover's amethyst eyes drift closed and he glanced curiously at the doctor, wondering what came next.

"Zack, can you hear me?" Dr. Clark gently inquired.

"Yes."

"We're going to go back in time," informed the doctor, "far, far back in time, to the earliest memory you have."

Zack frowned in concentration and the doctor waited for a few moments before speaking again. "Where are you, Zack?"

"I'm in my bedroom," answered the patient. "In Gongaga."

"Good," said the doctor in satisfaction. "Can you tell me how old you are?"

"I'm eleven," answered Zack. He smiled. "Just had my birthday yesterday."

Cloud was surprised. He'd been bracing for a horrible memory and a psychotic episode but so far, it seemed like fate was being kind to his lover and allowing a less traumatic memory to be recalled.

"What are you doing in your bedroom, Zack?" prompted the doctor.

"I'm…I'm getting something out from under my bed. It's supposed to be a secret."

"You can tell me, Zack," soothed the doctor. "I promise I won't tell anyone."

"It's a sword," answered the young man with a little wince. "Mom and Dad don't know I have it. Dad lost his job and I've been hunting monsters for the bounty, so we don't have to go hungry."

"I see." Dr. Clark wrote in his tablet. "How long have you been doing this, Zackary?"

Zack shrugged. "A few weeks. Mom and Dad think I'm getting the money from helping the farmer with his crops, but he doesn't need a hand this year."

"And what are you doing now?"

"I'm sneaking out the back door," answered Zack. "Mom's cooking something in the kitchen and Dad's looking for a job in the paper."

The doctor continued to ask Zack questions about his surroundings and actions until the dark-haired man described his battle with a dangerous local beast. Zack got slightly worked up in the description, but it was more due to excitement than fear. When he finished with that, the doctor urged him to move into the future a little and seek out a later memory.

Cloud was surprised again when Zack described their first meeting and he blushed when he started going on about how cute he thought he was. The next memory wasn't so good. Zack got to the part where he had to fight Angeal and he wept bitterly as he described it. The unfortunate event was followed by a "vacation" in Costa Del Sol and a promotion to First Class. Cloud was somewhat relieved when Zack moved on to talk about events afterward.

"I'm going to get in so much trouble," Zack said with a little smirk.

"Why is that, Zackary?"

"Because I've totally got a thing for Cloud and he's still a minor. Besides, if he catches me peeping at him—"

"Peeping?" Cloud sputtered. He quickly slapped his hand over his mouth when the doctor gave him a warning look.

"You've been peeping at your friend?" asked Dr. Clark hastily, to cover up Cloud's lapse and keep Zack focused.

"Just this once," admitted Zack with an expression of a scolded puppy. "I wanted to come see him and I spotted him in the barracks shower room while I was passing by. I know I shouldn't do it but I can't look away, you know? He is soooo going to kick my ass if he finds out."

Cloud was slowly sinking in his chair, wishing he could vanish.

"Well, lets hope he doesn't find out," Dr. Clark said unsteadily, clearly fighting the urge to laugh. "Let's move on, Zack. It's a few days later, now. What are you doing?"

"Training some recruits," answered the patient. "Cloud's in the group, too. I keep staring at him. Damn, why can't I play it a little cooler? Am I drooling?"

"No, you're fine," assured the doctor.

"I'm trying not to be a creepy stalker," Zack sighed. "He's just so…so hot and cute and he doesn't even know it! It's worse now than ever, 'cause his birthday's coming and he's not going to be jailbait anymore. I don't even know if he's into guys or not, but I never see him flirting with girls and he doesn't even hardly talk to anyone except me."

"Do you intend to tell him how you feel eventually?"

Zack seemed to struggle inwardly with that question. "I want to. I'm just…scared. I think about him all the time and I'm not talking 'pure' thoughts, either. I might lose his friendship if I ever tell him I have fantasies of him naked on a motorcycle."

Cloud groaned and hid his face in his hands. The doctor looked uncomfortable too, but he pressed on. "Um…interesting. What are your other friends like, Zack?"

"Well, there _was_ Angeal, but he's gone now," Zack answered in a subdued voice. "He was a little too serious sometimes, but a really great guy. There's Sephiroth, too. He's not an easy guy to get to know and he's not real big on the full range of human emotions, but he's my friend. Kunsel's cool. He's Second Class. I've known him since I passed SOLDIER requirements."

Something must have been important about that information, because Dr. Clark wrote it down. He had a strong feeling that when Zack got to the memories involving the reactor incident, he could have a violent episode. "Who else is there, Zack?"

The patient shrugged. "There's the girl in the slums, Aerith. She's real cute and nice but I think I might have given her the wrong idea. I've also got a girlfriend in Nibelheim. I like talking to the ladies but I haven't gotten serious with any of them, 'cause I'm holding out for Cloud. Maybe I'll start dating someone else when I'm sure I don't have a shot with him."

Dr. Clark smiled patiently. "Your mind always returns to your friend Cloud, it seems."

"Yeah, I know," Zack said sheepishly. "Pretty pathetic, isn't it?"

"Pretty common, for someone in love," corrected the doctor.

Zack's expression changed. "Love?" He looked a little worried for a moment. "Do I love him? I thought it was just a crush but…holy shit, I _am_ in love with him!" Zack stood up abruptly, his eyes still shut. He ran his fingers through his spiky locks and turned around in place. "Of all the rotten luck! How can I love the guy when I've never even kissed him!"

"Now, now," soothed the doctor with raised eyebrows. "Don't get yourself worked up, Zack. Why don't you take your seat again and go a bit further ahead in time. You said Cloud has a birthday coming up…are you going to do anything special for him?"

Cloud made a time-out motion with his hands, but it was too late. Zack was already focusing on the memories surrounding that day.

"I've got all kinds of ideas for his birthday," Zack said with a grin. "I don't think he'd go for a lot of them, though. I want it to be something special, you know? It's a milestone for him and just getting him a cake and a little present doesn't seem like enough. I'm getting kind of excited thinking about it but my damn phone's ringing so I can't finish getting off."

"Uh…that's a shame," Dr. Clark muttered. "Who's calling you?"

"Chocobo!" Zack answered happily. "Oh, he hates it when I call him that, too. Anyway, he's got some reports for me, so I tell him to come on up to my quarters and get off the phone. I don't want him to think I'm a big slob so I clean up a little while I'm waiting on him."

"And what do you do when he arrives?"

"I yank him inside so I can talk to him like my friend instead of a subordinate," answered Zack with a smirk. "He looks good with that cadet hat on. Makes me want to do all kinds of things to him. He's asking me what I was doing earlier and I'm not about to tell him I was jerking off and thinking about him. I've got to come up with something quick and well…you know me. I told him I was going through a porn magazine and I ask if he wants to see it. The kid's face is turning about five shades of red and he looks like he wants to run. Damn, he's so cute."

Dr. Clark chuckled, both at Zack's fond babbling and Cloud's obvious embarrassment. "So have you told Cloud that you want to give him something special for his birthday?"

"No, I want to surprise him," Zack said. "I'm giving him the rest of the day off though, 'cause that asshole Vickers has been giving him a hard time. He spends the rest of the day with me and we drink a few beers and watch TV. Uh, I'm starting to feel a little reckless. Maybe I can get away with one kiss? At least then I'll know whether I've got a chance with him."

Cloud looked at the doctor pleadingly and the older man sighed and leaned toward him. "I'm sure you'd rather skip this part Cloud, but it's significant to Zack and therefore important to his treatment."

Without waiting for a reply from the blond, Dr. Clark returned his attention to Zack and encouraged him to continue. "Go on. What do you do next, Zack."

"I do the old 'stretching' move to get my arm around him," Zack went on. "Man, my heart's beating a million miles an hour. I kiss him and his lips are so soft. He isn't doing anything…shit, I messed up! I'm going to stop and apologize to him…wait…now he's kissing me back! Did I think he was innocent? Damn, what a kiss!"

Cloud smiled even though his face was bright red. He knew what was coming next and he gave the doctor another pleading look that was laced with warning. Dr. Clark understood that something private and racy was about to happen and this time, he acted to put a stop to it.

"You don't have to describe the next part aloud, Zack," the doctor said. "Just enjoy the memory and let me know when you're ready to move on."

"Okay," Zack agreed with a happy sigh. The big, foolish grin on his face was more than enough confirmation that he and Cloud did much more than kiss. After several minutes, he spoke again. "I'm so happy I could fly, man. I think it can only get better from here."

"I see," said the doctor. He checked his watch and decided it was time to end today's session. "You did well, Zack. Now, I'm going to count backwards from ten and when I finish, you'll wake up and the memories you've shared with me today will still be there. Are you ready?"

Zack nodded and the doctor counted down to one. When he finished, Dr. Clark reached out and stopped the pendulum and Zack blinked his eyes open. He looked around with a puzzled frown before his eyes rested on Cloud and he smiled broadly at him.

"How do you feel, Zack?" Dr. Clark inquired.

"I feel great," Zack said enthusiastically. "And I remember something really important, too."

"Um, yeah," Cloud said, "You described most of it out loud to the doctor."

Zack's lips rounded. "Uh…I did? How much did I say out loud?"

"How much am I blushing?" the blond said dryly.

"Well, your face hasn't exploded," Zack grinned, "so I guess I didn't describe _everything_."

"I suggested you stop the verbal descriptions when it became obvious where it was going," explained the doctor with a chuckle. "Honestly I think this session was harder on Cloud than anyone."

Zack stood up and stretched. "I'm a little confused," he said when he finished, "I thought we were going to try to give me flashbacks?"

"That's essentially what we did," confirmed the doctor. "We were just fortunate that this time, the flashbacks were all pleasant ones. It's not always going to be this easy on you, son."

Cloud stood up as well and Zack put an arm around him. "I think I get it," he said. "Um, are you sure you shouldn't have me strapped down, Doc? I don't want to hurt anyone."

"That would be a wise precaution to take," agreed the doctor, "but I was reluctant to do that, since restraints trouble you so much."

"I'll deal with it," Zack said seriously. "I'd rather be strapped down than wake up to your dead body."

Dr. Clark paled at that and looked at Cloud.

"He's right," Cloud advised. "You don't want to take that chance. I'm not even sure I could stop him if he got it into his head that we're his enemies."

The doctor nodded. "Then I think we'll use restraints, the next time."

* * *

-To be continued


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. The Florida heat literally makes me sick. I don't know how I'm managing to muster the energy to go to work.

Cloud didn't realize how much good it was doing him to get more sleep until a week went by and Dr. Clark made a comment that he looked healthier. The doctor remarked on it when they were getting ready to put Zack through another recall session.

"Not that you were sickly before," the doctor said when Cloud gave him a blank stare, "but your eyes are brighter and the dark circles are gone. I trust this means you've been going to bed early at night?"

"Yes," Cloud admitted ruefully. He glanced at Zack, who was sitting in the chair holding still while an aide secured the restraints to his arms, wrists, legs and ankles. " _Someone_ pesters me about it every night until I give in. "

Zack winked at him. "I'm just taking care of my chocobo," he said lightly. His speech was practically perfect, now. With the return of lost memories he'd gained back his typical wit and honeyed tongue, making it impossible for Cloud or most anyone else to resist him.

"Okay, you're all set," the aide announced when he secured the final restraint. "I'll be right outside if you need me, doctor. "With that said, he left and closed the door behind him.

So far, Zack had only experienced one bad episode as a result of the new therapy. It seemed like his mind was purposely avoiding the harder memories in the course of his treatment, but the doctor assured Cloud that the painful stuff would come around and make an appearance eventually. His last one was triggered by the memory of getting into a fight with another cadet when he first joined ShinRa. Zack relived the experience of getting picked on until he snapped and kicked his tormenter's ass. As punishment for being a 'troublemaker', he'd been locked in confinement for the rest of the day and that was the part that triggered his breakdown. Being locked in a tiny room with nothing to do and nobody to talk to was torture for someone like Zack.

Dr. Clark started the pendulum swinging and he talked Zack into his trance while Cloud silently watched. When Zack's eyes closed, the doctor guided him through his memories and Cloud tensed when Zack murmured that he was going to Nibelheim with Sephiroth and Cloud to investigate the reactor. The doctor noticed his tension and when he looked at the blond questioningly, Cloud nodded and compressed his lips together grimly, silently warning him that this session was probably going to end with Zack having a violent episode.

"Cloud's got motion sickness again," Zack said with a little frown. "Poor guy…I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better. "He gave a little start and turned his head searchingly. "What the hell was that?"

"What's happening, Zack?" asked Dr. Clark.

"Something hit the truck. Sephiroth thinks it's the monster from the reports and he's getting ready to hop outside and look. Cloud, stay here okay?Seph and I are going to take care of it. "

Cloud swallowed and listened as his lover described the events that started the whole Nibelheim fiasco. His chest ached with the knowledge of what was coming and he felt tempted to put a stop to this session, to spare Zack the pain. He knew that he couldn't do that however, so he clutched the arms of his chair and silently listened.

"Some kind of dragon," Zack informed, straining unconsciously against his bonds. "The thing's huge!I'm glad Seph's with me 'cause I'm not sure I could take this beast down on my own. "He replayed the battle in his mind and described everything as he went. The doctor listened with rapt attention.

Zack was breathing heavily when it was finished and he waited a few moments before going on. "We've reached town now. Sephiroth's asking Cloud how it feels to be home. For some reason Cloud put his helmet back on. Tifa's going to be guiding us through the mountain. I'm a little surprised Cloud hasn't said anything to her yet…weren't they good buds growing up or something?Anyhow, we're going to the Inn to rest up for the trip to the reactor tomorrow. Seph's given us permission to leave the Inn if we want but Cloud doesn't act like he wants to visit his family and friends. "

Zack tilted his head and frowned. "Wait a minute, I think I get it. "

"What do you get?" inquired the doctor.

"Why Cloud's not keen on hanging out with his old buddies and family. He doesn't want them to know he didn't make the cut for SOLDIER. "Zack sighed and shook his head. "He's ashamed of himself. I'm trying to talk to him about it but he's not cooperating with me. There's nothing more I can do for him and we've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. Guess I'll just go to sleep. "

Dr. Clark was writing things down as he went and he glanced at Cloud with a frown. Noticing his tension, he leaned toward the blond. "If you need to leave the room for this—"

"No," Cloud insisted with a shake of his head. His eyes stayed on Zack and he tried to work some moisture back into his dry mouth. The dark, terrible memories were rolling beneath the surface like a poison. He tasted bile at the back of his throat, but he refused to leave Zack's side. "I'm staying. "

Dr. Clark gave him a kindly pat on the shoulder. "As you wish. "He turned back to Zack. "Tell me what happens when you wake up in the morning, Zack. "

"I wake up, get cleaned up and have breakfast before I report to Sephiroth with Cloud and get ready to go. Tifa's dad is there, talking to Sephiroth. We head out and start the trip up the mountain. Shit, the bridge is breaking!I don't have any time to grab Cloud or Tifa…all I can do is hold on. "

Dr. Clark listened as Zack described regrouping after the bridge gave way. The other grunt that came with them was lost but Cloud, Tifa and Sephiroth made it through okay. The story got interesting when Zack reached the part where they made it to the reactor and he described the pods he and Sephiroth found inside and the General's reaction to the creatures contained within them.

"I don't get it," Zack said with a frown. "These things are nothing like Sephiroth but he keeps going on about being a monster. Funny, he said his mother's name was Jenova and I saw a door at the top of the reactor with that name in a plate over it. I want to know what the hell's going on. I'm starting to get a little freaked out here and I'm afraid Seph's having a break down. Genesis just showed up too and he smacked me something good. I don't know what happened while I was out but when I wake up, Genesis is gone and so is Seph. Cloud and Tifa are hurt and I've got to get them back to town quick. "

Zack went on to describe the struggle to get his lover and friend safely back to Nibelheim, fighting off beasts by himself as he went. He said they made it back and got some medical attention for Tifa and Cloud. The next morning, he found out Sephiroth had locked himself up in the basement of the ShinRa mansion.

"All I can do now is wait," Zack explained, "since Sephiroth's my commanding officer and I can't leave my post without permission. I find the basement with Cloud's help and try to get Sephiroth to talk to me but he says he wants to be left alone. "

"Let's jump forward a little," suggested the doctor. "What happened when Sephiroth emerged from the mansion?"

Zack hesitated and some of the color drained from his face. "I…I don't want to see," he murmured.

"You have to, Zackary," insisted the doctor. "You have to face it, no matter how frightening or upsetting it is. What happened with your friend Sephiroth?"

Zack's eyes opened abruptly and flashed with Mako. "He's not my _friend_ ," said the former Soldier roughly, his pupils dilated and unfocused. "He's changed. He's not the same guy I knew. He's going on about his mother and how we're all traitors. I'm trying to talk some sense into him but he won't _listen_. He takes off and I follow him. Something bad's going to happen…I can feel it. When I make it back outside…the…the whole town's in flames. Dead bodies are laying everywhere and Cloud's hurt. I don't know where Tifa went. "He struggled in his restraints and snarled silently.

"Where is Sephiroth," prompted the doctor, "Do you see him?"

Zack's struggles ceased and he stared blankly ahead. "Yes. I see him. He's standing there in the flames. He doesn't even look like Sephiroth anymore. I don't see a thing of my friend in those eyes and I know he's the one that did this. He turns and walks away and I start checking the houses for survivors. There's nothing I can do for them and Sephiroth's getting away, so I leave town and head through the mountains for the reactor.

"I see Tifa now," Zack continued. "She's lying on the floor in the pod room and she's hurt. She blames ShinRa for what happened and I can't do anything but ask her forgiveness and try to put a stop to this. "He shivered and yelled Sephiroth's name, straining to be free of his bonds as the memory progressed to his final confrontation with the general.

"Cloud, talk to him," commanded the doctor when one of the restraints came ominously close to snapping.

The blond had no idea what he was supposed to say but he was afraid of what Zack would do if he broke free of the chair. "Zack, can you hear me?"

"You're not…supposed to be here yet," growled the black-haired man. "Cloud, get out of here!He's crazy!"

"It's okay Zack," the blond tried to soothe, "we're not really there, okay?This is just a memory and it can't hurt you. "

"Feels real enough," Zack argued, his eyes still staring blindly ahead. "I can feel the heat of the flames and smell the chemicals!"In his mind, he was battling Sephiroth and he hollered when he fell through to a lower level of the reactor. Sephiroth followed him and he barely deflected the masamune in time as the silver-haired warrior slashed at him with it.

"I know it seems real," Cloud said helplessly, reaching out to squeeze his lover's knee. "But you've got to trust me. Just get through this and you'll see, okay?"

"I can hear the fighting," Zack said in a strained voice. "I can't move and it's getting harder to breath. God, Seph's going to kill Cloud and it's all my fault!"

"I'm safe," Cloud assured him as he rubbed his knee. "I know it's hard to believe right now but I'm okay, Zack. "

In his flashback, Cloud was dragging his battered body across the floor to him. Zack bit down on a strangled sob and expressed amazement and relief that his lover had survived the battle, though he was certain they were both going to die anyway.

"I'm sorry, Sunshine," Zack said raggedly. "I got us into this mess. "

Cloud's eyes welled up with tears and he shook his head and combed his fingers through his hair. "It wasn't your fault," he murmured.

Dr. Clark watched quietly as the blond interacted with his trance-induced patient. The affect was promising. Zack seemed to be calming down enough to get through the rest of the flashback without the need for sedatives to keep him under control.

"I hear someone talking," Zack murmured, still trembling with the force of his emotions and memories. "Sounds like Professor Hojo. He's…he's telling his people to get us onto the stretchers and he's calling us 'specimens'. I don't think he's here to save us, Cloud. "

"No," agreed the blond softly. "He's not. "

"Where is the professor taking you, Zack?" questioned Dr. Clark.

Zack frowned and shook his head, closing his eyes. "I don't know. I keep losing consciousness. I feel myself being lifted and carried somewhere but I can't keep my eyes open to see where. When I wake up again I'm on a cold table. I feel something prick my arm and that's it for a while. Now I'm waking up in the tank. They've taken my clothes and fixed up my injuries. Cloud's laying on the floor in the tank next to mine and he hasn't woken up yet. "

Deciding not to push his luck, the doctor chose to end the session here and avoid going into further traumatic memories today. "Okay Zack, I'm going to bring you out of your trance now and you'll retain all of the memories you've shared with me today. "

* * *

"I feel kind of weird," Zack sighed when he came out of his trance and the doctor asked how he felt. "Drained and…anxious. "He winced as he remembered the flash of Sephiroth's sword and the evil look in the general's eyes as he looked at Zack through the flames.

"I'm going to bring you an anxiety pill when we finish here," Dr. Clark said. "Today was a pretty rough haul for you and I don't want you spending the rest of the day in a state of agitation if I can help it. "He looked at Cloud thoughtfully. "I think you could use one too, son. This is highly irregular, but you're as pale as a ghost and I'm concerned. If I bring a tablet for you, will you take it?"

Cloud sighed at him and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm fine. "

"Hold out your hands," demanded the doctor.

Cloud shrugged and did as he was told. He grimaced and swore.

"If you're fine," the doctor pointed out, "why are your hands shaking?"

"Doesn't mean I need a pill," Cloud insisted stubbornly, averting his gaze.

Zack took his hands and frowned, rubbing them with his own trembling hands. Cloud tried to smile reassuringly at him but the expression on Zack's face told him he failed to be convincing.

"Cloud, you should take it," Zack encouraged, his eyes coaxing and his mouth drawn in a tight line. "Just for tonight. We both lived through those memories and I know you're not 'fine'. "

"Now you two are going to double-team me," complained the blond. "What next, do you want me to check myself in too?"

"Your condition isn't quite that bad," answered the doctor with a smirk, "but as I've said before, I do believe you need some help. If I bring a pill for you too, will you consider taking it?"

"Just don't want to make a habit of medicating for every little problem I've got," grumbled the blond. "I'll do it this one time—because Zack asked me to—but don't get used to it. "

"Of course. "The doctor nodded in satisfaction.

* * *

As promised, Cloud took the pill that the doctor offered to him after he and Zack returned to the room. While Zack played some video games, Cloud called Tifa up and gave her a summary of everything that had happened since they last spoke. He felt the drugs affecting him after only a few moments and he found himself relaxing in the reclining chair as he spoke with her.

"You sound pretty mellow," Tifa observed when he finished explaining the events that had occurred over the past two days. "It must be such a relief to see Zack getting better so fast. "

Cloud waved a hand dismissively and he found himself staring at the appendage when he noticed how limp it was. He couldn't tense his muscles or tendons even if he tried and he shook his head at how little that fact irritated him.

"The doctor gave me a pill," he murmured into the phone, still staring at his floppy hand.

"He did what?" Tifa asked, her voice caught between confusion and alarm. "You're not his patient…are you?"

"Not really," Cloud answered, "but he thinks I've got issues too so he gave me a nerve pill after Zack's session today. Guess I freaked out a little when Zack was describing everything that happened with Sephiroth in Nibel. . . Nibelheim. "

"Hmph," Tifa replied, "Maybe you should get some permanent counseling. "

"I'm not that bad," Cloud protested.

"Cloud, you zone out all the time without even realizing it," insisted the barmaid. "It can be really hard to get through to you sometimes. I think this whole thing is going to be as good for your health as it is for Zack's. "

"If you say so," Cloud shrugged. That pill the doc gave him was something else, he admitted. Normally the only time he felt this relaxed was after intense sex. Zack had stopped playing his video game and Cloud smirked when the dark-haired man stretched out on his stomach over the bed and lay there with sleepy contentment.

"Well I'm glad everything's going so good," Tifa said. "You should think about trying to call in the afternoon the next time, so you can say hi to the kids yourself. "

"I will," agreed the blond. "Talk to you later, Tifa. "He hung up and carelessly placed the phone on the nightstand.

He didn't want to move but at the same time, the thought of lying down with Zack was appealing to him. Cloud forced his muscles into action and stumbled out of the chair to make his way over to the bed. Zack had the TV remote in one hand but he wasn't doing anything with it.

"Are you going to watch anything?" Cloud asked as he climbed onto the bed next to his lover and propped himself up on his elbows.

Zack's dark head lifted to regard Cloud. "Didn't even realize I was holding it," he murmured. He lazily waved the remote and turned the power on, flipping absently through the channels until he found a game show. He silently reviewed some of the memories he'd regained and he grinned as Cloud rested his cheek against his back. "Hey Cloud, you've got a motorcycle, right?"

"Mmm-hmm," answered the blond.

Zack rolled onto his back and dragged Cloud's smaller form onto him, receiving little resistance from him. "I've got a cool idea. "

* * *

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Cloud sighed as he walked through the parking garage to where Fenrir was waiting. If he weren't under the influence of the anxiety medication, he never would have gone for it. Zack couldn't come with him so he was on his own and though his medically induced mellow state was impairing his judgment, he had enough common sense to know he shouldn't drive anywhere.

"Hi Fenrir," Cloud greeted as he found his bike where he'd left it. "We're going to do something stupid for Zack. "

Cloud looked around and wondered if the vehicles on either side of his bike were going to be enough to shield him from prying eyes and the security cameras. A part of him chastised himself for even considering this, but Zack had a way of convincing him that even the craziest ideas were brilliant. Cloud walked around to Fenrir's side and began to undress. He couldn't do it as quickly as he would have liked because the medication was making his fingers move sluggishly. He snorted with unwilling laughter and shook his head as he began draping his clothes on the back of Fenrir's seat, retrieving his cell from his pants as he went.

"He'd better appreciate this," mumbled the blond as he shivered from the chill in the air and took his shoes off. The cargo pants went next and finally, the underwear. He was forced to duck behind the bike as a car drove by and he waited until the coast was clear again before straddling his bike and setting up his phone camera.

* * *

Dr. Matthews was walking from his car to the garage entrance into the hospital when a click and a flash of light caught his attention. With a frown, he approached the source of the noise and flash. It had come from between an SUV and a van. He wasn't sure what to expect but Cloud Strife sitting buck-naked on a motorcycle while taking a picture of himself with his cell phone certainly wasn't it.

"What in _blazes_?"Dr. Matthews blurted the exclamation and stared at the nude young man with his mouth hanging open stupidly. Cloud gave a start and looked at him with huge blue eyes.

"I can explain this," the young man said slowly, covering his groin with one hand as he lowered the phone.

"Can you?" Dr. Matthews asked with great interest. "I'd dearly love to hear your reasoning behind this, Mr. Strife. "

Cloud opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. His golden brows furrowed as he thought about it and he started to speak several times, before finally deciding on something. "Okay, my brain's a little sluggish. "

"Are you _high_ on something?" Dr. Matthews queried suspiciously, noticing how dilated Cloud's pupils were.

"No!" Cloud denied, shaking his head slowly. "Well, sort of. "

"Which is it?" Dr. Matthews snapped, "And for Gaia's sake, put your clothes on!The last thing my reputation needs is for someone to spot me having a conversation with a naked man on a bike. "

Cloud hastily dismounted Fenrir, stumbling a little as he did so. He grabbed his pants, ignoring his boxers as he put his feet into the legs and clumsily pulled the garment up, hopping a little to maintain balance. "I was doing it for Zack," he explained as he dressed.

"You decided to sit naked on your bike for Mr. Fair?" The doctor's incredulous expression didn't change. "May I ask why?"

Cloud bit his lip and grabbed his sweater, pulling over his head hastily. He got stuck in the process and the neck hole eluded him. "I know how it sounds but Zack's gotten some of his memories back," he tried to articulate, waving his arms blindly in their sleeves while feeling around for the neck of the sweater. "One of them is a…fantasy…about me. "He nodded in the doctor's general direction. "Dammit, where's the _hole_?"

Dr. Matthews pressed his lips together to control a smirk. Even a surly man like himself couldn't help but find the blond's struggle somewhat amusing. He stepped closer and helped Cloud get his head through the top of the garment.

"There," he said as the fluffy golden head emerged with his assistance. "So, let me review. You may or may not be under the influence and you decided to come in here—alone in the garage of a mental institution—to fulfill a naked bike fantasy for your companion—who happens to be a patient here?"

"Um, that's about right," Cloud answered. "I took a picture with my cell for him since he couldn't come with me. "

"And what about the question of substance abuse?" demanded the doctor sternly.

"Dr. Clark gave me something for anxiety," Cloud explained with a grimace. "He said I was too upset after Zack's therapy session today. "

Dr. Matthews sighed. Allen was really pushing his luck, handing out pills to non-patients this way. He understood his colleague's reasoning, of course. He'd also noticed the symptoms of stress disorder in Cloud and he agreed with Dr. Clark that the blond needed some kind of psychiatric care, but to use unethical means to accomplish that was foolish.

"What was the name of the medication he gave you?" asked the doctor once Cloud was finished dressing.

The young man balled up his underwear and put them in a pocket of his cargo pants as he tried to recall the name of the pill. "I don't remember," he said with a shrug. "I didn't pay a lot of attention…just took it to get Zack and the doctor off my case. "

"You're a trusting sort," muttered Dr. Matthews. "Well, lets get you back inside. Your lucky I don't try to have you committed here, after this stunt. "

* * *

Dr. Clark looked up when his colleague entered his office with Cloud Strife at his side. The blond was swaying and wearing a look on his face that was a cross between bemusement and boredom. "Is something the matter?" he asked, concerned.

"I found your patient's boyfriend in the parking garage when I arrived to retrieve the video footage of your sessions with Mr. Fair. Care to know what he was doing, Allen?"

Dr. Clark shrugged and gave Cloud a curious look. "I can't imagine him doing anything terribly dire," he said truthfully. Other than scaling the building to sit on the ledge outside Zack's window that time, Cloud wasn't prone to stirring up trouble.

"He was taking a picture of himself on his motorcycle," answered Dr. Matthews. "In the nude," he added succulently.

Dr. Clark immediately remembered Zack's first session at the beginning of the week and the confession he'd made about his fantasies concerning Cloud and motorcycles. He burst into laughter before he could stop himself and Karl's resulting glare hardly dampened his amusement. "Cloud…son," he wheezed between chuckles, "what on earth possessed you to…couldn't it have waited?"

"I guess so," Cloud mumbled, lowering his eyes. "I just figured I could do it before anyone saw me. "

"His judgment was impaired by the drug you gave him," Dr. Matthews said harshly. "Handing out anxiety medication, are we?"

Dr. Clark sobered and cleared his throat. "I did what I thought was best," he defended. "Zack is sensitive to Cloud's moods and I thought leaving Cloud in a state of anxiety would only make it harder to settle Zack down. "

"Well obviously it worked a bit _too_ well," argued Dr. Matthews. "When a person gets relaxed enough to streak—"

"I wasn't streaking," Cloud protested.

"Fine," grumbled Dr. Matthews, "sit naked on a motorcycle where anyone could have come by and seen you. The point is that the security cameras could have caught it or someone else might have seen you. How long do you think your visiting privileges would remain intact if someone caught you acting out such behavior?"

Cloud winced. "Not long, I guess. "

"Okay, you've scared some sense into him," Dr. Clark sighed to the other doctor. "I think we've both learned our lesson. Cloud, why don't you return to the third floor, and try to remember someone could mistake you for an escaped patient if you do something like that again. "

Cloud nodded and took his leave without argument, blessedly unashamed thanks to the medication's influence. When he was gone, Dr. Clark faced his colleague and he braced himself for further admonishment. He wasn't disappointed.

* * *

"I hope you appreciate this," Cloud murmured to his lover as he showed Zack the picture he'd snapped of himself before Dr. Matthews caught him. "It came with a price. "

Zack grinned as he admired the image on the phone screen. "Perfect," he said with enthusiasm. "What do you mean about the price, though?"

"I got caught in the act," answered the blond. "One of the doctors was heading into the building and he spotted me. I just got chewed a new asshole. "

Zack snickered, his eyes still resting with pleasure on the snapshot Cloud had taken. It wasn't perfect due to the angle the blond had been forced to take it at but it was good enough. "Sorry you got in trouble," he said, trying to sound sincere and failing.

"Yeah, I'll bet you're sorry," Cloud sighed. "I don't know how you talk me into doing things like that. "

Zack returned the cell to Cloud and leaned in for a kiss. "I'm glad you did it, just the same. "

* * *

That night, Zack was exploring his lover's body with lips and hands and he again noticed the uncomfortable look on Cloud's face when he encountered that one particular scar on his left shoulder blade. He stopped and pulled away to look the blond in the eye.

"Are you ever going to tell me why that one bothers you so much?"Zack spoke the question gently.

Cloud averted his eyes as expected and he picked at the bedding and shrugged. "Guess I'm just self-conscious about it because it's ugly. "

Zack leaned over to look at the scar again. "I don't think it's that bad," he said truthfully. Of course, it was difficult for him to see any part of Cloud's body as unattractive, even the flaws. He had a hard time believing that vanity alone was Cloud's reason for wincing like that when the scar was touched. "Are you sure it doesn't hurt you?" Zack pressed. He traced the crescent, jagged strip of tissue and he saw the tension return to Cloud's expression.

"No, it doesn't hurt," Cloud insisted.

Zack didn't press for further answers. His mouth sought out Cloud's and they kissed with unhurried sensuality. After a while Zack rolled onto his side, pulling the blond close and sighing in contentment. Those soft, sculpted lips pressed light kisses against Zack's throat and clavicle as Cloud returned the embrace and shut his eyes.

"Damn. I've got to pee. "

Zack opened his eyes and chuckled at the unexpected announcement. He released his companion and allowed him to get out of bed. Zack watched him walk to the bathroom and he admired his ass until he was out of sight. A few minutes later, Cloud returned and he climbed back into bed with Zack.

"I'm going to give Reno a call tomorrow, to see about getting a picture of Angeal for you. "

Zack stroked his hair and nodded. He'd been so busy with his activities and therapy he almost forgot about Cloud's promise to help him with that. It felt a little strange relying on Cloud's ex to get the picture but he took it stoically. He nuzzled Cloud's hair and held him close as he closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come.

"You take good care of me, Sunshine. "

* * *

-To be continued


	13. Chapter 13

"So you want me to do a file search for your resurrected boyfriend's dead boyfriend so you can hang it on his bedroom wall?" Reno's tone of voice suggested that he thought Cloud was crazy and the blond could easily imagine the expression on his face.

"Angeal was never Zack's boyfriend," sighed Cloud into the phone. "And Zack never died so he hasn't been 'resurrected'. I wouldn't ask if I didn't think you could do it."

Reno grumbled something crossly, under his breath. "I don't know why the hell I keep helping ya, Blondie. All right, I'll see what I can do. I can't print it out right away 'cause I'm on the road and I don't have a freakin' printer with me."

"No rush," Cloud assured him, "just call me when you find a decent one and tell me how much it's going to cost to frame and mail here. I'll wire you the money."

"Fine," Reno said in a distracted tone. "Hey look; I've gotta let you go, Cloud. Uh, something's come up."

_*Click!*_

Cloud pulled the phone away from his ear with a sigh and turned it off before plugging it into the wall to recharge.

* * *

Reno slipped his phone into his blazer and regarded the man that stepped out of the bathroom of his Inn room. Alabaster flesh was only partially concealed by the red towel draped around his waist. Faded scars striped the supple, smooth-muscled frame…only faintly visible due to the pale pigment of his skin. Damp, raven-black hair straggled over his shoulders and down his back and hooded ruby eyes glittered under the tumbled, mane.

Reno let his eyes wander the tall form leisurely before he took two long strides to the bed and reclined with a grin, patting the spot next to him. "Why don't ya come here, sexy vamp?"

The intense eyes narrowed briefly as they followed his gesture and then they settled on his face. The pale, sculpted lips parted and spoke in a deep voice. "Why do you persist? I told you that last night was the final time."

Reno produced a cigarette from his breast pocket and brought it to his lips. "You said that the first time…second time too, yo. I persist 'cause I'm persistent and that's how I get what I want."

He lit the cherry and took a drag, exhaling the smoke slowly in a way that he knew others found unreasonably sexy, despite the lectures he got over his habit. "I'm not stopping you from leaving, Valentine."

He reached up with his free hand and started flicking open the buttons of his shirt while giving his companion his best _Come Hither_ look. "Are ya sure you don't want another round, first?"

The red eyes flashed redder with the heat of lust and Reno took another drag and grinned, knowing he'd won another round with the gunman. Vincent approached the bed and dropped his towel to the floor without a word, provoking Reno to lift his eyebrows and smirk with appreciation. The gunman joined his side on the bed and gave the cigarette a pointed look when Reno tapped it against the ashtray on the nightstand. Reno brought the cigarette to Vincent's lips and the other man took a slow drag from it, the light from the cherry reflecting in his eyes. He exhaled as he spoke, appearing to breath smoke like a dragon.

"I'm sure it's pointless to remind you of the damage this does to your body," murmured Vincent.

"Look who's talking," shrugged the Turk.

"I'm immune to it," Vincent reminded him. He reached out and pinched the filter between the thumb and forefinger of his human hand, taking the smoldering object from Reno. While the other man watched, he snuffed the cherry out with his golden claw hand and dropped the item in the ashtray, leaning over Reno's prone form in the process.

Reno chose not to make a big deal out of Vincent extinguishing his smoke. Right now he was more interested in sex and he made his desire abundantly clear by reaching down and grasping the other man's hardening length. He bared his throat to Vincent invitingly as the other man's lips sought out the flesh and he gasped when the teeth bit down on a spot just above one of the healing marks from last evening.

Vincent wasn't literally a vampire but he did enjoy biting a lot while they were engaged in sexual encounters. Reno didn't mind. The unpredictable stings were a favorite kink of his and he gave the other man free reign to do as he liked—within reason. Even Reno had his limits and thus far, Vincent respected them.

Vincent deftly unbuttoned the redhead's shirt the rest of the way and pulled it open, dipping his head lower to explore the lithe chest and stomach with his lips, teeth and tongue. He didn't ask about the phone call his persistent new lover had received earlier. He never asked about Reno's business, which suited the Turk just fine.

* * *

The week off did him some good, but Cloud inevitably had to resume taking delivery orders or suffer a drop in clientele. He dressed for the road without any real enthusiasm and he turned to Zack with a sigh when he was ready to go. The burnet was sitting cross-legged on the bed, finishing up a mind exercise in his workbook. He looked up at Cloud and gave him a subdued smile.

"Are you sure you'll be okay to do this session without me?" Cloud was reluctant to leave Zack to face today's treatment alone, but he had a schedule to keep. If he didn't make this delivery on time, he'd lose a good-paying customer.

"I can handle it," Zack assured him. He shrugged. "Even if I can't, the doc can poke me if he has to."

Cloud frowned. "You're pretty nonchalant about getting doped up. It worries me."

Zack regarded him thoughtfully for a moment and considered his words carefully. "Cloud, I've been here for a long time. I've been _sick_ for a long time. I don't like it, but it's better than me hurting someone by accident. What else can I do?"

Cloud lowered his eyes and nodded. He was still suffering the occasional bout of humiliation over getting caught naked on Fenrir the week before. If one little pill could screw up his common sense that bad, what would it be like to be constantly medicated? He took one of Zack's hands slowly in his and he traced the knuckles with his fingertips absently.

"That's just it," Cloud tried to explain, "If you can rationalize the way you just did, maybe you don't _need_ all those meds?"

"Doc's weaning me off them," reminded Zack with a gentle smile. His brows knitted as something occurred to him.

"You never did like medicine," Zack said with confidence. "You…you never even liked to take _cold_ medicine but you always hated taking things that made you feel sleepy or goofy."

Cloud shrugged. "I don't like being drunk, either. It makes me do reckless things."

Zack grimaced. "I'm sorry about the motorcycle thing Chocobo. I knew you weren't yourself and I took advantage."

Cloud blinked, thrown off by the abrupt apology. He almost asked how in the hell Zack knew what he was thinking of, but then he remembered the man knew him better than anyone on Gaia. "You get a pass this time, since you were medicated on the same thing when you talked me into it."

Zack's guilty expression only faded a little and Cloud approached the bed. He bent over and he cupped the back of Zack's head to draw his face closer. He pressed his forehead against Zack's and gazed into his eyes, so close to his own.

"I said it's okay," Cloud insisted. "I'll get over my embarrassment, eventually."

Zack smirked a little and kissed him. "Something tells me I get away with more stuff than other people, when it comes to you."

Cloud chuckled and didn't deny it.

* * *

"Are you ready, Zack?"

The sable-haired fighter nodded and braced himself unconsciously. This was going to be the first time he went under hypnotic trance without Cloud's comforting presence. "You just be ready with the needle if you have to use it, Doc," he replied seriously as his grim eyes settled on the pendulum.

"Have a little faith in yourself," Dr. Clark advised. "You've been doing very well with controlling yourself when your flashbacks send you into an episode." He started the pendulum swinging and Zack listened to his voice as he watched the flashing light. It only took moments for him to slide into his trance and get caught up in buried memories.

* * *

This time he was on the run with Cloud, doing his best to avoid the ShinRa army and make it back to Midgar. They started out on foot, wearing stolen clothes Zack had found in the Mansion after breaking out of the hidden lab. It was hard, because Cloud was almost catatonic and the most he could do was put one foot in front of the other sluggishly, with Zack's encouragement. The blond couldn't speak at all except to utter a grunt of distress now and then. Zack was determined to get them both safely away. He had to make it to Midgar to tell Aerith what was going on, before he could move on to further plans.

He relived the struggle of protecting Cloud from pursuing ShinRa and Turk operatives as well as Genesis and his clones. Cissnei tried to help them. She caught up with them eventually and at first, Zack thought he was going to have to fight her to the death. She wavered however, and instead of reporting their location to Tseng, she lied and told him she lost them. She gave Zack the keys to her motorcycle and wished him good luck before vanishing again.

The vehicle helped them escape for a while. After that, their pursuit closed in on them and the frequency of the battles Zack was forced to fight made them all seem to bleed together in his mind. He was forced to abandon his borrowed motorcycle once he reached the Midgar area and he hitched a ride with an old man that was heading to the city.

"So Cloud, what do you want to do when we reach Midgar?" Zack queried of his lover. He looked him in the eye and searched for any signs that he'd comprehended his words. Cloud grunted softly and his head bobbed with the motions of the vehicle, but he otherwise didn't respond. Zack forced a smile and swallowed the lump in his throat as he reached out to stroke the blond's cheek with gloved fingers.

"Don't worry Chocobo," he assured him. "I'll take up mercenary work and I'll take care of you. I've just got to tie up some loose ends and we'll find someplace far away, where they can't find us. How does that sound?"

He didn't expect a real response but it made him feel better to talk about his hopes with Cloud, nonetheless. Zack was about to make another comment when he noticed a suspicious, red light flash briefly through Cloud's golden hair. As he watched, it settled on the blond's temple in the form of a dot. Zack paled with understanding and hollered a warning to his lover as he grabbed him by the straps of his stolen body armor and yanked him down with him. A bullet rang out as it hit the opposite wall of the truck bed. If Zack hadn't moved fast enough, the projectile would have hit Cloud in the head and silenced him forever.

The driver immediately slammed on the breaks, tossing his two passengers around in the back. "What the heck was _that_?" He shouted through the back window.

"Don't stop!" Zack shouted, "Keep going…we're being shot at!"

With a screech of tires that churned up dust, the driver obeyed and the truck lurched into motion. Zack and Cloud were jostled about in the back as the man drove in a panic, veering off the road when another bullet struck the side of the vehicle. Zack glanced up at the cliffs overhead and his heart plummeted when he saw the endless rows of ShinRa helmets lining it. He looked down at the fluffy golden head that he held protectively against his chest and he knew with sudden, heartbreaking clarity that running was no longer an option.

He cupped the back of Cloud's head and put his lips close to his ear. "I'm sorry, Cloud. This looks like it might be it for us." His vision blurred and he pressed his lips together grimly.

_~No. Not for him. I won't let it be the end for Cloud if I can help it.~_

"They'll have to get through me," he promised with a brief kiss to the blond's slack lips. "Baby, if you can hear me at all…if you can understand me, I want you to try and get away while I hold them off, okay?" He studied his lover carefully, longing to see any sign that he understood. When he saw nothing, he sighed and nuzzled his cheek. "That's okay, Sunshine. I'm going to give it all I've got to make sure you've at least got a chance at freedom."

Zack reached up and rapped the back of his knuckles against the rear side of the passenger area. "Hey, make for those outcroppings to the East," he hollered to the driver, "you can get out of line of fire long enough to drop us off and get out of here! They'll leave you alone when they see we aren't with you anymore!"

"Why is the army after you fella's anyhow?" the driver shouted back.

"It's a long story," Zack answered wearily.

"Boy, if I drop you and your friend off, those guys are going to kill you," argued the older man with certainty.

"Maybe they will," agreed Zack, "but there's nothing you can do about that now and if you keep carrying us you'll just wind up dead, too!"

It was so very tempting to tell the man to take Cloud with him and leave Zack behind alone, in the fleeting chance that they could escape before ShinRa noticed Cloud was still with him. He abandoned the idea, though. Somehow those bastards had a tracking lock on them and he had little doubt they'd know it if Cloud was still in the vehicle when it made its retreat. The truck wouldn't be able to out-race the choppers that Zack could hear closing in from the distance and he couldn't justify allowing an innocent civilian to get caught in the crossfire.

The old man did as he said and canted to the east, swiftly getting out of range of the gunfire as he headed for the opposite range of cliffs and outcroppings. He pulled up behind a smattering of rock formations and stopped near the cliff. Zack lifted Cloud into his arms and hopped out of the back of the truck with him. His eyes met the old man's for a moment and he nodded soberly at him.

"Thanks for the ride, pops. You almost got us to safety and I appreciate that."

The driver's lined face filled with sorrow when he saw the certainty of his own doom in Zack's eyes. "I'm sorry, lad. If I didn't have grandchildren and a wife to go home to…"

Zack shook his head and held Cloud closer. "I still wouldn't have let you keep going," he assured him. He slapped the side of the truck. "Now go on…get out of here and make sure you stay out of gunfire range without going too fast. They've got to see that we're not in your truck anymore."

The old man nodded slowly. "I'll keep you in my prayers, boy. Good luck." His voice shook peculiarly at the end of the sentence and he took a deep breath and shifted the truck into gear.

As their would-be savior drove away, Zack half-dragged Cloud to the cliff face, behind some thick, rocky outcroppings. He squatted before his lover and sighed, memorizing his features.

"Love you, Sunshine. Forever." He blinked as his eyes burned and he drew a shaken breath, forcing his feelings of loss down and gathering his courage. With a forced, cocky grin, he reached out and ruffled the soft golden hair for the final time before standing up and walking away to face the hordes of ShinRa militia he could hear gathering a short distance away. He never saw Cloud reach out to him helplessly as he left him behind.

Zack walked only a short distance before he found what appeared to be the entire damned ShinRa army positioned amongst the cliffs. Choppers were circling overhead, ensuring that if he tried to run he'd only be gunned down. He shook his head and clucked his tongue with amazement.

"Boy oh boy," he muttered as he stared at the ranks of his opposition, "the price of freedom is _steep._ "

He slowly reached over his shoulder to draw his weapon and when none of them fired at him or ordered him to stop, he resumed and held the Buster Sword out before his eyes. It looked like they were at least going to give him a fight, or maybe their orders were to attempt capture before killing. He shrugged. It didn't matter anymore because he wasn't going to go peacefully. He closed his eyes and thought of Angeal, remembering his words of honor and dreams. When he opened his eyes again, they were clear and determined.

"Come and get it!" Zack shouted as he charged.

Gunfire immediately exploded all around him and he dodged, rolled and twisted through the air while deflecting the hot projectiles with his heavy blade. He could see the grimace of terror on the faces of the front line of riflemen and he smiled grimly as he cut them down like wheat. He twisted aside nimbly as the final one attempted to stab at him with his backup knife and he stabbed his weapon into the earth briefly to reach out with both hands and capture the man's head on either side. He twisted abruptly and snapped his neck before snatching the Buster Sword again and rolling in the dirt to evade the gunfire peppering the ground.

 _~They didn't think this through very well,~_ Zack decided as he used one of his vanquished enemies as a meat shield. _~The guys further back can't shoot at me without risking their own people. Too bad for them but good for me.~_

Zack moved with Mako-enhanced speed and he made sure to keep himself in close combat as often as possible, to spoil the rest of the army's aim. He'd never fought so well or so passionately before—not even when he'd gone after Sephiroth to avenge the people of Nibelheim and put a stop to his madness. He had only one thing left to fight for now and _that_ just happened to be the most precious thing in the world to him, tucked helplessly between the rocks only a short distance away.

"What the hell does it take to kill a SOLDIER?" one of the troopers cried as Zack took a hit to the leg and didn't slow his advance on him.

Zack gave him a humorless, aggressive smile as he caught hold of the trooper's rifle and twisted it out of his grasp, while simultaneously deflecting bullets one-handed with his sword.

"A lot more than it takes to kill _you_ ," he growled.

He shot the trooper in the face with his own gun and opened fire on the masses perched on the rocks overhead. He didn't even try to aim—it wasn't possible to do so one-handed with the sniper rifle with any accuracy. His only goal was to scatter the forces above to buy some time to reach melee range again. The ploy worked and he actually managed to shoot one trooper in the shoulder, completely by accident.

Zack climbed up to the next line of troopers and discarded his stolen firearm, whirling his bloodied sword over his head a second before decapitating two troopers at once. He kicked another one in the face and caught a fourth around the neck within the noose of his arms, yanking him against his body to absorb more bullets aimed his way. He discarded the unfortunate trooper and hopped over his body to slaughter the next group.

Zack hardly felt the bullets that made it past his guard as they ripped into him. He was single-mindedly focused on taking out as many troopers as he could and when he realized he was battling in a virtual field of corpses with only a few enemies left, he dared to hope he might survive and get Cloud out of there.

It was then that the weakness finally struck him. His head spun and he lost his balance, feeling the pain of his many bullet wounds for the first time. He cried out as his legs threatened to give and he gritted his teeth and pushed on. He became aware that the trail of blood he was streaking across the ground was his own and the loss of the vital fluid was rapidly sapping his strength. The metal lodged in his bones, muscles and organs made motion more difficult to achieve. Sheer strength of will was the only thing keeping him on his feet and fighting. His vision was rapidly darkening and his memories began to fade.

 _~I'm dying,~_ he realized with faint surprise, _~Came on kind of suddenly. I figured I'd start feeling it a lot sooner than this.~_

Despite the frightening knowledge that his life was steadily oozing out of him, Zack continued to fight and he took more bullets. He growled a denial as his body refused to move further and he sank to his knees on the blood-drenched plateau. He drew a shuddering breath and found it difficult to get more than a whiff of oxygen. There wasn't enough room in his lungs…they were filling with blood. He felt himself falling and he struggled to get back up as the remaining troopers surrounded him. The color bled out of the world as his heart's blood soaked the ground beneath him and he watched with hazy eyes as a ShinRa trooper stood over him and took aim with his gun.

"Cl…Cloud," Zack coughed, blood seeping from his mouth. He gave a choked cry as he felt an explosion of pain in his head and for a while, he knew only blackness and vague, distant sound. Strange thoughts flashed in his mind as he listened to his vanquishers speak over their comm. units and search the area.

"This one's as good as dead," said one of them. Zack had enough presence of mind left to understand that they were referring to Cloud. "He's a vegetable. Just leave him for the buzzards. We've got to get some people in to clean up this mess."

The sounds faded and there was a pleasant hum in Zack's ears. His pain lessened as his breath began to falter. Just as the world around him began to fade completely, he sensed someone looming over him. He forced his eyes opened and the blurry features of his visitor came into sharp focus, as if some benevolent force saw fit to grant him one last vision of his lover.

"Z-Zack?" Cloud's sweet, boyish features were confused and devastated as he looked down at him. The blond had crawled over to him after the ShinRa troopers departed the scene and his head sheltered Zack's eyes from the rain that was falling.

Zack tried to smile at him but his lips were numb and he wasn't sure he'd succeeded. "You're…alive," he whispered. With the remainder of his strength, he dragged the hilt of the Buster Sword off the ground and pushed it towards him. "Yours, now," he said. He reached up and cupped the back of Cloud's head, forcing his face down to rest against his bloodied chest. "For the both…of us," he coughed. "You'll live…for us both."

Cloud repeated the words softly, his golden brows drawn with concentration and the effort to understand. Zack's eyes drifted shut and as he lost consciousness, he heard his lover's anguished scream of loss.

 _~I'm sorry I can't be with you and I know it hurts,~_ he thought as he envisioned backlit, white feathers drifting around him, _~but you're alive and I'm not sorry about that.~_

The next time he opened his eyes and regained self-awareness, he found himself in a strange place with no knowledge of who he was, where he came from or how he'd gotten there.

* * *

"Zack? Are you with me again?"

Zack blinked in disorientation and it took him a moment to figure out why he was restrained to a chair with two burly men in white scrubs flanking him on either side. Both of his ankle restraints had snapped and he looked up to see a familiar, middle-aged man regarding him with concern that was more paternal than clinical.

"Doc," Zack said with recognition. His voice was hoarse and his throat was sore as if from screaming. The therapy session…he remembered now. He also remembered where he'd been during it and his disorientation was laced with old fears, anger and concern for Cloud.

"Where's Cloud?" Zack demanded, straining unconsciously in his bonds. Heavy hands clamped down on his arms firmly but not brutally and he looked up and recognized one of the aides that restrained him.

"Sorry man," Mark apologized, his dark face concerned. "You need to settle down before we let you out of this chair."

Zack reigned in his turbulent emotions and closed his eyes. "I just want to know if Cloud's okay," he rasped.

"Cloud's fine," assured Dr. Clark. "He's on a delivery right now, Zack. Do you remember agreeing to have this session without him?"

Zack nodded and opened his eyes again. He could feel the cold sweat lingering on his skin and he worked his jaw and consciously stopped struggling against the hold of the aides. "Just a little confused," he explained. "The bad ones…when I come out of them it takes a little while, you know?"

"I know," the doctor answered soothingly. He held an uncapped syringe in his hand and he looked at it briefly. "Do you think you can hold it together for a pill, or should I give this to you now?"

Zack looked at the syringe and his face twisted with displeasure. "I don't think I want it at all, Doc."

Dr. Clark hesitated and frowned. "You're very anxious, Zackary. I really don't think it's a good idea for you to go without, right now."

"I thought you said you didn't like medicating for every little thing?" Zack reminded in an accusing tone. His mouth drew into a hard line.

"I really don't," defended the doctor sternly, "but what I _prefer_ to do and what I _need_ to do are often entirely different things. If you can't hold it together—"

"I can," Zack promised. "I will! Cloud's right…I can't rely on a pill or a shot to make things better all the time. If I can't handle this stuff without being doped all the time, I'll never get out of here."

Dr. Clark stared at him silently and thoughtfully for a moment. "Wise words," he muttered, putting the needle aside. "Well Zack, if you think you can cope without the anxiety medication today I won't try to force it on you." His eyes grew stern on the young man as he finished: "However, I expect you to speak up _immediately_ and seek help if you feel yourself slipping…is that clear?"

Zack nodded so vehemently his bangs fell into his eyes. "Yes Sir. I just want to try to go without this time and see if I can handle it on my own."

"As you wish," Dr. Clark sighed, though inwardly he was very proud of his patient. He nodded at the aides to relinquish their hold on him and release him from his restraints.

Zack's hands were trembling with anxiety when they came free of the wrist restraints but he was careful not to make any sudden moves and he clasped them together in his lap. "Um Doc…can I call up Cloud? You know, just to see how he's doing? I just kind of need to hear his voice, right now."

"Of course you can," the doctor said kindly. "I understand."

Dr. Clark's private thoughts about what he'd heard in the session remained hidden.

_~Gaia have mercy on both of you, son. After hearing what I just heard, I'm amazed that you're even up and walking today.~_

* * *

As soon as Cloud felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, he pulled over to the side of the road. He recognized the number for the third floor of the clinic and he hastily pushed the button and brought the cell to his ear.

"What's wrong?"

For the space of two heartbeats where was no answer. Then Zack's voice answered him, sounding a little sheepish. "Nothing. I just finished my session and w-wanted to check on you."

Cloud sighed with relief. He should have known better but every time he went on a delivery, he harbored the silent fear that Zack would have a violent breakdown in his absence. As it was, the slight stammer didn't escape his notice. "So how did it go?" He balanced Fenrir easily and ignored the passing vehicles on the highway as he listened for the response.

"Could have been worse," Zack answered with a shrug in his voice. "It…it was hard, though. I went back to the time after we escaped the lab. Cloud? I know it's stupid but…but after living through that again…I just needed to hear your voice. Couldn't convince myself you were okay, you know?"

Cloud shut his eyes and swallowed. He knew. He hated it, too. "I understand," he murmured. "I was pretty messed up back then and what happened to you…god Zack, I'm sorry."

"No," Zack disagreed, "I'm the one who's sorry, Cloud. If I hadn't been so determined…to go to Midgar and explain things to Aerith…they might not have c-caught up with us and we could have gotten away."

"They were looking for us everywhere," argued Cloud. "I know because Reno told me so. They didn't catch us just because we went to Midgar, so stop blaming yourself!"

Zack paused. "Hey Cloud…why'd you date Reno anyhow? He was with the bastards that were after us."

Cloud mentally kicked himself. He hadn't gotten the opportunity to fill Zack in on everything he'd missed…including the Turks' attempt to save them and Aerith's later death. "There are some things I've still got to tell you," Cloud answered carefully. "Things you weren't in the condition to hear, before."

"Like?" prompted Zack.

"Like the full story behind the Turks' involvement in the whole thing," Cloud provided. "I didn't find out until much later but Tseng sent his Turks out to try and rescue us. He was trying to cover it up as a capture mission but in the end, he gave them orders to find us before the army and bring us safely back, so he could help us."

Zack didn't respond for a few minutes and Cloud waited for him to think it over. "I…I could actually believe that," said the other man at last. "I don't have that many memories of him but he wasn't too bad, for a Turk." He sighed. "Well, I guess in that case it doesn't seem so crazy that you hooked up with Reno."

"You're still jealous of him," Cloud accused softly, smiling a little into the phone.

"Maybe a little," Zack admitted wryly. "But I trust you. Cloud, you're going to fill me in on everything else, aren't you? I know…you're trying to protect me but…"

"I will," promised the blond. "I just don't want to put too much on your mind at once. Can you understand that?"

"Yeah, I get it." Zack took an indrawn breath and Cloud noticed how it shivered a little.

"You sound pretty worked up," Cloud said with a frown. "Maybe you should lay down and try to relax while the meds kick in."

"Didn't take them," Zack said smugly.

Cloud raised his eyebrows. "You didn't? What did you do, hide them in your mouth and spit them out later?"

"Nope," answered Zack. "I told Doc I didn't want the pill, so he didn't make me take it. I think…you're right. I have to learn to go without the meds unless I really need them."

Cloud was surprised. He'd begun to think Dr. Clark's assurances concerning dependency on medication were just hot air. "Zack, that's…that's great. I'm really—"

"Proud of me," the dark-haired man cut in dryly. "I know. I hear that a lot from people lately. I'm not…complaining, but it means more when it comes from you."

Cloud felt his lips curving into a smile. "Good. But you'll go to someone if it gets bad, right?"

"Sure thing," Zack promised. His voice became more cautious as he spoke again. "Um, be careful on your way back, okay?"

"I will," Cloud assured him. "I've finished my drop-off and I'm making good time. I should be back in a couple of hours."

"Great! Thanks for putting up with me, Sunshine."

Cloud rolled his eyes. He wanted to say something romantic and meaningful but he'd never been as good with words as Zack was. Even when he was a stammering mess, Zack was better with words.

"I'll manage somehow," Cloud murmured fondly instead, and he heard his lover chuckle.

* * *

"Feeling better?" Dr. Clark asked as he saw Zack hanging up the public phone and stopped to speak with him.

"Yeah," answered the patient with a thoughtful frown. "I'm still kind of shaky and pissed off, but knowing he's okay helps." ShinRa had taken everything from him and he briefly wished that he could go back in time and blow their fucking headquarters sky-high.

"I can think of a few non-medical therapeutic ways to deal with your anger," offered the doctor sincerely. "Most of them harmless, though I daresay some could be messy if not done properly."

"I'm game," Zack said with interest.

"Well, since you enjoy working out so much," the doctor continued thoughtfully, "we could tape a picture of something representing your old enemies to a punching bag." He gave Zack a wary look. "Although that tactic might not be best for you, right now."

Dr. Clark's suggestion gave Zack a great idea. "Hey Doc, can I go outside for a while? I mean in the yard? I think I've figured out something that might make me feel better." His hands were still shaking with pent-up aggression and he brushed them over his pants absently to make it less obvious.

The doctor shrugged. "I don't see why not. I'll write you up a pass and arrange an escort. Just remember to take your coat. It's cold today."

Zack gave him a tremulous, boyish grin. The parental way Doc sometimes treated him made him wonder about his parents. "Uh, are my folks still alive?" He had a feeling they weren't, since they'd never come to visit him.

"I'm sorry son, but they aren't," confirmed the doctor gently. "Cloud wanted to wait to tell you that but you've put me on the spot."

Zack lowered his eyes to hide the flash in them. "Was it ShinRa?"

"No," answered the doctor quickly, seeing him tensing up. "They died of natural causes, Zack. Cloud kept an eye on them for you while you were missing and I don't think he'd lie about such a thing."

"No, he wouldn't," sighed Zack. He'd only recently begun to recall their faces and memories of them but he knew they weren't in the best of health the last time he saw them.

* * *

Zack went to the fourth floor before requesting an escort to the yard. He looked around for his old caregivers and when he recognized Bruce, he closed the distance and greeted him.

"Hey Zack," said the aide with a smile. He shook his hand. "How are you liking the third floor?" He winced a little at the power of Zack's grip but he didn't complain.

"I love it," Zack said truthfully. "Hey, do you still have that old ShinRa helmet in the costume bag?"

Bruce looked wary. "If I say 'yes', are you gonna toss me across the room again?"

Zack tilted his head and wore a puzzled frown for a moment. He vaguely remembered the incident but it felt like a dream or a movie he'd watched. The only thing that seemed real about it was his shock at seeing the despised headgear.

"I really did that?"

"Yeah," the aide confirmed with a grin. "I don't hold it against you but I want to be on the safe side, buddy."

"Sorry about that," Zack apologized with a wince. "It wasn't…I mean, I wasn't trying to throw _you_ anywhere."

Bruce clapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Don't sweat it, Zack. I've been in this line of work long enough not to take it too personal. So what do you want the helmet for?"

Zack shrugged, lowering his eyes as he felt the Mako flare within them. "It's for therapy, right? Uh, would anyone miss it if it got really trashed?"

Bruce shook his head. "Doubt it. Most of the patients like the other stuff better, to tell you the truth. What exactly do you want to do with it?"

Zack calmed his emotions, raised his eyes and forced a crooked grin. "Just let out some steam. If nobody uses it, does it matter if I mess it up?"

Bruce grinned with amusement. "All that stuff's donated and nobody would miss it. I'll go get it for you, pal."

* * *

Cloud was a little worried when he returned and couldn't find Zack right away but in lieu of assuming the worst, he asked around and discovered that he was in the yard. He went downstairs and out to the enclosure to look for him, half expecting to find him in a sedated half-stupor under their favorite tree. Instead, he spotted Zack kicking what he assumed to be a football at first, out of the way of the few other patients who were braving the cold. He crossed the immaculate grass and came to a stop beside Marlow and Bruce, watching his lover with puzzlement.

The object that Zack was repeatedly setting up and punting wasn't a football. Cloud narrowed his eyes at it, trying to make out what it was. The days were shorter now that winter had approached and the dying sunlight wasn't piercing the light cloud-cover very well. He saw a flash of red on blue and he paled when he finally realized what the object was. He looked at the two aides that were standing there watching. They both seemed relaxed, which confused him more.

"He's not having an episode, is he?" Cloud asked with a gesture at Zack.

"He shoots, he _SCORES_!" Zack shouted at the top of his lungs after punting the trooper helmet hard against the tall fence.

"He's venting," Marlow said with a sidelong grin at the blond. "He came up with the idea on his own."

"He's been at it for over an hour," added Bruce. He shook his head. "That guy can really put the focus on a workout."

Cloud relaxed a little and watched in bemusement as his lover continued to play a combination of imaginary sports games with the helmet. At one point, Zack even slammed the object into the ground in an attempt to bounce it like a basketball. When it didn't bounce and only made a groove in the earth, he shrugged, picked it up and tossed it into a non-existent net before cheering himself. All three of the men watching him winced when he tried to do baseball with it and when he couldn't find something to use as a bat, he simply used his own arm to bludgeon it into the fence.

"Okay, I think that's enough," Cloud decided aloud when his lover swore and rubbed his forearm. He crossed the lawn and came up beside him, smiling faintly at him as he approached. "Maybe you should stick with the football and soccer," Cloud suggested as lightly as possible.

Zack looked up at him and the expression on his face gave the blond pause and made him shiver a little. The smile that Zack had on his face was humorless and aggressive—more like a wolf baring its teeth than an expression of pleasure.

"Hey Cloud. Wanna have some—" Zack ran to the abused helmet and kicked it violently against the fence—"Fun?" He snarled the final word and his eyes glowed in a manner that most people would find frightening.

"Zack," Cloud said softly, approaching his lover with his hands out, "I think you're getting a little too deep into this."

Zack smirked at him. "How much is _too_ much, Sunshine? They deserve every bit of abuse we can give them. Go ahead!" He jogged to the helmet and nudged it Cloud's way with a lighter kick. "Give the bastard a kick. Him and his buddies fucked up our lives, man. Give it to him good!"

Cloud was at a loss. Zack acted like he was under the delusion that he was kicking around the severed head of one of the ShinRa troopers. "Um….okay," Cloud murmured. He gave the helmet a hesitant, half-hearted kick that only sent it rolling a couple of feet. Cloud winced as he saw Marlow hurrying back inside out the corner of his eye. "Zack, this was fun but we shou—"

"Call that a kick?" Zack snorted. "Come on, Cloud! This wasn't some bully that twisted your tits in middle school!" He bore his teeth at the helmet, his eyes wild and ferocious. "These guys took everything away—from _both_ of us!"

Zack lunged at the helmet and picked it up with one hand, staring at it with fiercely glowing, maddened amethyst eyes. "They should pay. _All_ of them." He began to punch the thing with his free hand, holding it steady with the other as he took out his anger and frustration on it.

"Ruined our lives," Zack snarled, "You've got to pay for that. How does it feel? How do _you_ like it? I'll see you dead, Hojo…I'll eat your fucking guts for what you did to us!"

Cloud gaped at him, stunned. Evidently, Zack really _was_ going into a full-blown episode and his delusion had transferred from the ShinRa troopers to the professor. It was obvious that Zack had gone from "letting off steam" to hallucinating that he had his enemies in his grasp. Cloud shot an alarmed look at the doors leading into the clinic, where Bruce and a nurse were herding the other patients through and glancing nervously over their shoulders at the spectacle of Zack raving and punching the battered old helmet.

"Zack," called Cloud desperately, "You've got to calm down! They're sending people out to—"

"To _what_?" Zack demanded, still pummeling the object with his fist. Cloud could see the scrapes on his knuckles between punches. "What else can they do to us, huh?"

" _They can put you away forever and take you away from me!_ " Cloud shouted the words with feeling, at the end of his rope for ideas to get through to his lover. His breath came out ragged and harsh with his outburst of emotion and he knew his eyes were now glowing as brightly as Zack's.

The tormented response seemed to get through to Zack. He stopped in mid-swing and turned his head to regard the blond with wide, devastated eyes. "Cloud," he rasped. The Mako luminance began to fade from his irises and he started to lower the helmet he was holding.

"That's it," Cloud encouraged, pushing his angst down for Zack's sake. "Just let go of it, Zack. I don't want to—"

His sentence was interrupted as one of the aides that Marlow had fetched for help tried to push him aside to protect him from what he saw as an out-of-control patient. Zack's reaction to seeing Cloud manhandled while in his present state of mind was immediate and violent.

"Get your hands _OFF_ of him!"

The primal roar that burst from Zack's spit-flecked lips wasn't half as shocking to Cloud or the staff members as the sight of him grabbing the poor aide one-handed by the throat and hurling him directly into his approaching comrades. They were struck down like bowling pins and they fell in a scattered heap of surprise.

Cloud got to his feet quickly and rushed to his lover while the aides were recovering from the attack. "Zack, stop it!" he yelled, curling his fingers into the taller man's hair and forcing him to look him in the eye. "They aren't our enemies, okay? Please," he gazed into his eyes searchingly, "just settle down."

Zack glanced suspiciously at the groaning men and met Cloud's eyes with his own. He was confused and his rage wasn't appeased. He snarled and Cloud shook him desperately in response, pointing to the men and reiterating that they weren't ShinRa troopers or Hojo's lab assistants.

Zack studied them as they got to their feet and he blinked. The illusion melted away and he saw people that he'd known as his friends for years. One of them was holding his throat and the others checked to be sure he wasn't seriously damaged. Zack's eyes flicked back to Cloud's again and he opened his mouth and shook his head, his vision blurring with tears.

"I…I…didn't mean to," he stammered.

* * *

-To be continued


	14. Chapter 14

****

Zack allowed the aids and Cloud to escort him back inside and to his room. He didn't protest when a nurse came in to clean the scrapes on his knuckles and give him a sedative injection. The nurse informed Cloud that Dr. Clark had been paged and was on his way to Zack's room to assess the situation. She left the two young men alone then, shutting the door behind her. Cloud coaxed Zack to lie down on the bed and the dark-haired man complied wordlessly and stared at the ceiling with haunted, glistening eyes.

"I'm sure it'll be okay," Cloud tried to assure him, wiping at the drying tears streaking Zack's face. When the other man didn't respond except to heave a shuddering sigh, Cloud lay down beside him and put an arm around his waist, feeling the tremor in his body. He studied Zack with silent concern and he worried about what this would do to his emotional health. Cloud was no expert but he wasn't a stranger to depression and to him, it looked like Zack was falling into a state quickly.

He started to stroke Zack's hair soothingly when there was a knock at the door. Guessing it was the doctor, Cloud got up and went to answer it. Dr. Clark had a somber look on his face as he entered the room and gazed down at his patient.

"How are you feeling, Zackary?"

The black-haired man's eyes flicked to the doctor and he shrugged silently. His eyelids were drooping with the effect of the sedative but he was still trembling. "Lots of different things."

"How about you tell me what you're feeling the most?" Dr. Clark prompted, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Zack glanced at Cloud, looked away and pressed his lips together. "Disappointment."

The doctor nodded, having noticed the brief glance his patient shot at Cloud. "Zack, you knew that there was a chance of something like this happening when you chose not to take your meds…but you took the risk anyway." His face relaxed into a kind smile. "That took courage. You've been relying on medication for a long while to control these issues. I know it didn't go as you'd hoped but it could have been worse. It's going to take time, patience and effort to work though this and you can't give up over this incident."

"I don't know," Zack murmured uncertainly, struggling to keep his eyes open as the sedative kicked in further.

"I do," Cloud said firmly. "You're too stubborn to give up and you know it."

Zack gave him a brief, tragic smile as the blond sat down on the other side of the bed. "But I goofed…bad."

"I'd like to hear what you were trying to do when this occurred, while you're still awake enough to tell me," insisted the doctor. "I've got witness accounts from the staff but they weren't inside your mind."

Zack shrugged and folded his hands over his stomach. "I was just trying to vent," he explained. "Thought I could take out my anger on that old ShinRa helmet, after you talked about pinning a picture to a punching bag."

Dr. Clark nodded, grimacing a little. "It seems like a logical conclusion to make," he said truthfully. "The staff described your behavior to be delusional. Can you tell me what you were seeing when you were taking out your aggression on the object?"

"Just an ugly old trooper helmet," Zack answered.

"You weren't imagining it to be something else?" persisted the doctor. "Perhaps…a decapitated head?"

Zack's face scrunched up, even as his eyes drifted shut. He shook his head. "No, nothing like that. Just a hat."

Cloud and the doctor exchanged a curious look.

"You weren't hallucinating then?" Cloud asked with furrowed brows.

Zack cracked his eyes open and looked at the blond with rapidly dilating pupils. He shook his head again. "Nuh-uh. I knew it was just a helmet. Just kept getting more pissed off instead of less. I didn't see any mirages until those guys came at us and one of 'em pushed you."

"You mean the aides," Dr. Clark concluded with interest.

"Yeah," agreed Zack. "I…I guess I wasn't paying any attention to them 'till they pushed Cloud. Then I just reacted on instinct and I swear, they looked like ShinRa troops."

Dr. Clark took a deep breath as the implications struck him. "So you really _were_ just blowing off steam, until you thought your companion was threatened."

Zack's eyes shut again and he nodded. "Don't like people messing with him," he sighed. "Cloud…I'm sorry I let you down."

Cloud shook his head. "You didn't," he insisted. He frowned as a realization came to him. "Zack, did you go without the meds for me?"

"Just thought you made sense," Zack murmured, his head falling to the side as he relaxed further. "About…the drugs. Depending on them."

Cloud shut his eyes and swore softly. "I should have kept my mouth shut. I didn't mean it like that, Zack. I want you to get well enough so you don't need the meds anymore, but I don't want you pushing yourself to do anything you don't feel ready for."

"S'okay," Zack mumbled. "Wanted to."

Seeing that the patient was falling asleep, Dr. Clark stood up and started toward the door. "We can discuss this further tomorrow, Zack. Cloud, I'd like you to meet me in my office on the fourth floor when you're finished in here. Zack's going to be out for a couple of hours at least and I'd like to speak with you privately."

* * *

Cloud nodded his agreement and watched the doctor go. He felt a tingle of dread in his bones and he wondered if Zack's actions were going to cost him his new status. He knew that Dr. Clark was on Zack's side but the man only had so much power when it came to status assignment in the clinic. That particular field was Dr. Matthews' responsibility and Cloud guessed that the latter would only allow so much before revoking Zack's privileges.

Cloud gazed down at his lover's sleeping, troubled face and he sighed. In many ways, Zack was still the strong, cocky Soldier but he now sought so much of Cloud's approval. It still disoriented the blond for the tables to be turned like that. He often felt guilty and berated himself for admitting that he missed the old confidence that played a hand in making him fall so hard for Zack in the first place. He didn't love him any less but he often found himself wondering what Zack would do to help Zack.

Cloud shook his head and grimaced, confused by his own thoughts. How ridiculous…wishing he had advice from his lover so he could deal with his lover's problems. He snorted abruptly, unwillingly amused by it all.

"So Zack, what would you do if you were me?" Cloud whispered, a hesitant smile creeping on his lips as he bent over the other man and brought his face close to his.

Zack's parted, curving lips were too inviting to resist and Cloud pressed his mouth against them and kissed him softly, drawing the caress out for a little while before sweeping a lock of raven hair away from the closed eyes.

"I'll be back as soon as I'm finished talking to the doctor," Cloud whispered. His stomach growled and he put a hand over it and shook his head. "I'll bring us back a tray from the cafeteria, too. If I know you, you'll be hungry when you wake up."

* * *

Cloud braced himself as he entered Dr. Clark's office and took a seat in front of his desk. The doctor was entering something in his computer and he greeted Cloud absently as he finished typing. He shut down his computer and turned in his chair to regard the blond, taking notice of his tense posture and the worry he tried to conceal in his blue eyes.

"I see you understand the potential damage that incidents like today could cause to Zack's case," remarked the doctor softly.

"It was the first violent episode he's had since the fish tank," Cloud protested with soft desperation in his voice.

"True," agreed the doctor, "but he was on a higher security floor when that happened. It's one thing if he has a breakdown within the security of the padded room but outside is another matter."

Cloud lowered his eyes, unable to refute the logic. "Don't send him back," he pleaded. "It would just ruin him to take a step back now. I can't let that happen."

Dr. Clark studied him sharply, detecting the underlying warning in Cloud's tone. "And how would you prohibit it from happening, Cloud?"

"If he ends up going backwards instead of forward," Cloud explained slowly, "then this place isn't doing him any more good and as far as I'm concerned, he's done here. I don't think I need to elaborate."

The doctor considered the ultimatum, unsurprised by it. "I have no doubt that you can and will break Zack out of here if you set your mind to it, Cloud. However, I urge you to consider what that would mean for him. What good do you think it would do for his mental health to be a fugitive on the run again? The authorities will have no choice but to search for him to return him and I don't have the power to grant his release on my own. If you take him out of here illegally, his status as a mental patient won't change and you'll have to hide him. Seeking legitimate medical help for him if he has a relapse will be impossible without alerting the authorities. I'm sure neither of us wants that for Zackary."

Cloud bit his lip, well aware that putting Zack in a situation of being on the run again probably wasn't good for him. "I'd like to leave him in here until you've done all you can for him," said the blond softly, "but I mean what I said. If I have to choose between breaking the law and leaving him to get worse and rot in here, I'll pick the first option."

"You may be surprised to know that I happen to agree with you on one thing: It could reach a point where confinement in this facility has done all it can to aid Zack's progress." Dr. Clark said earnestly. "Releasing a patient is generally the final step in the process to giving them a normal life, but individuals in Zack's current condition aren't considered stable enough to do so."

Cloud furrowed his brows. "No offense, but is this going somewhere specific?"

Dr. Clark sighed and thought about the best way to word the delicate matter. "Cloud, what's your take on what happened today?"

The blond shrugged. "I thought he was having an episode. He was yelling at the helmet while he was hitting it so I figured he was seeing something else."

"But he confessed before he fell asleep that he wasn't," reminded the doctor. "I myself have cursed inanimate objects when I'm frustrated. Just this morning, I gave my kitchen table a cussing out when I stubbed my toe on the leg. Do you suppose anyone would have thought that was out of the ordinary if they'd seen it?"

"No." Cloud shook his head. "So you're saying Zack was just having a temper tantrum?" Cloud remembered that look on his lover's face and the ghastly, aggressive smile. It hadn't seemed like a regular temper fit at the time but then, Zack was naturally such an easy-going guy that he rarely lost his temper. It made sense that now of all times, after discovering the truth and reliving such painful memories, he'd finally had enough.

"That's my belief," the doctor answered. "Others witnessing his actions could easily make the assumption that it was an episode but if he weren't psychologically impaired, most would only shrug it off as a man releasing pent-up anger on an inanimate object. We presumed it was related to psychosis because we know he hasn't been well but in truth, Zack was doing something perfectly natural."

"But he grabbed that aide by the throat and he said he thought he looked like a ShinRa MP," argued Cloud with a frown.

"Oh?" The doctor said with raised brows. "Your eyes have never played tricks on you before? You've never mistakenly thought someone was speaking to you when they weren't?"

Cloud averted his eyes uncomfortably and thought of the dream sequences he'd had in the past with Aerith. He could even swear he'd heard Zack speaking to him and felt his presence at his back during some intense battles. Maybe it wasn't so unusual after all.

"Who's the patient, him or me?" the blond muttered.

Dr. Clark smiled with amusement. "I'm just giving you an example of how everyday things we 'healthy' people take for granted can be seen as psychosis in those who aren't so fortunate. Yes, Zack thought he saw a trooper shove you to the ground and he reacted as his instincts dictated…just as he had when we took him into Kalm for his birthday and I got caught in the middle of a bully's teasing of him. Zack took a blow to the face and he didn't react, but when he saw me in danger, it was another matter. Who knows what he saw when he looked at my attacker?"

The doctor tapped his fingertips on the surface of his desk thoughtfully as he continued. "I'm sure you know how protective Zackary is of others, Cloud. Today, he saw what he did because he was thinking of what you both went through at ShinRa's hands and he was trying to protect you."

Cloud's heart began to hammer in his chest at the implications of what the doctor was saying. "So are you trying to tell me Zack might be…healed?"

"No," Dr. Clark corrected hastily, "but I have a strong suspicion that he's better off than we think he is. We discussed the possibilities of relapses when you first arrived and that's going to be an unfortunate fact of Zack's life for a while…maybe forever. That doesn't mean it isn't manageable and I'm very optimistic that he may live a normal life again."

The doctor smiled at him and finished; "So, don't do anything rash until there's no hope. Today's occurrence was alarming, but it looked worse than it was. Had he injured the man he attacked it might have caused real damage to his case, but the aide was more startled than anything. Evidently, Zack only squeezed his throat hard enough to pick him up and it didn't leave so much as a bruise. I'm not thrilled that he attacked him, but at least I know he restrained himself from causing true harm, even if he did it subconsciously. If he were truly out of control he could have easily snapped that man's neck, I'm sure."

Cloud nodded in agreement, his brows furrowing thoughtfully. "I'm just as bad as everyone else," he realized out loud in a soft voice.

"What do you mean, son?"

Cloud looked at the doctor and frowned unhappily. "I just took it for granted that it was an episode. I…I only saw a sick person going crazy."

Dr. Clark looked sympathetic. "Cloud, you've been dealing with the knowledge that Zack isn't psychologically or emotionally healthy. Under those circumstances, you have no choice but to assume first and ask questions later. Don't beat yourself up over it."

Cloud shrugged and mumbled uncertainly.

"You're going to have to get used to it," the doctor insisted. "Now, I don't want you to get your hopes up so don't get ahead of yourself when I say this."

Cloud looked at him again, his sapphire eyes curious and wary. "Go on."

Dr. Clark took a deep breath and hoped he wasn't about to set the blond up for disappointment. "Next month, I'm going to request another evaluation for Zack. If fate is kind, it could be the last one he needs to obtain release status and you'll be able to make arrangements to take him home with you. Until then, we must work to keep his outbursts to a minimum, even if they're just moments of venting. If he 'vents' that way too often outside of controlled areas, his evaluation will suffer."

* * *

Cloud returned to Zack's room feeling a little stunned. He tried to keep his hopes from rising but the moment he wheeled the tray table into the room and looked at his sleeping lover, he launched into daydreams of starting a fresh life with him.

_~Should I say something to him? No…no, I don't want to do that when it's only a 50/50 chance. Better keep quiet about it and just focus on encouraging him to keep trying and stay aware of his feelings.~_

Zack stirred as Cloud approached and took the covers off of the two dinner trays he'd brought with him. The dark-haired man murmured sleepily and opened his eyes, sniffing curiously at the air as the aroma of food reached his nostrils.

"Hey," Cloud greeted softly, "think you're ready to eat something?"

Zack struggled into a sitting position and Sunny rolled off his chest. He caught the plushy before it could continue its trajectory off the bed and he sat it in his lap absently. "How long have I been out?" he asked as he rubbed his eyes to clear them.

"Almost three hours," answered Cloud. "They let me take a couple of trays from the cafeteria for dinner. I hope dumplings and fried rice are okay." He set aside the tray covers and rolled the table closer, adjusting the height as Zack swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"Sounds good," agreed the former Soldier with a nod. He yawned and scooted over to make room for Cloud. The blond moved to sit next to him and took the covers off the plastic glasses of drink. It was a little tight but there was enough room on the table for both of them to eat off it.

Zack opened his plastic-ware package and looked at his lover sidelong as he forked up a mouthful of rice. "I know I acted pretty crazy—" he murmured regretfully, "—yelling at the helmet like that."

Cloud shook his head and took a sip of his iced tea. "I understand. If it makes you feel better, I talk to my motorcycle all the time and I'm supposed to be 'healthy'."

Zack paused with his food halfway to his lips. "You talk to your bike? Like, the way you're talking to me now?"

Cloud nodded and set his drink down, glancing at the other man earnestly.

"Wow," Zack muttered. "You're a kook."

Cloud coughed as he swallowed and he faked a scowl at his grinning lover. "Takes one to know one."

"Yup," Zack agreed with a nod and a wink. "No wonder we fit together so well."

* * *

After returning the trays and table to the kitchen, Cloud called up Tifa to give her an update and discuss the possibility of her and the kids coming for a visit later in the week. He dialed the tavern number first and when he received no answer, he dialed her personal cell number. It rang several times and just as he was about to give up and try again later, someone picked up.

"This is Rude."

Cloud stood there in the hallway with a dumbstruck expression on his face. His first thought was that he'd somehow selected the wrong number. He did after all keep some of the Turks' numbers on his list for emergencies. He pulled the phone away from his ear and glanced at the screen to check. Yes, he'd selected Tifa's number.

"Hello?" Rude's voice prompted in its monotone timbre.

"Uh," Cloud said stupidly into the phone as he put it back to his ear.

Rude didn't speak for a moment and Cloud just stood there staring at nothing as his mind raced with possible reasons why the bald man was answering Tifa's cell phone. Maybe she dropped it. Maybe she left it on the bar and Rude simply answered it for her when he saw the number. Maybe his phone was out of order and Tifa was letting him borrow it.

"Tifa," Rude's voice finally said, a hint of mollification sneaking into his tone, "it's…for you. Might be Cloud but I'm not sure."

Cloud heard her gasp and the sound of something shuffling before Tifa's voice spoke into the phone. "Cloud? Is that you?"

Cloud nodded dumbly and realized she couldn't see him do it. "It's me," he said flatly, his blue eyes shifting as he puzzled over the situation. "Rude answered your phone?"

"Um, yeah," she said. "He…he uses the same ring tone and I guess he thought it was his and grabbed it."

Cloud shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable with the growing suspicion nagging at his mind. "Why would he take your phone from you and answer it?"

"They were sitting next to each other," Tifa said absently.

Cloud heard a familiar sound and he told himself it wasn't the sound of lips pressing kisses somewhere. "Sitting next to each other _where_?"

Utter silence. Followed by: "Nowhere!"

Cloud could vividly picture Tifa's wide, alarmed brown eyes and imagine her mouth twisted into a regretful grimace. He didn't have to reach far to draw a conclusion now. "It's Rude, isn't it?" His confidence grew as he said it out loud. "Your mystery guy is Rude."

There was a rustle on the other end and the sound of a door closing. "Cloud, I—"

"Why didn't you just _tell_ me?" demanded the blond, his shock over the discovery wearing off to be replaced by annoyance. _~I've been worrying my ass off about this!~_

Tifa sighed. "I didn't tell you because for one thing, I wasn't sure where it was going. For another I thought it might be awkward, since you dated Reno."

"No," Cloud argued, "It would have been awkward if _Reno_ was the one you've been seeing. It's not like he and Rude are related."

"True, but they're partners," she reminded him, "and I wanted to give you time to work your own things out before I told you. I didn't know how you'd react to the prospect of Reno coming around more often because I'm dating his partner, that's all."

Cloud blinked and shook his head. He was half-tempted to pinch himself and see if he was dreaming. "I think Reno and I are okay now," he muttered, "and even if we weren't I could have handled it."

"You aren't going to lecture me for dating a Turk?" Tifa sounded a little teasing. She'd given Cloud no end of lectures when she found out he and Reno hooked up so this was the perfect opportunity for Cloud to give her some payback.

"That would make me a hypocrite," Cloud said in a suggestive tone.

"Fine," she sighed. "I'm a hypocrite for the way I gave you a hard time about Reno. Happy?"

Cloud shrugged. "Would have been more satisfying in person," he admitted.

He pressed his lips together and considered the situation. Reno had told him that Rude used to have a crush on Tifa and he guessed it never went away. At least he'd appreciate her and treat her well.

"Guess you could do worse," Cloud grudgingly announced. He'd been imagining all kinds of train wrecks and the more he thought of it, the more relieved he felt that Rude was her secret love interest.

"Thank you for your blessing," she said dryly. "So how are things with Zack?"

Cloud gave her the details, making sure to leave out the part about his possibility for release next month to avoid the chances of her or the kids accidentally bringing it up in front of him. She seemed a little alarmed when he described the event from earlier that day but Cloud quickly repeated the conversation he had with the doctor and she relaxed. He couldn't blame her for worrying. A man that could take on an entire army wasn't someone any reasonable person would want around children if he might snap and go into violent rages.

"So what do you think about you and the kids coming to Kalm later this week for a visit?" asked Cloud. "I can pitch in for the cost of the Inn room and there's plenty for them to do in town when you're not visiting."

"You keep your money," Tifa said in a kind yet stern tone. "I'd love to come and see Zack and I know the kids are curious about him. We all miss you, too. I'll get it set up for the weekend and we'll take the van."

"Sounds good," Cloud agreed. "Maybe I can even get a day pass for Zack so we can all spend a day in town together."

"That would be great," Tifa said warmly. "I'll let the kids know tomorrow, Cloud. Take care and stay out of trouble."

He rolled his eyes. "You sound like Marlene."

She chuckled at him.

* * *

"Tifa's dating Rude," Cloud informed Zack when he returned to the room.

Zack was stretched out on his stomach on the bed with a clipboard tacked with a reading and writing assignment resting on the mattress in front of him. He stopped chewing on his marker and looked at the blond with a puzzled frown.

"She's dating someone that's rude?" Asked Zack. "Doesn't sound like Tifa's type." With his restored memories came a greater familiarity with some of the people he'd known in the past and he remembered Tifa to be a kind, brave girl with a good eye for detecting decent people.

"Not a rude person," Cloud revised with a smirk. "A guy named Rude. Reno's partner…do you remember him?"

Zack thought about it for a moment. "Tall, bald guy that wears shades all the time?"

"That's him," Cloud confirmed with a nod. "I guess he finally worked up the courage to ask her out. A couple of years ago I'd have told him to quit dreaming but I guess the changes the Turks have made are enough for her now."

Zack shrugged and propped himself on his elbows, returning his attention to his assignment. "As far as I can remember, he's all right. Tifa's smart—she knows what she's doing."

Cloud smiled faintly at him. Zack had never been a judgmental person unless someone _really_ gave him a reason to be. Once he found out the Turks had intended to help them, he easily forgave them for their involvement with ShinRa. His only issue seemed to be feelings of jealousy against Reno.

"Do you need any help with that?" Cloud walked to the bedside and looked down at the half-finished assignment curiously. It involved reading a few paragraphs and summarizing them below in his own words, to test Zack's reading and writing comprehension.

Zack shook his head and tucked a hanging lock of black hair away from his forehead and behind one ear. "Thanks. I can get through it myself—even though all this thinking's giving me a headache."

Cloud almost offered to ask the nurse station for some aspirin but he remembered that he was trying to discourage over-dependency of drugs. He chose to wait until Zack completed the exercise and see if his head was hurting badly enough to warrant it. Otherwise, he was prepared to massage his temples to ease the headache.

Cloud quietly went to the couch against the opposite wall and he picked up a mechanics magazine to read, not wanting to distract his lover by turning on the TV. He flipped through the magazine silently and listened to Zack's soft curses and grunts as he struggled through the assignment. Cloud realized for the first time that day that Zack's attitude after the incident in the yard had scared the hell out of him. For a little while he'd been afraid his lover might give up and stop trying.

_~Looks like I owe you another apology, Zack. You never give up and I should have known better.~_

Cloud had come close to giving up so many times over the years when things got rough. He'd always made a comeback and pulled himself together but there were a few times he'd barely managed. Zack had his moments of doubt and self-pity like anyone else but they never seemed to drag him down for long and today was proof of that.

Cloud smiled to himself and sighed, relaxing in his seat as he gazed over the top of his magazine at his struggling, concentrating boyfriend. If Sephiroth, Hojo and the entire ShinRa army couldn't keep him down, nothing would. Cloud felt that old thrill return as he silently witnessed Zack Fair's unbreakable determination.

_~There you are. I missed you.~_

* * *

-To be continued


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whee!

As the weekend approached, Zack continued to concentrate on his recovery assignments with the tenacity that had always been his trademark. There were a couple of times when he asked for Cloud's advice but he tried to do it without letting on that he needed a hand, covering up what he was doing by attempting to make the question sound casual.

"Hey Cloud?"

"Hmm?" Cloud glanced up from his newspaper at his lover, who was lying on his stomach in bed as had become his habit in the evening while doing his mind exercises.

"If you were a triangle shaped like this—" Zack demonstrated by tracing a shape in the air with his free hand—"What would you call yourself?"

Cloud hid a smile. "Scalene."

Zack nodded and pretended to flip the page of his activity book. Cloud tactfully returned his attention to the want ads but he watched the other man from his peripheral vision covertly. Zack glanced at him and when he saw the blond seemingly occupied again, he quickly flipped back to the page he'd been on to fill in a multiple choice bubble. Cloud barely resisted a chuckle inspired of relief and amusement. Zack seemed more like his old self with each passing day and his comprehension skills continued to improve. It was therapeutic for Cloud to witness and the increased hope for the future salved some of the tragedy from his and Zack's past.

Cloud went on a couple of deliveries during the week but after the temper tantrum in the yard, he didn't want Zack to go through his hypnotherapy sessions alone. On the days that they fell on Zack's scheduled sessions, Cloud postponed his delivery runs until afterwards so that he could be by his side and make sure he was okay before heading out. Sometimes Zack simply described things that had happened in his life and sometimes he had more traumatizing flashbacks that resulted in a fit and a dosage of anxiety medication. During the sessions, Cloud learned a few things about Zack's life before they met that he hadn't known before—most of them concerning his childhood and early teen years.

At one point just before the weekend approached, Zack almost had a breakdown. They were just finishing their dinner in the cafeteria and one of the workers dropped a metal warming tray. The resulting crash as it hit the floor startled Zack and had him jumping out of his seat and reaching for a weapon he didn't have. Cloud quickly got up to rectify the situation and he was vaguely thankful when he heard several of the other dining patients swear aloud or yelp. A couple of them also jumped up or dropped their own food trays involuntarily as the ruckus gave them a momentary fright, too.

Cloud used the distraction to his advantage, guessing by the alarmed way his lover's eyes darted around that a situation could arise if he didn't nip it in the bud. He gathered their food trays and stacked them, holding them one-handed while gently grasping Zack's arm and urging him toward the cafeteria exit.

"Come on, Zack," coaxed the blond, "let's go back to your room."

* * *

Zack resisted a bit at first, convinced that there was a threat looming somewhere nearby even though he couldn't say why. He realized he had no sword and he saw the worried expression on Cloud's face.

_~Shit…I'm spazzing out again. Okay, pull it together, Zack. Just take a deep breath and follow the ray of sunshine.~_

With a nod of consent and a nervous, sheepish grin, Zack followed Cloud, comforted by the touch of his hand on his arm. The blond put their food trays in the collection bin by the doors as they left and he gave Zack an encouraging little smile. Zack returned the smile despite his frazzled nerves and he gamely walked beside his boyfriend, away from the cafeteria and down the hall. They passed a couple of other residents that were engaged in animated discussion and Zack flinched as one of them waved her hands to accentuate a point.

"Almost there," Cloud soothed, guiding Zack's footsteps so that they gave the two women a wider berth.

Zack bit his lip and sucked in a sharp breath. Cloud impulsively rubbed his arm, understanding the calming effect it could have on him at times. They turned left down the next hallway and passed a nurse station and several doors before reaching Zack's room. Cloud opened the door and let Zack go in first before following him and flipping the light switch on. Zack winced and Cloud turned the dial under the switch, dimming the light until it was warm and soft. He shut the door behind him and locked it as the taller man crossed the room to the bed and sat on it with a sigh.

Cloud raised his arm and checked his watch. They still had almost two hours to go before nighttime meds were distributed. "Do you want me to go and ask for something to calm you down?" He asked. He had accepted that meds could be a permanent part of Zack's life now, and he left the decisions regarding medicating up to Zack, whenever he could.

Zack considered the offer, inwardly examining his anxiety and debating whether it was worth taking an extra pill before bedtime. "I don't think so," he said a tad uncertainly.

Hearing the irresolution in his voice, Cloud thought of an alternative. "How about if I just go and ask them to get a pill ready for you? That way if you need it, it'll be there."

Zack nodded with agreement. "Sounds like a plan. I'm just going to lay down for a while and try to cool it." He felt the tremors trying to surface in his body and he reflexively reached out for Sunny, who was sitting between the pillows on the bed. He flushed a little, embarrassed all the sudden when Cloud saw him hug the toy and smiled at him. The blond left him alone without a word and Zack imagined what he must look like right now.

For the first time it occurred to Zack that ordinary men his age probably didn't cuddle stuffed animals for comfort. Women could get away with it but men were different. There had been no judgment in Cloud's blue gaze when he looked at him though—only warmth and a protective kind of tenderness. Zack took his shoes off and left them at the side of the bed as he pulled his legs up and lay down on top of the covers. Despite his reasoning that he should break himself of the habit of hugging Sunny when he was distressed, Zack didn't stop doing it.

~I used to look at Cloud that way. Back then, I was the stronger one and he needed protection. Now I guess it's the other way around.~

The thought was depressing to Zack. He certainly didn't prefer for Cloud to be helpless and dependant on him but he would never have imagined himself to be in the same position. The more he regained of his memories and sense of Self, the more he realized how much he'd missed out on during his illness and how diminished he was from the man he once was. He thought of the people he cared about that Cloud had reluctantly admitted were dead now.

~Angeal…gone. Aerith…gone. Mom and Dad…both gone. I couldn't help any of them. I couldn't even really help Cloud in the end. They let him go because they thought he was a goner anyhow and he found the strength to get up and move on his own. Maybe I wasn't such a hotshot, after all.~

Zack realized where his thoughts were heading and his anxiety increased even as he scowled and cursed himself for going into pity mode. "Hey, I tried," he said to Sunny, stroking the downy feathers on the plushy's head absently. "That's what I'm all about, right? It's not failure unless you give up."

"That's right," Cloud's voice said from the doorway, startling Zack so badly that he tossed his stuffed animal straight into the air.

Sunny landed softly on Zack's chest, none the worse for the brief flight and the bird's owner sat up and looked at his lover with mortified amethyst eyes. He'd been so absorbed in his discussion with the plushy that he hadn't noticed the other man's quiet return to the room until he spoke. "Uh, I guess you heard most of that," guessed Zack.

Cloud smiled crookedly but his gaze was somewhat sad as he crossed the room and sat down on the bed beside him. "Yeah," he agreed with a little nod. He looked sidelong at him. "Zack Fair doesn't know _how_ to quit. That's why I'm sitting here now."

Zack shook his head. "You got lucky."

"No," corrected the blond. "I got broken out of that lab by someone that was too strong to give in. He took me away and protected me, even when he couldn't stand on his feet anymore. He did so much damage to our enemies, they were too tired to bother with me and then he gave me his sword and told me to live…for both of us."

Cloud paused and lowered his gaze. "Aerith once told him that when a person speaks from the heart, the words come easier. Maybe that's true." He looked at the brunet again, searching his face with cerulean blue eyes. "Zack, if you hadn't woken up and broken us out, _nobody_ would be here now. Sephiroth would have won and Meteor would have destroyed the planet."

Zack blinked at him, shaken by the implications of it and he imagined he and Cloud still floating in those capsules while the gigantic Meteor crashed into the planet.

"Man, we were boned from the beginning," Zack whispered. He began to get angry at the bum hand fate had dealt them, but his optimistic side pushed through and it occurred to him that at least now, they were both alive and had a chance at a future together. He looked at Cloud and found himself smirking. "Guess we survived the test, eh Chocobo?"

A soft little smile adorned Cloud's lips and he nodded. "Looks like it."

Zack shivered and took a deep breath, clenching his jaw against the still-present anxiety gnawing at him.

Cloud reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "If you want me to get your pill for you, I will."

Zack shook his head and dragged his fingers through his mussed dark hair. "No…not yet. I think I can handle it until my night meds come, if I've got a distraction."

"I could turn on the TV," offered the blond.

Zack almost agreed but then he remembered the way commercial breaks were always so much louder than the programs they interrupted and he thought better of it. "No…the ads freak me out a little. They yell at you and I swear I almost pissed myself when that furniture commercial came on this morning."

Cloud chuckled softly and nodded. "I can relate. They do that on purpose, so people can hear the ads if they leave the room during a commercial break."

"Pushy bastards," Zack grimaced. "So what about a board game or something?"

* * *

Cloud groaned inwardly. In his head, he referred to board games " _bored_ " games because they were so dull and uninteresting to him. Regardless, the ones stashed in the top of Zack's closet were good for improving his concentration and he seemed to like them well enough. Cloud looked at the other man and he started to get up to retrieve one of the items from the closet, but he ended up staring at Zack, instead.

Zack looked ridiculously handsome and after saying those things that were so… _Zack_ , his sexy magnetism was only more pronounced for Cloud. A flash of insight made Cloud give his lover a little smirk and his sapphire gaze traveled Zack's form thoughtfully. Tonight Zack was wearing a snug, thermal blue shirt and the stonewashed gray jeans that looked so good on him. A lock of sooty-black hair hung over Zack's eye and the stubble growth on his jaw served to enhance his rakish, masculine appeal.

* * *

Cloud checked his watch again. "Almost an hour and a half," he murmured. "Should be plenty of time."

Zack was perplexed—both by Cloud's statement and by the intensity of his eyes. "Uh, okay. So what do you want to play? It doesn't have to be a board game, if you want to do a puzzle or a card ga—"

Zack's suggestions were interrupted as Cloud leaned in and started kissing him while stroking his palm up and down his chest. "Or," Zack said between smooches, "you could start kissing me instead…"

Cloud pulled back far enough to look him in the eye. "You wanted a distraction." He leaned in again and resumed kissing him, his lips soft and cajoling against Zack's.

"Awesome technique," Zack mumbled with appreciation.

A tremor passed through Zack and he murmured an apology to his companion. The other man shook his head as if to tell him not to worry about it and the next thing Zack knew, Cloud was pushing him down onto his back by both shoulders. He allowed the smaller man to guide him so that he was lying down lengthwise on the bed and he swallowed as Cloud maneuvered on top of him and straddled his hips.

"Whoa," gasped Zack as his lover broke the kiss and tugged his shirt up, while rising into a sitting position. "Why didn't I get _this_ kind of therapy before now?"

Cloud didn't pause as he unbuttoned Zack's jeans and drew the zipper down. He looked into his eyes as he parted the material and reached in. "If I go too fast, let me know."

Zack's hands settled on the other man's thighs and he shook his head. "I don't think you could ever go 'too fast', Sunshine." His breath caught as Cloud's hand curled around his stiffening girth and eased it out of his pants. He rubbed his palms over the surface of Cloud's cargo pants encouragingly and another tremor raced through him—only this time, he couldn't be sure whether it was anxiety or growing arousal that caused it.

"Relax," Cloud murmured, shushing him gently.

He caressed Zack's exposed abdomen with one hand while stroking his thick length to complete hardness with the other. Zack began to undress him and Cloud shook his head and smirked down at him. "We're not doing that right now," he informed him huskily.

"We aren't?" Zack gave him a faintly devastated half-pout. "Then why'd you start this?"

"To relax you," Cloud answered with a shrug. He stroked Zack's erection again and smiled when he gasped. "Doesn't always have to end the same way."

"You call this _'relaxing'_ me?" Zack breathed.

Cloud scooted down lower, seating his bottom on the other man's knees as he slowly bent over. As his mouth loomed closer to Zack's now rock-hard erection, he met his eyes. "This might do the trick." He said it in a breathy, horny drone that his voice typically only produced when he was exceptionally turned-on.

"Oh," Zack murmured with another swallow, feeling dumb for not considering the idea. The way Cloud was looking at him as he lowered those pretty, sculpted lips little by little to their goal was mesmerizing. Zack couldn't look away. When Cloud was feeling frisky, he had the most incredibly slutty sensibilities and Zack was sure he wasn't even consciously aware of it. Shy one moment, seductive the next…the enthralling combination stupefied Zack as much now as it ever had.

The tempting lips pressed softly against the head of Zack's cock and kissed it lightly a few times. Zack stared down at the spectacle and stroked Cloud's hair, his breath quickening and his body trembling. The blond lifted his head to look at him full on for a moment and Zack's breath caught at the sight of the glistening precum coating Cloud's lips.

"Oh god, Cloud," Zack groaned. His hands trembled in the soft golden hair as he struggled with the urge to grab his lover, yank his pants down and bend him over to fuck him senseless.

In response, Cloud rubbed his crotch against Zack's legs slowly. His fingers traced patterns on Zack's tensing stomach as he brought his mouth down again and closed his lips over the top of his cock. He held steady that way for a moment and simply sucked teasingly, moaning softly around the silken hardness. Zack's pelvis lifted with quiet, needy encouragement and a grunt of frustrated pleasure escaped his lips.

Cloud withdrew his mouth again and caressed the length of Zack's arousal with his lips, brushing them against the taut flesh with unhurried sensuality. The organ twitched under his deliberately slow attentions and he smiled when Zack breathlessly called him a tease. He lifted his head again, hovering his lips over the top of Zack's cock.

"Is that right?" Cloud murmured. The hand caressing Zack's stomach slid up along the other man's ribcage and he fondled the left nipple. Zack's eyes flashed and his breath caught again, but he didn't try to force Cloud's head down or buck him off to turn the tables on him. Interpreting his docility as a signal that he very much wanted a blowjob, Cloud lowered his eyes and slid his other hand away from his lover's hip to hold the base of his cock.

He took him into his mouth again, this time drawing the shaft in as deep as he could without taking him down his throat. He pulled back and did it again, relaxing his throat muscles to take a little more in. Zack's fingers curled into his hair but even in the throes of pleasure, he practiced enough restraint not to pull. Cloud took the rigid length in a little deeper each time he dipped his head, gradually adapting to avoid accidental gagging. When his throat muscles relaxed enough he took it all the way in, sucking firmly as his lips slid down until his nose pressed against Zack's pubes. He pulled back and repeated the action, starting up a steady rhythm and increasing the speed in small increments.

"Feels great, Sunshine," Zack moaned, stroking the downy golden spikes of his lover's hair as Cloud's head bobbed up and down repeatedly. He let his eyes flutter shut and he relaxed his neck, letting the pillow support his head as he enjoyed the treatment.

The last of the nervous tremors faded from Zack's body, replaced by the tension of sexual bliss. Cloud hastily shifted when his knees involuntarily started to bend and he pushed Zack's thighs apart and knelt between them to avoid accidentally getting kneed in the crotch. He moaned again, his throat vibrating around Zack's cock as his vocal cords expressed his lust. Zack began to slowly thrust in time with the motions of his mouth and his hands trembled as they stroked his hair. His breath came harsher and faster with increasing pleasure and Cloud sucked harder on his dick in response, drawing a panting groan from him.

"Cl—oud," Zack said in a rough, imploring tone.

Cloud paused and released his cock long enough to murmur encouragement to him. "Don't hold it back."

Zack drew a ragged breath and stared down at Cloud's blond head as he resumed sucking him. His head fell back against the pillows again and he shut his eyes and cried out as he began to come hard and fast down his lover's throat. Cloud swallowed his length and worked his throat as he bucked in his mouth and the blond grasped Zack's hips to hold them still. Zack couldn't seem to get enough air and his vision went white for a moment with intense pleasure. He vaguely felt his toes curl in their socks as the orgasm ran its course.

When it was finished, Zack lay weak and panting for breath, swallowing to work moisture back into his mouth. He felt his sated member slide out of Cloud's mouth before the blond deftly straightened his jeans and did them back up. Cloud's strong, lightweight frame stretched out on top of him and his lips pressed gentle kisses over Zack's jaw and neck. He could feel the blond's hard arousal pushing against his thigh through their clothes and Zack reached down and slid his hand between their bodies to cup and fondle the bulging package.

"Mmph, not now," Cloud protested softly, reaching down with his smaller hand to disengage the touch. "They'll be here with your meds pretty soon and if you start with that I'm not going to want to stop." He kissed him on the mouth as he guided Zack's resisting hand away from his crotch. "Later," he promised.

Zack sighed. He needed to catch his second wind to do more, anyhow. He coaxed his companion to relax on top of him and as Cloud laid his head on his chest, he rubbed his back. They lay that way quietly for an indiscernible amount of time, appreciating the intimacy of the embrace until there was a knock at the door. A nurse called out inquiringly and Cloud rolled off of Zack so that he could get up and answer the door to take his meds.

"Are you going to let me take care of you tonight?" Zack asked Cloud over his shoulder as he unlocked the door and turned the knob.

Cloud relaxed on the bed and nodded, his groin still aching with unsatisfied need. "When you're feeling better. I can wait."

* * *

"Careful," Cloud cautioned the next morning as he stood next to his boyfriend in the bathroom and watched him shave his own face for the first time.

Zack grinned sideways at him and completed the careful stroke, revealing one smooth strip of skin under the lather coating the lower half of his face. "I told you, I remember how to do this now," he reminded him. "Stop worrying, Chocobo."

Tifa and the kids were due to arrive in town later that afternoon and Zack was determined to prove that he could clean himself up for the occasion without help. Still, he allowed his lover to supervise just in case he ran into a hitch or nicked himself by accident. Cloud had bought him a good razor earlier in the week, so that he could get a smoother, closer shave with greater ease. The blond now watched him with wary sapphire eyes, ready to step in if Zack made a mistake.

There was a knock at the door as Zack prepared to make another sweep and he paused. "Can you get that for me, cute stuff?" he requested of Cloud.

The blond looked torn, clearly unwilling to leave him unsupervised.

Zack sighed and chuckled good-naturedly. "Cloud, I swear you'll know it if I start cutting my face off. You can turn your back on me for a few seconds."

Cloud grumbled under his breath and complied. "Just take it slow," he reiterated once more before going to the door to retrieve Zack's morning medication from the nurse.

Zack turned his attention back to the task and listened with half an ear as Cloud spoke with the nurse, thanked her and brought the medication in. They had gradually stopped supervising Zack when he took his meds after Dr. Clark became convinced that he wouldn't try to flush it or otherwise dispose of it. The level of trust his doctor gave him provided Zack with a feeling of greater independence and self-confidence. He looked past his reflection in the bathroom mirror and watched through the open door as Cloud set the little plastic cup of pills on the end table by the couch and approached again.

"Yup," Zack told him with a wink. "My face is still all here."

Cloud rolled his eyes and sat down on the closed toilet seat, refraining from making a comeback as he watched Zack finish the job. Zack nicked himself lightly on the right side of his jaw but he otherwise made it through the task unscathed. He rinsed his face off with cool water and reached for the bottle of aftershave sitting on the sink. This would be his first time to use the stuff since attempting to swallow it months ago. He unscrewed the cap and took a cautious whiff. Cloud had picked this bottle out in town and Zack found the scent to his liking. It was a mild sandalwood fragrance, subtle and masculine.

"I like it," he approved as he cupped his left hand and splashed some into it.

"It's the same kind you used to wear," Cloud informed him with a shy little smile.

Zack took a moment to admire the endearing expression. "You're so damn cute."

Cloud lowered his eyes and shrugged. "Whatever."

Zack chuckled at the predictable response and he rubbed his hands together and patted the aftershave on his face. His eyes widened as his skin burned painfully and he hissed through his teeth. "Mother of Titan, that shit stings!" He rounded his lips and sucked in a couple of rapid breaths, illogically thinking that he could ease the burn in the same way he would cool his mouth after taking a hot bite of food.

Cloud pinched his lips and coughed, looking away to hide his smirk of amusement at Zack's expense. "Thought you said you 'remembered' all this."

The sting faded with blessed rapidity and Zack shot a glare at his companion. "I remember how to _do_ it," he corrected. "I didn't remember how this part feels! You're lucky; _you_ don't have to shave much."

Cloud snorted. "You'll get used to it again."

Zack felt relief as the last of the burning sensation dissolved. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave his companion a pointed look. "Why should I torture myself with this stuff anyway?"

Cloud looked up at him with a crooked little smile. "It sterilizes nicks, keeps your skin smooth and smells good." He lowered his gaze thoughtfully and added; "Besides, _I_ really like it. The smell, that is." He sniffed in Zack's direction appreciatively without even realizing he was doing it.

Zack sighed. The thing that cinched it for him was the knowledge that Cloud had an apparent weakness for the scent. "You just _had_ to throw in that last part, didn't you?" He grumbled as he screwed the cap back on. "Now I have to use the stuff. Gotta make the chocobo happy."

Cloud huffed a laugh and nodded with agreement.

* * *

Dr. Clark agreed to postpone further therapy sessions until after the weekend, so that Zack could enjoy being reunited with Tifa and meeting the kids without the residual anxiety that sometimes afflicted him after hypnotherapy. He arranged a day pass for Saturday on the condition that they take Zack's medication doses with them into town and call him if anything went wrong. Cloud went to get the pass after lunch, while Zack tried his hand at styling his own hair according to memory.

When Cloud returned to the room with the pass for the next day, Zack was still in the bathroom. Cloud could hear the hair dryer going and he had a seat on the couch and flicked the TV on, surfing through the channels and resisting the urge to check in on his lover and see what he was doing to his hair. He began to imagine all sorts of horrendous things Zack could do to his beautiful, dark mane and he found himself involuntarily wincing.

_~If he remembers how he used to style his hair as well as he remembers shaving, it shouldn't be a problem. I've got to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he comes out of there looking like a dust bunny I can always wash his hair out and help him.~_

Several minutes passed before the bathroom door opened. Cloud looked up and froze, his eyes going wide as he stared up Zack and then scanned him from head to toe. He'd managed to spike and style his hair in the exact same way he'd worn it the last time Cloud saw him before they reunited, though it was longer in the back now than it had been then. The only thing missing to complete the image of the past was a SOLDIER uniform. As it stood, the black cargo pants and cream-colored, long-sleeved sweater he wore now were a fine substitute.

Zack gave him a somewhat shy smile. "So, what do you think, Sunshine? Do I clean up okay or does it need a little more work?"

Cloud's lips were slack as he stared at him raptly. He worked his mouth and tried to find his voice as Zack approached and stopped before him. "Uhh…"

Zack frowned a little, mistaking his companion's dull-witted response for disapproval. He reached up and touched his gel-stiffened spikes. "It's the hair, right? Too extreme, maybe? I was going by instinct and memory but I know I'm still kind of fuzzy in those departments."

Cloud shook his head mechanically from side to side and tried again to speak. "N-no…the hair is…everything is…perfect."

"You sure about that?' Zack searched the stunned blue eyes and smirked crookedly. "You look like you bumped your head or something."

Cloud's response was to wrap his arms around his waist and pull Zack closer so abruptly the taller man almost stumbled. Zack looked down at his lover with astonishment as Cloud buried his face against his stomach and squeezed him tightly. He felt the little tremor in the blond's body and something clicked in Zack's head.

He might have done his job a little _too_ well.

_~Damn, this really has been as hard on you as it has on me, baby.~_

Zack's throat tightened as his chest ached with warmth and love. He stroked Cloud's golden hair with one hand and rubbed his back with the other. "Guess it brings back memories, huh?"

Cloud nodded silently and pressed his face more firmly against Zack's stomach.

Zack didn't expect him to say anything. He didn't need any explanations and he felt a spot of dampness soak through his sweater where Cloud's face pressed against him. Another faint, silent shiver wracked the blond's form and a very soft sniffle reached Zack's ears. He kept stroking his hair and back soothingly, not calling attention to the fact that Cloud was crying against his stomach.

* * *

-To be continued


	16. Chapter 16

Marlene and Denzel looked around with interest as they followed Tifa through the linoleum-floored hallways. She glanced down at the slip of paper in her hand to confirm the room number Cloud had given her and she stopped in front of the door.

"This looks like the one," she muttered as she knocked. She had a brain freeze when it opened and Zack Fair stood before her, looking as though nothing had happened to him at all. She stared up at him wordlessly. She'd forgotten how good-looking he was. She could vaguely make out a round scar high on his forehead, just beneath his hairline. He grinned at her.

"Hey, Tifa. You okay, there?"

Tifa swallowed and nodded. She could see Cloud coming up behind Zack and she urged the kids forward. "Zack, this is Denzel and Marlene."

"Hi," Marlene said immediately, holding her small hand out while she looked up at him with interest.

Zack took her hand and grinned, shaking it gently. "Hey there, Marlene. Hi, Denzel. Come on in, you guys…I can start a video game up for you while we grownups catch up."

Zack moved aside and ushered them into the room. Tifa paused on her way in and looked at him again, unable to mask her amazement. "You haven't changed," she murmured. Cloud had kept her updated on his progress but she'd expected some sign that he wasn't mentally well. Zack didn't seem like he belonged in this place at all.

"I've changed a little," he admitted, lowering his eyes. "But I'm getting better and maybe soon I can go home with Cloud."

Now she detected the difference. For the most part, he was the same Zack she used to know but there was an undertone of boyish innocence…a sort of child-like mentality. She swallowed and gave him a hug, mindful of the package she'd brought with her. He chuckled and returned the embrace warmly.

Tifa pulled away and blinked, trying to get her emotions in check. "Here," she said as she handed the gift-wrapped package to him. "Reno told me to give this to you."

Zack looked innocently excited and wary at the same time as he took the package and shook it next to his ear. "What is it, a book?" He asked when he felt the hard, thin contents. "Why is Reno sending me presents?"

"Well, it's really from Cloud," Tifa said with a smile toward her blond friend. "Reno just put it together for him. Open it!"

Zack glanced at his lover, who was smiling his quiet smile and watching with knowing, sapphire eyes. He tore the wrapping open and stared as the paper fell away to reveal a framed picture of his old friend Angeal. It was a good one and it looked like it might have come from an ID file, if the serious expression on Angeal's rugged features was any indication. Zack smiled and touched the smooth glass surface over his friend's picture.

"Thanks, guys," Zack murmured, glancing at Cloud and Tifa respectively. "Tell Reno thanks for me too, will you?" Maybe the Turk wasn't such a bad guy. He placed the photo on top of the dresser for now, standing it up carefully.

"Looks like we need to start getting ready," Cloud murmured. Dr. Clark had surprised him by extending Zack's pass for the entire weekend, rather than just one day. He wanted to start taking advantage of that as soon as possible.

* * *

They left for town an hour later and the first thing they did was book two rooms at the Inn. After that, they bought some food from one of the stands in the town square and ate at a nearby picnic table. Zack looked around with as much curiosity as the kids. This was only the third time he'd gotten out since being admitted to the hospital and the sights and sounds still fascinated him. Denzel had never been to Kalm before and Marlene hadn't been there for years.

"So what do you kids want to do after we eat?" Cloud asked.

"I want to get my face painted!" Marlene answered immediately.

Denzel shrugged. "I don't know." He was entering teenager-hood and with the stage came ambiguity. "Do they have any decent arcades here?"

Tifa sighed. "You've got a chance to be exposed to a little culture. You can play arcade games all you want back home."

"Well, I don't know what there is to do here," he defended.

"We'll find something," Cloud said as he swallowed the last bite of his kabob. "They do fireworks displays at night on the weekends. That ought to catch your interest."

Denzel perked up and Zack looked interested. "Fireworks displays?" asked the former Soldier.

Cloud suddenly looked a little wary, his cornflower blue eyes faintly concerned as he looked at Zack. "Um, yeah…fireworks. They're kind of noisy but they're pretty."

"Is something wrong?" Tifa asked when she noticed the uncertain expression on Cloud's face.

* * *

Cloud felt trapped. He couldn't explain his fears to her without saying it in front of Zack. "I think we might need to make a pharmacy run before it gets dark," he said as tactfully as he could. "Those fireworks can get pretty loud." He glanced sidelong at his lover, who was wiping his mouth off with a napkin and reaching for his fruit drink.

Tifa also glanced at Zack, apparently getting the hint. Cloud had warned her about the different things that could trigger an episode with Zack and loud explosions were one of them. "Maybe we should."

"They aren't _that_ loud," Denzel protested.

"But they can be a little startling," Tifa countered, giving him a warning look.

Denzel's face screwed up with confusion and he followed Tifa's eyes to Zack, who was finishing his drink and looking unconcerned. "Do loud noises scare you, Zack?"

Cloud nearly groaned.

"Sometimes," he admitted as he set his drink down. "They…bring back some bad memories."

"Let's go to the pharmacy before it closes for the night," Cloud prompted, standing up. "Then we can get Marlene's face painted and decide what to do from there."

* * *

Everyone got up at his example and they began walking down the street to the shopping area. Denzel studied Zack curiously, trying to understand more about his condition. He looked normal to him. He was friendly and light-hearted and he seemed to like having fun as much as a kid…which made him more approachable than most adults.

"Do they make you take a lot of medicine in the nuthouse?" Denzel blurted tactlessly.

Cloud stopped walking so abruptly that Tifa plowed into him from behind. Marlene slapped Denzel on the arm and he winced and rubbed the spot with a glare at her, wondering what he did wrong.

"Denzel!" Cloud said angrily, his bright eyes flashing at the boy.

"What?" Denzel asked, taking a step backwards. He realized now that his question hadn't been appropriate. He'd never seen Cloud look at him like that, before. There was anger, hurt and disappointment in that deceptively youthful, masculine face.

Zack was more surprised by the boy's bluntness than offended but he could see the tension in his lover's face and he spoke up in Denzel's defense. "He's just a kid," he whispered to Cloud. "He didn't mean anything by it." To Denzel he said; "Yeah, some of us have to take a lot of meds. It's not much different than any other hospital, in that way."

"So do they make you stoned?" Denzel asked. "And don't smack me again, Marlene," he said warningly to the little girl at his side. "Zack doesn't mind so why should you?"

Zack hid a grin behind his hand. "Uh, they can make me 'stoned' sometimes," he answered to stave off the argument he sensed brewing between the kids. "Depends on what they give me and how much I need. Most of the time I'm pretty normal, these days."

"Oh," Denzel said. "Well, that's good."

They started off again and Zack put an arm around Cloud's shoulders and squeezed gently, feeling his tension. "Let it go, Sunshine," he murmured. "I'm not upset, okay?"

Cloud nodded stiffly, but he was obviously having trouble taking Zack's advice and "letting it go".

* * *

After purchasing some earplugs for Zack, they went back to the center of town so that Marlene could get her face painted. With much cajoling from the little girl, Tifa got hers done as well. Zack needed to use the bathroom and when Cloud tried to go with him, he waved him off.

"I'll be okay," he insisted. "I can go into that shop across the street. I'll be right back." He ruffled Denzel's hair once before heading off.

Cloud watched him go irresolutely, knowing he probably couldn't get into trouble in the time it took to go into the shop and make use of their bathrooms but anxious nonetheless. He was charged with temporary guardianship of his lover and if anything went wrong, the doctors might never let him take him into town alone again.

"Cloud?"

The blond looked down at his adopted son curiously. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry I made you mad." Denzel frowned unhappily, still confused by the way Cloud had reacted. "I just wanted to know more about your friend."

Cloud sighed and squatted a little, looking up into Denzel's hazel eyes earnestly. "I know. It's just that…the term you used…it was insensitive. Zack and the people in that place are sick, Denzel. They can't help that and the word 'nuthouse' is a slur."

"But Zack didn't get offended," argued the boy.

Cloud shook his head. "No…Zack's a lot more forgiving than I am, I guess. Takes a lot to offend him. I know I over-reacted but it hurt to hear you say that. It's hard sometimes, knowing someone I love is sick like that, can you understand?"

Denzel thought about it and he nodded. He guessed that to Cloud, it was like calling Zack names to use the term. "I won't say it again," he promised.

Cloud rewarded him with a tiny smile. "I'm sorry I reacted so harshly," he apologized. "I should have tried to explain it before yelling at you."

"It's okay," Denzel shrugged. "Hey look, Zack's coming back already." He pointed and Cloud turned to see his lover jogging over from the shop across the street.

"See? Nothing blew up and I didn't get lost," Zack said with a wink and a grin.

"Did you wash your hands?" Cloud asked.

Zack's face fell and he sighed. "Dammit…be right back. Uh, pretend you didn't hear me say that word, kid."

Denzel smirked. "I hear it from my foster parents all the time. It's cool."

Zack hurried away again and Cloud resisted the urge to chuckle.

* * *

Denzel enjoyed throwing some darts at the booth with Zack, though Cloud cringed at the thought of giving his boyfriend sharp objects at first. It was all well and good that he had the Buster Sword restored to give back to Zack someday but he was sure Dr. Clark would have a conniption if he saw him throwing darts now. Nothing dire happened and Cloud breathed a sigh of relief when they moved on to an art booth.

Night was falling and Cloud checked his watch to see how much time they had before the fireworks started up. He wanted to plug Zack's ears before they began. He bought some cotton candy for everyone as they passed one of the booths and he laughed when Zack got some of it stuck on his chin.

"I don't like this stuff as much as the apples," Zack complained as Cloud wiped his chin off. "It's like eating a cotton ball."

"That's why it's called 'cotton candy'," explained Cloud dryly. "There, you're set."

"Thanks," Zack said, licking his fingers.

Cloud waited another fifteen minutes, giving him time to finish his candy before pulling the new earplugs out of his pocket and helping Zack put them in. The taller man flinched a little but otherwise cooperated.

"How's that?" Cloud asked after getting the plugs seated.

"What?" Zack hollered, making Tifa jump a little.

"They seem to be working," the barmaid observed with a smirk.

Cloud smiled up at his lover and patted him on the shoulder. "Are they comfortable?" he said slowly.

Zack read his lips and shrugged. "I guess so, but now I can't hear you." He couldn't even hear the volume of his own voice and he didn't know he was yelling in the blond's face.

Cloud put a finger against Zack's lips and chuckled softly. "It's only until the fireworks are over," he explained, leaning in to speak in Zack's ear. He felt the other man's body shiver in reaction to his breath tickling his ear and he wished he could kiss him without freaking people out. They'd have to wait until they had some privacy to fool around.

He'd gotten the earplugs in just in time. The first missile shot into the sky overhead and exploded in a shower of red and green sparks. Zack flinched a little and looked up, his wary expression fading to delight at the display. Marlene clapped and Denzel hooted.

"Come on guys," Cloud suggested, "Let's find a picnic table to sit at."

He took Zack's hand and led him when he noticed how enraptured he was with the fireworks. He stumbled after Cloud and he cringed each time one of the bigger ones exploded. They picked out a table and sat down on top of it to watch the display. Cloud felt Zack's hand squeezing his with more pressure and he looked at him with a frown. The sable-haired man was trying his best to enjoy the show, but a light sheen of sweat had broken out on his face and he was breathing unevenly. Cloud rubbed his arm soothingly, trying to decide whether it was worth the risk to keep him outside while the display was on.

"Tifa, I think I need to take Zack to our room," Cloud said in the brunette's ear when his lover jumped in reaction to the next explosion. "The earplugs aren't working as well as I thought."

She looked over at Zack and saw the tension in his face. "Maybe you should," she answered. "Don't worry about us; I know my way around."

"Thanks, Tif," he said. He pulled on Zack's hand and urged him to follow him. "Come on, Zack. We're going indoors."

"I want to watch, though," he said with frustration in his tone. He was angry with himself for letting a few noises spook him and ruin the evening.

"We can watch from our window," promised Cloud. "The Inn's not directly under the display and it won't be so loud inside."

Zack heaved a sigh and allowed him to guide him away.

* * *

"There," Cloud said with satisfaction as he shut and locked the door to their room. The explosions of the fireworks were distant and muted, inside the walls of the Inn. Cloud reached up and carefully took the plugs out of Zack's ears. "How's that? Is it okay or do you want them back in?"

Zack waited for a moment and listened. A few more fireworks went off but they didn't startle him. A louder one made him flinch a little but it was bearable. "I'm okay," he said with a nod. He went to the window and peered out, watching the sparkling showers in the sky over the town square. "I'm sorry I started flipping out on you, Cloud."

"Don't worry about it," replied the blond as he put the earplugs back into their case and went to the duffle bag containing their belongings. He got Zack's medicine out of the little case marked "SA" and he went to the bathroom to fill one of the complimentary mugs with water. "Here," he said as he returned and went to Zack's side.

Zack took the pills from him without argument and tossed them into his mouth. He dutifully rinsed them down with the water and handed the mug back. Cloud replaced the mug by the bathroom sink and returned to Zack's side to watch the rest of the fireworks with him. He felt comforted as the other man's arm went around him and he leaned into the embrace, rubbing his cheek unconsciously against Zack's sweater.

"Some day, things are going to get easier," Cloud murmured determinedly.

Zack nodded, knowing it was true because things had already gotten so much better in the past few months. He smirked and looked down at his lover's golden head. "Aren't you supposed to be a pessimist?"

Cloud looked up at him and shrugged. "It's hard to be negative around you."

Zack lowered his mouth to the blond's and kissed him slowly and languidly. Cloud responded to the kiss with gentle passion and suddenly the fireworks outside were uninteresting and dull. Their tongues fenced and their breath quickened as the kiss deepened. Zack slipped Cloud's jacket off and let it drop unceremoniously to the floor. He slid his hands up underneath the blond's sweater and rubbed his back as he started guiding him backwards toward the bed. His plan to sex the smaller man up was rudely interrupted when he touched that scar over Cloud's left shoulder blade and the blond winced.

Zack stopped and pulled back to look into Cloud's eyes. "When are you going to talk to me about this?" He queried softly as he traced the patch of scar tissue. "There's something about this one that really gets to you. I want to know what it is."

Cloud tried to pull away but Zack had a vice-like hold on him. "It's nothing," he mumbled, "I told you, it's just a scar."

"If that's true, why do you look so scared?" Zack persisted. He cupped the blond's chin and forced him to meet his eyes. "Don't you trust me, Cloud?"

"You _know_ I do," said the smaller man, trying to look away.

"Then tell me why you act like that every time I touch that scar!" Zack said it with such force and authority that Cloud felt like a cadet under his command again.

"I…I…" Cloud stammered.

_~If I show you, I might lose you. God Zack, I want to be honest…I want to think I can tell you anything but this…I'm a monster!~_

Zack studied him and he didn't miss the trauma and fear in those wide blue eyes. "Cloud," he murmured, "whatever it is, you know I'm here for you, right?"

"Hope so," Cloud said faintly, closing his eyes. "Gaia, I hope that's true." He took a deep breath and pulled his sweater up over his head before looking his lover in the eyes again. "Here goes." He clenched his teeth and concentrated, forcing the manifestation of a skeletal structure and flesh that he wasn't born with. He cried out softly as it broke through his skin and grew before Zack's eyes. The pain faded when the process was complete, but he knew he'd have to endure more pain later on when he strangled the wing or it died on its own to fall off.

* * *

Zack stared wide-eyed at the large, leathery bat wing that had emerged from Cloud Strife's back. It was nothing like Genesis, Sephiroth's or Angeal's wing. It was wet with Cloud's blood and it dripped onto the hardwood floor. The blond's pained expression was nothing compared to the expectation of loss in his eyes as he gazed warily back at Zack.

"Oh Sunshine, what did he _do_ to you?" Zack murmured. He reached out for the blond but Cloud took a step back.

"No…I don't want…you've seen it now and you can't want me…" Cloud's voice shook and his body trembled.

Zack continued closing the distance even as the blond tried to back away. When Cloud's back hit the wall and he had nowhere else to go, Zack put his arms around him. "Hey," he murmured, trying to catch the tortured blue gaze, "Cloud, listen to me?"

Cloud looked up at him reluctantly. His eyes were practically black with pupil, with only a thin band of blue visible. Zack wanted to cry, but he held it together so that he could give his lover the comfort he so desperately needed. "This doesn't change anything," Zack told him in a low, firm voice. "Not a _thing_ , do you understand that? Nothing on Gaia could make me love you less; not crazy scientists, not a mental asylum, not a wing mutation. You'll always be my everything."

Cloud stared at him and for the second time that day, he was reduced to painful tears. "Y-your sweater," he warned when Zack held him close and nuzzled his hair. He was getting blood on the sleeves by touching his back.

"I don't care about the sweater," Zack insisted. "It'll wash." He held him tightly while he cried and he shed a few tears himself. Hadn't they been through enough? At least the mystery of how Cloud had gotten on the ledge of the hospital building without the use of climbing equipment was now solved. Zack saw the expression of pain on his face when the wing came out and he heard his cries of distress. The thought that he'd put himself through that just to be near him during the night made Zack feel awful.

"So how do you put it away?" Zack asked him when they both calmed down a bit.

Cloud sniffed and scrubbed his eyes with his hands. "I kill it…or it dies on its own."

"Kill it?" Zack whispered, "Like, with a sword?"

"No," corrected the blond. "I cut off the blood supply. It only lives for a few hours otherwise and it starts dying on its own. It's kind of like the way Genesis and Angeal decomposed but it's only my wing that does it."

Zack's protective urges increased as he listened. It sounded like something out of a horror story and he swallowed as his emotions rose to the surface again. There was nothing he could do about it, now. According to Cloud, Hojo was dead and gone so there was no way to avenge what was done to him. All he could do was be supportive of him.

"So how long do we have until it starts dying?" Zack asked him. His meds were probably making him calmer than he should be right now and he was distantly thankful for that.

"About two hours," answered Cloud. "I'm not going to wait. I'm going to get rid of it now. I just…need a trash bag or something. Takes a while for it to fully dissolve and I don't want to leave it laying on the bathroom floor."

"Cloud, maybe you should just wait—"

"No," the blond shook his head. "I want it off of me."

Zack nodded slowly and thought about the dilemma. He wasn't supposed to go out wandering without Cloud and Tifa and the kids hadn't come back yet. Cloud couldn't go and get trash bags himself in his condition…unless he tried to pass the wing off as a costume piece. He looked around the interior of the room and his eyes passed over the trash can by the door. He focused on it and gave a nod.

"I'll just take the bag out of that can," Zack said with a pointing gesture.

"Good," Cloud approved, relieved.

* * *

He felt weak. He'd been so sure that the sight of his wing would send Zack reeling into an episode or repulse him so much he'd never want to touch him again. The painful task of shedding the appendage felt like a minor thing, now that he knew his relationship with his lover was safe. He started toward the bathroom and when Zack grabbed the trash bag and started following him, he turned to take the bag from him.

Zack held it out of his reach and shook his head. "I'm going in there with you, Chocobo. I told you, I'm here for you no matter what."

Cloud shook his head. "I don't want you to see this."

"And I don't want you to go through it alone," Zack countered with a shrug, "You know how stubborn I am. You won't win a contest of wills with me."

Cloud opened and shut his mouth.

"You look like a fish," Zack observed with a teasing smirk. He sobered and approached the blond, reaching out to caress his face. "Come on, Cloud. I'm not leaving you to suffer through this alone."

Cloud nodded, giving in. Together, they walked into the bathroom. Before he could even start concentrating, Zack's hands were undoing his pants. "What are you _doing_?" Cloud yelped, taken by surprise.

"Getting us both undressed," answered the dark-haired man without pausing. "This could get messy, right? We'll get into the bathtub and I'll turn the shower tap on. The warm water ought to help a little, don't you think?"

Cloud had never considered that idea before. It was further proof that Zack's wit was slowly but steadily returning. "Okay, let's try your idea."

He began to help Zack undress in return and within moments, both young men were naked and stepping into the tub. Zack pulled the shower curtain closed and started the shower tap up, holding his hand under the spraying water until he was satisfied with the temperature.

"All right Cloud, let's get this over with," Zack murmured as he coaxed Cloud to back up until the water was hitting his back at the base of the wing. He put his arms around him and pressed his forehead against Cloud's, holding him supportively.

This was the first time Cloud had ever done this in front of anyone, if he didn't count his bike. He was unreasonably nervous and he licked his lips and looked into Zack's eyes as he concentrated to set the process into motion. At first, there was only a tingling sensation, similar to the pins and needles feeling that occurred when a limb fell asleep. The warm water beat upon the leathery skin of his wing and he held more tightly to Zack as the dull pain started. Zack's arms tightened around him and his lips pressed gentle kisses over Cloud's face.

"I've got you, Sunshine."

Cloud nodded and clutched at the bigger man as it progressed into the next stage and the wing began to shrivel. His legs threatened to buckle and he cried out before he could stop himself. Zack's strong arms supported him and Cloud laid his head against his damp, naked chest, panting softly as he rode out the pain. He breathed sharply through his teeth and tried to be quiet, but it was hitting him in waves now and he couldn't hold back a groan of distress.

* * *

Zack felt the dying wing pressing against his forearm as he held his lover but he paid it no mind. He kept talking to Cloud and kissing him tenderly, reminding him every moment that he wasn't alone.

_~So fucking cruel…did Hojo deliberately do it this way or was he only half-finished with Cloud before we escaped? Oh Cloud, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry he did this to you and I'm sorry I didn't get us out of there before he did it.~_

Zack began to unconsciously rock his lover as another whimper burst from Cloud's lips. He heard a cracking sound and he grimaced as the wing began to break away from the bones of the shoulder blade.

"You're almost finished, Cloud," Zack murmured when he risked a glance down and saw the wing breaking away. He was almost tempted to grab it and tear it the rest of the way off, just to get it over with. He was afraid that if he tried, he'd just hurt Cloud more, so he just held his trembling form and kept talking to him.

The appendage finally hit the bottom of the tub with a wet smack and Cloud gave one last little gasp of pain. The open wound bled swiftly under spray of warm water and Zack wondered if he needed to get something to stem the flow. As he watched, the wound began to close. Within moments, there was only the pink scar to mark where the wing had torn away from Cloud's body. Cloud was completely supported by the black-haired man now, his strength gone from the experience.

"Let's get you to bed," Zack murmured, draping Cloud's arms around his neck and cupping his bottom to lift him.

The blond instinctively wrapped his legs around his waist and clung to him as Zack picked him up and stepped carefully out of the tub with him. He hastily grabbed a towel on his way out and he shifted Cloud to drape it over his shoulders before carrying him out of the bathroom. He crossed the room and gently deposited his lover on the bed before drying his body with care. Zack kissed him when he finished and he dried himself off before coaxing Cloud to lie down. The blond looked up at him with sorrowful blue eyes as Zack tucked him in and he couldn't resist giving him another kiss.

"I'll take care of the mess, okay?" Zack murmured against his lips.

"You don't have to do that," Cloud said with a grimace. He tried to get up. "I can—"

Zack pushed him gently but firmly back down and Cloud was too weak to resist. "You can lay there and relax," he told him. "It's only going to take me a minute to bag it up and I've handled a lot worse in my time as a Soldier."

Cloud gave him an unusually sheepish look and Zack found himself grinning. He ruffled his lover's damp, golden hair before getting up to bag the discarded wing. It wasn't a fun job. The flesh was already falling away from the skeletal structure and Zack grimaced as he picked the thing up and dropped it in the trash bag. No wonder Cloud didn't want him doing this. Zack looked at it objectively. It was a labor of love and to him, it was no worse than holding a loved-one's hair back for them when they got sick or changing a baby's shitty diaper. When you loved someone, the unpleasant things didn't matter that much.

Zack returned to the room after putting the trash bag off to the side and Cloud's pretty eyes roamed over his nude body as if helpless not to. He smiled at the blond and got into bed next to him, reaching out to turn off the bedside lamps. When the room was plunged into moonlit darkness, Zack leaned over his companion and started kissing him. At first Cloud was slow to respond and Zack kept going stubbornly. He understood Cloud's self-consciousness now but he was determined to show him that the wing issue didn't change how he felt about him a bit.

"Love you, Sunshine," Zack murmured between kisses.

He finally got a response. Cloud reached up and combed his fingers through Zack's damp hair, returning his kisses with aching fervency. His mouth was warm and moist as he parted his lips and sucked on Zack's gently probing tongue. Zack urged the blond onto his side and he pressed flush against his back, spooning him as he began to explore his naked body. Their tongues caressed and Cloud briefly tried to still Zack's seeking hands, his uncertainty returning for a moment. Zack resisted his weak attempts and fondled his nipples one at a time before sliding his palm down his chest and stomach.

"Relax, Chocobo," ordered the dark-haired man softly.

He captured his mouth again and stroked the world-ravaged, sweet frame with slow, steady motions. Cloud's tension eased little by little and soon he was pressing the soft-skinned cheeks of his ass against Zack's hardening arousal. Encouraged by the silent invitation, Zack dipped his hand down to grasp Cloud's awakening cock. He gave it a few slow, gentle pulls and enjoyed the little gasps and moans he got in response. It hardened completely in his hand and he rubbed the tip before stroking the length more firmly.

Cloud shifted restlessly against Zack as he his magic on his body. "The lube's in the zipper pocket of our bag," he gasped.

"I'll get it in a minute, impatient," Zack said into his ear with a grin.

"Your fault," Cloud accused.

He reached back and behind, searching with his hand until he located Zack's. He returned the favor and stroked the shaft sensually, drawing a groan of pleasure from him. This was so much like the way it used to be. This was what they both needed. Zack lips caressed Cloud's neck, mouth, shoulder and ear. His husky endearments were as heartfelt as they ever were and Cloud's touch…Shiva, his touch lit fires in Zack's belly.

"I still don't know how you do that," Cloud whimpered as Zack made another romantic comment.

"Do what?" Zack inquired before nibbling his earlobe and tugging at his earring.

"The…the pillow talk," answered Cloud in a dreamy voice. He followed up with a swift gasp as Zack's thumb circled the sensitive slit in the tip of his cock.

Zack chuckled breathlessly. "You put me to shame when you get into it. You don't do it often but man, when you do…" He shivered dramatically, making Cloud laugh. "I'm serious!"

"If you say so," Cloud murmured. He turned his head for another kiss and pumped into Zack's gripping hand, his breath catching again. "Zack, I want you," he whined.

"You'll get me," promised the other man huskily. He stopped petting Cloud's dick and reached down to disengage his hand from his own. With one more kiss, he got out of bed and went to the duffle bag in the corner of the room to get the lube.

"Grab a couple of the condom packets too," Cloud advised. "I don't want to make a mess all over these sheets."

Zack personally hated using condoms but he couldn't refute the blond's logic. He tore a couple of the packets free of their brethren before locating the lube. He returned to the bed and started preparing Cloud eagerly, kissing and fondling him as he worked his lubed fingers inside of him to loosen him up. When the smaller man was relaxed enough to take him, Zack handed a condom to him and tore open another for himself to sheath his arousal in it. He brushed his lips over Cloud's ear as he finished and asked if he was ready. At the blond's nod, he positioned himself and rocked forward slowly while grasping his hip to steady him.

"Perfect," Cloud gasped in pleasure as his lover's hard length drove into his body to the hilt. Zack didn't wait for long before he began pumping steadily and Cloud moaned with each pelvic thrust. "Zack…oh, Zack!"

Zack wrapped an arm around the smaller man's waist and grunted softly in his ear as he rolled his hips. It felt like a little piece of heaven, each time they did this together. He was mindful of the fact that their room was next to Tifa and the kids' when he heard the door next door open and close, followed by the faint sound of voices.

"We have to be quiet, Chocobo," Zack warned breathlessly. He contradicted his own warning by pushing in at an angle that he knew drove Cloud crazy with pleasure. The blond predictably blurted a long, drawn-out moan and Zack smirked in satisfaction and covered his mouth with one hand. "Weren't you paying attention?"

"You did that…on purpose," Cloud gasped when Zack pulled his hand away. He bit his lip as the other man thrust in at the same angle again, nudging his pleasure spot thoroughly in passing. "Unhh…ahhh…Zack…so good," he panted, trying desperately to keep the volume of his encouraging cries down.

"You aren't making it easy for me to be quiet," Zack groaned, thrusting harder and faster.

Cloud's breathy little moans increased in frequency but he somehow kept the volume down, despite the overwhelming pleasure he felt. He moved his hips in time with Zack's thrusts, pushing back against him as he entered and rocking forward as he drew back.

Zack gripped Cloud's condom-sheathed cock and nibbled his ear. The sensations weren't as strong with the condom barrier but it allowed him to last longer than usual. Even after Cloud climaxed and clenched frantically around his thrusting sex, Zack went on for another fifteen minutes before he was finally spent. With a ragged, panting moan he pushed hard and deep into his lover and filled the condom.

* * *

Cloud sighed in contentment and stroked Zack's embracing arm with his fingers, relaxing against him as the other man caught his breath. He didn't want to move but they needed to dispose of the condoms. He jumped a little with surprise as Zack reached down and carefully peeled his off.

"I've got these," Zack murmured with a kiss against Cloud's shoulder. He got out of bed and went to the bathroom without waiting for a response.

Cloud lay there in the darkness and listened to the sound of his lover flushing their condoms down the toilet. It felt strange and a little wonderful to be taken care of by Zack like this, again. He'd never actually been dependant on it as far as he was concerned, but he couldn't pretend he didn't miss that confidence and that tender care. If Zack could take care of him the way he did tonight, it meant he might eventually be able to take care of himself again and perhaps they could one day have a normal life together.

When Zack returned to the bed again and crawled under the covers with him, Cloud turned into his embrace and laid his cheek against his chest. "Love you, Zack," he whispered sleepily.

* * *

-To be continued


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, Zack and Cloud joined Tifa and the kids downstairs at the tavern for breakfast. Tifa studied the menu thoughtfully; finding it interesting that the Inn Tavern also sold breakfast, lunch and dinner.

"Maybe I should start serving food at Seventh Heaven," she pondered aloud. "It could pick up business a little."

"You'd probably need to hire a cook," Cloud told her. "Or at least, a bartender. You'll wear yourself out otherwise."

She grimaced, forced to agree with his logic. "And I'd need to have a kitchen built on, unless I do all the cooking upstairs."

"Not if you sell cold deli stuff," Zack corrected with a shrug. "You could buy one of those coolers and stock it with sandwiches, salads and pickles to start out with."

"That's a good idea," Tifa said, brightening. "Maybe I'll look into that."

They ordered their food when the waitress arrived and they planned their day while the waited for their breakfast. Mindful of the lack of preteen activities in town, Tifa suggested they go and see a movie at the little theater after lunch. There were no disagreements on that but choosing one that would interest the boy while keeping it appropriate for Marlene and Zack was a bit of a hassle. They finally agreed on a comedy. The rest of the day's plans consisted of shopping, seeing more of the sights and doing more of the local activities.

After finishing breakfast, the first thing they did was visiting the livestock barns. There was a petting zoo outside and Marlene probably would have spent all day visiting the baby animals if she could have. Tifa stepped in feces from Gaia knew what sort of animal and she had to find a stable hand to help her hose her shoe off. Zack made friends with a green chocobo, which amused Cloud greatly considering the way the other man was always comparing him to the animals.

"Hey Cloud…he's got your eyes," Zack teased as he scratched the cooing animal on the head.

"Very funny," the blond muttered, but he was smiling into his drink as he sipped it.

He felt like a weight had been lifted last evening and he was in too good of a mood to be irritated. The chocobo pulled at Zack's shirt hard enough to make him stumble when the brunet turned his back to walk away from the pen. Cloud coughed on his drink and muffled his snicker. "Looks like you've got a friend."

Zack turned back around and gave the animal another pat. "What can I say? I've got a way with chocobos." He winked at the smaller man, making him blush a little.

"Ooooh, look at the baby bunnies!" Marlene was practically squealing over the fluffy little animals inside the enclosed pen across the way.

Denzel gave the rabbits a cursory glance and tried not to look too interested, but his eyes kept going back to them and he started smiling. "Yeah, they're cute."

Tifa returned and she was watching where she walked carefully, now. "Well, that was a fun experience," she said dryly. She shook her damp shoe off and regarded the spectacle of Zack trying to fend off the overly friendly chocobo, who seemed to be trying to drag the man into the pen with him. She giggled as Zack yelped and chastised the bird. "Wow, he really likes you, Zack."

"Kind of noticed," he grunted as he tried to push the animal's head away without being rough.

Cloud leaned over and peered at the bird's backside. "Uh, it's a 'she', actually. I think she wants to have your chicks, Zack."

The former Soldier looked so horrified that Cloud had to look away or risk snickering wildly out loud. The blond quickly turned his back as he struggled not to laugh. He was only kidding about the animal wanting to mate with him but the expression on Zack's face said he took him seriously.

"Uh…easy girl," Zack said, backing away carefully.

"KWEH!" She flapped her wings and paced in her pen, trying to find a way out to close the distance again.

"Tifa," Zack said as he reached her side and kept his eyes on the chocobo, "help."

"What do you want me to do?" She said in an amused tone. "Tell her you just want to be friends? See, this is what your flirting gets you."

"I was just petting her!" Zack protested. "It's not like I made a bunch of bird-calls or cock-strutting, here!"

"What's going on?" Denzel approached the adults curiously, leaving Marlene to gush over the baby rabbits alone. He raised his eyebrows when he saw the chocobo warbling and straining to reach Zack over the top of her pen.

"Zack has a new girlfriend," Tifa answered succinctly.

"No, I don't," argued Zack.

The latch holding the gate on the animal's pen gave as she butted against it again and it swung open. Everyone stared wide-eyed for a moment before the hen hurried through, straight toward Zack.

"Um…run?" Cloud suggested uncertainly.

Zack didn't question the advice. He sprinted away past other pens, making tracks for the fenced-in pen outdoors. The chocobo gave chase, calling out to him in a funny, plaintive way. Cloud, Tifa and Denzel followed behind in alarm and Marlene joined them as they ran past her. Zack kept looking over his shoulder and he made it outside before his failure to watch where he was going caught up with him. He tripped on a feeding trough and stumbled to the ground, sprawling out on his stomach. He tried to get up but the hen caught up with him and the next thing he knew, she was _sitting on him._

"I'm being raped by a giant chicken!" Zack yelled in terror. He winced as the hen began to groom his spiked, dark hair. "No…. _bad_ bird!"

Cloud stopped in his tracks, his alarm fading as he realized what was happening. "I don't think she's trying to hurt you or mate with you," he called out to his lover, having seen this sort of behavior before.

One of the handlers came running out and when she saw the hapless brunet being carefully sat on and groomed by the hen, she made an "tsk-ing" sound with her tongue. "Hold on, Sir…I'll get her off of you." She grabbed a halter and lead off the barn wall and approached the animal.

Zack winced as the bird's beak tugged at his hair and pulled a few strands out. "What in the hell is she doing?" He grunted, trying to catch his breath under the feathery weight.

"This is Bella," explained the handler as she slipped the harness over the bird's head. "She lost her chick last week." She looked down at Zack with an apologetic smile. "He was a black chocobo. My guess is your hair color and style made her associate you with him and she's trying to replace him, the poor thing."

Zack grumbled and tried to hold still as the handler began to coax the hen off of him. "Guess that's a little better than what I thought she was trying to do." He looked up at his lover, who was hiding his mouth behind one hand. "Laugh it up, Cloud."

The handler pressed her lips together in an effort to control her smile. "Come on, girl. Let the nice man up. He isn't your baby."

"Wark? Kweh." The animal was reluctant but she finally rose to her feet and allowed herself to be led away.

"You aren't hurt, are you Sir?" the handler asked over her shoulder as she guided the hen back into the stables.

"Just my pride," Zack answered with a grunt as Cloud helped him to his feet. He brushed his clothes off and flushed with embarrassment as Tifa and the kids tried to contain their mirth. He looked at Cloud and saw the sparkle in his blue eyes.

_~Well, at least something good came out of this. Sunshine's really smiling and he doesn't do that enough. Too bad I had to do a face-dive in the dirt and get mothered by a chocobo to make him do it, but I'll take what I can get.~_

Something occurred to him as he and the others left the livestock area: He'd just been through a somewhat frightening event and he hadn't felt the faintest stirrings of a panic attack. Zack didn't know if it was because he had no past bad experiences with chocobos or if it was a sign that his tendency to be triggered was lessening.

"Cloud?"

The blond stopped and regarded him. "Yeah?"

"Can you help me remember to ask the Doc about this?" Zack requested softly with a thoughtful expression.

Cloud's eyebrows furrowed. "About what? Being mistaken for a chick by a grieving hen? I don't think that had anything to do with your condition, Zack."

The taller man chuckled and shook his head. "No, not that. I mean about how I made it through that without having a fit or anything."

Cloud's mouth opened and he blinked. "You…you're right! This could mean…well, I'm not a doctor but maybe…"

"Maybe I'm moving past the flashbacks," Zack finished with a nod. "Or at least dealing a little better."

Cloud nodded and his eyes shone with hope. "We'll ask him about it first thing when we go back."

* * *

Zack needed to shower and change again after the chocobo episode, so he and Cloud went back to the Inn and made plans to meet back up with Tifa and the kids for lunch in the square.

"I'm going to run out of clean clothes," Zack predicted as he showered.

Cloud was getting another outfit ready for him and he nodded with agreement as he finished and brought it through the open doorway of the bathroom. "Don't worry. We've still got shopping to do today and I can buy a couple more outfits for you." He glanced at the trash bag from last night, which was stuffed into the wastepaper bin. He grimaced at the thought of what was in there, though he knew it had disintegrated by now and left little more than a bit of dust.

Zack poked his head out the curtain and gave the blond a guilty look. "How much have you spent on me so far, Cloud?"

The smaller man shrugged, his eyes roving over the transparent curtain and the blurred form of Zack's nudity behind it. "Doesn't matter."

Zack sighed and stuck his head back in again. He tilted his head back to wet his hair and he thought about what he was going to do when he finally got released from the hospital. "I wonder what kind of work a guy with my medical record can get?"

Cloud put the toilet seat down and seated himself on top of it, trying not to think of Zack's naked, wet body. "Don't worry about that right now. Just concentrate on getting better."

"I guess you're right," Zack sighed. He squeezed some shampoo into his hand and began to lather his hair. "I just…I want to pull in my share, you know? I don't want to be just a drag on your finances when I get out."

Cloud looked at the partially concealed fighter and he blushed hotly as he imagined himself saying that the sex was more than enough compensation. He shook his head, wondering if his time dating Reno had increased his perversion level.

"That's not going to be an issue," Cloud said aloud. He swallowed as he became fully erect in his pants. "If things were the other way around would you mind?"

"Of course not," Zack snorted. He went silent for a moment and poked his head out again. "Hmph…sneaky chocobo," he muttered with a grin. Suds coated his black hair and he stuck his head back in to rinse them out.

Cloud bit his lip and chastised himself even as he got up and started undressing. He yanked his clothes off quickly, while Zack was preoccupied with rinsing his hair out. Before he could lose his nerve, he pulled the shower curtain aside and stepped into the tub with his lover. Zack blinked water out of his eyes and stared at him with surprise until Cloud crushed his mouth against his. The larger man's stupefaction only lasted for a moment before he returned Cloud's lusty kiss with equal passion.

"Wow," Zack breathed against the eager lips when Cloud gave him a moment to breath. "When you want to go for it, you don't hesitate." Cloud's eager mouth was sucking the skin of his neck and a flush of desire colored his cheekbones. "Uh, not that I'm complaining."

"Sorry," Cloud murmured huskily against the smooth, wet skin he was kissing. "I just…you're naked and wet and I had to."

Zack tried to keep it serious but Cloud's awkward apology and explanation struck him as both endearing and funny. He laughed before he could stop himself and he squeezed the blond in a tight embrace when he tried to move away indignantly. "Hey, don't go anywhere," Zack said between chuckles.

"It's not funny," Cloud mumbled petulantly, embarrassed.

"If you think about it," Zack snickered, "it kind of is." He forced his mirth down and grinned adoringly at his companion. "But in a really cute, hot sort of way." He lowered his mouth to Cloud's and kissed him deeply, cutting off his protests and salving his pride.

* * *

They were a bit late meeting back up with the others for lunch. What had started out in a bit of playing around in the shower turned into a "quickie"—which lasted longer than either of them intended. Tifa gave them both a look that said she wasn't fooled when Cloud tried using the excuse that they'd fallen asleep. Because there were children present, she didn't chastise him for the obvious fib. She almost wished she'd have thought to try and convince Rude to come along but that would have meant booking a third room and letting the kids stay alone in it.

They had lunch and went to the theater after that, followed by some shopping. As promised, Cloud bought a couple of new outfits for Zack and on impulse; Zack grabbed a cowgirl hat and asked Cloud if they could buy it for Tifa. Amused by the idea, he agreed and they hid it in the shopping bag until they found a booth to eat dinner. Tifa was just about to take a bite of her veggie pie when Zack snuck up behind her and dropped the hat onto her head. The kids giggled and she pulled it off to look at it curiously. When she saw what it was, she felt a throb of sentimental warmth.

"Don't you think I'm a little old now for hats like these, Zack?"

Zack took his seat next to Cloud across the table from her and shook his head. "No way. Some of the livestock handlers were older than you and they were wearing them. Besides…it brings back memories."

Tifa smirked and put the hat back on her head. "Not all of them good," she sighed, "but you're right, it does bring back some nice ones, too."

Zack sobered and nodded, lowering his eyes to his plate. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. He'd tried to redeem the name of SOLDIER at least in her eyes, to show her they weren't all like Sephiroth or the people from ShinRa and the Turks that covered up what happened. He'd failed and though some part of him would always honor his SOLDIER roots, his returned memories came with the burden of guilt for being involved with the people that caused the destruction of her and Cloud's hometown.

For a few moments, all three of the adults sat in melancholy silence. Denzel and Marlene exchanged a look and wisely kept respectfully quiet. They didn't know all of the details but they were both aware that Tifa, Cloud and Zack shared a connection in their respective pasts. They ate in silence and watched as the grownups exchanged an odd sort of wordless communication with one another.

Tifa finally broke the silence. "What'd done is done," she decided. "We can't change what happened in the past, but we can be glad for what we've got now."

Cloud nodded silently with agreement and Zack gave her a little salute.

* * *

That night, Zack refused to return to the Inn when the fireworks began. He agreed to wear the earplugs but he told Cloud that he wanted to test himself.

"I swear, if I think it's getting too bad I'll let you stick me or go back to the Inn with you. You've got the emergency stuff with you, right?"

Cloud nodded reluctantly. The doctor had given him a kit with single-dose Syrettes containing anti-anxiety sedatives, to be used in emergencies only. So far, he hadn't needed to use any of them but Zack seemed determined to push it.

Tifa ushered the kids away to a grassy knoll to give the two men some privacy. When they were out of earshot, Zack took Cloud's hands and gazed into his eyes. "Come on, Sunshine. Just let me try to get through it. I know we said we'd ask the doc about the chocobo business but I want to see if I can handle this without having a fit. Just trust me, okay?"

Cloud sighed and lowered his eyes. He couldn't resist that half-pleading, half-determined expression on Zack's face. His lover long ago told him that Angeal used to compare him to a puppy and when Zack pulled faces like this, Cloud could definitely see it. He didn't want to put him at risk but he wanted to encourage and support Zack's efforts, too.

"Do you _swear_ , if you feel an episode coming on you won't try to downplay it?" Cloud demanded, raising his eyes to meet Zack's gaze searchingly again. "You'll tell me _immediately_ and you won't argue with me?"

"I've already sworn all that," Zack reminded with a little smirk.

"Just making sure," Cloud grumbled. With another sigh, he reached into one of his pockets and located the little plastic container holding the earplugs he'd bought for Zack last night. He handed them over to the other man and helped him get them properly fitted, allowing Zack to do most of the work.

"Okay, you're all set," Cloud said unhappily once he was satisfied with the positioning of the earplugs. He knew Zack couldn't properly hear him so he spoke slowly and distinctly so that he could once again read his lips. He took the other man's hand and together, the two of them joined Tifa and the kids on the grassy knoll a few feet away from the street.

Tifa gave Cloud a questioning look when he and Zack took a seat beside her on the grass and he just shook his head at her and sighed. Tifa said nothing but she reached out and patted her blond friend silently on the shoulder to show her support.

Denzel reclined on his back and propped an arm under his head as the first fireworks went into the air. Marlene leaned back on her hands and smiled gleefully, gasping with delight as the sparks lit the air. Tifa watched the display quietly, an occasional smile curving her lips. Beside her, Cloud was trying to enjoy the spectacle but he was keeping one eye on his boyfriend beside him, ready to intervene if Zack expressed too much anxiety.

* * *

Much as before, Zack wasn't disturbed by the noise from the smaller fireworks. With the earplugs in her barely heard them. The larger bursts, however, made him cringe despite his best efforts not to. He resisted the urge to reach for Cloud's hand and he took a few slow, deep breaths. He recalled some of the meditation exercises he used to do each day to prepare for combat training. Aside from his favorite physical exercise of squats, the meditation helped to focus him and get in tune with his body. He concentrated on that as he watched the fireworks, reminding himself that the booms and crackling were only noise…unimportant.

Zack felt Cloud's hand close over his and squeeze it as he started evening out his breathing and focusing inwardly. He glanced sidelong at his companion and saw his lips move. He could tell that Cloud was asking if he was okay and he gave him a nod and a determined, crooked smile. Deciding it wouldn't do any harm to draw a _little_ support from the blond, he returned the pressure of his hand and resumed keeping his inward focus.

It was hard. His attention was divided and several times his muscles jumped involuntarily because of the louder explosions. He felt his concentration slipping at one point and he leaned closer to Cloud and laid his head on his shoulder, sucking in a few sharp breaths as unpleasant images of combat from his past flashed through his mind. He felt the other man's hand stroke his hair, followed by the feel of his lips moving against his forehead to form another inquiry. Zack nodded determinedly, refusing to give up. He watched the bloom of colors overhead and he admired them even as he struggled inside

* * *

Cloud ignored the looks they got from passers-by as he put an arm around Zack and half-embraced him. He could feel the faint dampness of perspiration on the other man's face but he waited. He'd promised to let Zack call the shots and truthfully, he seemed to be doing better than he had the night before. He watched the brunet out the corner of his eye as Zack lifted his head off his shoulder again and looked up at the sky. He saw Zack's lips move as if reciting something and he paid closer attention. He found himself openly staring when he realized what his lover was mouthing.

"Whatever happens, protect your honor as SOLDIER."

* * *

The fireworks display reached the finale and several clusters fired into the air at once. Zack pressed his lips together grimly and he returned Cloud's partial embrace, squeezing him for support and setting his jaw. He cringed several times but he didn't lose control of himself. He continued to repeat the litany as he consciously released his anxiety in waves, imagining it leaving his body rather than trying to hold it in. He shivered unconsciously but he purged the images conjured by the explosions, forcing them out of his mind the way he forced the disquietude out of his body.

The display finally ended with a final burst. Townsfolk and tourists clapped in appreciation and Zack breathed a sigh of relief. He still hadn't been able to enjoy it as much as he would have liked, but he'd gotten through it without zoning out and that was the important thing. When he lowered his eyes from the sky again, the first thing he noticed was that all of his companions were looking at him with concerned expectation. Zack swallowed and reached up to wipe the sweat from his brow and he gave them all an uneven smile.

"I'm fine," he said…or to be more accurate, yelled.

Cloud flinched under the shout before pointing at his own ears meaningfully.

Zack pulled the plugs out of his ears and gave the blond an apologetic look. "Whoops…guess I was yelling, huh?" He took the little plastic case offered to him and he put the plugs in them.

"Just a little," Cloud said with a smirk.

Something was odd about the way Cloud was looking at him and it took Zack a moment to recognize the expression as awe. "What?"

"You were mouthing the SOLDIER motto," Cloud murmured, softly enough that his voice didn't carry to the others.

Zack remembered doing it and he shrugged, feeling a little bashful. "What can I say? It helped." He felt very self-conscious with all of them looking at him with such concern. He leaned forward to look past Cloud at Tifa and the kids and he flashed a confident grin at them. "It's cool, guys."

"Good job, Zack," Cloud murmured into his ear.

Zack swallowed to work moisture back into his mouth. He felt pretty damned good about getting through it but he wasn't out of danger. "I think I'm ready to head to the Inn now, Sunshine." The effort had cost him and there was residual unrest that made him worry if another loud sound might prove to be his undoing.

Cloud seemed to sense how thin his barriers of control were getting and he nodded. Together, they got up and they said goodnight to their companions. Tifa thanked them for the hat before exchanging hugs with them and they left to retire to the Inn.

* * *

On the final day of the weekend, they did some arts and crafts, played various games of skill and listened to street musicians play. Marlene finally showed more of her "kid" side when she over-indulged in sweets and ended up needing to rush to the bathroom. Tifa went with her and took care of her while the guys waited. The girl was embarrassed when she came out of the bathroom with Tifa but there was no real harm done.

The rest of the day progressed well. Encouraged by his success the night before, Zack decided to push it further and watch the final firework display of the weekend without the use of earplugs. Cloud was predictably reluctant but Zack convinced him to let him try. Personally, Cloud thought he was pushing himself too hard but he gave him the benefit of the doubt because he'd done so well the night before.

Both young men learned a valuable lesson about expecting too much, too fast. Zack lasted through half of the display before his control snapped and he clutched his head in both hands and clenched his teeth. Cloud and Tifa jumped up as one and Denzel quickly caught Marlene as she tried to go to the ailing man.

"Let _them_ handle this," Denzel warned, his instincts prickling as Zack made a growling sound that could be heard over the crackling fireworks.

Marlene reluctantly stopped struggling against the boy's hold and watched with wide, concerned eyes as Cloud and Tifa crouched beside Zack and spoke with him. They watched as Cloud reached inside his leather jacket and started digging around with a string of oaths. Tifa was embracing Zack and talking to him while he moaned and rocked and clutched his head. Cloud finally produced a square plastic case and opened it. The case was lined with small vials and Cloud took one out and pulled the cap off. Marlene caught sight of the glint of a small needle and she hid her face against Denzel's shoulder as Cloud unceremoniously jabbed it into Zack's thigh.

"It's okay, Marlene," Denzel murmured, watching as Cloud shut the case and put it back before stroking Zack's hair and speaking close to his ear. Tifa was on the sable-haired man's other side, still embracing him and trying to sooth him.

"Is he okay?" Marlene asked in a quivering voice, pulling her face away from Denzel's shoulder to look.

"I don't know," Denzel replied honestly, frowning with equal concern. He didn't know the man very well yet but he liked Zack already. He hoped the stuff Cloud gave him would calm him down soon.

"Zack," Cloud called to his lover as he brought his face close to the other man's and tried to catch his eyes. "Calm down, okay? Just let the meds do their job." His voice was shaking a little and he swallowed. He noticed Tifa looking beyond his shoulder at the kids behind him and he gave her a nod to let her know he could handle things while she saw to Denzel and Marlene. She gave one last hug to Zack and went to their side.

"Cloud," Zack groaned, "I'm…sorry…shit…I can't…"

"Come on," Cloud persisted, putting an arm around Zack's waist. "Let's get you back to the Inn, while you can still walk."

Zack allowed him to help him up and the bigger man's legs nearly buckled as the meds started to kick in. Cloud urged him to put an arm over his shoulders for support and he complied. Tifa and the kids followed behind as Cloud bolstered Zack's faltering steps and Tifa hurried to Zack's other side to help. To those that knew no better, it looked like the two of them were just supporting a drunken friend.

When they reached the Inn, the Innkeeper asked them if they wanted some coffee to help sober Zack up and Cloud declined and said he just needed to sleep. With the kids following close behind, Cloud and Tifa helped Zack up the stairs and down the hallway to the room he was sharing with the blond. Zack mumbled another apology as Cloud unlocked the door, this time addressed to all of them.

"Shouldn't have tried that," Zack mumbled sluggishly. "Stupid of me. Sorry, guys."

"Don't worry about that now," Tifa lectured softly. "Just get some rest."

She and Cloud got Zack into the room and onto the bed. He looked at Denzel and Marlene with glazed eyes as they hesitantly approached. "Hey, I didn't mean to scare you," he said to them.

Marlene shook her head. "I wasn't scared," she insisted. "Just worried. You listen to Cloud and get some sleep, Mr. Fair."

"Catch you tomorrow," Denzel said. He smiled at the black-haired man and urged Marlene to leave the room with him.

"I'll be right behind you," Tifa called out to them. To Cloud, she said; "If you need anything, don't be afraid to knock on my door." She looked down at Zack. "Goodnight, Zack. We'll see you in the morning."

Zack waved sleepily at her and sighed when she left the room and shut the door behind her. Cloud took his shoes off and helped him out of his clothes before getting undressed himself and Zack was half-asleep by the time they were under the covers and embracing.

"Thought I could pull it off," Zack murmured. "I liked being…strong enough to…take care of you again when you need it."

Cloud brushed his lips against the other man's and studied his moonlight-dappled features. "Maybe sometimes we both need taking care of," he deduced.

"I guess you're right," agreed the other man with a sigh and a yawn. He pulled Cloud closer and breathed in his scent. His disappointment with himself was tempered by the relaxing effect of the drugs Cloud had given him.

Cloud stroked Zack's shoulders and back slowly as the other man drifted off to sleep. He supposed he should have been upset by the episode they'd barely avoided, but in truth he'd been expecting it. Zack simply didn't know when to quit. Cloud sighed and pulled his hand around from his lover's back to trace his features with his fingertips.

"You don't know when to quit," the blond whispered in the dark, "and I don't know when to put my foot down and say 'no'."

* * *

-To be continued


	18. Chapter 18

"Hold on, guys." Tifa stopped Zack and Cloud as they were getting into her van. "I can't believe I went through the whole weekend without doing this!" She opened the back door and dug through her bag. Denzel and Marlene turned around in their seats and watched curiously as she searched. Tifa finally found what she was looking for and she liberated it from the bag with a smirk of victory and walked around to the side, where Zack and Cloud waited.

"I'm sorry I didn't take more pictures," Tifa said as she turned the camera on and adjusted the settings with a little frown of concentration. "I was so absorbed in spending time with you guys I just forgot."

Cloud grumbled softly, not being a fan of having his picture taken. Tifa looked up at him sharply and clucked her tongue. "I know, I know," she said with a good-natured sigh. "Getting _you_ to smile for the camera is harder than getting Cid to quit swearing. Still, I thought you might like some mementos."

Zack grinned and put an arm around Cloud, squeezing him lightly. "Aw, come on," he urged the blond, "you said we could get some pictures together anyhow, remember?"

"Okay," Cloud sighed. Once again, he couldn't say "no" to Zack. "Let's get a few of everyone before we leave."

"Great," Tifa said enthusiastically, "I'll get double prints developed and send you the copies. Now smile, Cloud."

The blond grumbled again and looked at the camera lens with a sober expression on his face. Just as Tifa was about to resolve herself to the fact that she'd never get a smile out of Cloud, Zack slid his hand down on his waist and tickled him in the ribs. Cloud yelped and snickered helplessly for a bare couple of seconds, smiling against his will from the effect. Tifa skillfully took the snapshot and grinned, thinking of what a cute photo it would make. Cloud tried to recover his dignity after she took the shot but he couldn't quite hold his scowl at Zack. Love tended to make it hard to maintain a frown, even on the lips of the most sober individuals.

* * *

The next day Zack had a scheduled therapy session with Dr. Clark and he asked how their weekend went before they got started.

"It was a blast," Zack said enthusiastically. "They had fireworks and everything." He looked at his lover sidelong, remembering the less pleasant moments such as the discovery of his wing and Zack's little breakdown near the end.

"So you didn't have any difficulties?" prompted the doctor.

"I wouldn't say that," admitted Cloud. "A chocobo tried to adopt Zack."

Dr. Clark looked mystified. "A…chocobo tried to…adopt…I'm afraid I don't follow you, son."

"She thought I was her chick or something," Zack said with a shrug. "Her handler said she had a black chick and he died. I guess she saw my hair and decided I'd make a good replacement."

Dr. Clark pinched his lips together to control the twitching. "I see. I trust the experience wasn't overly traumatic for you?"

"It freaked me out a little when she sat on me and started grooming my hair, but I didn't have a fit." Zack looked pleased with himself. The aides came in and started strapping him to the chair and he cooperated with them.

"She…she _sat_ on you?" Dr. Clark's face was going ruddy as he struggled not to laugh. "Well, I imagine that would give anyone a fright. So I trust the rest of the weekend was uneventful?"

"Not exactly," Cloud reported with a little frown.

"What happened?"

"I tried to watch the fireworks without earplugs," Zack confessed, grimacing a little. "Bad idea on my part, but I got through the show the second night without freaking out so I thought I could handle it."

"That was quite a risk you took," said the doctor. He looked at Cloud. "You went along with this?"

Cloud winced. "I didn't want to but Zack was pretty determined to try. He made it halfway through before it started to really get to him and I had to use one of the Syrettes you gave me to calm him down. We caught it in time, though."

Dr. Clark accepted the explanation, though personally if he'd been there, he wouldn't have allowed Zack to try something so extreme. Despite the progress the young man had made so far, there were some things he still wasn't ready for and exposure to loud noises and explosions were on that list.

"Well, let's take it as a lesson well learned, then," he said as the aids left the room. "I'm glad it didn't end in a crisis. Shall we begin?"

Zack nodded. "Ready when you are, Doc."

* * *

By the end of the week, Tifa sent them the developed photos she'd taken in Kalm. She had the one of Zack and Cloud together blown up and framed, which made Zack very happy.

"Look, you're smiling in this one, Sunshine." Zack held it up with a grin and admired it. Cloud was really cute when he cracked a smile and he was glad his tickling ploy had worked. His lover glanced up from the newspaper and looked at the picture, shaking his head ruefully and grumbling softly. Zack ignored his sourness and propped the picture on top of the dresser beside Angeal's photo.

Cloud smiled subtly, enjoying Zack's happiness even though he thought he looked dumb in the picture. "Whatever makes you happy," he murmured. "Want to do the crossword puzzle with me?"

Zack joined him on the couch and together they did the puzzle. His reasoning skills were practically normal again and the brunet actually caught a few words that Cloud failed to get. Of course, it didn't help that Zack kept nibbling his ear while they did it. By the time they finished, the blond had an uncomfortable erection and he had no time to do anything about it because he had a delivery to make.

"When I get back," Cloud murmured between kisses as he tried to get out the door, "you're going to be in trouble."

"Promises, promises," Zack sighed. Cloud's palm suddenly cracked against his left butt cheek and Zack stared at him with shocked surprise.

"Um, sorry about that," Cloud muttered, flushing with embarrassment as he realized it might be too soon for him to try re-introducing Zack to some of his old kinks.

"Well _I'm_ not," Zack gasped. Intrigued, Zack backed his lover against the wall and caged him with his arms. Grinning wolfishly, he lowered his mouth to Cloud's and kissed him with sharp passion.

"Okay, now I'm _sure_ it was a mistake for me to do that," Cloud muttered against the taller man's lips. He tried to disengage, not wanting to wait too long to get on the road. "Come on, Zack…I don't want to end up driving back in the dark if I can help it."

"What will you give me if I let you go?" Zack waggled his eyebrows at him, making Cloud smile in spite of himself.

"I'll pick you up something you might like on the way back," promised the blond, his mind conjuring up images of little games they had yet to play again.

"Like what?" Zack persisted. He grazed Cloud's earlobe with his teeth again, making him shiver.

"It's a surprise," Cloud murmured. His hands settled on Zack's hips and slid around to cup his ass automatically. "You're really making it hard for me to go."

"Mmm, then my plan is working," Zack chuckled. He pressed his hips against Cloud's and rubbed against him enticingly. "So why haven't you given me a spanky before, Sunshine?"

"Didn't think it'd go over too well with you," answered Cloud breathlessly. He was on the verge of canceling or delaying the delivery order so he could take care of his growing sexual tension. It didn't take much for Zack to get him horny. "So I guess you liked it, huh?"

"Would I be mauling you right now if I didn't?" Zack's voice was a seductive drone in his ear and his hands returned the favor and squeezed Cloud's ass.

Cloud chuckled huskily and made himself stop feeling his boyfriend up. "Hold that thought for tonight," he demanded, giving Zack one last, heated kiss before dropping down and twisting away from him.

Zack sighed and let him go, contenting himself with the knowledge that he'd have more time to play with him when he returned from his delivery. "Be careful on the road," he said to the retreating blond.

"Always," Cloud agreed over his shoulder.

* * *

Cloud stopped at a general shop in Kalm on his way back. There weren't really any "adult" shops in town but since his plans involved some fairly standard materials, it wasn't important. He found what he was looking for and he fought a smile as he brought the items to the register to purchase them. Cloud was originally going to just surprise Zack by showing him what the stuff could be used for, but as the cashier bagged the items, he thought it would be more fun to hand them over and watch Zack's reaction, first.

 _~He'll probably ask me if I want to take an anti-psychotic when he sees this stuff—unless he_ _actually remembers some of the games he used to like playing now and then. Hope I'm not pushing my luck with this.~_

Cloud thanked the clerk and left the store with his bag of "goodies". He stowed them in one of Fenrir's compartments and pulled his goggles down as he started the bike up. As he drove out of town into the hills, he realized he was grinning. He hadn't smiled so readily since he was a teenager, before Sephiroth went mad and tragedy struck his life.

* * *

"Hey, welcome back!" Zack caught Cloud in his arms as soon as he walked through the door and he kissed him enthusiastically. "Did you eat anything? The cafeteria's still open if you're hungry."

"I had a burger on the way back," answered Cloud softly. He returned Zack's embrace and gave him a reciprocal kiss on the mouth.

Zack noticed the bag in his lover's hand and he looked at it curiously. "So what did you bring me, huh?"

Cloud smirked and stepped back, handing the bag over to him. "See for yourself."

Zack opened it and peered inside. Cloud covered his mouth to hide his smile as the sable-haired man's expression slowly changed from excitement to confusion. Zack reached into the bag and pulled out the bundle of scarves first. He quirked a dark brow at Cloud as he reached in again and procured the feather duster next.

"Er…nice," Zack said slowly. "Yeah…I could use more…um…cleaning stuff."

Cloud barked a swift laugh before he could stop himself and he hastily cleared his throat and tried to regain control of himself. "Ahem…want me to show you what else they can be used for?"

Zack gave him a frankly suspicious look. "So this isn't just a subtle way of telling me I'm a slob?"

Cloud shook his head, thoroughly enjoying his companion's obvious confusion. Usually Zack was the one to do all the teasing so it was a nice bit of fun to give him some payback. "It's got nothing to do with cleaning, actually. Why don't you get comfortable while I have a shower? I'll show you when I'm finished."

Zack detected the underlying hints in Cloud's words and he began to grin. "Do I need my clothes on or off to get 'comfortable', Chocobo?"

Cloud shrugged. "Either way, but it'll save me some time if they're off." He kissed the other man with slow sensuality before stepping away from him and heading for the bathroom.

* * *

Zack watched him go and he gave the feather duster one more bemused look before putting it back in the bag with the scarves. He placed the bag on the couch and started getting undressed. He had a feeling he knew at least part of what Cloud intended to do with the seemingly ordinary items but the blond wasn't always predictable. Zack placed his discarded clothing in the laundry basket inside the closet and he reclined on the bed. He reached for the remote and turned the television on, flipping through the channels until he found the evening news. He listened to the water running in the bathroom and he was sorely tempted to join Cloud in the shower, but he didn't want to spoil whatever plans the blond had for him so he made himself wait as patiently as he could.

After a while the shower stopped running and Cloud came out, gloriously naked. He'd towel-dried his golden hair and it was damp and sticking out in every direction but Zack hardly cared about the unkempt appearance. He swallowed and his cock stirred with lust as Cloud approached the bed with a little smile. Zack hastily turned the TV off and put the remote on the nightstand.

"Where's the stuff?" asked the blond.

Zack pointed at the couch, not trusting his vocal cords. Cloud turned his back to him to get the bag and Zack admired the shape of his pert, naked ass. When the blond turned around with the bag clutched in his hand, he was in a state of arousal as well. He approached the bed and climbed onto it, crawling on top of Zack and kissing him with sensual promise as he set the bag aside and started reaching into it for the items.

"You trust me?" Cloud asked softly. His expression was cautious.

"More than I trust anyone," answered Zack with a little grin. "You ought to know that, by now."

"I do," agreed the smaller man. "I just don't want you to get nervous when I start on this. If it starts bothering you, just say the word and I'll stop."

Zack was more intrigued than alarmed by the warning. "I think I'll be okay," he murmured.

Cloud kissed him again and caught hold of his right wrist to guide it up and out to the side. Zack didn't resist as he began to secure the wrist to the right bed knob with the scarf. He flicked his tongue back and forth against Zack's lips as he moved on to the left wrist and did the same. Zack was a little surprised to find it didn't bother him to be restrained like this, but he could easily tear free of the material if he wanted to. The restraints were for play, not real functionality—and he trusted Cloud with his life.

"You've got all kinds of surprises up your sleeve," Zack said huskily as Cloud moved down his body to secure his ankles to the baseboard.

Cloud smirked at him as he skillfully bound his ankles. "I learned from the best."

"So I got you into this, huh?" Zack grinned. "Go, me. I hope those are the next memories I get back…I'll bet they're spicy."

Cloud flushed a little and he lowered his gaze. "We can make all new memories, if you never get those back. Does it feel familiar to you, at least?"

"Yeah," Zack confirmed with a nod. "It feels _really_ familiar."

Cloud smiled at him and got the final scarf out of the bag. He scooted up on the bed and straddled the larger man as he straightened the cloth out and covered Zack's eyes with it. He tied it behind his head before making small adjustments to be sure the blindfold was properly in place. With that done, he trailed little kisses over Zack's jaw and neck, stroking his nipples to hardness with his fingertips.

Zack murmured with pleasure and his breath caught. Something about being deprived of his sense of sight made the sensations feel more intense. He whispered Cloud's name and turned his head as the soft lips nuzzled his throat. The talented, calloused hands stroked down his chest and over his taut abdomen. Zack tensed with instinctive need as those hands brushed over his pelvis, close to his rigid erection. They didn't touch the source of his need and he bit his lip in frustration as the hands went away.

"What are you up to, Chocobo?" Zack questioned breathlessly as he felt Cloud shift on top of him and heard the crinkle of the bag.

He heard something snap faintly and the next sensation he felt was something soft and spidery gliding over his nipples. Zack's breath expulsed with surprised pleasure and he suddenly understood the purpose of the feather duster. Cloud's silken lips were pressing against his again and Zack pushed his tongue between them desperately, unconsciously straining against his bonds. Realizing he risked tearing the scarves and spoiling the fun, he made himself relax a little and he panted softly as the feather Cloud had broken off teasingly skimmed over his stomach. It was so alluring and tantalizing. He felt like his skin was overly sensitive and he groaned into Cloud's mouth as the tickling caress glided up and down each of his thighs, one after the other.

"God, this is turning me on," Zack moaned when Cloud broke the kiss and nibbled his ear. He flexed his hips urgently, growing desperate to have some of those skillful attentions lavished on his prick. The fingertips of Cloud's free hand stimulated his nipples one at a time while he continued skimming the feather over Zack's sensitized flesh with the other hand. The blond's warm breath stirred his hair as Cloud kissed and nibbled his earlobe with leisurely eroticism.

* * *

Cloud was getting just as hot as Zack, doing this to him. He wanted to smack himself for being afraid to try this out before now. They'd spent many enjoyable hours in the past doing things like this and Cloud thought he should have known it wouldn't freak Zack out. He glanced down the length of the powerful body he straddled and he smiled softly as he brushed the feather he was holding up and down the shaft of Zack's erection. Zack's shivering, indrawn breath made Cloud's cock twitch with needy arousal and the blond enjoyed a bit of domination when his lover began to strain against his bonds again.

"Settle down," Cloud warned huskily, ceasing all of his attentions on the other man's body to give him incentive to obey.

Zack blurted a frustrated whimper that made Cloud smirk with satisfaction. He stopped straining with obvious effort and took another deep, shaken breath. Cloud rewarded him with an aggressive kiss, pushing his tongue into his mouth in a suggestive thrusting motion. Zack accepted the intrusion and slid his tongue against Cloud's invitingly. Pleased with the reaction, Cloud resumed where he left off. He skimmed the feather up and down Zack's taut dick, teasing it mercilessly while he fondled his nipples and continued with his dominating kiss. The impressive length of Zack's erection began to twitch from the tickling sensation and low moans passed from his mouth into Cloud's. The blond released his mouth and dragged his lips down to Zack's chest, licking and sucking at the skin as he went.

"Cloud…baby…please," Zack finally groaned.

Understanding that he could only expect so much cooperation from Zack when this was the first time they'd done this in years, Cloud took pity on him and stopped tickling his cock. "Don't move," he warned his lover with a soft kiss.

"I'll try not to," Zack answered unsteadily.

The flushed head of Zack's cock was glistening with precum and his breathing was ragged and uneven. Cloud admired him for a moment before dismounting him and getting the lubricant out of the nightstand. While he prepared himself, he lowered his mouth to Zack's erection and sucked the fluid off of the tip. Zack tensed and gasped his name desperately, inspiring Cloud to grasp the root of his sex and start bobbing his mouth up and down the length while his other hand worked on preparing his entrance to accommodate the organ.

"Shit," Zack panted, "Ah…I've gotta come…Cloud…I can't…it's too good!" He bucked helplessly as Cloud squeezed the base of his cock firmly and denied him the orgasm his body so desperately needed. He could have easily broken free of his bonds but somehow, he resisted the temptation and visibly tried to calm himself. Zack groaned heavily and his head fell back as Cloud slurped and sucked at his rigid flesh. After a couple of moments, Cloud released his cock from his mouth to stroke his hair soothingly.

"Am I pushing you too hard?" Cloud asked him softly.

Zack considered the question. "I'm not sure," he finally answered. His voice sounded desperate and breathy to his own ears.

Cloud's lips graced him with another kiss before the blond spoke again. "It's been a long time since we did this sort of thing," he murmured. "I'll cut you some slack."

Satisfied that he was ready for him, Cloud straddled him again and waited for Zack's breathing to even out a little before taking him into his body. The brunet groaned faintly as he eased down onto his cock and Cloud kissed him and echoed the sound. He paused for a moment when he was fully penetrated by Zack's length and he placed his hands on his shoulders for balance and began to rock against him.

"Zack," Cloud sighed with pleasure. His eyes fluttered shut and he rolled his hips enthusiastically, fucking himself on the rigid length of his companion's arousal. He adjusted his angle and gasped sharply when Zack bucked into him with eager lust. "Oh…just right," Cloud encouraged. Zack obligingly began to pump beneath him as he undulated on top, synchronizing his pelvic motions to compliment Cloud's and give them both more pleasure.

"I want to touch you," Zack gasped pleadingly. Cloud's mouth latched onto his again, his lips smiling slightly. Zack moaned softly and clenched his fists, clearly fighting against the urge to take matters into his own hands.

Cloud didn't respond for a while, enjoying his companion's struggle to behave as he rode his cock. He'd almost forgotten how much fun it was to be in charge like this. He'd been allowing Zack to call most of the shots since being reunited with him and he was pleased that Zack still maintained some of his old kinks. When the black-haired man's breath began to catch uncontrollably and he cried his name with ragged desperation, Cloud finally chose to honor his request. He reached out and untied Zack's wrists, one at a time. When they were free, Zack's hands immediately began to stroke and caress Cloud's body with covetous appreciation.

* * *

Still blindfolded, Zack ran his hands over Cloud's jouncing body. He kneaded, caressed and traced the muscles and contours of his torso and thighs before locating his jutting erection and curling his fingers around it. Cloud's approving whine made Zack smile with satisfaction and he began to stroke him off, while resting his other hand on one of the blond's flexing hips.

"You really…should have done this…sooner," Zack panted. He thanked his lucky stars to have such a complex and sensual boyfriend. If he went by Cloud's sweet looks and shy public demeanor, he never would have believed he was such a firebrand in the bedroom. He wondered when the two of them first experimented with the bondage and feathers and he made a mental note to ask him about it later. Oh, and there was the spanking, too. That one little swat on the ass Cloud gave him before going on his delivery almost made him cream his pants.

Cloud whimpered and began to bounce desperately. Zack's thumb stroked the slit in the tip of his cock and he began to blurt the word "Oh," in short bursts that grew louder and louder with each bounce.

Zack's excitement grew in response to his lover's helpless little exclamations of pleasure and he started shoving his cock inside of him harder, lifting the smaller man off the mattress with his hips. Needing to see his face when he came, Zack let go of Cloud's hip and reached up to pull the blindfold off of his eyes. He stared up at the smaller man's enraptured features and he groaned as the sight made heat coil in his belly. Cloud had no idea how stunning he was—especially when he was on the verge of a good climax. Zack pumped his hand faster along the length of Cloud's cock, urging him toward the final event.

Cloud stared down at Zack with glazed blue eyes and his lips parted to emit a pained, shaken groan that seemed to go on and on. His cock jerked dramatically in Zack's stroking hand and he blew a shocking load that spurted almost level to his face. He moaned Zack's name, his head lolling on his shoulders as he was overcome with sexual gratification.

Zack couldn't hold off any longer as Cloud's ass clenched spasmodically around his cock. He pushed firmly into the blond up to the hilt and moaned as he unloaded inside of him. Cloud collapsed on top of him and panted heavily as his climax ended. Zack grunted softly and held the blond tightly as he pulsed inside of him. He lost his ability to focus his eyes as the ecstasy rolled over him. It finally ended and both men lay drained and satisfied as they caught their breath.

"You're amazing," Zack whispered when he finally found the breath to speak. He cupped his companion's chin to urge his head back so that he could kiss him on the lips.

Cloud mumbled sleepily and smiled. "So I guess you'll want me to do that again sometime?"

"You better believe it," Zack chuckled. "When did we start playing around like that?"

"Well, I figured out the spanking part pretty early," Cloud admitted. He levered himself off of Zack's chest and frowned at the mess he'd made on both of them. "The first time we made out you gave that away. You don't remember that?"

"I remember making out for the first time with you but I don't remember you spanking me." Zack smirked. "Too bad…I'd like to have that memory back."

Cloud carefully dismounted and he gasped a little as Zack's softening length slid out of his sore passage. "I figured it out by accident," he said as he got up to get a washcloth out of the bathroom. "You were babbling and I was trying to shut you up, so I swatted you and that just made you happy."

Zack laughed and sat up, watching as Cloud turned on the bathroom light and vanished from sight momentarily. "That answers that. What about the rest?"

Cloud ran the warm water tap for a little while and dampened a washcloth before wiping his torso off and returning to do the same for Zack. "We'd been together for a couple of months," he explained as he approached the bed and wiped Zack's chest and stomach off. Zack tried to take the washcloth from him to do it himself but Cloud lightly smacked his hand and resumed. "You kept throwing hints at me but I guess you got tired of being subtle. When your birthday came around and I asked what you wanted, you flat-out asked me to tie you up and tickle you with feathers."

Zack's eyebrows lifted. "And you went along with it?" He grinned, looking the blond up and down with appreciation. "Guess I really _do_ have a way with chocobos, then."

Cloud shrugged and took the soiled washcloth to the closet to toss it in the laundry basket. "You've got a way of making it hard for me to say 'no' to you. That's not always a good thing." His bashfulness began to rear its head when he returned to the bed and realized Zack's ankles were still bound to the base of it. "Um…I'll untie these other ones, now."

Zack watched with amusement as Cloud worked the scarves free from the bed knobs. When he was finished, the smaller man situated himself beside Zack and covered them both up. Zack put an arm around him and drew him closer, smiling in the darkness at him. It was difficult to tell for sure, but he strongly suspected that Cloud was blushing.

"I love how you're so slutty one minute and so shy the next," Zack murmured, brushing his lips over Cloud's hot cheeks lovingly.

"You keep reminding me of that," muttered the blond with a sigh.

Zack shrugged. "What can I say? It's hot."

"You're so weird," Cloud snorted, but he was smiling fondly at the other man.

His next evaluation was only a little over two weeks away now and Zack felt a renewed sense of confidence. Provided nothing went wrong and Dr. Clark had told the truth, Cloud would probably be taking Zack home with him to Edge after the evaluation. He snuggled against the other man's warm body and sighed as Cloud's fingertips caressed his back in a sensual, lazy glide.

* * *

-To be continued


	19. Chapter 19

Zack continued to steadily improve as the days went by and Cloud continued taking delivery jobs that didn't require him to travel too far. Tifa came to visit again a week after the trip to Kalm and Rude came with her. The Turk was quiet but polite, as usual…preferring to fade into the background while his love interest visited with "her boys", as Tifa affectionately referred to them. Seeing the platonic way she treated them, Rude's mild stirrings of jealousy were quelled and he relaxed.

Tifa brought a set of new socks for Zack and Cloud, correctly guessing that they both neglected to keep up a supply of decent ones. She made them both throw their old worn socks out afterwards, which amused Rude slightly. Truthfully, Tifa had more of a "big sister" attitude toward Strife and Fair—almost to the point of being motherly. He studied Zack curiously during the visit, wondering how the man could live through so much and spend years in a psych institution without hardly changing at all. Rude noticed a few new quirks but otherwise, Zack seemed normal to him.

They had a nice visit before Tifa and Rude returned to Edge together. Before they left, Tifa pulled Cloud aside and informed him in a low whisper that she'd picked up Zack's Buster Sword from the weapon smith and she was keeping it safely wrapped and boxed in the attic. Cloud thanked her and inwardly wondered when his lover would be stable enough to reclaim his weapon. He made a mental note to speak with Dr. Clark about the possibility later on down the line and he hoped the doctor wouldn't forbid Zack from ever taking up arms again.

Poor Dr. Clark became overworked as more patients were brought in to the fourth floor. Many of them were survivors of the Geostigma and Deepground events. They'd witnessed and experienced things that traumatized them to the point of instability and many of them were admitted at once, after the WRO found a remote community of survivors. The doctor didn't have as much time to dedicate to supervising Zack's progress as he would have liked, as a result. Zack took it in stride and Cloud helped as much as he could, helping him with his mind activities and encouraging him as the time for his next evaluation drew nearer.

It was difficult for Cloud to resist telling Zack that this one could be his last evaluation if he did well enough, but he reminded himself that Zack's performance could suffer if he felt pressured. Oddly, Zack seemed to sense that an opportunity for change was in the making. Cloud observed that every time he returned from a delivery, he found Zack in his room. At first, he thought it was just a coincidence but eventually he couldn't help but see a pattern. The next evaluation was only a little over a week away and Cloud finally decided to ask Zack about it one night, as they lay down for bed.

"Zack, is everything okay?" Cloud searched his face in the moonlit darkness as Zack embraced him.

"Sure, why?"

Cloud worried his lower lip with his teeth as he thought it over. "Well, you're usually really social but lately it seems like I find you in the room every time I come back. I used to have to look all over for you but now all I have to do is come to your room to find you."

Zack grimaced. "You noticed that, huh? Don't worry, Sunshine. Everything's okay."

"If it's 'okay' then why did you make that face?"

Zack gazed at him quietly for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. "Maybe this sounds stupid, but since I've been doing so good I don't want to risk anything screwing up my progress. I know I haven't freaked out in a while but it could still happen without warning, you know? It's cool when you're around to watch my back and help me get back to the room before I make a scene, but I thought about it and I decided that when you're out, I'm just going to stay in here to be safe. I just do some of the stuff in my exercise book or play our video games."

Cloud felt the stirrings of guilt. "I can put off doing deliveries for a while if you—"

"No," interrupted Zack with a brief kiss. "Don't do that, kiddo. I'm fine."

"But if you're afraid to leave the room when I'm not around—"

"Hey, who said I was 'afraid"?" Zack interrupted again with a grin. "I'm just trying to be careful."

"Why?" asked Cloud. Did Dr. Clark say something to him about the evaluation?

Zack lowered his eyes and shrugged. "I don't know if you'll believe me if I tell you."

"Zack, you've never lied to me," Cloud persisted. "At least, you've never lied to me except when you were trying to protect me. I'll believe you, whatever it is."

Zack regarded him silently for a moment, as if gauging whether he was being sincere. Finally he shrugged again. "Okay, here goes: A couple of nights after our weekend in Kalm, I dreamed about Aerith. Only, it wasn't like a regular dream. It felt real—like she was standing right here in the room talking to me while you were sleeping. She told me to be strong and be on my best behavior. She said if I did that, I could get out of here for good. I swear I smelled flowers for a whole week after that."

Zack paused and looked at him warily, waiting for Cloud to dispute what he'd said. When the blond merely nodded and smiled a little, Zack continued. "It could have been my imagination—especially when my head's still screwed up and I'm on all those meds. Even if it was, it just made good sense to me for me to try and avoid any public scenes. The less tantrums I have, the better my chances are of getting a good…uh…prog…prog…what's it called again?"

"Prognosis," supplied Cloud softly.

Zack nodded. "Right. Prognosis. If I don't have any major episodes and take good care of myself, maybe the doc will put in a good word for me and I can be out of here in a few months." He looked wary again. "You don't think it's too weird, about Aerith?"

Cloud shook his head and stroked a wayward lock of hair out of Zack's eyes with his fingers. "Everybody dreams, Zack…sometimes vividly. Um, I also don't think it's impossible that Aerith actually spoke to you, but don't tell Dr. Clark I said that or he might put me in here too."

"What do you mean?" Zack looked intrigued.

Cloud responded slowly, trying to explain what he meant coherently. "I've…had a few…encounters myself. They usually happened in a crisis situation but she's come to me in my dreams before, too."

"So do you think Aerith is really talking to us from the afterlife?"

Cloud shrugged. "Hope so. If not then I'm worse off than I thought." He smirked. "She's an Ancient so I think if anyone can do it, she can."

Zack grinned at him with relief. "I won't tell if you won't," he murmured. "We'll just keep it to ourselves."

Cloud nodded in agreement. "You've been eating though, right?"

"Yeah, don't worry about that," Zack assured him. "When you're gone I just bring my food in here to eat. I'm not starving myself or anything."

"Good." Cloud gave him a slow, leisurely kiss. He'd meant it to be a simple "goodnight" kiss but Zack had other ideas. Despite the yawn that broke past his lips as Cloud pulled away, the brunet ignored the effects of the night meds he'd taken and he initiated further contact with another kiss. Cloud returned it instinctively and the next thing he knew, their tongues were caressing and Zack's hands were slipping into his boxers to cup his bottom.

"I love this ass," Zack droned against Cloud's mouth before claiming it again. He squeezed the firm butt cheeks admiringly before rubbing his palms over the smooth, soft skin. "You know, I didn't get a 'hello' fuck when you got back, sexy."

Cloud snorted. "Didn't know it was customary to greet people that way." Despite his sarcasm he was hardening in his underwear and he sighed as Zack's thigh pressed between his legs and rubbed against the spot.

"It is when you're committed to someone," insisted Zack with another grinning kiss. He pulled his smaller companion more tightly against him and enjoyed the faint little moan that emitted from his mouth.

"If it worked that way, guys wouldn't complain about their wives not putting out enough," Cloud argued against the velvety lips caressing his.

"If you and I were married," Zack persisted, "we'd show 'em how it's done."

"So which one of us would be the 'wife'?" asked Cloud with a small grin of his own.

Zack chuckled and brushed his lips over the blond's jaw and throat. "Isn't it obvious? Who's on top most of the time, eh?"

"I am," Cloud answered without missing a beat.

Zack paused thoughtfully. Cloud wasn't actually wrong about that, now that he considered it. A lot of the time he did end up riding Zack until the brunet's eyes crossed with pleasure. "Okay," he said aloud, "I'll give you that, but who's inside of who when we do it, hmm?"

Cloud smirked and slid his hand down Zack's body to rub the prominent bulge in his boxer briefs. "Doesn't matter," he answered huskily, "You might get your way most of the time but I still call most of the shots."

"Plenty of wives do that," argued Zack with a low groan of need. He pushed into Cloud's stroking hand and squeezed his bottom again. "Being the 'wife' doesn't make you a pushover, man."

"True," Cloud agreed. "But I guess it doesn't really matter anyhow. If we could ever get married we'd be husband and husband, since neither of us is a woman."

"Then why'd you bring it up?" asked Zack.

"I don't know…I guess I wanted to find out if you'd try to turn me into a girl or something." A hint of a teasing smile adorned Cloud's lips as he said it.

"Hey, if I wanted a girl I wouldn't be with you." Zack pressed his lips against Cloud's again and delved into his mouth with his tongue, silencing any further banter on the subject.

Cloud's pulse quickened and his desire rapidly grew as Zack's tongue thrust and caressed suggestively inside of his mouth, while his hands fondled his backside. When the sable-haired fighter's mouth broke away from his to glide over his throat to his chest, Cloud blurted something without even being conscious of doing it and Zack suddenly stopped and looked at him with surprised amethyst eyes.

"Wow, when you kick into slut mode it doesn't stop right away, does it?"

Cloud stared back at him in confusion, his breathing heavy and his groin aching in his boxers. "Uh, what did I say?"

A slow, white-toothed grin spread over Zack's mouth. "How about I just show you by doing what you asked me to do, Chocobo?"

Cloud swallowed nervously and his eyes went blank as he turned the last few moments over in his mind and tried to remember what he said. His face was delightfully hot with embarrassment and he muttered a bashful protest as Zack pushed him down and started worshipping his chest and stomach with his lips and hands.

~What did I just get myself into? THINK! Damn, why does my mouth get disconnected from my brain so much around Zack?~

He blurted another protest when Zack flipped him over onto his stomach with ridiculous ease. The bigger man's hot breath stirred the fine hairs at the nape of Cloud's neck as he pinned him down with his weight and brought his mouth close to his ear.

"Relax, Cloud. I'm just doing what you asked me to do." Zack's teeth grazed the shell of the blond's ear when he finished speaking, making Cloud shiver involuntarily with lust. Zack's rigid sex was pressing intimately between Cloud's butt cheeks through the barriers of their underwear and he chuckled when the smaller man impulsively raised his hips to press his bottom more firmly against the bulge.

"Yeah, you keep protesting, baby," Zack murmured against Cloud's ear as he ground his hips against his ass. The other man groaned softly and turned his head more to encourage Zack's lips. The brunet complied with a smile, kissing and nibbling his lover's ear and jaw. "It's not very convincing when you rub that hot little ass against me like this."

Several minute's later, their underwear lay forgotten on the floor and Zack had the blond sheathed in a condom and ready for him. He urged Cloud to lift his hips so he could slide a pillow underneath to raise his ass higher and then he checked the other pillows to be sure there was enough support for his head. When he was satisfied with his lover's position, Zack eased his thighs further apart and settled between them. He supported his weight as best he could with one arm while he positioned himself and as he eased into Cloud's tight warmth, the pleasured moan he got in response nearly undid him.

Cloud put his face into the pillow and bit down as Zack rocked carefully over him, driving his thick length shallowly into him before withdrawing and pushing forward again, a bit deeper. He did it gradually—which incidentally drove Cloud crazy with need and pleasure. It was tantalizing to the point of frustration the way Zack's cock entered him a little deeper each time without going all the way in.

"Quit…teasing!" Demanded Cloud after the fourth thrust didn't penetrate him more than half way. He knew exactly how long Zack's cock was and he could tell how far the man was going with each thrust. The low, breathy chuckle he heard from his partner made Cloud's frustration soar to greater heights and he lifted his head and craned his neck to glare over his shoulder at the mischievous brunet.

"You're doing that…on purpose," accused Cloud in a raspy groan. The velvety hardness gently eased into him again with excruciating slowness and he moaned, his eyes losing focus.

"Doing _what_ on purpose, Sunshine?" Zack's teeth flashed in the dim light as he smiled at him with fake innocence.

"H-holding back," answered Cloud with a gasp. The hardness withdrew again and he clenched his teeth and rocked upwards and back with a growl. "You're asking for it, Zack."

"So how do you want me to give it to you, then?" Zack had a feeling he knew but he was having too much fun making Cloud go into his "pushy" mode to act on it, just yet. "Just tell me what you want and I'll do it, sexy."

Cloud bit his lip as Zack pushed into him again, a little deeper but not much. "You know…what I want," he panted.

"Think so?" Zack's voice was husky and breathy with pleasure as well. "Then why aren't I doing it?"

"Because you're a pest, that's why!" Cloud spouted, near the end of his rope.

Zack pressed his lips together to hold back another laugh. "Well…if I'm a pest then I guess you don't want me rutting over you." He started to withdraw teasingly but Cloud bucked beneath him desperately and got halfway to his hands and knees, pushing backwards onto his cock to keep it from leaving his body.

"Don't you…dare!" gasped the blond.

"Then tell me what you want, then." Zack held himself back to keep his lover from sheathing him further in his snug warmth as he waited for the response he wanted.

"Fuck me," Cloud sighed in defeat, collapsing back onto the mattress as if saying it aloud sapped his strength. "Happy now?"

"Yup," admitted Zack with a wink as he let his weight settle more firmly atop the blond. "And I'll try to make sure you are too, baby."

He withdrew again and when Cloud opened his mouth to protest, Zack clamped a hand over it and drove forward again, hard and deep. Cloud's breath was hot against his palm and his muffled groan hummed against his skin. Zack pushed forward until he was fully seated inside of his companion and then he withdrew and did it again, rolling his hips smoothly as he began taking Cloud with firm, deep thrusts. His rhythm was slow at first, to give them both time to adjust. Cloud whimpered behind his stifling hand as his angled strokes nudged his internal gland firmly with each pass.

"How's that?" Zack droned breathlessly, brushing his lips over Cloud's flushed cheek as he turned his head to rest it weakly against the pillows.

"Muhmfh," came the distorted, moaning reply. The nod that followed ensured that the response was a positive one. Cloud's bright, sapphire eyes were dazed and wide, while his golden brows were furrowed as if in concentration.

Zack took it as a signal that he'd adjusted and he picked up the speed of his thrusts, bucking his hips harder to shove his dick in with more force. Cloud's eyes squeezed shut and his nostrils flared as he made a hoarse exclamation into Zack's hand. He moved desperately under Zack, humping the pillow beneath his hips as he synchronized to the bigger man's pumping and matched his pace.

"You're so good," Zack groaned, further excited by his lover's show of lusty approval. He gave up his efforts to hold back on his urges and took his hand away from the blond's mouth, trusting Cloud to let him know if he got too rough.

Cloud grabbed hold of his top pillow with both fists and hollered before he could stop himself as Zack began to take him with vigor that made the bed squeak with protest. He quickly bit down on the pillow again as one of Zack's hands burrowed under his hips and grasped his erection. The strong, confident grip squeezed with just the right amount of pressure and began to pet the length of his arousal, magnifying his pleasure. Cloud was forced to lift his head long enough to draw a few ragged, panting breaths as the his pillow biting threatened to smother him, but once he got enough oxygen he swiftly bit down on it again because he couldn't stop his moans of pleasure from rattling in his throat.

"Oh shit," Zack grunted, pushing in deep and stopping for a moment. He shut his eyes and panted in rapid, shallow breaths as he waited for the warning pressure in his balls to fade to a less risky level. Cloud whined in frustration and rocked under him impatiently, prompting Zack to release his cock and smack him sharply on the right cheek of his ass.

"Hold still a minute," Zack advised through gritted teeth. Evidently, his sudden smack put sufficient weight behind his command because the blond went utterly still beneath him. Zack looked down and saw the bewilderment on Cloud's face and he chuckled breathlessly through his teeth. "Let me guess: You're usually the one giving the spankings."

Cloud squirmed a little and nodded, still shocked by the abrupt swat. Zack had given him playful pats on the rear before but until now, he'd always been the one receiving the bare-bottom smacks. Cloud had never asked him to reciprocate because he didn't think he'd personally enjoy it the way Zack did and the thought of requesting it was too awkward for him. Almost as surprising as the unexpected slap was the oddly gratifying way it made his skin tingle.

"Hey, did it bother you?" Zack queried when his level of passion cooled to a more bearable level.

A fresh bloom of color spread over Cloud's face and Zack knew it wasn't his lust responsible for it. The blond shrugged before mumbling; "Not really." He squirmed again, trying to urge Zack to move. "You okay now?"

Zack smirked and rather than answer his companion verbally, he resumed fucking him soundly. The response was apparently satisfactory for Cloud because the blond drew in a ragged breath and buried his face in the pillow. His muffled cries were irregular and they grew louder with each forcible thrust. Zack slipped his hand between the Cloud's hips and the pillow to stroke his cock through the condom again and he put more of his weight on him to murmur breathy encouragement in his ear.

Just when Zack feared he'd blow his load before Cloud got off, the blond shuddered beneath him and groaned his name into the pillow. Zack smiled in relief and panted softly as Cloud's sex twitched in his stroking hand and filled the condom. He distantly thought it was a good thing Cloud had insisted on wearing the latex. Too often, they forgot about it or brushed it off and ended up with the choice between sleeping in a wet spot or changing the bedding before going to sleep.

Now that he'd given his boyfriend his release, Zack strove for his own. It didn't take much effort on his part because he was already close when Cloud had his orgasm. After several more thrusts, his balls tightened and his breath expulsed with a groan as he tensed. He twitched heartily inside of his prone lover, filling him to the brim before his trembling arms couldn't support his weight anymore.

"Sorry Cloud," gasped Zack as he crumpled on top of the blond. "Hope I'm not smushing you."

"You're fine," Cloud sighed in a satisfied tone. He was breathing as heavily as Zack and he moved his head to kiss the other man's forearm that was closest to his face. Zack rested his head on his back, between his shoulder blades. His cock pulsed one last time inside of Cloud—an aftermath of his orgasm. The blond smiled sleepily, finding the sensation gratifying somehow. He felt Zack's penetrating organ losing its stiffness and girth as it began to soften and the ache of the fullness eased up to a pleasant throb.

When Zack recovered enough to move, he rolled off of Cloud and onto his back. The other man scooted close to lay his head on his chest and Zack caressed his shoulder and back, closing his eyes and sighing with the bliss of the afterglow. They were both too spent and lazy with satisfaction to speak but by now, they no longer needed conversation to assure one another they both enjoyed it. Zack drifted off to sleep first, as his release of tension made him more susceptible to his medication. Cloud followed him shortly, lulled by the comforting sound of his heart thumping against his ear and his steady breathing.

* * *

The day was finally there for Zack's evaluation and Cloud was running late. He'd left to make his delivery in the early, dark hours of the morning so that he'd have plenty of time to return and watch the evaluation with Dr. Clark, but he ran into a storm on his way back and it caused some complications. He grimaced as he carefully parked Fenrir in his usual spot in the garage and turned the engine off. Not wasting any time, he dismounted the cycle and hurried through the garage to the entrance into the clinic. His arm hurt like crazy but he refused to let it stop him from being there for his lover.

* * *

"Zack, I want you to come with me."

Zack stared at Dr. Clark with his mouth open, interrupted before he could invite the man through the threshold of his door. He blinked and found his voice. "What's wrong?"

Dr. Clark looked somber as he replied. "Nothing's the matter. You're getting an evaluation today and we mustn't keep your assessor waiting."

Zack was again struck speechless for a moment before he regained his power of speech. "An evaluation? Why didn't you tell me before?" He sputtered. "I haven't had any time to get ready for it!" He followed the doctor out the door, having the sense to cooperate despite his protests.

"I know," the doctor answered in an apologetic tone. "That's the point of this particular session, Zackary. If you can get through this one without preparation or rehearsal, it may be the last one you'll ever have in this place."

Zack stopped in his tracks. "Doc, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Dr. Clark stopped as well and looked up at him. "If you think I'm telling you that this evaluation could lead to your release from this hospital, then yes…I'm saying what you think I'm saying." He smiled fondly at the younger man and reached out to take him by the arm, gently coaxing him to keep moving. "It all depends on you, Zackary. I can't be in the room to coach you and neither can Cloud."

"Where _is_ Cloud, by the way?" Zack looked around with a frown and checked his watch. "He should have been back, by now."

"I'm sure he's just running late," soothed the doctor.

"But what if something happened to him?" Zack's concern didn't fade with Dr. Clark's assurances. Cloud was usually right on schedule when he said he'd be back by a certain time and he was nearly an hour late, now.

"I think he would have called if he'd gotten into any trouble," answered the doctor with confidence. "Mr. Strife has always been meticulous about keeping you updated or checking on you when his schedule changes. Try not to worry about that now, son. You need to concentrate on getting through this evaluation."

Zack sighed and tried to take his advice. They walked together to the elevator and Dr. Clark flashed his ID at the guards so they could board it. They ascended to the fourth floor and walked the familiar hallways to the observation rooms. Dr. Clark stopped outside of room five and looked up at Zack again with a sincere, encouraging expression on his face. He reached out and patted Zack on the arm in a fatherly gesture before speaking.

"Remember, it's up to you now, Zack. Stay focused and stay _observant_."

Zack squared his shoulders and nodded with determination. "Will do, Doc. Wish me luck."

Dr. Clark swiped his keycard to unlock the door to the room and he twisted the knob. "If you keep your wits as I've come to expect of you, there's no need for luck. Make me proud, Zackary."

Zack gave another nod. "Yes, Sir."

Dr. Clark smiled faintly and opened the door, gesturing for the young man to go inside. Zack obeyed and walked into the room. As soon as his eyes settled on the man sitting at the table waiting for him, his adrenaline began to pump and he impulsively turned around to tell his doctor there had to be a mistake. The door shut and he heard the click of the lock. Zack grasped the handle and jiggled it anyhow, his first instincts being to either retreat or attack. The door was locked securely and the only way he was going to get through it was to break it down or convince the doctor on the other side to unlock it.

"Why don't you have a seat, Mr. Fair?" Said the man at the table calmly.

Zack went still and remembered Dr. Clark's instructions to stay focused and observant. The man at the table was obviously his evaluator. He recalled seeing him once before since coming to this place and he shut his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart. His voice was…wrong. It didn't sound like Hojo's nasally, oily voice.

"Zackary," the waiting doctor said, "If you can't even look at me without having an episode, I'm afraid this evaluation will be declared null and void. Is that what you want?"

Zack bit his lip and shook his head. He turned around slowly and raised his eyes bit by bit from the floor, scanning the doctor's lab coat and dragging his gaze up. His eyes briefly settled on the nametag pinned to the coat. Apparently this doctor's name was "Matthews". Zack's gaze climbed slowly from the tag to the doctor's face and he made himself study him… _really_ look at him. The glasses were hauntingly similar in style and shape but the long hair bound in the ponytail wasn't dull or unkempt. There were strands of grey mixed in with the raven locks and the hair was carefully groomed and obviously well cared for.

"You…really aren't him, are you?" Zack said uncertainly as he took one hesitant step after the other toward the table.

Dr. Matthews shook his head, knowing exactly whom the patient was referring to. "I'm glad you've retained enough control to figure that out, this time. Still, you should be aware that security is watching and should you decide to take out your anger at Hojo on me, they'll be in here within seconds."

_~Though I sincerely doubt you'll need more than seconds to snap my neck, if you do choose to attack me. Oh hell, why did I agree to this? I hope you're right, Allen.~_

He'd been reluctant to approve of Zack's release even if the patient passed the evaluation, but Dr. Clark made a deal with him that was too intriguing to resist. He reasoned that if Zack could sit down with Dr. Matthews and get through the evaluation without mistaking him for Hojo, it would prove that he was no longer a significant threat and should therefore be released. Foolishly perhaps, Karl agreed to it in the name of psychological curiosity. Now he stood to lose his life if his colleague was wrong about Zack.

Zack's face was lightly beaded with perspiration as he took a seat across from the doctor at the table. He clasped his hands on the surface and licked dry lips as he shook his head. "I'm not going to attack you. Now that I've really looked at you and listened to you, I know you're not him. Uh, those glasses don't fit you though. You ought to think about trying some oval or round frames."

Dr. Matthews raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure your opinion isn't influenced by your dislike of another man who wore frames like this?"

Zack shrugged. "Maybe. I'd be lying if I said they don't freak me out. H-hey, can I have some water or something? My mouth's a little dry."

Dr. Matthews took pity on him. Zack was a likeable fellow when he wasn't trying to kill someone and he knew that even though the young man realized now that he wasn't Hojo, his look was still causing traumatic memories to surface. The doctor glanced at the two-way mirror and gave a nod, knowing that there were personnel behind it other than Dr. Clark observing the session.

"Someone will bring a pitcher of water shortly," Dr. Matthews assured the patient. He reached up and took his glasses off, folding them and placing them in his vest pocket. Next, he freed his hair from the ponytail and loosened the strands with his fingers. "Does this make me less intimidating for you, Zackary?"

Zack blinked. Those two small changes made a dramatic difference to Dr. Matthews' appearance. Without the distasteful glasses to distract from it, the doctor was actually a nice-looking man. Zack guessed there was Wutaian blood in him, if the shape of his eyes and the shine in his dark hair were any indication.

"That's a lot better," admitted Zack, "but you don't have to compromise your sight on my account. I can…deal with it…if I have to."

"I'm only a bit near-sighted," Dr. Matthews said dismissively. "Not blind. I can see you just fine from this distance. Now, shall we begin?"

Zack nodded and firmed his resolve.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late," Cloud huffed as he was let into the observation room by one of the guards. "Ran into a little trouble on the way back."

Dr. Clark turned from the window and looked at the young man. He stiffened when he saw the state Cloud was in. The blond had splotches of mud smearing his jacket and pants and he'd tracked some of it in. Even though his hair was wet, it still managed to retain some of its gravity-defying spikes and they stuck out in damp, uneven shoots. None of this caused him undue alarm but the makeshift sling around his neck that cradled his left arm to his chest was certainly cause for concern.

"What in the hell happened to _you_ , boy?" Dr. Clark sputtered as he closed the distance between them. The three other staff members present also looked at Cloud with curiosity and worry.

"I had to drive through a storm," explained Cloud in a low voice. "The rain was pretty heavy and I couldn't see very far. Had to swerve to avoid a truck and I lost control of Fenrir and skidded off the road."

Dr. Clark could see torn bits on the leather jacket now that he was closer and he suspected the young man had some road rash in places, too. "Good gracious…here, sit down." He put an arm around the blond's waist and herded him toward a seat that the nurse pushed over to the window. "Let me look at that arm, son."

"I'm okay," Cloud objected as he was practically dragged to the chair.

"Nonsense," argued the doctor briskly, "you look like a bruised turd. If your arm is in a sling I doubt that you're 'okay'."

"I just sprained it a little," Cloud said dismissively. He was more worried about Zack than his own condition and he tried to ask the doctor how it was going so far, but the man didn't let him get another word in edgewise.

"Are you a doctor, Cloud? No, I don't believe you are," Dr. Clark went on with concerned annoyance, "you may think you only sprained it but you could have easily fractured or broken it. This needs to be taken care of."

"I'm not going anywhere until after Zack's evaluation is done," Cloud said firmly before the doctor's rambling could continue further.

Dr. Clark sighed. "Very well. As soon as Zack is finished up here, I want you to come with me to the first floor to have one of our general physicians look at it."

Cloud nodded. "I can agree to that. So how is Zack doing so far? Has he been in there long?" He looked through the glass and immediately stood up when he saw who was sitting in the room with his lover and recognized him after a moment. His eyes went round and he gave Dr. Clark an incredulous look. "What's _he_ doing in there with him? Are you crazy?"

Dr. Clark raised an eyebrow at him in response to his choice of words and Cloud cleared his throat and flushed. "I…I mean…why would you put Dr. Matthews in there with him, after what happened the first time Zack saw him?"

"Dr. Matthews and I chose to do it this way _because_ of how Zackary responded to his appearance that day," explained Dr. Clark calmly. "Observing how he handles his own reactions to the sight of Dr. Matthews is a key element to this evaluation, Cloud. If Zack can prove that he's capable of reasoning before reacting—especially when faced with something that triggers his emotions—then Dr. Matthews may agree to his release. My colleague's largest concern is whether Zack can be exposed to the world outside without losing control and hurting anyone in a moment of psychological unrest. Look at him, Cloud. While nervous, Zack is handling himself very well. It's a good sign."

Cloud watched his lover and listened to the conversation he had going on with Dr. Matthews. Zack was sipping a cup of water occasionally as he answered the doctor's questions and did the tests laid out before him. He _did_ seem to be okay, if a little shaken up. "What happened to his glasses and ponytail?" asked Cloud with a gesture at Dr. Matthews.

"He removed them as a courtesy, once Zack passed the first test." Dr. Matthews bore an expression of faint pride on his face as he gazed at his patient. "To tell you the truth Cloud, the remainder of this evaluation isn't as important as the way he coped when he walked into that room and saw Dr. Matthews in his regular style. There's more room for error, now that he's proven he has enough mental fortitude to endure such a drastic trigger to his psyche."

Cloud felt a different kind of anxiety as his concern over Zack being alone in the room with Dr. Matthews faded. This was it…the future that he and Zack both wanted together was only a signature away from becoming a reality. Cloud watched his lover and silently willed him to give it a hundred and ten percent.

"So if he passes this one, I'll be able to take him home?" Cloud asked for reaffirmation. He wanted to be sure he hadn't misunderstood Dr. Clark when they'd discussed this the month before.

"If Dr. Matthews is satisfied enough with the results, yes." Dr. Clark nodded. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet, though."

* * *

"Thank you, Zackary." Dr. Matthews put the documents away and gave the patient a nod. "You may go, now." He'd given the nod to the mirror just before finishing up and there was a click as one of the staff members unlocked the door from the other side.

Zack stood up and paused, looking at the doctor searchingly. "Did I do okay?"

Dr. Matthews looked up at him in a considering manner. "You didn't do poorly. You'll have the final results after I've gone over everything and discussed it with your doctor."

Zack nodded and swallowed as his heart climbed in his throat. It wasn't exactly a confirmation of excellence, but it was heartening to know he didn't do badly either. "Thanks, Doc. Uh, I'll just see myself out now." Zack walked out of the room at a quick pace, without looking back. When he was in the hall again and the door was shut behind him, he breathed a sigh of relief. Dr. Matthews didn't possess the creepy mannerisms of Hojo but his initial reaction to the sight of the man in the glasses and ponytail had lingered through the whole evaluation. He was glad it was over with, even though he knew he wouldn't sleep until he got the results.

The door next to the one leading to the room he'd just come out of opened and Zack turned to see Cloud come out, followed by Dr. Clark. His smile and greeting died on his lips when he took in the sight of his lover and noticed the sling holding his arm. Cloud's eyes met his and the blond smiled softly and shook his head.

"Don't worry about me," Cloud said as Zack approached him and looked him up and down anxiously. "I'm fine. Dr. Clark is taking me downstairs to get some x-rays done and have my arm looked at. I just ran off the road and got a little banged up, is all."

"You look like you've been through a tornado," Zack said as he put an arm around the smaller man supportively. "I guess that explains why you were late. Lean on me, Sunshine. I'll go with you." He raised his eyebrows at Dr. Clark. "That is, if I'm allowed to?"

"I don't see a reason to forbid it," answered the doctor readily. "Let's get Mr. Strife patched up."

* * *

Dr. Clark's concerns turned out to be legitimate. Cloud had a minor fracture in his radius bone and the physician applied a brace to it, gave him a proper sling and told him that as long as he kept it immobile and didn't do anything to make it worse, there would be no need for a hard cast. He prescribed pain medication and skin ointment to the blond and Dr. Clark phoned it in and had it waiting for Cloud at the nurse station when they returned to the third floor.

"Try to get plenty of rest tonight," advised Dr. Clark as he walked them to Zack's room. "I won't have any news about the evaluation results until tomorrow. Stressing yourselves over it won't do anyone a bit of good."

Cloud nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. Goodnight, Dr. Clark."

"Thanks, Doc," Zack said with a smile. He ushered Cloud into the room and said goodnight to the doctor before shutting the door and approaching his lover.

"Zack, what are you doing?" Cloud griped as the taller man immediately started unfastening his sling and removing his clothes.

"Getting you naked for a shower," answered Zack with a shrug. "You need to get cleaned up and into something comfortable."

Cloud sighed but he was too tired from his ordeal and the stress of worrying over Zack's results to argue. He allowed his lover to undress him and he smiled a little when Zack followed up by undressing himself. The former Lieutenant joined his former cadet in the shower and helped him bath, lavishing some sensual attention on his body in the process but refraining from taking things too far. When they finished showering, Zack applied some of the skin ointment to the places where Cloud had some road rash and then he helped him into his pajama bottoms before securing the sling again.

As much as they both would have enjoyed fooling around a little, Cloud's injuries and their mutual exhaustion prevented them from indulging in more than an exchange of kisses and caresses. The pain pill Cloud had taken had a sedative effect that was almost as strong as the sleeping pills Dr. Clark had given him a while back.

He spiraled into a heavy sleep soon after cuddling up to Zack in bed. His arm pained him, and he suffered nightmares of the past as he slept. He thrashed a bit in the bed, murmuring in his sleep. Zack watched his expression of discomfort and he stroked his golden bangs away from his eyes and murmured that everything would be okay. He kissed Cloud's frowning lips and sighed.

"Hang in there, kiddo. Maybe you won't have to keep visiting me in here, if I do everything right."

* * *

-To be continued


	20. Chapter 20

Cloud awoke to the feel of Zack's soft, persuasive kisses. He grinned against the other man's lips in spite of himself and he opened bleary eyes to look at him. Zack's face was so close to his that there was an illusion of his blue-violet eyes melding together and Cloud snorted helplessly.

"What's got you giggling, Sunshine?" Zack whispered.

"You look like a Cyclops," answered Cloud just as softly.

Zack chuckled and stroked his back. "You're fucking adorable when you're sleepy."

"No, I'm not," Cloud denied, falling quickly into his early morning grumpiness. He hid his face in the pillow to avoid further stupid endearments. The ploy was a failure.

"Mmm, shy little chocobo," Zack purred while sliding his hand over Cloud's back to his bottom. He cupped the firm, smooth roundness and enjoyed a squeeze. "Come on, don't hide your head in the sand now."

"It's morning," Cloud grumbled into the pillow. "Lemme alone."

Zack chortled with laughter and buried his face against the soft, golden spikes of Cloud's hair. "I can't decide if you're cuter when you're angry or sleepy."

"I'm both, so cut it out," Cloud's muffled voice responded. He reached out blindly in an attempt to slap at his lover's exploring hand and he ended up grabbing his arm instead. "Quit."

"You just grabbed me," Zack teased with a grin. "That doesn't say 'quit' to me." He lowered his mouth to Cloud's ear, brushing aside the strands of downy hair before caressing the outer shell of the ear.

"Asshole," Cloud mumbled as his skin prickled with delight in response.

Cloud was by no means a morning person. However, he discovered that Zack's attentions to his injured arm and body made him more agreeable than he would have liked. The Mako healed most of the damage overnight but he still had an ache in the fracture. Zack coaxed him into the shower with him and kissed the wounded area with ardor that Cloud normally would have found cheesy. Unfortunately, Zack's attentions to his needs were nothing short of romantic.

"Guys aren't supposed to like this kind of thing," Cloud muttered as he and Zack dried off and got dressed.

Zack paused in his action of drying his legs and he looked up at Cloud from his bent-over position. "What things?"

Cloud rubbed his towel back and forth across his back and he shrugged. "Mushy stuff."

Zack laughed. "Hey, the 'mushy stuff' gets the fires burning for the other stuff." He straightened up and began drying his torso. "I like it, myself."

Cloud felt his face warm up and he looked away. "You're pretty good at it."

Zack stopped drying himself and he embraced the blonde's delightfully nude body. "Yeah? I must be if you can say something about it out loud." He kissed Cloud soundly before pulling away with marked difficulty.

* * *

They had just returned to the room from having breakfast in the cafeteria when there was a knock at the door. Cloud paused on his way to the bathroom and looked over his shoulder at Zack, who looked back at him with an anxious expression. Dr. Clark's voice floated in from the other side of the door, asking if anyone was home.

"You going to let him in?" Cloud asked his partner with a nervous smirk.

Zack looked at the door and nodded, his throat working as he swallowed for moisture. He opened it and stepped aside for the doctor. Cloud procrastinated his trip to the restroom to hear what the man had to say. He crossed the room to stand beside Zack as the doctor shut the door and looked at them with a somber expression. It was hard to tell if the news was good or bad, his face was so neutral.

Dr. Clark looked at Cloud and addressed him, first. "Well son, I hope you aren't planning any more late-night wall climbing."

Cloud and Zack's expressions fell.

"Because you should never have to do that again," Dr. Clark finished with a satisfied smile.

Cloud's hopes picked up. "You mean…" He hesitated to assume the best.

Dr. Clark nodded. "I mean the two of you should start packing your things and making arrangements to take Zack home with you." He turned to Zack and patted him on the shoulder. "You impressed Dr. Matthews enough for him to agree upon your release, son. You've made me proud."

Zack stared at his doctor speechlessly, hardly believing it was true. Cloud spoke up for both of them, not wanting to give the impression that they were ungrateful. "Thank you, Dr. Clark. How long will it take for the release papers to be ready?"

"Oh, I'd say sometime early this afternoon," answered the doctor. "Don't worry, we aren't going to kick you out before you've made your arrangements and are ready to go. I assume you'll need to call someone from home to come and help you transport your belongings?"

Cloud nodded. "Fenrir can't carry all of this stuff. I'll try to get in touch with Tifa or Barret to come help."

"I thought as much." The doctor opened the file folder he held in one hand and thumbed through the pages inside. "These are instructions and a list of Zack's medications. When you leave today, stop by the nurse station and they'll give you his first supply of meds. I took the liberty of having them all refilled, so you shouldn't have to worry about visiting the pharmacy for a while unless something changes."

He shut the folder again and handed it over to Cloud. "You should also be aware that follow-up appointments are a requirement. Unfortunately, the amount of traveling would be inconvenient at best for all of us, so I've made arrangements with an associate of mine in Edge. The name, address and phone number is on the last document in that folder I've given you. For starters, we'll go with one appointment per week. In time we can cut back to every fortnight and then, once per month and so-on. Eventually, Zack may be able to quit therapy altogether but let's concentrate on keeping his recovery on the incline so that he never has to come back here again."

Zack looked disappointed. "So you aren't going to be my doctor anymore?"

Dr. Clark's features softened. "I'm still your doctor, Zack. I just can't be there each week to supervise your recovery myself. I promise, I'll do my best to come and give you a session myself at least once per month, and I'll be calling to check on you as often as I can. Just think of Dr. Stanford as a temp, if you will. I think you'll like her."

Zack shrugged. "Okay. If you picked her out then she can't be all that bad."

Dr. Clark smiled at him in a paternal way. "Good lad. Well, I'll leave you both to it and get started on speeding up the process. Oh, and my contact number is on the same sheet as the clinic information for Edge, in case you ever need me."

* * *

Tifa was amicable about bringing her van to load up Zack and Cloud's belongings. She expressed relief when Cloud called her up and told her it was time to bring Zack home and he guessed it was partially because she'd have more help with the kids and more opportunities to go out with Rude. He still felt bad about shouldering her with most of the responsibilities but he intended to make that up to her. She closed down her bar for the day and ensured Cloud that she'd be there by late afternoon to pick them up.

They had one last cafeteria lunch together and Zack spent the rest of the day saying his goodbyes to fellow patients and staff members, while Cloud packed their things. At first the dark-haired fighter was reluctant to leave it all to his lover, but Cloud insisted on it and reminded him that he might not see a lot of those people again. With that in mind, Zack stopped arguing and left the blonde to his task.

Afternoon approached and Zack finished doing his rounds and returned to his room. The place looked sort of empty without the little odds and ends that used to mark it as Zack's living quarters. He stared looked around and sighed, hoping that the next resident would appreciate the room as much as he had.

"What's the matter?" Cloud asked when he heard the melancholy sound.

"I just…didn't realize how attached I was," answered Zack softly. "I've been so busy trying to get out of here that it didn't dawn on me I'd miss the place."

"You've spent over four years here," Cloud said compassionately as he patted the other man on the back. "It's not surprising you think of it like home."

Zack leaned closer to the blonde and put an arm around him, lowering his head to nuzzle his cheek with his lips. "I hope Tifa doesn't mind me living with you guys."

"Not a chance," Cloud assured him with confidence. "If anything she'll be happy to have an extra hand around."

"Cloud, what am I going to do for a living?" Zack murmured. "I don't want to just mooch off you two, you know?"

"We'll figure something out later," suggested Cloud. "For now, you could just help Tifa out in the bar and watch the kids once in a while if I'm out on delivery and she needs to go somewhere."

"You think I can handle babysitting?" Zack sounded dubious. "What if I start having an episode?"

"You wouldn't hurt the kids," Cloud said without missing a beat, "and I know you'd take your meds and call someone before it got serious. Don't worry, I'm going to sit down with them and explain everything. We can have a list of instructions tacked on the fridge or something and I doubt Tifa would ask you to watch them unless it was an emergency anyhow."

Zack smiled crookedly at him. "You've got a lot of faith in me, kiddo."

Cloud shrugged. "I know you're good at taking care of people, even when you're not at your best."

His cell pone rang and put an end to their conversation. Cloud answered it and gave a nod to Zack. "It's Tifa," he explained, "she's on her way to the elevator now. She's parked on the third floor of the garage and she's managed to get a space close to the elevators." He spoke quietly to the woman on the other end of the line and his eyebrows went up. "You parked in a handicapped spot?"

"Yes, so we've got to hurry," Tifa answered him. "Don't lecture me, Cloud. It was the only space close to the elevator and we're going to have a lot of things to haul."

Cloud shrugged. "I just didn't expect you to do something like that. Thanks, Tifa."

"No problem," she answered. "See you in a few minutes."

* * *

"Denzel and Marlene are at Barret's apartment," Tifa explained as they began transporting things from Zack's room to the waiting van. "He finished his latest commission last week and he'll be home for a couple of months before going on the next job."

Cloud nodded. "That makes things easier, while Zack adjusts."

"I've already put a double-bed in your room," Tifa went on with a little smile at them both. "I got a bargain on it and I sold your old single bed."

Cloud blushed. "Um…thanks. You didn't have to do that…I could have—"

"You would have put it off and one of you would have ended up rolling off of that tiny bed one night and possibly getting hurt," countered Tifa immediately. "It was no trouble. Rude and Reno helped me move the beds."

"That was…nice of them," Cloud mumbled. He wondered how much the two of them knew about his and Zack's personal details. Tifa wasn't the gossiping sort but Reno was and he wouldn't put it past the redhead to needle her for information until she caved.

They finished getting everything loaded up and Tifa told them she'd drive around to the front of the clinic and pick them up there after they got Zack's meds and turned in their keys. Cloud and Zack went back inside and headed to the nurse station. When Zack's ID bracelet was removed, the nurse asked him politely if he wanted to keep it or not. The former Soldier bit his lip and nodded, a little embarrassed.

"Is it weird that I want to hang onto it?" Zack murmured as the nurse placed the bracelet in a plastic zipper bag and handed it over to him.

"Not at all," she assured him. "A lot of our patients choose to keep them…at least until they've made full recoveries. Some do it to remind themselves of how far they've come and some do it just because it reminds them of the friends they made while here."

Zack relaxed and slipped the item in his jacket pocket. "Thanks," he said sincerely. "I feel a little better about it, now." Personally, the bracelet served as both a reminder of his progress and the friendships he'd formed during his time in the clinic.

With everything in order, Cloud and Zack took the elevator down to the first floor. Zack was grinning as he and Cloud crossed the room and got closer and closer to the doors. Cloud noticed his smile and the blonde squeezed his arm and smiled quietly at him. Today felt like it was as much his triumph as the brunet's and he shared Zack's exhilaration.

As they passed through the automatic sliding doors and walked down the steps into the sunlight, Cloud breathed in the scent of the flowers lining the walkway and thought about the future. Maybe he could save up enough for the two of them to take a much-needed vacation together, somewhere. They could spend a week at the Gold Saucer or in Costa Del Sol. The blonde started making plans even as they walked to the curb where Tifa waited in her van. As they neared the vehicle, Cloud heard an odd ringing sound in his ears and he frowned and stopped, blinking in annoyance. Zack stopped as well and looked at him with concern.

"Cloud, can you hear me?"

What an odd question to ask. Cloud stared at his lover and opened his mouth to answer, but his vision started to go white around the edges and a detached feeling grew within him. "Unh…something's wrong," Cloud mumbled, pressing his hands against his ears to try and quiet the ringing. The world was so bright it blinded him and he shut his eyes and sank to his knees. He smacked himself in the head, still trying to clear the ringing in his ears.

"Hey, stop doing that," Zack's voice sounded far away. Strong hands grasped Cloud's wrists to restrain them. "Cloud, come back to me. Come on, you can do it."

Cloud groaned and shook his head, his confusion making way for fear. "Wh-what's wrong with me?" Everything felt like it was spinning and he reached for Zack and clung to him, panting softly as the world tilted on its axis.

"I've got you, Sunshine. Just hold on." Zack's lips brushed gently against his forehead as he held him. The feel of his body against his was the only thing that felt _real_ to Cloud and the blonde whimpered with bewildered anxiety. The whiteness washed over him and the ringing grew louder until it was all he could hear. Cloud lost consciousness, his senses unable to handle the assault.

* * *

"Cloud? Cloud? Come on, man…don't go catatonic on me again."

Cloud groaned and opened his eyes slowly. He was on a bed and his back was resting against the headboard. Zack's face was close to his and his blue-violet eyes were shadowed with concern and something else…hope?

"That's it, babe…look at me."

Cloud stared at him and took in his surroundings through his peripheral vision. He was in a familiar looking room—in fact, it looked the same as Zack's room, except there were photos of Tifa, the kids, Zack and Cloud sitting on the dresser. His lover was sitting cross-legged on the bed with him, stroking his hair and encouraging him to "snap out of it". Cloud noticed a man standing nearby and he looked at him with a frown as he recognized him to be Dr. Clark. The doctor held a clipboard in one hand and he gazed at Cloud with a warily excited expression on his face.

"What happened?" Cloud mumbled, bringing a hand to his nose and massaging the bridge of it. It was then that he spotted the bracelet around his right hand. He pulled it away and stared at it with wide eyes. "Zack?" His voice trembled as he spoke the other man's name questioningly. He realized that he was wearing the same set of hospital jumpers that Zack had worn when he first found him and his panic grew steadily.

"Listen to me," Zack demanded when the blonde began to try and back away, shaking his head. "Cloud, be still and listen."

"This is all wrong," Cloud said in a rough voice. "I'm not supposed to be in here…we were taking you home, Tifa and I."

"That's what your mind was telling you," Dr. Clark intervened, stepping closer. "Cloud, you've been in this institution for fourteen months. You were completely unresponsive when you arrived and you've been suffering dementia since regaining consciousness."

Cloud shook his head in denial. "No, Zack was the one in here," he insisted. He shut his eyes and clutched at his head, rocking in place and mumbling. "Must have hit my head…I'm hallucinating or something."

"It's not a hallucination," Zack gently informed him. He took both of Cloud's hands and squeezed them. "Just listen to me, okay? I can explain what's been going on if you'll just let me."

Cloud stared at him with bewildered eyes and swallowed. "How do I know any of this is real?"

Zack looked over his shoulder at the doctor, who seated himself on the edge of the bed and produced a penlight from his breast pocket. "First, let me check your pupil response and have a look at you," he said softly. "Then we'll explain how you got here and what's been going on."

Cloud trembled as the doctor cupped his chin and flashed the light in his eyes, one at a time. Dr. Clark nodded with satisfaction and asked him a few simple questions, starting with his name, age and who his friends were. When Cloud answered them all correctly, the doctor asked if he knew what day it was.

"It's Friday, the seventeenth of February." Cloud answered without hesitation. "Zack got the results of his evaluation today and we were just about to get into Tifa's van to take him home to Edge."

Dr. Clark exchanged a look with Zack before speaking. "Well, you've got the date right and you're correct about an evaluation happening…but it wasn't Zack's. It was yours, Cloud. The purpose was to assess whether you were coherent enough to be released to Zack's care."

Cloud shook his head again and Dr. Clark interrupted him firmly before he could utter another denial. "Yes, Cloud. I know you don't want to believe it, but it's true. You've been living under a delusion for months now. You've been walking around on your own and talking but your mind hasn't been in synch with reality. I bent the rules far more than I should have so that Zack could be at your side and help with your therapy. This is the very first time you've actually been aware of your situation, since you got here."

"I can't believe that," Cloud argued faintly, feeling sick to his stomach. "I found Zack in Kalm. He was on a field trip with some of the other patients and I followed the bus back here. I've been helping him get better ever since."

"What you remember is a fabrication of reality," Dr. Clark informed him with gentle patience. "Your mind created the scenario because you weren't ready to accept and cope with your own illness. I've been trying experimental treatment on you and Zack has been playing along with your delusions to bring you closer to reality."

"N-no…I remember conversations you had with him. He asked if we could get married just before those guys attacked the two of you in Kalm."

Dr. Clark shook his head. "How could you remember a conversation you weren't there to hear?"

Cloud's eyes shifted as he struggled to rationalize it. "He…he must have told me or something." His voice lacked conviction and he remembered other things he knew about that he shouldn't. He didn't remember Zack ever telling him about getting caught masturbating in the shower either, but he remembered…seeing it? How could that be? How could he know what was going through Zack's mind, for that matter? He wasn't psychic.

"Cloud, a lot of what you remember is true on some level," Dr. Clark went on while Zack rubbed the blonde's back soothingly. "As I said, you've been awake and seemingly lucid for months. The problem was that you weren't in the same reality as the rest of us, can you understand? Some of the things you remember were created by your mind, attempting to rationalize the scenario you've been living under. The rest is real…only altered."

Cloud looked at Zack almost pleadingly. "Then where did you come from? What about the escape from Hojo's lab and the MP's coming after us? Where were you after that?"

Zack grimaced and looked at the doctor meaningfully. Taking his cue, Dr. Clark left the room so that they could speak in private. When they were alone, Zack turned his attention back to his lover and began to explain. "All of that happened, Chocobo. The thing is, Tseng got word out to his Turks fast enough for them to come and get us before Hojo's people could come back and collect my 'body'. The good news is they got to me before Hojo could. The bad news is you wandered off before they could get you too. I spent a year recovering in a specialist med clinic while you and your friends were saving the world from Sephiroth and Meteor."

Zack smirked ruefully and rubbed the blonde's hand. "I wish I could have been there to help you guys with that, but I couldn't even walk for the first few months. If it weren't for the Mako enhancements and the Jenova cells Hojo put into me, I probably wouldn't have made it. Tseng got word to you when I was recovered enough and you and Tifa came and got me."

"What about Geostigma?" persisted Cloud dubiously. "Wh-what about the remnants and Deepground and Omega? Are you going to tell me I imagined all that, too?"

Zack shook his head and stroked his hair. "No, all that was real. You didn't end up in here until after all of that. I was there with you during it all, you know. Your mind blotted it out but I was there."

Cloud thought about the dreams he'd had the night before and he shivered. He remembered being confused as to why he was dreaming about the past and why Zack was fighting alongside him in them. "Why would I cut you out of my past like that?"

Zack lowered his eyes. "The doc and I talked about it and he thinks you did it because you wanted to get over me. He thinks it was easier for you to cope if you thought I was dead."

Cloud shook his head and frowned severely. "Get over you? Why would I…" A flash of memory came to him then—he and Zack in a heated argument that ended in the two of them breaking up. "Oh…we…had a fight, didn't we?"

"Yeah," Zack confirmed uncomfortably. "Right after we helped your friend Vincent finish off Omega. I guess I was being too protective of you and that pissed you off. You said you didn't need me to throw myself in front of you every time you were in danger and I said…I said…" Zack stopped and took a deep, shaken breath, combing his fingers through his gel-stiffened spikes. "I said something I'm going to regret saying for the rest of my life."

The story was beginning to seem less doubtful to Cloud as he listened. He felt more… _real_ …than he'd felt in months and he was starting to believe his lover. "What did you say?" He asked, unable to recall it himself.

Zack looked at him again and his eyes were suspiciously bright. "I said maybe we needed a break from each other. I only meant temporarily, so we could both take some time out and learn to appreciate each other more, but you took it to mean permanent, kiddo."

The explanation brought back the memory with vivid clarity that made Cloud's head reel. He placed his palms against his temples and groaned as he recalled turning his back on his lover and telling him to pack his shit and get out, if that was how he felt about it. Zack was just as angry and he responded with equal unkindness before packing a bag and heading out the door. He told Cloud he'd come back in a few days for the rest of his things and then he left.

"All that time together and one argument did us in," Cloud murmured, hardly believing it but unable to refute the memory.

"It was building for a while," Zack sighed. "I admit I was too protective of you but I didn't realize it because you never said anything until the day you blew up at me."

"I shouldn't have done that," whispered Cloud. He picked absently at the bedding and tried to work out the events that led him here. He still had no memory of this place except for the ones they told him were 'fabricated'.

Zack shrugged. "I should have paid closer attention. I should have realized you weren't just teasing when you made fun of my protective urges. I know you well enough to know better but I just chose to ignore it 'till it was too late."

"What happened after that?" Cloud asked. "Did…I have a thing with Reno, or did I make that up too?"

"That was real," answered Zack with a jealous little frown. "It didn't last longer than a month but you had your fling with him. When you broke things off with Red, I was working on a plan to put the moves on you and patch things up again when I got a call from him saying you were hurt on the job and he had to take you to the hospital."

Cloud's gaze shifted as he tried to remember. He shook his head. "The last thing I remember about Reno was working with him as an escort for the WRO science team. Can't remember what they were doing that made them need bodyguards." Cloud swallowed as he remembered another bit of unpleasantness that may or may not be real. "Zack…what about my wing? Is…is that real?"

"It was," Zack answered with a grim nod. "It's gone now, but the wing was real. That damned thing was what landed you in this place to begin with. They amputated it after you tried to pull it off yourself and did some serious damage to it and your back."

Cloud thought about the explanation and he hugged himself. Maybe that was why…when he manifested the wing…why he had to "kill" it to get rid of it. Maybe the pain of it tearing free of his body was something he'd conjured from the hidden memory of trying to rip it off of his body.

"Tell me, Zack," whispered Cloud as the other man put an arm around him and drew him close. "Tell me what happened to get me in here. I want to know all of it."

"Okay Sunshine," agreed Zack. "It's not going to be pretty, but I'll tell you all about it."

* * *

**_Fourteen months ago:_ **

Zack swung the axe almost angrily, splitting the log down the center in one hit. "Here you go, Pop," he grunted as he put the two halves in the wheelbarrow. "Next."

Zack's father rolled another log to him and helped him set it up. The log split as effortlessly as the last half-dozen and though he was sweating, Zack was barely winded. Mr. Fair noticed a couple of young village woman around Zack's age pause as they walked by the house and he sighed as they almost tripped over themselves to admire his bare-chested son.

"You know boy, maybe it's time for you to start thinking about finding a wife, now."

Zack paused in the action of depositing the newly split log with the rest and he smirked. His parents had accepted Cloud over the years and they'd even come to love him, but they knew Zack's tastes didn't only run to guys and he knew they still hoped to get grandchildren out of him.

"Sorry Dad…I'm spoiled now." Zack rolled another log onto place by himself while his father gave him an annoyed look. "I'm not ready to get with anyone else. Maybe I never _will_ be."

"Your blond fellow didn't have your loyalty," reminded the older man.

Zack picked up the axe and shot an angry look at his father. "That's my fault, not his. I'm the one that fired the starter pistol and made him think I didn't want him anymore." Zack hefted the axe and swung it with a bit more force and a bit less control than before. He cursed with feeling as the log split unevenly. "Sorry, Pop. Guess I didn't pay attention that time."

Mr. Fair shrugged. "That's enough for today anyhow."

"When are you going to get an electric stove like everyone else?" Zack queried with a grin as he wiped the sweat from his brow. "People always give me funny looks when they see me chopping firewood in the middle of spring."

"The wood burning stove does us just fine," argued Mr. Fair in a crotchety tone. "Maybe when you're not around to chop my wood for me, I'll think about upgrading."

Zack chuckled and shook his head as his father wheeled the prepared wood to the house. His mother came out a moment later and approached as Zack reached for his shirt.

"Here you are, dear." She handed a glass of lemonade to him with a smile. "You should get cooled off and have a shower."

"Thanks, Mom." Zack took the drink and swallowed it down with eager thirst.

Mrs. Fair noticed the two young women staring at him and she concealed a grin of amusement behind her hand. "You should put that shirt on soon. You're making the village girls swoon over you, son."

Zack lowered the glass from his lips and followed her gaze. The two young women that were ogling him hastily averted their eyes and moved on, whispering to each other as they went. Zack snorted and finished his lemonade before speaking. "The girls in this village need to get out more."

Mrs. Fair shrugged. "There aren't many handsome, available young men in these parts. Who could blame them for admiring a catch like you?"

"I'm your son," Zack chuckled. "You have to say that. Don't tell me this is going to turn into another lecture about finding a nice girl and settling down. Dad's already given me that speech today."

"Well, if not a young lady, why not consider getting in touch with Cloud?" She winked at him. "After all, you _did_ say he was available again, didn't you?"

Zack pulled his t-shirt over his head and shrugged. "Yeah, but I don't know if he'd be interested in getting back together with me. It might still be too soon."

"You'll never know if you don't try," insisted his mother kindly. "Just start simple. Make up an excuse to go to Edge for a few days and invite him out for a coffee or something."

Zack smiled at her. "You're a stubborn little lady. Okay, you've talked me into it. I'll see what I can do but if I get shot down…" He let the sentence hang and he sighed. Just thinking about hearing Cloud's voice again made him giddy.

"You won't get shot down," she said with confidence. "I saw the way that boy looked at you. One of you has to take the first step sooner or later." She took his empty glass and walked back toward the house.

Zack watched her go and he nodded, decision made. He retrieved his cell phone out of his jeans pocket and opened up the contacts menu. His finger hovered over the "call" button as he selected Cloud's number and he wracked his brain for a scenario that would work.

"Hey Cloud…I've got a little job in Edge next week and I was wondering if you wanted a cup of coffee or something," he rehearsed. He frowned and shook his head. "No, he's not into designer coffee…he'd rather have it black from the pot at home when he drinks it at all. Think, Zack!"

He muttered to himself as he considered different pick-up lines and excuses. "Guess who's got tickets to the premier of…some movie…no, that wouldn't work either. Hmm, maybe I could just offer to buy him a beer sometime."

That just might work. With a nod and a deep breath, Zack started to push the call button. Just before his finger touched it, a loud, cheerful pop tune cut through the silence and startled him so much he almost dropped the device. He looked at the ID and groaned when he saw who was calling him.

"What the hell does _he_ want?" Zack grumbled. He debated over whether he should answer it. True, he owed Reno some thanks for being part of the team to retrieve him and get him to the hospital before Hojo could get his hands on him again, but the guy also slept with the love of his life. Zack put the phone back in his pocket and let his answering service get it. He didn't want to talk to Reno and he couldn't imagine the redhead having anything useful to say.

Zack started walking back to the house as the phone stopped ringing and just as he reached the front door, it rang again. He pulled the device out again and frowned. It was Reno again. Something bothered him about the Turk's persistence and he had a feeling that he would just keep calling until he picked up. The feeling that something was _wrong_ nagged at Zack and he gave in and answered his phone.

"What's up?" Zack asked impatiently as he brought the phone to his ear.

"Fair, can you…me?" Reno's voice cut out briefly in static but the question was more or less coherent.

"Yeah, I hear you. What do you want?" Zack plopped down on the porch bench and waited for the response.

"Cloud's hurt, man. You outta come…bzzz…pod broke open and he got…on him…"

Zack's heart leaped in his throat and he held the phone tighter against his ear. "What do you mean, 'Cloud's hurt'? What happened?"

"I _told_ ya," Reno answered in an anxious, impatient voice, "We were guarding…WRO…Nibelheim reactor! One of…creature pods…bzzz…open and Cloud got some of the gunk on him. It triggered something, man. He grew a fucking wing and…tear it off. Now he's just laying there like a vegetable!"

Zack didn't understand all of what he was hearing but it hardly mattered to him. "You're in Nibelheim?"

"Yeah, the WRO medics…operate on him. You outta come, Fair. Think he's gonna need ya."

"I'll get there as soon as I can," Zack said. "If they move him anywhere else, you call me right away!"

"Will do," answered Reno.

* * *

Zack made it to Nibelheim just in time to find out they'd moved Cloud to Junon through air transport. He grabbed Reno by the front of his blazer and shook him, prompting Rude to reach for his weapon.

"Why the hell didn't you call me and tell me they were moving him?" Zack yelled.

"You weren't picking up your fucking phone, asshole!" Reno hollered back. "Check your damn battery!"

Zack let go of him and pulled his phone out. It was out of juice. He'd been so determined to get to Cloud that he hadn't even thought of charging his phone. His shoulders slumped and he dragged his fingers through his hair. "Sorry. I didn't realize it was dead."

Reno brushed off his blazer and nodded at his partner, prompting Rude to put his weapon away. "Just cool it. You can ride with us to Junon if you want. They're going to wheel him right into surgery when they get him there."

"Surgery for _what_?" Zack demanded. "I only caught about half of what you said over the phone."

Tseng approached, having overhead some of the conversation. "Strife had an accident during our transport of the experimental creatures left in the old reactor. We were working with the WRO to have them moved to a more secure facility, until a decision can be reached about what to do with them. One of the pods was damaged in the process and Cloud pushed a WRO out of the way when he saw it breaking open. Fortunately, the creature inside didn't wake and attack anyone but Cloud got some of the fluid from inside of the pod on his back. It caused an…interesting…reaction."

Zack felt the color drain from his face. "How 'interesting' are we talking?"

"According to Reeve's science team," explained Tseng, "The work done on Cloud by professor Hojo is responsible for his body's reaction to the exposure. He grew a wing."

"Like the one Angeal and Genesis had?" Zack asked in puzzlement.

The Turks looked at each other grimly and Reno shook his head. "More like a bat wing, yo. Strife took one look at it and he just…snapped. I think it was the last straw for the poor kid."

"He tried to tear it off with his own bare hands," added Rude with a frown. "He did a lot of damage to it before we could stop him. After that he just collapsed and stopped responding to anyone."

"So they're going to fix his wing?" Zack guessed.

"No," answered Tseng. "The damage Strife did was too extensive. They're going to amputate it. If he doesn't come out of his catatonic state once he recovers from the surgery, they'll transport him to a specialist clinic near Kalm for psychiatric treatment."

Zack shut his eyes and swore. "I've got to do something with my car. Can I borrow someone's phone?"

Rude wordlessly handed his over and Zack thanked him before ringing up his parents and telling his Dad what was happening. Mr. Fair agreed to travel to Nibelheim and pick up his car and when he asked Zack what he planned on doing, the ex-Soldier grimly informed him that he was going to stay by Cloud's side until he recovered or there was absolutely no hope. He expected an argument from his old man but Mr. Fair just calmly agreed with him and told him to contact them when he figured out where he was going to be staying.

* * *

Zack watched through the observatory glass as the WRO surgeons worked over his ex. They'd positioned Cloud on his stomach and put him to sleep with an IV drip before beginning. The wing that they were preparing to amputate was clearly broken in several places. The leathery flesh was torn and bleeding, too. Zack swallowed a lump as he imagined Cloud savagely pulling and tearing at the protrusion in an attempt to get it off. He must have been in a state of madness, to endure such pain without passing out.

Tifa was on her way but Zack doubted she'd make it there before the operation was finished. He had to look away when they got the bone saw out and began to make the first cut. He felt someone pat him on the shoulder and he was surprised to find it was Reno. Zack turned his back to the observation window and looked at the Turk with burning eyes.

"Hey man, you won't do yourself or him any good by watching this," Reno said. "Rude's in the lobby waiting for Tifa. Why don't you come down there with us and have some coffee or something?"

"I can't leave him," Zack argued. Was that _his_ voice, so ragged and husky?

"He can't appreciate you being here right now anyway," Reno pointed out. "Strife's dead to the world and he ain't going to know the difference if you leave for a little while and cool your jets. Come on, man. You said you're in this for the long haul so that means you've gotta take care of yourself, too."

Zack reluctantly allowed the slimmer man to guide him away. He couldn't watch what they were doing to Cloud anyhow. His vision blurred and he bowed his head to hide his face as the tears came. Reno walked beside him, partially guiding him down the hallway to the elevator. The Turk had to notice that Zack was crying but he said nothing…either because he had more compassion in him than he'd ever let on or because he rightly feared what Zack might do to him if he made fun.

Zack hardly paid attention to where he was going as he went with Reno down to the first floor lobby. Someone handed him a can of soda and he carelessly gulped it, trying to push the lump in his throat back down. After a while, he heard Tifa's voice and he looked up to see her hurrying towards him and the Turks. The three men stood up and Tifa embraced Zack first before exchanging more reserved hugs with Rude and Reno.

"How is he?" asked the barmaid with a searching look at Zack.

"I don't know yet," he answered in a low, tired voice. "They'll let us know when he's in recovery."

She sighed and plopped down on the couch. "I don't understand how this happened."

Rude sat down beside her and looked as though he was about to reach out and comfort her, but he changed his mind and reached into a pocket instead. Tifa smiled a little when the bald man handed her a handkerchief. She wasn't crying yet but she knew the waterworks could start without warning, at any moment.

"I'm going to take care of him," Zack said to her as he sat down at her other side. "I don't care what it takes or how long it takes, I'm not leaving his side."

Tifa nodded, knowing that it was pointless to argue with Zackary Fair when he had his mind made up. "Do they know what caused him to…you know…go catatonic?"

"Either the wing freaked him out so bad he snapped, or the breakdown was a side-affect of the reaction that made the damn thing pop out in the first place," Reno answered. "They won't know more about it 'till they get him through surgery and have a specialist check him out. They'll do some MRI scans to make sure he doesn't have brain damage, too."

"Gaia, don't let it be brain damage," Zack prayed softly. He rubbed his eyes and put his soda can aside before covering his face with his hands. His nerves were stretched far too thin and he wasn't sure how much more he could take before _he_ had a breakdown, too. He'd sought out counseling for a while after recovering from his near-fatal injuries and he considered looking into doing it again once he found out what was going on with Cloud.

* * *

**_Present Day:_ **

"So that's how you ended up here," Zack finished. "I don't know if it's coincidence or what, but you started talking again after I got more of my things from home and started visiting you. Your memories were pretty garbled and the doc said it was best to just go along with them and give you a nudge here and there."

Cloud absorbed all of this and resisted the urge to bang his head against the wall. He'd been lying to himself all this time…seeing things that weren't there. Worse still, he'd cut Zack out of his memories as if he meant nothing. "I killed you in my head," Cloud whispered.

Zack put an arm around him and shook his head. "You were coping in the only way you knew how, in your condition. It's okay, Sunshine. I'm alive and I'm with you."

"But what about the trip to Kalm?" asked Cloud, looking at him with glossy blue eyes. "Did we even go? Have we…you know…been together…since this happened?"

Zack looked a bit uncomfortable at this line of questions. "We've done some things but I couldn't let myself go all the way with you when you were like that."

"B-but I remember…things," murmured Cloud. "They felt too real to be fake."

"They were probably memories from other times we were together," reasoned the dark-haired man. "I don't want to embarrass you but you've had a few…uh…wet dreams. I've woken up to a little mess now and then when I've stayed overnight, cute stuff."

Cloud was so confused he couldn't even feel embarrassed by the revelation. "So all those times we had sex, it was just a dream?"

"Or a dream combined with memories," Zack nodded, "it makes some sense, if you think about it. You've been mixing up a lot of memories with reality since being here. If you were thinking of things we've already done before, that would explain why it felt so real. I've kept the nookie to touching and kissing."

"What about Tifa and Rude?" Cloud murmured, steering the subject away from his nightly emissions before it could humiliate him. "Are they dating?"

"Yeah, they've been together for a couple of months, now."

"How could I know that?" Demanded Cloud.

"Simple: I told you about it," answered the other man. "I've told you about a lot of things, kiddo. You haven't been totally out of it…just confused about what's been happening."

"What about Sephiroth?" Cloud asked as he recalled the second battle he'd fought against the silver-haired General. "I mean, when I fought him the second time? Were you…there?" He remembered Zack being behind him, asking if he needed help with Sephiroth. In his mind he'd thought it was Zack's spirit encouraging him but if his present conversation with the Brunet was real, he might have actually been there.

"Yeah, I was there for that," Zack answered with a nod. "You wanted to take him down yourself, though. It was really hard for me not to intervene in that fight, kiddo. Seph almost wasted you but you pulled the whammy on him at the last minute. It's going to take you a while to get your memories straightened out again, if you can."

Cloud shut his eyes. "So that's it, then. I'm stuck here."

"No, you aren't," Zack corrected firmly. "I made a deal with the doctor that if I helped him with this experimental hypnosis treatment of his and you came out of your delusions, he'd have you released." He cupped the blonde's chin and made him look into his eyes. "I've been scared out of my mind, you know that? Dr. Clark said it could go either way but he told me if we didn't try it, you'd just slip further and further away. He said you could snap out of it one day or you could fall permanently into your delusions and we'd never get you back out. It'll take some time and you're going to have to keep going with therapy sessions for a while, but I can bring you home."

Cloud stared at him. He was still confused and bewildered but he no longer thought he was imagining all of this. The tears that formed in Zack's eyes gave testament to his confession of being scared. Cloud slowly reached up and wiped away a tear that escaped Zack's left eye and made a glistening trail down his face.

"All this time, I thought I was taking care of you," Cloud murmured.

"You tried to," Zack confirmed with a shaken little laugh. "Even in your state of mind, you tried to shave my face for me." He wiped his eyes and got his emotions in check.

"That was real?" A little smile broke free on Cloud's lips. "Isn't that kind of dangerous? I could have cut you."

"Uh, the doctor gave me a razor with the blades removed, so I could play along with it without risking my face."

Cloud nodded and lowered his eyes. "I'm still not sure if I can trust what I think is real. Are…we together again, Zack?"

"As far as I'm concerned, we never really broke up," answered the other man softly. "I should have taken the time to tell you. I never wanted to leave you, Chocobo. I just wanted to give you a little space."

Cloud frowned severely and a wave of guilt crashed over him. "Then I cheated on you."

Zack blinked at him and his mouth twisted before he sighed and shook his head. "No, you didn't. To cheat on someone you have to be in a relationship with them and as far as you were concerned, we weren't together anymore."

"But I didn't even try to hold on," Cloud insisted. His eyes were full of regret and his mouth trembled as he spoke. "I just…I just tried to move on…didn't even keep you in my thoughts."

Zack stared at him silently for a moment, gathering his wits before carefully responding. "What about now, Sunshine? Do you want to be with me again? I'm still going to take care of you if that's all right by you, no matter what you decide. I won't try to crowd you if you don't want to be with me that way anymore, though."

Cloud nodded. Everything seemed upside-down and unreal to him but the one thing he knew with certainty was that he loved Zack and he didn't want him to go again. "I want to be with you," he whispered. "I want to talk to the doctor again, though. I need to know what's been real and what's been all in my head."

"I'll go and get him now, if you want me to," Zack agreed. He didn't blame Cloud one bit. It was disturbing enough to have conversations and interactions with him, knowing that the blonde was literally living in another world for all those months. Zack was a little worried that Cloud was going into shock. He seemed a little _too_ calm now and his pupils looked too small.

* * *

-To be continued


	21. Chapter 21

"How long are you going to keep me here?" Cloud demanded as soon as Dr. Clark entered the room.

"Only long enough to observe your condition and be certain you won't relapse," explained the doctor. "You're a very special case, son. Your condition wasn't brought about only through mental anguish. The onset of it was caused by toxins released into your system with the manifestation of your wing."

"Then why aren't I in a regular hospital?"

"Because after you recovered from the surgery, the symptoms were psychological." Dr. Clark's tone was patient. "Chemical imbalances can have a bad impact on the psyche and to be honest with you, there were issues before this happened that only made it worse. Medication alone wasn't enough. Your mind was drifting away and you needed psychiatric aid until the balance could be restored."

Cloud looked out the window. "So you're saying that wing pumped some kind of mind-altering toxins into me?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes," agreed the doctor. "The trauma of the event itself triggered a mental reaction that allowed it to happen that much faster."

Cloud looked at him with shadowed eyes. "So I'm not crazy?"

Dr. Clark hesitated. "Well son, you aren't quite well, but if you were 'crazy' I wouldn't be organizing for your release by next weekend. You are going to need therapy. Coming out of the state of mind you've been in isn't as simple as waking up to reality one day. You've got post-traumatic stress disorder and possibly paranoia as well."

"Paranoia," snorted Cloud. "It's not 'paranoia' if you've got a solid reason to be suspicious."

"I suppose that's true," conceded the doctor with a sigh. "So tell me, how much do you remember? If we can synchronize your memories with what occurred after you arrived here, we can help you get your bearings."

"It's jumbled up now," Cloud said with a grimace. "I've got old memories mixed up with new ones. I remember Zack being there to help with the Remnants and Deepground but I also remember thinking he was dead."

"Let's just start from when you arrived here, after finding Zack in Kalm. When we sort those memories out, the rest will come easier."

Cloud nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay. I was dropping off a delivery in Kalm when I saw a busload of patients from your clinic getting ready to leave. I recognized Zack and followed the bus here. They weren't going to let me in but then you drove up to the gates and saw me arguing with the guards and you recognized me."

The blonde paused and furrowed his brow. "I thought that was kind of strange. You told me you knew me from Zack's description but I could have been any guy with blond hair."

Dr. Clark nodded. "Go on."

"You took me into the clinic with you and you told me you only found out Zack's real name recently." Cloud struggled to remember. "Something about seeing a cloud in a picture and remembering me helped him remember his name, too?"

"Actually, that was you remembering your own name," corrected Dr. Clark. "That occurred a few days after you arrived here, when Zack came to help. The first night he couldn't stay because I hadn't gotten the proper security clearance for him yet, but he was able to talk to you for a few moments and try to explain. You recognized him and you came out of your catatonic state and began to study your surroundings. You remembered your own name when you looked at a landscape painting on the wall. The next morning, you remembered Zack's name and you approached two of our aids and asked to be let in to visit him."

Cloud blinked at the man. It made and eerie kind of sense, if he wasn't seeing the world as it was at the time. "So I thought the aids were security guards?"

Dr. Clark nodded. "I had just finished showing Zack to your room and was coming to fetch you when I found you arguing with the aids. Thankfully, the staff you were speaking to knew about Zack, so they were complying with your reality and doing their best to accommodate you. That was when I approached you and told you I would take you to see Zack."

Cloud raised his eyebrows. "Oh." He was beginning to believe this was real. "I want to know more."

"Of course," agreed Dr. Clark.

The discussion went on and Cloud learned that the first conversation he'd had with Dr. Clark and Dr. Matthews together was actually a joint therapy session with the two of them, to assess how much of his condition was purely psychological and how much was chemical. Cloud's memories didn't play him false in the role Dr. Matthews had. It seemed the only difference was that instead of pushing for Zack's release, Dr. Clark had been pushing for Cloud's.

Cloud learned that Zack's parents were alive. He also learned that Zack was on anti-anxiety medications and his memories of taking care of him weren't as false as he'd thought.

"In the process of helping you, Zack was suffering himself," explained Dr. Clark. "In truth, you've _both_ been my patients during this time. His has been a minor case, however. By helping Zack recover, you gained the confidence and resolve to help yourself as well. Do you see?"

"I think so," answered Cloud with a frown. "Then, all those times he took medication and convinced me to take it too…"

"He was actually taking medication," confirmed the doctor. "You've been a stubborn one, though. I regret to say we've had to slip a lot of your meds to you in secret because you simply wouldn't cooperate."

"I don't like meds," Cloud shrugged.

"Believe me, I'm well aware of that," Dr. Clark replied ruefully. "But the medications were necessary to balance out your chemistry and detoxify your system. The hypnotherapy has helped keep you from sinking further into delusion and Zack's involvement in the process gave us the leverage we needed to pull you back out. You're a very lucky young man, Cloud."

Cloud was on the verge of disagreeing but then he thought of Zack. The man had literally put himself into a state of anxiety to play along with Cloud's delusions and help him come back to reality. His chest ached and he nodded. Yes, he was lucky.

* * *

Zack busied himself in the gym while Dr. Clark spoke with Cloud. After nearly an hour, the doctor found Zack and pulled him aside to speak with him.

"Cloud is in a minor state of shock right now, but that's to be expected," confirmed the doctor in a low voice. "I've explained as much as I could to him but he refused to take the oral sedative I tried to give to him. Maybe you should give it a try…he seems to cooperate with you more than anyone else."

"I'll try," Zack agreed with a grimace. Cloud had always been stubborn about taking medication and more often than not, Zack was forced to spike his drinks or use single-dose Syrettes on him in sneak-attacks and convince him a bug bit him. Now that the blonde was more or less back, it was going to be even harder to use that method if he couldn't get him to swallow his pills. "So how much did you talk about, doc?"

"I told him that many of the therapy sessions he remembers watching you go through were actually his own. I explained to him that by helping you, he helped himself recover. In his present state of confusion, I'm not certain he can fully understand that. He wanted to know about your Buster Sword but I have no knowledge of that, so you'll need to answer those questions for him. Evidently he believes he had it restored for you?"

Zack nodded and smiled faintly. "That's right. He really did that, just before he and Tifa got me out of the hospital. I think he's just confused about _when_ he did it."

Dr. Clark nodded. "He also asked about your friend Aerith. He was rather stoic when I told him that he didn't imagine her passing away, which is a good sign. I also told him that your parents are alive."

Zack frowned thoughtfully. "Convincing himself my parents were dead was probably part of his efforts to wipe me out of his memory." He sighed, his heart constricting with pain.

"Don't do this to yourself, son," Dr. Clark said kindly as he laid a hand on Zack's shoulder. "Cloud wasn't truly aware of what he was doing and by the sounds of it, he still loves you. In his mind, he'd lost you already and he only did what seemed logical to him. He didn't act to hurt you, Zack."

"That only makes it worse," Zack muttered. "He wouldn't have done any of this if I hadn't lost my temper and walked out on him in the first place. I should have just cooled down and talked it over with him."

"You have no way of knowing what Cloud would or wouldn't have done if things were different," argued the doctor sternly. "He hasn't been thinking with a healthy psyche. Even if you hadn't had that argument, he might have still taken the job that resulted in his accident. Nobody can predict the future."

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier," sighed Zack. "So, when can I take him out of here?"

"I'd like to keep him here for at least a few more days," answered the doctor, "to be sure that he's truly 'back' and determine for certain that his delusional condition was temporary, rather than permanent. Cloud's case obviously isn't standard, so even if he seems to be fine by the end of the week, he's going to need follow-up care."

"I can live with that." Zack agreed.

* * *

Zack returned to the room and approached the bed where Cloud was laying, staring up at the ceiling. The blonde's eyes shifted to him as he came in and Cloud sat up. He saw the pills and the cup of water Zack carried and he frowned and shook his head. "No more pills."

"It's just to help you relax a little," Zack assured him as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Cloud, you've had a shock and you need to rest. Here, I'll take my pill too, okay?" He picked up one of the tablets and showed it to the blonde before popping it in his mouth and rinsing it down. When he finished, he opened his mouth to show Cloud he'd swallowed it.

Cloud reached out without ceremony and hooked a finger against Zack's left inner cheek, tugging it and peering in.

"Wha…?" Zack gurgled.

"Checking to make sure you're not hiding it," explained the blonde softly. He let go and leaned back against the headboard again, allowing a tiny smirk.

Zack coughed. "You could have warned me," he grumbled.

Cloud shrugged. "Dr. Clark says I'm paranoid. I have an excuse."

"So are you going to take the sedative or not?" Zack persisted, giving him a pleading look.

Cloud sighed and considered his lover for a moment. "Dammit. Hand it over."

Zack grinned in triumph and dropped the pill into Cloud's open palm. He watched as the smaller man put it in his mouth and he handed the cup of water to him so that he could rinse it down. When Cloud finished, Zack leaned in abruptly and kissed him with less-than-subtle affection. Cloud mumbled and accidentally spilled some of the water as Zack's tongue lanced in and explored.

_~Shit.~_

Zack pulled away and shook his head. He pointed at the remaining water in the cup meaningfully. "Nope. Try again, Chocobo."

Cloud grumbled and worked the tablet out from between his cheek and gums with his tongue as he lifted the cup to his mouth again and swallowed. This time he was prepared for Zack's method of checking and he tried to turn his head aside as the black-haired man's mouth sought out his again. Zack caught his jaw in his hand and held his head still while he kissed him and after a moment, Cloud relaxed and returned the kiss.

Zack didn't break the kiss right away when he finished searching Cloud's mouth with his tongue and was satisfied that he'd swallowed the pill. He allowed himself a few leisurely moments and when the blonde shifted restlessly against him and put his arms around him, he made himself pull away. They were both breathing heavily as they gazed into each other's eyes.

"See? I know your tricks," Zack gasped with a smile.

"Only because I gave it away by accident," insisted Cloud just as breathlessly.

Zack shook his head. "I've caught you pulling that stunt before, kiddo. This is just the first time I improvised that way."

"Yeah, Dr. Clark told me you guys have been sneaking the crap to me." Cloud gave him an annoyed look.

Pale and drawn as he was, the blonde was seriously cute when he was frustrated. Zack leaned in for another kiss, helpless as always to resist temptation. "I wouldn't do it if it wasn't necessary for you to get better, you know."

Cloud lowered his eyes and shrugged. "I'll take the stuff for the chemical balancing but I don't want to be doped up all the time on sleeping pills and sedatives."

Zack sighed and scooted up next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders. He took the cup from Cloud and set it on the nightstand. "I promise I won't push you to take the other stuff unless you _really_ need it." He looked Cloud in the eye. "Do you remember what you said to me about lying? How you knew I'd never do it unless it was to protect you?"

Cloud nodded. "I said that while I was…stuck."

"Yeah. It's true though." Zack gave him another brief kiss on the mouth. "Cloud, I can't even express how much I've hated lying to you while you've been in here. Dr. Clark and Dr. Matthews said I needed to play along because if I didn't it could just make things worse. They said you had to come out of it and realize where you were before I could say anything."

The former Soldier's handsome face grew tense with pain and he averted his eyes. "You were like a sleepwalker. I've…really been hating myself all this time. Maybe I don't have the right to ask for it, but can you forgive me?"

Cloud stared at him and he bit his lower lip. His thoughts were a little clearer now but his older memories were still so confused and he still had unanswered questions about his time here. Regardless, the pain evident in Zack's expression was genuine and he could now see the spark of anxiety in those bright eyes. He reached out and traced Zack's features with his fingertips, much as he'd done when he'd first seen him again after arriving here.

"I could never say 'no' to you." Cloud murmured.

They held one another and talked things over as the medication started doing its work. Cloud asked about the pictures, remembering Dr. Clark telling him about Zack's reaction to having a photo of Cloud on his wall.

"That's pretty close to what happened, actually," Zack said with an embarrassed smirk. "The doc pulled up some crappy old ID photos of us and framed them. You didn't like yours but I was happy to have something to make this place a little more like home…and you know how much I love even crappy pictures of you."

Cloud looked around. "Where are they, then?"

"You made me put them away in the drawer after Tifa sent us better ones," Zack chuckled.

"Sounds like me." Cloud nodded. "What about 'Sunny'? Was he real or did I imagine him?"

"He's real," Zack said. "I gave him to Marlene to take home with her. I picked him up on a whim when I was shopping in town. I was kind of worried you wouldn't appreciate the joke but you didn't seem to mind, since I liked him."

Cloud smiled sleepily. "And the real chocobo? I mean, in Kalm? Did that happen, too?"

Zack grimaced. "Don't remind me."

Cloud pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. "So it did."

"Yeah. We really went into Kalm and a chocobo hen really sat on me. That was when I decided to hand Sunny down to Marlene. Next question, please."

Cloud chuckled silently for a moment, his medication making him more relaxed. "Uh, what about the fireworks? Did you freak out or did I imagine that?"

"I freaked out a little," answered Zack. He held Cloud's eyes and gave him a soft smile. "See? I _told you_ that you've been taking care of me."

"I really gave you that medicine?" persisted Cloud. "And you really had a breakdown?"

"Um, not quite," corrected Zack. "I had my own meds on me and you reminded me to take them when the noise started bothering me. It never got out of control but it could have, if you weren't there with me."

Cloud sighed. "I remember you having an episode. I guess my head's pretty fucked up."

Zack nuzzled his cheek. "Some of it's just kind of magnified in your mind, Sunshine. That doesn't mean it was _all_ in your head. Remember, you thought _I_ was the one in serious trouble."

"I guess," Cloud murmured doubtfully.

"Don't try to work out too much of it at once," advised the other man seriously. "You're pushing yourself too much. We can talk about it more tomorrow."

Cloud nodded. "If I wake up in the same place," he muttered grumpily.

Zack squeezed him lightly. "You will, baby. I promise."

* * *

The next morning, Cloud woke up to find nothing had changed and part of him felt relief. He watched the man slumbering next to him for a while and he admired his features even as his mind raced to piece together more information. Wondering just how far the two of them had gone in respect of intimacy during his time here, Cloud allowed himself a bit of leisurely exploring. He ran his hands over Zack's chest and slipped them under his t-shirt to stroke the toned, scarred abdomen beneath. Zack murmured in his sleep when Cloud chafed his nipples with his palms and the blonde kissed him softly.

Cloud slid his hands down and he started to move them around Zack's waist to his back, but he felt something that made him pause. He carefully ran his fingers over the rough patches on the back of Zack's ribs and his concern grew. He pulled his shirt up to see what was wrong and he spotted the healing spots of road rash on his lover's torso and side.

Cloud blinked, his eyes widening as he remembered his "accident" on the day of Zack's evaluation, when he lost control of his bike on his way back to the hospital and skidded off the road. He hadn't even given it a second thought yesterday but now he realized he hadn't felt his injuries at all upon waking and hadn't used his brace or sling.

_~So there was an accident…I just wasn't the one in it.~_

"Zack," Cloud murmured, shaking his companion gently. "Wake up."

"Mmm?" Zack murmured, opening his eyes slowly and looking at Cloud with disorientation. "You okay, Sunshine?"

"How did you get these scrapes?" Cloud traced the scabbed skin with his fingertips for emphasis, though he had a feeling he already knew the answer.

"I got into a little fender bender the other day," answered Zack with a yawn. "A deer ran out in front of the cycle I've rented and I lost control when I swerved to miss it. I'm lucky the road rash was all I got out of it." He gave Cloud a searching look. "Don't you remember? You asked me about it when we showered together, that night."

Cloud sat up and ran his fingers through his mussed hair as a realization came to him. "I've done this before," he muttered.

Zack sat up beside him and rubbed his back. "Done what before, Cloud?"

"Borrowed your identity," answered the blonde with a groan. "Replaced my own with yours. I did it while you were in the hospital, when I thought you were dead. I'm doing it again."

Zack shook his head and scooted forward so he could look Cloud in the eye. "No, that's not what you're doing this time. Listen to me, Cloud."

Cloud looked at his lover with dread-filled eyes and Zack smiled reassuringly at him before going on. "If you were borrowing my identity, you wouldn't have remembered me getting sat on by that crazy chocobo hen—you would have remembered it happening to you instead. You'd think you were the one that had a bad reaction to the fireworks. You'd have remembered me growing the wing instead of you. See what I'm saying? To me, it sounds like the only time you're putting yourself in my place is when you're trying to rationalize things that happened to me when you weren't around to see it."

Cloud thought about that carefully and went over the events as he remembered them. There was a time discrepancy. In his head, he'd only been here with Zack for three or four months. According to Zack and the doctor, he'd been here for fourteen months in reality. "The time frame doesn't add up."

"We can talk to the doctor about that the next time we see him," Zack replied, "but I remember him telling me about this kind of thing. He said mental trauma can skew people's sense of time."

"Okay," Cloud murmured slowly, testing Zack's theory, "I remember you having an MRI scan a couple of weeks after I got here. You had a flashback while you were in the machine and you called out to me and asked if I was okay."

Zack swallowed. "I think you're talking about the second MRI they did on you after you got here, Sunshine. You were talking out loud to Dr. Clark, but he was in the room with me while it was happening. You said something about me having a fit and then you hollered out to me that you were there. I didn't know what else to do so I asked you if you were okay."

Cloud stared blankly at nothing as he replayed the moment in his mind and matched it up with what Zack was saying. "So _I_ was the one in the machine and _you_ were the one waiting with the doctors," he murmured. "I guess the noise started getting to me, but in my head it was you in there and I was trying to calm you down."

"Hey, if I _had_ been the one in that machine, you can bet I probably would have started flipping out a little," Zack comforted. "I remember getting a few of those goddamned tests done on me when I was recovering from the ShinRa MP's shooting me full of holes and I threw up in the middle of one of them."

"You did?" Cloud winced.

"Yeah." Zack nodded and grimaced. "You handled it better than I did, kiddo."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you then." Cloud lowered his eyes.

Zack squeezed his knee. "Don't do that. You didn't even know I was alive and you had your own problems while I was getting patched up. We've already been through this. Now, what other questions do you have for me?"

Cloud pondered the question and a flush colored his pale cheeks as he thought of his next inquiry. "Um…what about the naked motorcycle picture? Did I really do that?"

Zack burst into laughter and Cloud blushed even harder and grumbled while the other man struggled to regain control of himself. Zack held up a finger to indicate that he needed a moment and he coughed and took a couple of deep, uneven breaths.

"Oh man…I wasn't expecting _that_ one. Yeah, you took a naked picture of yourself on Fenrir, but that didn't happen here. It happened a couple of months before the Deepground crap started. I was overseas in Wutai trying to play bodyguard to that brat Yuffie—who totally didn't want my help. She was driving me mental and I called you up for a little mood booster. We ended up doing shots over the phone with each other and I dared you to take a picture of yourself naked on your motorcycle."

Zack laughed again and put an arm around Cloud, pulling him closer and nuzzling his hair. "You weren't going to do it but I laid a guilt trip on you for convincing me to come along with the little materia thief while she took care of her political business."

"Uh-huh," Cloud grimaced, beginning to remember. "Someone caught me in the act, didn't they?"

"Yeah," Zack admitted. "You were kind of a potty mouth in the text message you sent with the picture. Tifa walked into the garage while you were taking the picture and she almost knocked herself out trying to run back out the door before it finished closing."

Cloud's jaw dropped. He would have preferred for his memory of Dr. Matthews catching him in the act to be the real one. No wonder his mind had chosen to warp the memory. He hunched over and covered his face with his hands. Well, his other questions probably couldn't embarrass him much further than this revelation had.

"How about the feathers?" Cloud said into his hands.

"Feathers?" Zack's voice sounded carefully neutral.

Cloud pulled his hands away from his face and looked at the other man. "Yeah, the feathers. Did the night with the feather play and scarves really happen?"

Zack grinned again—this time in his customary wolfish manner when he found something sexually intriguing. "Oh yeah…that's happened a lot of times, baby."

"Have we done it lately?" Prompted Cloud.

Zack pressed his lips together and averted his gaze. "Uh…yeah."

"But we've never gone all the way since I've been here?"

Zack shook his head. "No…we almost did the night you teased me with the feather, though. I damn near lost it."

Cloud was smiling without even realizing it. "Where did I get the feather from? In my head I…I stopped at a store and bought a feather duster and scarves to bring back for you."

"That's the funny thing," Zack mused, glancing at him sidelong. "I didn't go and buy it because I was trying to avoid playing like that with you…'cause it gets me too hot. Somehow though, you snatched a feather duster from the cleaning staff."

"I stole it?" Cloud scoffed. "How…when would I have done that?"

Zack shrugged. "I've got no idea, Sunshine. Maybe you snatched it right off the cleaning lady's cart and thought you bought it, or maybe you were passing by the supply closet while one of the staff was getting stuff out and you grabbed it while their back was turned. Either way, you wanted to fool around and I couldn't resist."

Cloud scratched his head and tried to force the false memory out so that he could remember the true memory of how he procured the item. It was no good; his recollections were too jumbled. "Well, what about the scarves?" He asked to distract himself from frustration. "Where did I get those from…or were they socks or something else I just mistook for scarves?"

Zack was briefly puzzled but he shrugged, knowing that the things Cloud remembered were different from what actually happened. "We didn't use scarves…but I held onto the headboard and tried to be still for you while you played."

Cloud bit his lip and shifted as the memory of what happened after he'd blindfolded, bound and tickled Zack made him start swelling in his pants. "Are you sure we didn't do more than fool around?"

Zack's smoky gaze roved over him as the sable-haired man nodded in confirmation. "I wanted to…god, I really wanted to. I held back, though. I…uh…took care of you so you wouldn't keep pushing my buttons and when you fell asleep I went into the bathroom and took care of myself."

"But it seemed so real," protested Cloud softly, his eyes likewise caressing Zack with hunger he couldn't disguise.

"We've done the feather-play plenty of times in the past before all this happened, sexy." Zack explained.

"So going all the way was really all wet-dreams and memories?" Cloud was unreasonably disappointed.

"I'm afraid so," Zack sighed. He unconsciously stroked the blonde's back and leaned in closer to him, breathing in his scent. "Like I told you, there've been a few nights I've woken up to you moaning and rubbing against me." He brushed his lips against Cloud's parted ones and his groin hardened like Cloud's.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to just hold you and kiss you while you got off in your sleep? Not…touch you…"

His hand slid down Cloud's back to rest against his bottom intimately.

"Never rolling you over…"

He gently pushed Cloud backwards onto the mattress and stretched out on top of him. He kissed the blonde deeply for a moment before pulling away to look down at his attentive, impassioned face.

"Never sexing up this sweet body of yours…having my way with you?" He groaned as Cloud rubbed his thigh between his legs invitingly and he kissed him again.

Cloud was equally restless and excited. He returned Zack's kisses with a sharp appetite, forgetting for the moment about his memory problems and confusion. Their tongues met and stroked as their bodies rubbed against one other's. Cloud slipped his hands under Zack's shirt and rubbed his back coaxingly before dragging them down to more interesting targets. Just as he was pushing his hands underneath the waistline of Zack's pants, there was a knock at the door.

"Fuck off," Cloud muttered into Zack's mouth, directing it at whomever was trying to interrupt them.

Zack quickly broke the kiss and snickered into the pillow. "Sweet Shiva's ass, I don't think you've got to worry about getting back to your old self again." He raised his head and grinned happily down at the frustrated blonde beneath him. "That was classic 'Pissed off Cloud Strife', right there."

"Hey, in my head we were having sex every day," Cloud grumbled. "Now I'm finding out we've gone without for more than a year and I'm feeling it." He nodded sagely even as he glared up at the other man.

The knock came again before Zack could respond to Cloud's statement and the ex-Soldier groaned and rolled off of his lover. "At least I know I'm not the only one 'feeling it'," he shot over his shoulder with a wink as he walked to the door. He twisted the lock and opened it to find one of the nurses waiting with Cloud's morning medication.

"Thanks," he said to her as he took the pill and the cup of water she offered. He shut the door and returned to the bed, holding out the pill and the water to Cloud. When the blonde sat up and just looked at the items, Zack sighed. "Come on, Chocobo. You promised me you'd take this stuff."

Cloud examined the little pink pill for a moment and upon seeing that it wasn't the same color as the sleeping pill from the night before, he sighed and nodded. This time he didn't try to pocket the tablet in his cheek, trusting Zack's promise that he wouldn't push him to take more than the necessary meds unless it was required. He relaxed and enjoyed Zack's new method of checking his mouth for hidden pills, returning the kiss without thinking about it.

"Zack," Cloud mumbled when the other fighter's lips moved along his jaw.

"Hmm?"

"What about you asking Dr. Clark if you and I could ever get married?"

Zack stopped his kissing and pulled his mouth away from Cloud's jaw to stare at him. "That's the second time you've mentioned that. I think you might be confusing it with the discussion you and I had about who'd be the 'wife' if we were a married couple, cute stuff."

Cloud shook his head and cursed his low blush factor as his cheeks again warmed predictably. "No…when we were in Kalm the first time…a gang attacked you and Dr. Clark while I was in one of the shops. Just before the fight broke out you…I mean…" He trailed off, remembering Dr. Clark asking him how he could know about a conversation he hadn't been present to hear. Just a few moments ago, he and Zack had figured out that he was mixing up things that happened to him with things that happened to Zack.

Zack also realized what was going on. There _had_ been a confrontation in Kalm that day and he remembered how proud he was when Cloud proved that his disorientation with reality hadn't crippled his ability to kick ass. Zack had joined the fight and it was almost like old times, until the WRO peacekeepers intervened and rounded up the guilty party. The discussion of marriage Cloud was talking about must have taken place between him and Dr. Clark while Zack was out of earshot.

"Awww, did you tell the doc you want to marry me, Sunshine?" Zack smiled broadly at the blonde, not only to distract him from the worried confusion he sensed but because it made him ridiculously happy to think that Cloud might actually have considered it seriously. It didn't matter if they couldn't do it…the desire to commit to him like that was touching.

Cloud shook his head. "N-no," he denied, thoroughly mortified by his mistake. "Must have just gotten it mixed up…like you said."

"You're a rotten liar," Zack chuckled. He scooted closer to the smaller man and threw an arm around him. "Come on, 'fess up. Would you marry me if you could?"

Realizing he'd already given away too much and deciding that Zack deserved an honest answer, Cloud lowered his eyes bashfully and nodded. "If I could, yeah."

Zack sat silent for a while, just looking at him. His humor faded as a warm ache grew inside. This wasn't a laughing matter anymore. Cloud was serious and with a bit of a shock, he realized he felt the same. He slipped a hand under the other man's chin and gently guided him to lift his head and turn it toward him.

"I would marry you if I could too, Cloud." Zack followed up the sincere confession with a tender kiss.

* * *

They had breakfast in the cafeteria after that and Zack called up Tifa so that she could speak with Cloud. She was relieved and excited when the blonde took the phone and spoke to her without the altered perception of reality she'd gotten used to from him. He told her they were holding him until the doctors were satisfied that he wouldn't slip back into his delirium and he asked her a few questions to clear up other jumbled memories. She answered them gladly and assured him that Fenrir was safely locked away in the garage.

"Everybody's been so worried," Tifa told him, her voice betraying a quiver of emotion. "I tried to tell myself that if you could fight your way out of Mako poisoning, you could fight your way out of this, too. It's just taken so much longer than I thought…are you _sure_ you're okay, Cloud?"

"Not completely," he admitted, "but I'm working on clearing things up. Say hi to the kids and the others for me, okay? One of us will call you again when the doctor lets us know more." He almost ended the call at that, but he remembered something else. "Oh, and I hope Rude's treating you okay."

"H-he is," Tifa answered. "I was sure you wouldn't remember talking to me about that."

"I remember a lot of things," he answered with a shrug. "I just don't remember them happening the way they did. Like I said, I'm working on that."

"Good," Tifa said in a relieved voice. "I shouldn't have doubted. Take care and come home soon, Cloud. Everyone misses you and Zack."

"See you soon, Tifa."

* * *

-To be continued


	22. Chapter 22

Cloud studied his affliction obsessively, once he accepted that he wasn't going to "wake up" from his current reality. Normally reserved about speaking to people, the blonde asked endless questions of hospital staff, Zack and friends alike. Not only was he trying to separate the truth from his altered memories; he was also trying to fill in the time gaps in his mind. He couldn't spare as much attention for Zack as he would have liked and he could tell that his lover was growing increasingly concerned about him.

"Cloud, I think you're trying to absorb too much at once," Zack said to him after dinner. "Why don't you take a little break and come back to it later? The information's not going to go anywhere, you know." Cloud's relentless pursuit for answers reminded him a bit of Sephiroth and it gave him a chill.

Cloud shook his head and approached another one of the nurses that he hadn't spoken to yet that day. "I need information. I want my head back on straight." He pressed his lips together grimly and fought his emotions back down. Inwardly he was terrified. He'd already been through something similar to this before and he'd thought he finally knew who he was. Now the question was wide open again. Nobody else could really understand his concerns…not even his lover.

Zack sighed. "I don't suppose I can be much use to you right now, then. I'll…go find something to do. If you need me I'll either be in the gym or in our room, okay?"

Cloud turned to him and softened his features. "I know you want to help me," he said in a low voice. He took one of Zack's hands in his and squeezed it, allowing himself a small display of public affection. "You can't always fix everything for me, though."

Zack's eyes looked into his and he nodded slowly, having learned from past mistakes to take a hint when it was given. "Okay, Chocobo. Do what you have to do." He walked away to busy himself with other things, offering no further arguments.

Cloud watched him go and he bit his lip as another uprising of emotion threatened.

_~Got to hold it together…at least 'till I can be sure I'm really here. Sorry Zack, just wait for me a little longer.~_

* * *

Dr. Clark was finishing his afternoon rounds on the third floor and he was about to meet up with Dr. Matthews when he saw Zack standing outside the room he shared with Cloud. The young man looked as though he didn't know what to do with himself. He was just standing there, looking around with a frown and scratching his head. Concerned, the doctor closed the distance to speak with him.

"Good evening, Zack. Is everything okay?"

Zack gave a little start when he spoke. He'd had his head turned when he approached and evidently, he was so preoccupied he hadn't sensed him coming. Dr. Clark frowned, disliking that. Zack's past training usually made it impossible to sneak up on him, even deliberately. The ex-Soldier's movements were too jerky and animated as he combed his fingers through his dark hair and shrugged.

"Not really," Zack admitted. "But hopefully it will be, soon."

"Why don't we step into your room and talk for a moment?" Suggested Dr. Clark.

Zack nodded and pulled his keys out of his pocket to unlock the door to his and Cloud's room. He stood aside politely and waited for the doctor to go in first before joining him. Once they were alone in the room, Zack shut the door and leaned against it with a sigh, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"I'm worried about Cloud," Zack said. He lowered his head again and smirked at the older man. "But I guess you probably knew that already."

"Generally when I see that frown on your face, I know it has something to do with Cloud," agreed the doctor. "So tell me what the trouble is."

"He's…I don't know if this makes a lot of sense, but he's too mellow about all of this," Zack tried to explain. "I understand his determination to piece everything together but I guess I expected him to be a little more…uh…fragile, maybe? Except for when he first came out of it, he's been acting like it's all a minor nuisance."

Dr. Clark nodded in understanding. "I share your concern, but let me remind you of where Cloud has been for the past year. When you've woken from a heavy sleep, you're disoriented, aren't you?"

Zack shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."

"And when you've gotten unexpected bad news…devastating news…do you always immediately react emotionally to it?"

"I sure as hell did when I found out what happened to Cloud," argued Zack.

"True, but do you _always_ react that way to tragedy?" Persisted the doctor.

Zack rubbed his eyes and cast his mind back. No, he didn't _alway_ s immediately react. He didn't break down after killing Angel until he got back to Midgar and visited Aerith in the church. When he'd come out of the ShinRa mansion and seen the devastation Sephiroth caused to the town of Nibelheim, he'd felt numb at first. He hadn't felt much of anything when he'd faced down the ShinRa army either, except determination to stall them from reaching Cloud. No fear, no regret, just plain old resolve.

"I guess not," he conceded finally. "So what are you saying…Cloud's still in shock or something?"

"That would be my immediate conclusion," offered the doctor. "Though I think to be sure, I should have a talk with him. Let's arrange a little visit, shall we? Bring him to my office and we can all sit down and talk about this."

"Sounds like a plan, doc." Zack sighed in relief. "Uh, just don't let on that you wanted to see him because of something I said, okay? I'm trying not to crowd him and he might get mad if he thinks I'm going behind his back and tattling on him."

Dr. Clark smiled. "I needed to speak with him more anyhow, son. If I have the time, I'd like to have a counseling session with you both each day until he's released, so that I can keep an eye on him and be sure we aren't jumping the gun on his release." He paused as Zack stepped aside to let him back out and he considered the black-haired fighter somberly. "To tell you the truth Zack, I've been more than a little worried about your state of mind, lately. Don't hesitate to come to me if you're feeling overwhelmed. We don't need you to fall into another rage the way you did with that ShinRa helmet, that day."

Zack shifted bashfully on his feet and nodded. Boy, that was embarrassing and it was an eye-opener to him when his lover—who wasn't even on the same page as everyone else—came up to him in the yard and talked some sense into him. "I don't want _that_ to happen again either," Zack murmured. "Way to try and get myself committed, eh?"

Dr. Clark looked faintly amused. "Let's just be thankful that nobody got hurt and it never came to that. Poor Cloud was quite worried about it, as I recall—though in his mind you already _were_ institutionalized." He sobered. "Just be sure to take care of yourself too, Zackary. The two of you are so close to beating this, it would be a shame for you to fall apart now."

* * *

Approximately twenty minutes later, Cloud and Zack walked into Dr. Clark's office and had a seat. Dr. Matthews was there too, standing at Dr. Clark's side and going over some paperwork with him.

"Thank you for coming," Dr. Clark said politely to the young men as he set his pen aside and straightened his posture. "Cloud, how are you feeling?" As he spoke, Dr. Matthews circled back around the desk and took the chair next to Zack's.

"I'm okay," Cloud answered softly. "Just trying to get my head straightened out."

"No anxiety?" Dr. Clark persisted.

Cloud didn't answer verbally. The compassionate expression on the man's face was too much for him and he lowered his gaze instead and shrugged. From his peripheral vision, he saw the two doctors exchange contemplative looks and he knew he was being carefully analyzed. It rankled him and he pressed his lips together.

"Why don't you just come out and say it?" Cloud said, lifting his eyes to give them both a level stare, one at a time.

"What would you like us to say?" inquired Dr. Matthews calmly.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Cloud responded, a spark of anger finally flaring to life inside, despite his efforts to stay calm. "' _I know it's hard, Cloud_ ,' or how about ' _You have to face your fears, Cloud_ '. Maybe you want to crank out a little song and dance about how it's all going to be okay if I just cooperate, or _maybe_ you just want to push my buttons so I'll crack and you can validate treating me like a lab rat and pat each other on the back for 'figuring me out'!"

"Cloud…" Zack said helplessly, reaching out for his lover as the blonde stood up. "He just asked how you were feeling…" Zack's first thought was that the doctor had lit a fuse under Cloud's ass without even trying, but he remembered that both of the older men were adept at bringing things to the surface and getting into people's heads.

Cloud ignored him and put his hands flat on Dr. Clark's desk, looming over him as he settled an angry, lupine gaze on him. "Do you _really_ want to know how I feel, doctor?"

Dr. Clark swallowed and scooted his chair back a little. "Yes, that would be nice." His voice was marginally uneven, revealing his uneasiness.

Cloud smirked humorlessly. Ordinarily he'd get no joy out of intimidating the kind man, but he was past his limit of patience now and he _needed_ to be taken seriously. "I feel manipulated. I feel confused, I feel exhausted and most of all, I'm _pissed off_."

He sensed Zack's presence at his back and heard him speaking, trying to calm him down, but he couldn't comply. "I've spent most of my adult life being poked, prodded, stabbed, shot at, betrayed and drifting in and out of awareness. I don't know if you're real, if this place is real or even if _I'm_ real anymore, and you want to know how I _feel?_ "

Dr. Matthews circled around behind the desk and stood tensely beside Dr. Clark, looking like he might call for security at any moment.

"Cloud, you're real," Zack said.

Cloud whirled to face his lover and he indulged in an ugly, sardonic little chuckle. "Yeah? How do I know _you're_ even real, Zack? Maybe you really _are_ dead or maybe you don't even exist!"

Zack's responsive expression of devastation was like the shock of cold water to fevered skin, for Cloud. The blonde felt his face go slack as bitter remorse stung him and his vision blurred with tears. He parted his lips to apologize, but the words got stuck in his throat as Zack turned away as if to go and began to pant oddly.

"Zack?" Cloud said in a small voice as the taller man's knees began to buckle. He shot an alarmed look at the doctors. "He can't breathe!"

"No, he's breathing too _much_ ," corrected Dr. Clark as he and his associate hurried around the desk to get to Zack. "He's hyperventilating."

"He's having a damned panic attack," added Dr. Matthews.

Cloud supported his lover as Zack sank to the floor and he caught hold of Zack's left hand when he saw it twitch. He held it tightly and kept one arm around him as the doctors crouched down to help.

"Zack, listen to me," Dr. Clark said on a low, gentle voice, "You're getting too much air. You need to slow your breathing and calm down."

Zack looked at the doctor with glazed eyes and nodded, trying to do as he said. Dr. Matthews instructed him to hold his breath and Zack obeyed, holding tightly to Cloud's hand as he fought against the urge to suck in more air.

"That's it," encouraged Dr. Clark. "Now let it go, take another breath and hold it again."

Zack nodded and did so, taking comfort in the doctors' calm demeanor and Cloud's presence—even though moments ago Cloud accused him of not existing. He felt Cloud stroking his hair as he held his breath and waited. The doctors talked him through the exercise until his breathing returned to normal. Once it did, Dr. Matthews left the office to fetch one of Zack's anxiety pills from the nurse station, while Dr. Clark remained behind to monitor him.

The incident made Cloud forget all about his anger and conspiracy suspicions—at least temporarily. His only concern now was for Zack and watching him collapse like that scared the hell out of him. He didn't care that they had an audience. Zack _was_ real to him, even if the rest of the world seemed strange and confusing.

"I'm sorry," Cloud murmured past an aching throat, putting both arms around Zack and hugging him tightly. "I didn't mean it." He kissed him and blinked tears out of his eyes as he looked at him. "I know you're real. I…I shouldn't have said that."

Dr. Clark looked away and wiped his eyes suspiciously.

* * *

After giving Zack one of his pills, the doctors suggested that he and Cloud return to their room and get some rest. Cloud had no anger left in him at this point; he'd worn himself out emotionally with his outburst and the intensive remorse that followed when he'd taken it out on Zack. He agreed with their suggestion and went back to his room with Zack, locking the door behind him and helping Zack take his shoes and socks off before removing his own and lying down with him.

Zack's expression was still sad and a little traumatized as they lay down together side by side and Cloud pulled the covers over them. The blonde had a sullen pout on his lips as Zack's puppy-like expression ate at his conscience. He called his name softly and when the dejected amethyst eyes looked into his, Cloud swallowed and apologized again.

"I was raging," Cloud said haltingly, "and even though you and Dr. Clark told me you've been having anxiety, I didn't realize it was that bad. I…I guess I expected you to blow it off and tell me I was being silly when I said that, in there."

"I can't take much more of that, Sunshine," admitted Zack in a bare whisper. He sighed and shut his eyes. A tear formed under his lashes and it streaked onto the pillow as it escaped. "I think it's time for me to admit I'm at the end of my rope. You didn't know, so it's not your fault…but still, I just can't…it really hurts when you say things like that…" He drew a shuddering breath and shook his head. "I'd rather you just tell me if you don't want me in your life anymore. I've tried to be understanding…tried to be supportive, but you keep doing this and—"

"I won't," Cloud interrupted with aching sincerity, "I won't do it anymore, Zack." He kissed him and rubbed his back. He wanted to say more but of course, he couldn't come up with the words. Instead, he tried to show him how he felt with kisses and eye contact, conveying how much he loved him as best he could with his actions.

_~So stupid of me…how could I have said that at all, when he's the only thing solid to me right now? How could I hurt him like that?~_

Cloud felt the other man's body slowly relaxing against his as he kissed and caressed him. He took his time, pushing other concerns aside so that he could salve the wound he'd caused. "I'm sorry," he murmured against Zack's neck as he brushed his lips against it.

Zack embraced him and shook his head, opening his mouth—probably to say it was okay. Cloud kissed him to stall his response and he shook his head in kind. "Don't say 'it's okay' or tell me it wasn't my fault. Just…just say you forgive me, if I deserve it."

Zack stared at him and appeared to struggle for words. Finally, he sighed in defeat and nodded. "You know I forgive you, Cloud. Don't be a moron."

Some of the tension faded from Cloud. Zack's sincere, tired response meant a lot to him and he murmured a "thank you" before kissing the other man again. Zack responded to the kiss this time. It was hesitant at first, cautious. As Cloud caressed his lips with his own and gently traced them with his tongue, Zack began to reciprocate. Cloud parted his lips to accept the other man's tongue and he pushed his fingers through Zack's thick, sooty black hair. Moments ticked by and the fervor of Zack's kiss increased, until Cloud's body reacted in a wanton way.

Cloud felt Zack's hand slide up under his jumper shirt and he sighed with desire as the battle-roughened palm stroked along his stomach and ribcage. He sucked gently on Zack's tongue, shifting against him in the most inviting way he could. Evidently, the message got through because Zack coaxed him onto his back and pressed a thigh between his legs intimately. Cloud slipped his fingers out of Zack's hair and trailed his hands down the other man's broad shoulders and back, caressing and kneading as he went. He felt Zack's stiffened crotch digging into his hip and Cloud's groin swelled in sympathy. Cloud pulled the covers down so that they weren't hampering their motions and he murmured breathlessly against Zack's lips.

_~Don't know if we even have any lube. If he's been holding back all this time, he probably never bought any.~_

Cloud's desire to have sex grew stronger as Zack pushed his shirt up and took his mouth away from his to travel over his chest. His hands untied the drawstrings of Cloud's pants and the blonde lifted his hips eagerly as Zack removed his thigh from between his legs and pulled the garment down to expose him. Cloud slipped his hand around to the front of his lover's body and dropped it down, eager to touch Zack. He cupped the other fighter's package through the cargo pants just as one of Zack's hands curled around his naked erection. Cloud murmured his name and closed his eyes, rubbing his straining bulge as Zack stroked his exposed cock.

"Want you," Cloud gasped, pushing his hips upwards to slide his hard flesh into Zack's stroking hand.

"You sure?" Zack murmured against his chest between kisses.

"Wh…what kind of question is that?" asked Cloud with a smirk, looking down at the dark head hovering over his chest.

Zack paused and lifted his head to look into his eyes. "The serious kind. I can trust any consent you give me now, so I want you to tell me you're sure before we go that far, kiddo."

Cloud didn't hesitate. "I'm sure. Do you…um…have anything?"

Zack gave him a playfully sarcastic look. "Hey, just because I couldn't do anything with it doesn't mean I didn't buy anything just in case."

Cloud favored him with a little smile. "Right. I should have known the horndog of Midgar would have thought of that." He gasped softly as Zack gave his erection a couple of firm, skilled strokes in response. "So where is it?" he finished, eager to feel Zack inside of him again. He needed a _real_ encounter with his lover…not just memories and erotic dreams.

Zack arched over him and gave him a sensual, plundering kiss before murmuring: "In my bag in the closet. I'll get it in a minute."

Cloud was about to argue with him but Zack moved back and lifted his shirt, kissing and licking his chest and stomach as he went. Instead of protesting, Cloud ran his fingers through Zack's hair and tried to relax, guessing what the other man's intentions were.

"You don't have to do that," Cloud said softly.

Zack didn't answer him. Instead, his lips encircled the head of Cloud's erection and his tongue licked at it with slow, easy patience. Cloud parted his lips and closed his eyes, moaning faintly as the skilled treatment gave him pulses of blissful sensation. When the wet, sucking heat slid down over his cock to the hilt, Cloud grunted Zack's name and arched his throat. His breath shuddered in his throat as Zack began to suck up and down his length rhythmically, keeping his lips sealed tightly around his girth. The brunet took his time, experimenting with different angles, releasing the stiff shaft from his mouth to tease it from root to tip with his tongue and sucking strongly at the heart-shaped tip until Cloud was panting heavily and trembling nonstop.

The fantastic treatment went on for several minutes until Zack took him deep down his throat and began to swallow. Cloud's hands trembled with the effort not to pull the man's hair as his attentions brought him to orgasm and he shot his load down his throat. He groaned incoherently while Zack swallowed every drop and his strength bled out of him with it. When it finished, Zack kissed his inner left thigh and deftly pulled his pants the rest of the way off, leaving Cloud dressed in only his hiked-up jumper shirt.

Cloud caught his breath as Zack got out of bed and went to the closet to fetch the required lubricant. He hardly cared what he looked like and when Zack located what he was after and turned around to come back, he could tell that he'd get no complaints from him. The sable-haired man's eyes swept over Cloud's reclined form and he gave him one of those seductive, pleased smiles that always made the blonde's pulse quicken. Because of that smile alone, Cloud chose to lie still and wait for him instead of pulling his shirt off or tugging it down.

He raised his hands and put them behind his head, relaxing as Zack's weight sank down on the bed. Cloud gave him a somewhat bashful smile as the bigger man dropped a possessive hand on his stomach and stroked downwards to his hip in a sensual glide. He knew he was blushing but his desire for Zack was greater than his modesty. His body was literally tingling with awareness as Zack began to undress and Cloud couldn't resist helping him, so that he'd have access to his naked body faster. He sat up and started undoing Zack's cargo pants while the brunet pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor.

Zack turned his head and caught Cloud's mouth with his own as the blonde's hands worked eagerly to undo the buttons and zipper on his pants. Their tongues met and wrestled for a moment before Zack's asserted dominance. Cloud didn't fight it and he tugged Zack's pants down over his hips when the other man eased him onto his back and hovered over him. Zack wriggled out of his pants with Cloud's help and their lips remained locked in a heated kiss as they worked together to rid him of the garment. The boxer briefs were next to crown the pile of tossed clothes and Zack was finally nude.

Cloud's body recovered quickly from the orgasm Zack had given him and he was already hardening again when the other man coaxed his thighs apart and sat between them on his heels. Cloud reached down to stroke Zack's thighs as he lubed his fingers up and began to prepare him. Smooth skin, crisp hairs and powerful muscles were his to admire as Cloud rubbed his palms up and down Zack's outer thighs. He gazed up at his lover, letting his eyes drink in the sight of Zack's comely features and the expression of concentration on them. Cloud gasped a little when he was breached by one of the slick fingers, but the discomfort was mild and he instinctively relaxed to ease the penetration.

"It's been a while," Zack murmured in a lusty tone as he raised his eyes from his task and studied Cloud's face. "You're tighter than I remember, sexy. I'm not hurting you, am I?"

Cloud shook his head and bit his lip as the invading finger pushed in deeply, stroking his pleasure spot in passing. If he'd had any doubts concerning whether Zack was telling the truth or not when he told him they hadn't had intercourse during their time here, they would have been laid to rest, now. The fullness and stretching sensation was almost as intense as he remembered it being the first time he and Zack ever had sex, when he'd lost his virginity. His body had lost its training and now it was trying to adjust all over again.

Zack was gentle and considerate with his attentions, stroking Cloud's re-awakened cock with one hand while gradually stretching him with his lubed fingers. He petted the hard little gland inside often and by the time he was relaxed enough to take Zack, Cloud was moaning and undulating restlessly.

"How do you want it, Sunshine?" Zack's voice was low and seductive with erotic promise as he looked down at the golden-haired fighter.

Cloud almost said he wanted to do it on his hands and knees, but he immediately discarded the idea. He wanted to look into Zack's eyes as it happened…wanted to see every expression of pleasure on his face. "On my back," he answered. "I need to _see_ you."

Zack didn't question him and Cloud knew he understood when he eased his body on top of his and lowered his mouth for a slow, unhurried kiss. Cloud reciprocated with feeling and shifted beneath the larger man to create friction between their bodies. Zack's soft groan of appreciation hummed in Cloud's mouth and the brunet rubbed against him in response. Cloud grew impatient as his lover kissed and rocked against him with unhurried sensuality, but he held back his complaints and focused on enjoying the intimacy. He caressed Zack's back, shoulders and ass with eager hands and his pulse quickened when the silken tip of the man's cock butted gently against his sphincter, with deliberate rhythm.

"Zack, please," Cloud begged softly against the other man's lips. He was so hard by now that it ached and he was producing copious amounts of precum that smeared against Zack's stomach. He squeezed the other man's ass demandingly and wriggled against him, pushing his waiting hole against the teasing cap of Zack's sex.

Zack paused and drew back to look at him. He smiled and it touched his eyes as he spoke. "Sorry, Chocobo. I guess I'm trying to give you a chance to back out if you want."

"I'm not going to back out," insisted the blonde with a frustrated little smirk. "I'm laying here on my back with my legs spread, grinding against you. If my words weren't enough for you, this ought to be."

Zack chuckled and there was a pained quality about it. "Right."

He nodded and shifted his weight to guide himself in. He lowered his head and brushed his lips against Cloud's as he pressed the head of his erection against the slick, puckered ring that waited for him. Cloud exhaled slowly and closed his eyes as his lover nudged gently into him. At first there wasn't any give but the blonde consciously relaxed his muscles. He grunted softly as he was breached and he couldn't stop his brows from furrowing at the discomfort. Determined, Cloud bade his out of practice body to remember the things his mind so clearly recalled. Slowly, the resistance gave and Zack's hard flesh slid deeper and deeper into him.

"Mmm, Cloud," Zack sighed in appreciation. His breath was warm and uneven against Cloud's lips. He waited for a moment once he was fully inside of him and his lips descended for a deep kiss. Cloud thrust his tongue into Zack's mouth a little desperately, fighting a whimper as he stirred beneath him in an effort to compel him to move. The black-haired fighter broke the kiss and looked down at Cloud.

"Impatient," Zack drawled with a smug grin.

Cloud nodded. "Think I'm ashamed of that?" He accentuated his point with a sharp smack on Zack's ass, making the other man blurt a startled curse. Cloud felt Zack's cock twitch inside of him before his mouth crushed against his again with hot insistence. The blonde let loose a muffled exclamation as Zack withdrew to the tip and pushed back in firmly. Cloud rubbed the abused cheek he'd smacked and his breath caught as his lover began to pump his hips with a groan of surrender.

Zack's mouth released his and he stared down at him with a pained expression on his sculpted features as he took him. Cloud brought his hands up to trace the other man's face with his fingertips, gasping and rocking beneath him as he thrust. He loved the different aspects of pleasure that Zack's face underwent. Watching them so intimately made Cloud lust for his partner even more and he panted Zack's name as the other man's cock edged in again with perfect accuracy.

Even if it was true that they hadn't slept together in over a year, Zack hadn't lost his touch. Cloud's breathless exclamation of his name seemed to alert Zack that he was doing something right and he held his position as he pumped with rising enthusiasm. Cloud was unable to stifle his moans of pleasure as the hard, thick organ stroked his gland again and again. He moved instinctively beneath his lover's shifting weight, integrating his motions with Zack's.

"Harder," Cloud begged raggedly, sliding his hands down from Zack's face to his shoulders and biceps. He clutched at his arms and looked up at him with hazy blue eyes, wanting a stronger reminder of their intimate connection with one another. Zack complied with a rough moan of pleasure, his hips snapping with keen abruptness that made Cloud bite his lip on a cry. "Oh god," the blonde whimpered, squeezing Zack's upper arms desperately.

Zack didn't slow or stop but he gave Cloud a concerned look and gasped: "Overkill?"

Cloud shook his head and hooked his ankles together at the small of the other fighter's back. "Perfect," he groaned unevenly, his breath expulsing with another powerful thrust. "Unh…oh…don't stop, Zack!" He let go of Zack's biceps and raked his fingers through his hair, curving one of his hands around the back of his head to draw it down for a kiss.

Zack obliged the silent demand and caught the blonde's lips with his, spearing his tongue into his mouth and stroking inside. When Cloud withdrew his fingers from his hair and started to explore his chest with his hands, Zack balanced on one elbow and caught one of them and pressed it against the pillow beside Cloud's head. He threaded his fingers through Cloud's as he shifted is balance again and caught the blonde's other hand. Cloud feigned resistance as his lover held his hands down on either side of his head, struggling just enough against Zack's hold to inspire more force. He moaned as the larger man subdued him and his dew-capped erection bucked wantonly against Zack's stomach.

They were both getting out of control in their excitement. Cloud was grinding his pelvis fervently and Zack's vigorous rhythm became uneven as he strained and grunted on top of the blonde. He had enough presence of mind to keep his thrusts at the angle Cloud enjoyed the most, but it was obvious that his rising pleasure was getting the best of him. Fortunately, the action of holding Cloud down infused the blonde's lust to unbearable levels and a shaken cry of rapture tore from the blonde's throat as he turned away from the kiss.

"Ah…Za-ck!" Cloud bucked under the other man and his back arched with the intense orgasm that began to climb. He squeezed his lover's restraining hands and stared up at his perspiration-beaded face blankly.

Now he _knew_ that this was reality. As amazing as the encounters he remembered having with Zack in this place were, Cloud now realized the difference that he'd failed to notice before. The pleasure he'd experienced those other times was somehow more dignified than what he felt now. This was raw, uncontrollable and ultimately messy in comparison to the more controlled results he recalled.

This was how it was _supposed_ to be…just like it had been when they were together before. The sounds that came out of his throat were animal-like as Cloud ejected a chaotic mess of creamy seed all over both of them. Zack's excited moans and raspy encouragement weren't poetic or dignified—instead they were halting and clumsy with carnal distraction. The intensity of his lover's passionate, hoarse voice and the way Zack's body shuddered with effort above his was far hotter to Cloud than controlled passion.

Cloud squeezed Zack's waist with his legs and let loose with a long, ululating moan as he finished emptying his semen reservoirs. He distantly heard Zack grunt as his ass clenched so hard around his cock that it must have hurt a little. He felt the slippery result of his release smearing between his and Zack's bodies as their skin slid against one another's. Zack groaned a low curse and caught his breath, shoving into Cloud's body deeply as he stared down at him with a pained expression on his face. The swollen shaft inside of the blonde pulsed and bucked. Cloud felt the hot spurt of Zack's release filling him with delightful force and he raised his head to kiss and lick at the brunet's parted, slack lips.

Zack finally drew breath again and voiced a satisfied groan of release when his orgasm finished. He returned Cloud's kisses and released his hands, letting his weight settle more firmly atop the blonde as he relaxed. Cloud stroked some dangling locks of sooty dark hair away from Zack's sweaty face, knowing that his own skin was just as damp with perspiration and probably flushed, if the heat he felt in his face was any indication.

When Zack suddenly shifted his weight to the side and reached up to dab under his nose with his fingers, Cloud frowned in puzzlement. "What's that about?"

"Just checking the faucet for drips," Zack answered in a dry, breathless tone. "I'd hate to ruin the afterglow, Sunshine."

Cloud understood then and a little smile curved his lips. "Don't worry; you're clear. No nosebleed." Remembering what he thought had happened the first night they'd gone into town together, he stared up at his lover thoughtfully. "Zack, did you get a nosebleed one night when we went to Kalm?"

Zack nodded and grimaced, lowering his mouth to Cloud's to give him a brief, warm kiss. "You got to be too much for me to handle, sexy. I guess my nose reached the end of its limits, with you bumping and grinding against me on my lap."

Cloud turned his version of the events over in his head. "We did a lot more than 'bump and grind' in my head, but now that I think of it, the whole thing was a lot like that night when you got back from Wutai and we…uh…"

"Fucked like horny dogs all night and morning?" Zack finished with a leer.

"Yeah, that." Cloud looked away and he was very conscious of the feel of Zack's softening dick still nestled inside of him and the drying spunk that made their skin stick together. His flush of passion had faded, only to be replaced by a blush of shyness as his modesty steadily returned.

Zack eased out and off of him, rolling onto his side next to him and laying his head on the pillow. "It's nice to know you were thinking about times like that, Cloud. _Those_ memories were real. I want you to know that."

Cloud rolled gingerly onto his side to face him and he looked into his eyes and nodded. "I know. Everything up until the accident is pretty clear. I'm just realizing how many old memories I was using to make up the world I created in my head."

Zack put an arm around his waist loosely and pressed his forehead against Cloud's, closing his eyes. "We'll get through this, okay?"

Cloud nodded and watched his lover's handsome features relax. By now, the combination of sexual release and his anxiety meds were probably making Zack quite sleepy. The dark-haired man opened his eyes again with effort and Cloud could see how difficult it was for him to remain awake. He smiled softly at Zack and reached out to stroke his hair.

"Let's get some sleep," Cloud suggested in a murmur. "You don't have to keep fighting it."

Zack yawned into his pillow and sighed. "I'm glad you said that. You and that pill kicked my ass."

Cloud chuckled before he could stop himself. It felt good. One thing remained true to form: Zack had the ability to make him smile without even consciously trying to. When his lover's breathing evened out with sleep, Cloud carefully disengaged from his loose embrace and fetched a damp washcloth from the bathroom to clean the mess off of both of them. When he finished with the task he laid down beside Zack again and watched him silently as he slept. The desire to pick up the pieces and resume their lives together grew stronger with each moment as Cloud lay beside Zack and he came to a decision after much thought.

Tomorrow, he was going to have a little talk with Dr. Clark.

* * *

-To be continued


End file.
